"I don't know."
I don't know.
I don't know either. I can't think. Once I'm out of the tub, I grab a towel Noah left out and fumble with the cloth, trying and failing to get it to stay around my chest. I'm dripping water all over the floor, but it doesn't matter because I can't stop moving. I let it fall as I race across the wet tiles, coming dangerously close to slipping into his strangely empty bedroom. The lonely bed facing the two uncurtained windows that jut out of the roof and the unrugged hardwood pick at my curiosity, but not enough to keep me from grabbing my blouse from where it fell. I need to reassemble the wreck Hurricane Noah made of my clothes and get the hell out of this fucked up reality. Where the fuck is my purse?
"Ella, wait!" Noah demands as he comes up behind me, grabbing my wrist. I would take a swing at him, but I'm clearly not fast or strong enough to connect. I really should pay closer attention to the flyers for self defense classes my kid sister keeps shoving in my face every time I go see her and my mom. Do you know how many women get mugged on their way home from work in your neighborhood, El? I don't want you to be a statistic. Do you know how many women get taken advantage of by their bosses, Lee? How's that for becoming a statistic?
"Let me go!" I say, pulling as hard as I can and not even rocking him on his heels. Self defense classes and the gym.
"No!" Noah says with more desperation than dominance. He doesn't really need it, not when he's already stopped me in my tracks. He pulls me back to him and wraps his arm around my waist, pleading, "Ella, just...please. Let me...Let's talk about this. Please."
I shake my head furiously. Every time he says something, every time he whispers something dirty and depraved in my ear, every time he calls me baby or tells me I'm such a good girl it messes with my head. I can't think straight. He's making me lose my fucking mind. Already, the feeling of being in his arms, his breath hot on my neck, is making my brain turn to goo. With the scraps of dignity I have left, I accuse, "So you can punch another hole in what's left of my self respect? I don't fucking think so!"
"What?!" Noah's grip on me loosens for a second and I try to wriggle away. "Ella, is that what you-"
I cut him off with an elbow to the stomach, and he lets me go with a grunt. I dive towards the bed, grasping at my skirt. The grey linen slips through my fingers as Noah tackles me into the mattress. I try to drag myself across by pulling at the thin quilted comforter, but all I do is bunch the fabric under my arms.
"Ella! Would you just stop fighting for a minute and listen to me?," Noah insists. He's crawled up my body, pinning me with his weight. His cock pushes between my bare cheeks, a reminder of earlier.
My back-stabbing pussy has the balls to clench from the reminder. Or maybe it's the predator/prey dynamic that's making it go all 'please Noah, fuck me so good just like you fucked all of the other holes'. Stupid, needy vagina. I try to ignore it and snarl, "No! Every time you start talking it ends up with you sticking your cock or your tongue in another part of my body. With you making my head spin the way you order me around and then act all sweet and make me come so hard I forget that you fucking lied to me to get me here."
He flips me over and traps me again, pinning my wrists to the bed with one hand, gripping my legs between his, and collaring my neck so that I can't look away. "Ella. You have no fucking idea how badly I want to go back two hours and do this differently. I screwed up. I really screwed up. The kind of screw-up that derails trains and causes space shuttles to explode. But baby-"
"NO!" I scream at him. I can't take this. "You don't get to baby me right now!"
Noah's eyes crinkle and the corners of his mouth turn up for a split second. He's trying not to laugh. He's trying not to laugh. This fucking asshole.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" I snap as I try and fail to free my hands.
"I'm sorry-I just-I can't believe-" He says through a smirk.
"You can't believe what?" I cut in, giving him my 'you better get this right or I'm going to cut off your nuts and feed them to you' look.
"I can't believe," he starts, still fighting a smile as he glances down at my trapped naked body. "That out of all the things you really really should be mad at me about right this instant, the one that makes you scream at me is the one that's not a huge violation of your body or your autonomy."
"I-that's-I can't-" The ridiculousness of what he said short circuits my brain. Again. Suddenly I'm fighting a grin too.
"See?" He says knowingly, no longer trying to force back his grin.
"Because-because-because I didn't..." I try to hold it in. Try to fucking glare at him. It's not going well. A giggle slips out. "All the bad-" Another. "And I didn't" Again. "Then you-" A full on chuckle. "-fucking pinned me to the bed!" The last part came out all in a spurt and now I can't stop laughing.
He can't either. He rolls off of me and doubles over, clutching his sides. I don't move. It's too much work with the continuous stream of betrayal coming out of my mouth. My fucking body has decided I'm not going anywhere any time soon, so I just lay there gripping the last piece of my sanity, laughing my ass off with the man that stole the rest of it.
After we've mostly calmed down, he says, "I was going to ask you to dinner."
"Wait, what now?" I blurt out in confusion.
"I was going to tell you about the promotion," He says, tugging me over so that we're facing each other and then letting go of my arm. "And then I was going to ask you to dinner to celebrate."
"You...you what?"
"I had it all planned. I was going call you in tomorrow morning and tell you, once I got the confirmation on your new salary, and ask you out to that Tiki bar with the great-"
"-cocktails." I finish for him. "I love that place."
"I know," he smiles, that annoying smile that he uses when he knows he did something right. The one that comes straight off a community garden volunteer signup. Fucking hell. Stop knowing what his different smiles are for.
"How do you-"
"I saw you there once right after I started with a bunch of friends, and then I heard you making plans to go there with your sister a few months back. Bruce says that's where you want to go for your birthday, too."
"You-"
His eyes go all glassy as he says, "I realized about ten minutes after meeting you that I wanted to tie you to my bed and fuck you senseless, and ten minutes after that I realized I wanted to wake up with you the next day. And the next day. And probably the next several days after that."
"So what the fuck, Noah?" I ask.
"I'm an idiot." He says soflty, the guilt clear in his tone. "You were so desperate and hot and I just...started talking. And then you answered and then suddenly we were in the middle of the kind of scenario I thought I would never-"
"Until you did." I say, full deadpan. The kid with a Zippo standing next to the dried up bush that is my restraint has stopped flicking the top open and closed. For now.
"Yeah," he sighs with resignation. "I did."
"Alright." I reply, surprising myself. I push up from the bed and straddle his hips, cradling his semi hard cock between my thighs.
Blinking up at me, he asks,"Alright?"
"Alright." I repeat, slowly rocking on top of him as more words fall out of my mouth. "Alright, you did a thing and it was shitty and I'm not sure yet if I'm going to forgive you for it. But I'm tired of fighting and you promised to take care of me tonight."
"I did." Noah says, his eyes rolling up and down my naked body. There's a moment of hesitation, like he's not entirely sure if he's reading the room right, then he flips us. Before I can blink, he's pulled restraints from the bed and caught my wrists.
"This-this is..." I ask with a surprised gasp. "Taking care of me?"
"Every part of you." As he checks the binds, making sure I can't get out of them but they're not too tight, he adds, "I should have said before, I tested clean after my last partner. Are you-"
