The Perfect Beginning Ch 19

This is the 19th installment of an ongoing story about Michele a and Tim. For sure, it is a disturbing relationship and is in no way intended to describe something healthy or ideal. Emotional sadism is central to it all. If this bothers you, this is not the story for you and I suggest you venture elsewhere.

What makes the story interesting to me is what takes place in the minds of the characters. Withouts words and ideas and the feelings that go with them, it's all just mechanics and honestly, that's not so interesting to me. Simple, pure fucking is a great thing to do. I don't need to read about it. Perhaps when I was verrrrrrrry young, that alone would have intrigued me. Now...yawn. This is a dark, emotional journey. I hope you enjoy it.

The following preface is cut and pasted from installment II. For a more comprehensive understanding of their world, you can venture back to the first installment. Read it or skip it.

This story takes place in a very male dominant society, one which is even more patriarchal than our own. Our hero, Michele, is enchanted by the discovery of her own sexual super power. Poor, lucky Tim, on the other hand comes to realize that he falls under Michels's spell, he does not measure up to societal expectations. These two young people are discovering and becoming as they grow together as a couple.

Psychological conflict and tension are central themes in this saga.

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The story has been formatted to meet the publishing requirement of our host and I am hopeful the necessary kinks have been worked out.

A more complete preface can be found at the beginning of the first installment and if you did not read it, it could be helpful to do so. Here are some of the contextual parameters of the fictional world the story takes place within.

* People are legal adults at 18 years of age.

* People usually live to about 2,000 years of age.

* The cultural norm has almost all legal adults living with their family of origin until they turn 200 years old.

* Young people between the ages of 18 and 200 are treated as and referred to as children when they choose to continue living with their parents.

* Young people between the ages of 18 and 200 often behave much as we would expect teenagers to behave here in our world. They are kept in a state of arrested emotional development.

* Young people between the ages of 18 and 200 years customarily consume "blockers" which prevent them from having sexual feelings or impulses.

* Often young people will begin to "date" around 160 yers of age and while they are expected to continue to take their blockers, some will surreptitiously stop taking them while a few will stop responding to them.

* Age and masculinity are revered in this world. Everybody looks up to their elders and few seriously question the patriarchy.

All characters in the story are over 18 years of age.

It is customary for those below the age of 200 to demonstrate their status by wearing clothing which signify to others that they are off limits. They would wear what we would think of as children's clothing. Remember, an 18 year old and a 1,900 year old would look exactly the same age, so children's clothes are very useful for signaling to those over 200 years to abstain from any romantic or sexual pursuit of another who was deemed of an inappropriate age.

Lastly, sex is not technically illegal for people between the ages of 18 and 200 years. It is considered profoundly taboo. Adult-children (18+) do have sex but it is kept very quiet. Some parents punish their children for engaging in this sinful pleasure and adult-children almost never tell-on one another in this regard, even those who might not like one another. Adult children live by a code and violation of said code subjects one to complete ostracization. Almost none experiment until they are well over 160 years old.

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Considering her level of obsession, she was surprised she lasted as long as she had.

On the other hand, Donna was a master at repression as she had a lifetime of practice.  Donna could not stop thinking about how Tim was spanked, how Michele got to spank Tim, how her daughter must enjoy it and most of all, how much Donna wanted to spank Tim herself.

Donna was an attractive woman and still very young; she had Michele when she was still an under-school girl.

Although she worked out every day and remained in excellent physical shape, she spent the rest of the time working on her fitness business and securing her financial independence.  She had no time for dating and had little faith in men.

Tim was giving her some reason to hope.  Truth be told, it was Michele who gave her real hope.  She began to wonder if her failings with men had more to do with her than the cheating, no good men she'd dealt with in the past.  Obviously she'd somehow been drawn to the wrong men. Then she wondered if she just handled them all wrong.

It was not that she was not attracted to men, it's just that she had so little time and so little trust to get involved.  Yet there was something just so amazing about the idea of spanking Tim and Donna thought about it every single night as she went to bed...and often when she awoke.  Things got all the worse when Michele stopped letting him masturbate.  He just seemed so vulnerable...so ripe for the taking.  Tim was however, the forbidden fruit.

