The setting is a solicitor's office. Present are a young woman in a pretty red dress, early twenties ('The Red Bride'); a female legal assistant, formally dressed, late thirties; an older man, handsome, greying temples, well-dressed in a fine business suit, red tie ('Master'); the solicitor, well-dressed in a fine business suit, blue tie.
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Legal assistant
My boss has told me we'll have a novelty to deal with today. Sort of like marrying two people. But he said I might be shocked. The woman would more or less sell her soul to the man, who also is a lot older.
Why always the woman in the giving, inferior role?
He hopes I can stomach the shock.
'It is all legal', he says with a smile.
Now this is her, the would-be bride. Beautiful. Not stupid. NaΓ―ve, certainly. Dressed like a girl in a pretty red party dress. She is young, but not a girl. A fully developed young woman and well endowed. She could get any man she cares to have. But she is not the conqueror's type. Or perhaps it is just the nerves of getting married that makes her nervous, servile... Although she is suddenly alert, studies me back with intensity. In her eyes I see a flicker of spirit... She is not stupid.
The bride
I look at my Master with tears in my eyes. I cannot disobey his very first order. I cannot. But I die with embarrassment when I reach to the back of my dress and tear down the zipper. Master, he has sat down and watches me push the dress off my shoulders, the beautiful red dress he gave me upon my surrender, yesterday, and let it fall to the floor. I step out of my shoes and dress, loosely fold it up and put it and the shoes to the side. I feel very, very cold in my underwear and stockings.
And I stand there. Still.
Embarrassed especially in front of another woman. I feel she will judge me all the harder. She will feel I am letting the side down and throwing it all away. And she is right!
The command 'Go on!' shocks me back to the here-and-now. I bend over and strip down the left first and then the right stocking, neatly fold up each of them in turn and put it on the dress. I am so cold! But I go on and undo the clip of my bra behind my back, naturally with my shoulders curved back and my breasts pert, slide the shoulder straps down with my back curved forward and my breasts pressed together and let the pretty bra fall off. It follows the way of my stockings. My breasts are now evicted from their safe haven and exposed for all to see. In an office!
Should my nipples not be erect? Should I not be aroused by these moments? I am ashamed! When I finally remove my knickers, I am stark naked. I don't even have pubic hair to protect me. I mechanically fold the knickers up and put them down with the rest.
There I am. Open to three pairs of eyes. Two that leer at me and one that judges me.
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But we'll come to this part of the story later. Let's start at the beginning, a few months earlier...
I MEET MY MATCH
Yes, very much so...
I am in love!
Oh, how could I not be! That man! He oozes class, force and authority. Oh, and he is beautiful...
He is older. That too. I have always kept been open to older men, but this time marks the first instance when I am actually with a member of that age group. Daddy complex? Maybe.
I said he has authority. Well, I fear him. Almost. But I have nothing to fear. I am a good girl.
Ultimately what redeems me is that I love him.
I truly love him!
To you, if you are new to the eccentric universe I inhabit, it must seem wrong: the large age difference between him and me and our clear inequality. He commands me. Yet through him I am free. Freedom through submission.
I like strong men and have always done so. I never was one for young boys. Here is my luck: I developed early from child to woman and became well shaped, quite the looker. Therefore, I had the pick of boys at high school. When I was still a sophomore, I had my first boyfriend, a senior. He was a football player and strong indeed. But within a few months I was no longer impressed by his brawn. Behind his big mouth he depended on me more than I could suffer. Well, there is only one way to learn - to get it wrong sometimes. I am sure you will agree.
I found another boyfriend before long, a less wholesome, all-American rebel, a senior to my junior. He was the James Dean type, moody, enigmatic. This impressed me at lot at the time. He was very, very sweet with me, meanwhile, especially whenever we were alone. In public, he made sure everyone knew that I was his and he protected me when I needed it. That suited me fine and I was with him for a year. What made us finally break up was that, going from a senior at school to a lowly freshman at college, he lost his air of self-reliance. Within a few months he had changed his tack and became as straight as the rest. After that, as a senior, I had a few boyfriends of various descriptions in quick succession. None of them stuck.
The moment arrived when I went to college myself. My major was fashion. Far away from home, all the way at the other side of the country. I arrived in NYC, the capital of the free world. I was beautiful and quite self-assured and had the time of my life. My world was that of fashion, the world of make-believe, of fine, funny, moody and mysterious faces and bodies and extraverted but often superficial behaviour. I was not nearly interested in 'relationships', but in making good-looking matches, plural. And in sex, which I had plenty of. I was a fashion queen.