The Pleasure Boy 02
The 'tape' I was to watch was actually a DVD disc with about four hours worth of miscellaneous porn. It was professionally made, with a variety of body types and costumes, doing many activities that I knew about, and others that I didn't. The collar that mom had me wear was a plain leather band with a battery, some electronics and a data chip to record my body's response to what I was seeing. It made me self-conscious on one level; on another the collar itself was sexy, making me feel enslaved while I was wearing it. Mom later told me that the interpreting software would measure that response when I started wearing the collar and then got used to it, and would allow for this effect in all my other responses.
As I soon learned, however, the collar's only real purpose was to keep me honest when I sat with my mother a whole week later, answering her questions. I did not need it to learn what turned me on. I watched that DVD over and over again, discovering a lot about myself in the process.
First, I discovered my interest in sexual submission. I had known about BDSM in general terms -- known that some people in the scene were 'tops' and some were 'bottoms' -- but I had never thought much about that whole game, let alone seen myself as submissive. Now, watching scenes of men spanking, caning or strapping young attractive women, or of older, voluptuous women punishing men, I invariably found myself more attracted to the submissive, recipient's role.
But the second thing I learned was that I could readily imagine myself responding sexually to men, either as 'top' or 'bottom' or on equal terms. While I had certainly been aware of homosexual relationships, I had never thought of myself as gay. Now, watching nude males fondling and kissing one another, masturbating together, giving blow-jobs, doing '69' or actually fucking in one of several ways that males can be fucked, I learned that the male body could be as visually erotic for me as the female -- and in an interestingly different way. Of course, Greek and Renaissance sculptors had shown this long ago -- to anyone, straight or gay, who's willing to be shown. But it is one thing to see the Michelangelo or Donatello 'David' in a museum and something quite different to watch the clip of a handsome middle-aged man caressing and plowing a twinky youth.
Though I've had plenty of experience with other men since that time, I'm no more 'gay' now than I was then. For sexual purposes, I still like the female of our species a bit more than the male. But that one scene on my mother's film was an eyeopener. For the first time, I learned just how sexy other males could be; and I still enjoy sex with men as a regular part of my work, and sometimes for my own pleasure.
I took a full week, going through that tape at least three times with accompanying manipulations of my 'little man' before I told mom I was ready to talk. Then I returned the DVD and collar to her, but had to wait a few days before she had time to review its data on my responses. Finally, on another morning after Dad had left for work, we had our second conversation about my prospective geisho training.
"So, what did you learn from that exercise?" my mother asked me.
"That I'm a whole lot kinkier and more homosexual than I thought I was," I answered her. There was no point in being embarrassed or evasive. She'd seen the data record of my woodies and wank-offs while I was watching that material. And it was she who given it me to study.
"What does that suggest for my career as a geisho?"
"What do you think it suggests?"
"I don't know," I answered her. What I like to watch, or what turns me on by myself or with a willing lover or playmate, might gross me out completely if I had to do it with paying customers."