She was disquieted by a side of herself that prior to Michele and Tim coming out, she was totally unaware of.  Then when she read Michele's book, it got worse.  She'd felt dominant tendencies and she was never comfortable with how they seemed to clash with her upbringing.

She was taught that men were supposed to be in charge.

But that's not what really bothered her; she realized that within herself was an unspeakable perversion and it seemed to grow almost daily.  She was becoming obsessed with it.  She wanted to be Tim's Mother.  Not just his mother, but his Mommy, his Dominant Sex-Mother.  She wanted him as her sexualized boy and it was driving her crazy.  Donna was convinced she was a pervert.

Of course there was an enormous irony that was totally lost on her.  She was certainly aware that many couples enjoyed a sexualized Daddy/little girl relationship.  Funny enough, she thought nothing of it.  Mostly this was because it was in step with her male dominant world view and was often validated by the paternalistic pop culture she was subject to.

Of course it was not for her, but neither did she judge it.  In fact, she happened to know that her own sister had always craved a Daddy figure.  It was normal for Donna to judge  herself harshly.

After he'd lived in the house for some time, Donna could no longer control her curiosity.  "Michele, honey?"

"Yeah mom, what is it?"

"I've been meaning to talk to you but was not quite sure how to come out with it..."

Looking up from her writing, Michele met her mother with a square, open expression.  One way in which Michele showed her maturity was in that she could discuss just about anything.  "What is it mom?  Is everything okay?"

"Oh, yeah," Donna said, waiving away any thoughts of concern.  "Actually, things could not be better.  I've just wanted to...  I've just wanted to talk to you about something but I just can't help feeling a little awkward about it."

Michele could tell by her mom's tone and posture that she was not in any kind of trouble (not that she really had been in years) and she suspected this some kind of men, Tim, sex or relationship sort of discussion.

Wearing her most disarming expression, "It's okay, Mom.  You can talk to me about anything."  With that out, Michele smiled inwardly.  It was the sort of thing the mom is supposed to say to the daughter.

"It's just something I could never have imagined talking about, let alone talking to you, my daughter about it.

"I wanted to know about...would you talk to me about spanking?  I guess I just want to know more about your relationship with Tim."

And to give this introduction the perfect frame, "I just finished your book and let me just say, it was fascinating and I've never been more proud of you."

Michele smiled warmly at her mother.  She'd wondered when this conversation would come. Michele had no problem sharing with her mother and actually encouraged her mother's curiosity.  Michele had long suspected that she'd inherited her mother's demeanor, her controlling nature.  She'd long thought her mother had latent tendencies.

Though Michele enjoyed the sense of specialness she gleaned from her unique relationship with Tim, she really did want other women to enjoy it too.  As far as Michele was concerned, nobody deserved the kind of happiness Michele had with Tim more than her mother. She loved her mother so much and felt her mother deserved at least as much as Michele had.

The real difference between mother and daughter was that Michele had been lucky finding Tim when she did and that her mother was more a product of a conservative, male dominant upbringing.  While growing up, Donna was not allowed to even think about being herself with a man.

Michele happily shared with her mother how spanking and really control in the relationship had done a lot to bring she and Tim extremely close.

"Of course, mom," said with welcoming encouragement.  "I'll tell you anything.  Just a moment."  Michele reached for the hand bell and gave it a ring.  Seconds later, Tim arrived and awaited Michele's pending request.    "Close."   After he'd approached, "Mother and I will have a chat now.  You will go upstairs to my room, close the door, shower and then read that book I got you.  Don't bother us."

"Yes, Miss."  He gave her a slight smile, revealing his pleasure at her command.

She leaned in and gave him a gentle kiss and when he turned to go, she gave him a pat on the ass.

That put a little excited wiggle in his step and he hoped Michele appreciated his swaying hips.  He could not help but turn his head back and give her a shy smile.

