The Price of Submission

Missy is "a giver" - happy to help out, to run an errand, to pitch in when times are tough or just to sit and listen when all that is needed is a shoulder to cry on and the reassurance that one is in the right. That generous nature has its fullest expression when Missy loves. The men in her past life unexpectedly found little bags of their favorite snacks in their brief cases. Missy researched and provided tea high in Vitamin C for the smoker, high protein/low cholesterol foods for the diabetic, and English tea with homemade tea snacks for the one who longed to return to England.

Some people think Missy is generous to try to "buy" friends, despite the fact that Missy's generosity is extended to strangers! Missy leaves extra money at the Starbuck's drive-through window to pay for the orders of people in line behind her. Missy thinks her generosity is her gift to herself. Bringing unexpected joy into the lives of others brings her joy as well. Missy believes one gets back what one puts out, and Missy tries to treat others as Missy hopes to be treated in return.

It was, therefore, no bar to her interest that the posting Missy came across on the internet indicated that a Dominant Gentleman was looking for a submissive with whom to have dinner, and that the submissive chosen to join him for dinner would be expected to buy her own meal. After all, there was that other gentleman Missy had met online who apologetically explained that his funds were running too low to treat her to breakfast, so Missy picked up the check for them both, knowing that there was nothing more Missy could offer him. Missy agreed with the Dominant Gentleman that there should be no early expectations or sense of obligation in a meeting that might yield her first foray into the world of Dominant/submissive relationships or might simply be an evening away from home, interesting but not to be repeated.

After serving that Dominant Gentleman for more than a year, Missy now realizes her willingness to assume the cost of that first meal (a meal that, in fact, was paid for by the Dominant Gentleman) opened the door for far greater costs that Missy has paid in blood, sweat, and many, many tears. During the many months of service, Missy researched and helped buy instruments of torture the Dominant Gentleman uses on her. As instructed by the Dominant Gentleman, Missy purchased and stripped the rubber from one side of a ping pong paddle that has stroked her breasts and ass many times; Missy purchased a length of chain and three padlocks that have been used to secure Missy to the bed overnight as discipline for failing to serve as preferred; and Missy has made sure there was a cat-of-nine-tails in good condition for the Dominant Gentleman to use in disciplining her on the rare occasions Missy can be with him in person.

The Dominant Gentleman gave Missy over $1,000 cash and specific instructions as to the number, type, and even color of the various implements the Dominant Gentleman prefers to have available for use in training and disciplining Missy. Missy has matched the Dominant Gentleman's contributions toward those purchases. In addition, Missy's wardrobe reflects the Dominant Gentleman's clothing preferences for submissives in his service. Missy now owns several pairs of 4" high heel pumps, and many pairs of jet-black pantyhose from which Missy has removed the crotches. Missy no longer gets a monthly haircut (the Dominant Gentleman prefers long hair). Missy no longer buys (or wears) panties and Missy wears bras so infrequently that purchases of bras are few and far between.

Yet Missy knows the real price for the privilege of expressing her submissive nature is far greater than any price paid in money, time or effort. The true price of submission is her self. Missy must release her need for control, put away her independent spirit, and rely solely and completely on the Dominant Gentleman Missy now serves. Missy knows that the Dominant Gentleman can be trusted to care for her, to protect her from any serious injury or harm even to her personal or professional reputation. Missy has experienced first hand the Dominant Gentleman's concern for her physical, emotional, and mental health. Missy has profited by the Dominant Gentleman's guidance by losing 100 pounds of excess weight, increasing her physical fitness and personal appearance. The Dominant Gentleman has assisted Missy in developing emotional and psychological coping skills that have improved her enjoyment of life and her ability to function on many levels. Despite all this, Missy has found it difficult to make the leap from intellectual understanding to emotional and psychological belief, which is required in order to fully and completely rely on the Dominant Gentleman to control and direct Missy's life.

When the Dominant Gentleman first told Missy his preference that Missy no longer refer to herself by using "I" or "me," Missy knew it would be difficult, and in fact, at first the largest difficulty was remembering that it was permitted to use those pronouns when in business and family settings. The most insidious difficulty, however, was accepting that the loss of those pronouns - the verbal acknowledgement of the abdication of her self in service to the Dominant Gentleman - was small in comparison to the opportunity to express Missy's submissive personality, and to be fully and completely understood and accepted for who and what Missy is by the Dominant Gentleman.

When the Dominant Gentleman told Missy to choose her pet name from the list that included "bitch," "cunt," "slut," "whore," amongst others, Missy chose the title of "bitch," and fully entered into the spirit of the name by moving about on all fours when in the Dominant Gentleman's presence, and by moving his shoes to the closet by carrying them in her mouth. When Missy shares meals with the Dominant Gentleman in private, Missy eats on all fours, putting her face into her pet bowl, once the Dominant Gentleman gives permission. The Dominant Gentleman presented Missy with a leather collar and leather wrist and ankle cuffs. Wearing those items makes Missy excited and happy. But, when the Dominant Gentleman requested that Missy, as his bitch, bark to gain his attention, Missy was overwhelmed. Missy loves to talk; Missy is articulate and justly proud of her ability for self-expression that has been honed over the years. Missy was dismayed and surprised to find that, although as a submissive Missy was willing to accede to the Dominant Gentleman's request, some inner core of pride and selfishness would not agree.

