Sometimes we do things and we don't know why at the time. Especially in our youth. I found myself recalling such an occurrence recently when talking to a friend.
It happened when I was just nineteen - 'the occurrence.'
I had made friends with a new group of people, all of them older than me. Gino and Rob in particular were very friendly. I'm sure if mobile phones had existed at the time we would have exchanged messages incessantly. As it was, Rob often cycled fifteen miles to come visit. I truly viewed Rob as just a friend - a good friend who I had much in common with. We would sit on the porch in the sun, listening to music and talking. Like Gino, he was very artistic. Both played guitar. Gino was in a band. It was one day when we were all at Gino's house when I first noticed the rivalry between them. How I had not noticed it before was a mystery to me. As Gino played his latest song and laid on his Italian charm the air fairly sizzled with Rob's annoyance.
He was actually sitting there cracking his knuckles as if he was about to knock Gino the hell out. So I struck up a conversation with Rob, asking him about his mother who had been unwell lately. As I did so, I lifted one of Gino's art pads and got quite the eye-opener.
There on the first few pages were drawings that were obviously of me - naked. Being only nineteen and not remotely expecting to come across such a find, I failed to conceal the shock on my face.
'What? What's up?' said Rob.
Gino stopped playing and tried to grab the pad but Rob got there first.
'What the fuck?' he cried, his face twisting up.
Gino looked flustered and shoved his hands in his pockets.
'It's just a sketch,' he said.
'I'll tell you what it fucking is! It's pervy. How dare you treat Sheba like that?'
Rob advanced on the smaller but older stockier Gino. And that was when I panicked.
I grabbed my bag and ran down the stairs, face flaming with I'm not sure what emotions. Once home the phone rang almost continually. I ignored it until I got my senses under control.
Did I fancy Rob?
I know I admired him, yes.
Did I fancy Gino?
Absolutely!
But him drawing me felt like a violation. Like he had a piece of me stolen, inside that damn book.
He'd asked no permission.
After a few days I spoke to Rob and asked how the rest of the night had gone. I was dreading hearing that maybe they had fought, that maybe someone got hurt. But thank goodness they hadn't. In fact, they had patched things up and both wanted to come to visit. I was delighted. Gone was that horrible creeping feeling, that I had become a source of trouble between two good friends. I could relax again.
When they arrived, we played music - made hot chocolate. Ate donuts underneath the cherry tree outside my window. Then when the daylight began to fade and the air cooled, I suggested we go hangout in my room. Mum seemed ok with this but gave me a warning look that said, 'if I hear anything untoward, I'll be up there like a shot.'
We behaved...for a while. It all started to head downhill when I began reapplying my make-up. The conversation suddenly seemed to lag and in the mirror I saw them staring hard from behind me.
I found it funny.
'What's wrong with you two? Never seen a girl put make-up on before?'