God, I hope my butt looks good right now.

With the gentle swat, he was instantly hard.

Turning to her mother, "Why don't we go to the couch."  Once settled, "What do you want to know?"

Donna was so relieved by her daughter's reaction.  "Ummmm, well...how about everything!"

Michele radiated true joy.  "Well you said you wanted to know about spanking and more about my relationship with Tim and that's good because, as I'm sure you know, it goes way beyond spanking.  I mean, there is way more to it than that, but it is an important symbol for what we are about.  You want me to talk about what makes our relationship unique, yes?"

"Yes."

"Our relationship really is a reflection of who we are individually and as a couple.  One of the things I value so much about it is that with Tim, I really have the freedom to be me. I really don't have to hold back and there are absolutely no secrets. It's all up front."

"Honey, I can't tell you how much that means to me.  What a beautiful thing...and nothing at all like what I had.

"Why don't you start at the beginning and tell me how it all started.  How did you make that happen?"  Donna did not mind that this was a very telling question; she did not mind that it sounded a lot like, "How can I make this happen for myself?"

Michele told her mother the story, all of it, including the whole run up to the actual spanking.

"How I did it?  Sometimes I'm still not sure, Mom.  Honestly, before doing it, I'd never even considered it.  Yet as I got to know Tim, I came to realize I could do things to him that I'd never imagined doing with anybody and I came to learn a lot about myself.

"It's like we brought out hidden qualities in each other.  I had...have, a little, teensy-weensy mean streak."

Mother and daughter laughed at the modestly offered understatement.

"It was interesting in that the more he accepted my not so nice side and even passively encouraged it, the more special he became to me.  I guess that with a man, it is just part of how I show affection.  Do you remember when Tim told you that when I spanked him it was my way of making love to him?"

"Yes!, Oh my god yes!" Donna beamed.

"That meant a lot to me because it really is how I show my affection for him.  In a strange way, even when I'm really punishing him, really hurting him, it is an expression of love because it brings us closer together.

"And it's not really hurting him. It's more like...getting his attention. Spanking really is a very special form of love making for us.  There really is so much to it.

"I feel a little uncomfortable connecting this to what I just called my 'mean streak.'  With Tim, it's different.  I saw right away that when I used my words to sort of slap his ego around, smilingly suffocating his confidence, he opened up to me emotionally.  He needed this on some level so he could give himself to me.  And it's not really mean at all...even if it might look that way to an outsider. I guess I call it a mean streak just because I know how it would look to others, you know, people who don't really know what's happening between us.

"When I make him obey me and when I make him feel inferior to me, it is also a form of lovemaking. The spanking simply symbolizes the control I have over him.  And it reenforces the power hierarchy that he needs and wants as much as I do. Though at times there might be some frustration at play when spanking my boy, overall, it does so much good for Tim and for us as a couple.

"I see the whole thing as wholesome and healthy.  I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I even see it as an act of loving generosity.  That might be a little over the top, but...no, not really.  I do love it, but he needs this, Mom and when I take the time to spank him, I'm being very giving and very loving.

"Love requires both sides to give and this is one way I give. Loving discipline brings out the very best in my little Timothy. He is so well behaved after a spanking. I like that. I like him when he's on his best behavior and I know it's because of me," she smiled, please with herself.

Then came the hard question, the one Donna felt compelled to ask as it was so important...but really did not want to.  "But...but is all this sustainable, Michele?  Can you really want to stay with someone who's not your equal?  Like, do you think you will remain interested in him?"

Equality had become the new ideal. Equality was something Donna had come to believe was supposed to be the goal of all healthy couples, not that she'd ever experienced it herself.

"I can't tell you how many discussions we've had about this.  Krista and I, that is.  We have to get these ideas all sorted out for the next book.

"Let me be clear: I don't need or want someone who is my equal.  I want to be in charge.  I always like being in charge; it just feels good to me. Given a choice, I'll take the obedient, domestic, boy-bride every time.  To me, that's ideal.  'Do as you're told, little boy. Obey me.'