Even though the Dominant Gentleman made it clear that Missy would be granted permission to speak with the Dominant Gentleman once Missy barked for and received permission, some part of Missy felt barking was one step further than Missy was willing to go to serve the Dominant Gentleman. For long minutes, Missy stayed in place on the floor, feeling the need to fully enter her chosen role of bitch by barking, thus providing another service to the Dominant Gentleman. But Missy was silently fighting the most insecure part of herself that had spent decades clinging to intelligence, wit, and articulate language skills as its basis for self-esteem, the part that could not let go of its voice. The Dominant Gentleman was forthright in expressing his preferences, but never makes demands or issues orders. The Dominant Gentleman always allows Missy to choose to accept his preferences, but makes it clear that all choices come with consequences.

Missy knew that barking was the price to be paid in order to avoid being sent away from the very brief time the Dominant Gentleman would be close enough to allow Missy to be physically with him. Missy's frustration with herself grew; Missy shook her head from side to side as if trying to shake out a bark, as if getting just one out would destroy the barriers that were holding her back. Missy pushed harder than ever before, and finally paid the price the Dominant Gentleman set for Missy's decision to be the Dominant Gentleman's bitch. Missy managed to overcome the fear of loss of humanity, and to express the dedication of every aspect of physical and emotional self to the service the Dominant Gentleman preferred. Missy managed to bark, never finding it easy to do, but becoming better at it as the practice continued throughout the night of service to the Dominant Gentleman.

Because Missy is a pain slut, Missy pays a physical price for service. Missy's clitoris is clamped with a clothespin every day; Missy's anus is stuffed with various anal plugs daily as well. The Dominant Gentleman has pierced each of Missy's nipples once, and has clamped them many times. Missy's knees ache and creak from being on all fours whenever at home and not performing some household duty that requires standing. The strokes given by the Dominant Gentleman for punishment, discipline, or entertainment have left bruises that lingered for days on end. Each mark is stroked and examined as Missy remembers the attention and care the Dominant Gentleman exercised in providing them to her, and reliving the orgasms that Missy experiences with each stroke of pain provided by the Dominant Gentleman. When Missy had served for several months, during which Missy had begged the Dominant Gentleman to pierce her nipples as a symbol of his ownership, the Dominant Gentleman agreed. Missy was thrilled to have a permanent expression of her service and dedication to the Dominant Gentleman. Missy relives the nipple piercings each time the nipple hardware is put into place, and looks upon the Dominant Gentleman's barbells as a concrete expression of her dedication to and love for the Dominant Gentleman.

Throughout the week, Missy is professional, competent, and dedicated to her firm and its clients. Missy undertakes any task that needs to be done with a confidence and a willingness to help. Her intelligence and skills are noted and often remarked upon; the extra effort Missy puts into everything Missy does is appreciated. Taking charge and getting the job done are the hallmarks of Missy's professional life. The physical upkeep and maintenance of the house in which Missy lives require the same skills, as does caring for her pets, and her aging and ill parents. The friendships Missy has formed and maintained over decades of moves around the country demand her creativity and attention. Missy is a good and faithful friend, no matter how far away the friend may be, but being a friend to her submissive self has been difficult for her.

Her submissive self is always ready to respond to any preference stated by the Dominant Gentleman or intuited by the submissive self. Missy's submissive nature needs to be of service, wants to demonstrate its complete reliance on the Dominant Gentleman, and yearns to become useful and rewarding to the Dominant Gentleman. For Missy, the price is steep, and the terms are difficult. Pride in service, happiness in the face of physical pain, and self-esteem based on relinquishing any part of herself that is not required in service are the rewards offered in exchange for all the things that Missy has always believed make her the woman Missy is. The defiant voice that tried to silence the barking tries to make this price larger than it is, and says that, if the Dominant Gentleman doesn't want Missy as Missy is, then why doesn't he just go find another bitch to serve him. At this point in her thinking, however, Missy has to recognize and accept that it was her choice to offer herself to the Dominant Gentleman to serve as his bitch.

Despite the fact that Missy did not anticipate that serving as the Dominant Gentleman's bitch would require barking, Missy knew that the Dominant Gentleman's bitch was expected to move about on all fours and to eat from a bowl on the floor. Being required to bark for permission to speak is not a large leap from the things Missy had accepted early on in her service. Furthermore, the thought of losing the opportunity to express her submission by serving the Dominant Gentleman is enough to make Missy more determined than ever to come to grips with the true cost of her choice to submit and serve. Missy's knowledge of who and what Missy is based in large part on the guidance Missy receives from the Dominant Gentleman. Missy cannot go back to the inexperienced, unexpressed submissive Missy was before meeting the Dominant Gentleman. Missy has no wish to do so, even when the service to be performed is difficult. Missy firmly believes that Missy is serving the Dominant Gentleman that best understands and develops her submission. Missy also believes that losing the Dominant Gentleman would bring Missy's service crashing down, irretrievably broken, and destroyed. The loss of the opportunity to serve, which brings excitement and meaning to so much of Missy's life, would be a far greater cost than any physical or emotional pain that service costs Missy. And so, like the true submissive Missy is, Missy pays the price required to serve, to submit, and to seek to prove herself as the best bitch ever to offer herself in submission to the Dominant Gentleman who has made Missy's life worth living.