"We are all different and there is no 'one size fits all,' solution. And I think it is important for a woman to know what she wants.  I think that means it's sustainable, Mom."  Michele smiled.

"Look, Mom, so many good things came out of the women's liberation movement.  Sooooooo many good things.  So glad we got the right to vote. Yet in one way, I think they were a little off target.  They wanted equality with men.  And that is fine.  We all deserve to begin at the same starting line.  Women, men, black, white, asian, gay, it does not matter; we should all be as equal as one another as we choose who we want to be.

"Yet in that realization, what if I discover that I'm stronger than he is?  What's he supposed to do once he's discovered that he is not as strong as me?  Is he suppose to pretend he is?  Is that fair to him?

"What if we come into this world as equals but in time I discover I like to be on top and have the skills or whatever to be in charge?  What if he comes into the same world as equal and he realizes he'd rather be under my skirts?

"It comes with challenges, but he prefers that I make choices for him.

"So as we mature and discover, we make choices.  It's not as though Tim was my equal and then suddenly I was able to take that all way from him.  He made a thousand little choices along the way and in this process, he surrendered to me.  He surrendered willingly.

"Now he does not get to make meaningful choices about his life because I make them for him. As long as he's with me, as long as I decide we will be together, those days are over for him. Tim does not have free will anymore. He couldn't even choose to end the relationship if suddenly he wanted to. That's my choice, not his.

"Yet he has strengths, Mom.  Accepting his place takes some strength, don't you think?"

Without waiting for an answer, "I am cut out for leadership and he's just not.  I lead and he follows.  I'm on the top and he's on the bottom.  He's my bottom and he likes it there.  He needs the emotional security I provide him with.  He prefers the feeling of boundaries and limits, he likes the sense of being tightly controlled.  I'm more than happy to give him that as I like having control.  The more I control him, the more dependent he becomes.  The more dependent he becomes, the more power I have in the relationship.

"My power and control over my man, in a relationship brings me a sense of assurance, confidence and pleasure. I enjoy keeping my boy down, keeping him in order and under my skirts. That way, I always know where he is.

"To answer your question about whether this is fair to him, I'd ask you to trust that with my control is love for my boy.  He's getting what he wants and needs and so am I; so I'd say it's very fair to him and it's as sustainable as any committed relationship I know of.  It could be argued that it's much more sustainable than most simply because only one of us could end it.

"He's found his place, Mom.  I like it this way.  I love it this way.

"Now back to the spanking," Michele smiled.  "Here's another thing: it's not big and ugly.  It's just the opposite.  It's delicate and pretty.  When I see myself in the mirror spanking Tim, I feel somehow powerful, yet refined, like a lady.  Like I said the whole thing, at least from my point of view, has this delicate, sophisticated beauty to it.  It can be soooooooo pretty, Mom.

"When he's over my knee is when I'm most in tune with my femininity.  It's when I'm totally mindful of my gender identity.  Often I feel girly and just as often I identify as a very mature woman, but either way, it's utterly feminine.

"It's weird but often I am in touch with an interesting point, counterpoint.  It's like the more out of sorts he is, or the more out of sorts I cause him to be, the more centered, calm and dignified I feel about myself.  Dignified is a good word for it."  Michele smiled with self satisfaction.

"Anyway, in the beginning, I just felt so safe with him and it just kind of came out of me.  All I did was to followed my instinct; really, It just came naturally to me.

"I knew right away that I liked showing my not so sweet side to Tim.  And the more I did it, the more in love with me he fell.  I showed him that side of me that I felt like I always needed to hide.  You know how we are always supposed to be 'good girls?'  Well, I just did not feel that way with Tim.  When I showed him what a Bitch I could be, it was like magic.  It was beautiful, Mom.  Every time I did it, he just kind of fell to his knees and I could just watch him fall in love with me.  God, that's just so..."

"You mean you just started spanking him and he fell in love with you?" she asked skeptically.

"No, no, not like that.  I guess I'm just sort of skipping to the end and jumping over a lot of of what made things so special and different for us.