Some women always seemed to know, with one look in my eyes the most beautiful smirk would appear as I let them in front of me in line, or waited patiently for them to finish stirring the cream into their coffee before I took my turn. Certain women seem to make me stop everything I'm doing, and leave me humiliated without a word. They see the desperation in my eyes, that stare quickly at the floor as they walk by. If only they said hello, how pleased I would be... soon I would be at home, on my knees, recalling my few brief encounters with dominant women. Afterwards, I would sit and wonder, how am I going to find my mistress, to serve and obey?
Some women could tell just by looking at me, my grade twelve English teacher knew, knew I hadn't finished my assignments just to be alone in her room after class, barely containing her laughter when I showed up.
"So, James...why is it you haven't completed this assignment?" she would ask, often walking to the front of the desk for these admonishments, wearing sheer stockings and mostly grey dresses, my pre-cum dripped when she crossed her legs. She knew. Her If only that fantasy had come true, what could be better, or more cliched.
Here I was, still wandering, waiting, and hoping to find my place ten years later. Here I was, shopping for groceries, when She caught my eye. She knew. I became nervous, I must have looked paranoid as I attempted to avoid eye contact while seeking it out at the same time. She stared me down every time I caught a glimpse of her, a look that would control my every move. I steeled myself, and pushed my cart closer down the aisle to where she stood, and froze when I got to the herbs, maybe four feet away from Her. I picked up a bunch of chervil when Her eyes caught mine, obviously trying to show myself to her, my presentation was more than obvious. She turned slightly in the direction of the vegetable stand, then opened her eyes widely at me,then sternly looked in my cart. Was it an instruction, or was I being a fool, reading all this into a simple shopping trip? When she tapped her fingers from right to left with an impatient stare, I quickly left my cart to retrieve a bag of carrots she seemed to have been eyeing.
When I returned, she was making her way down the aisle, toward the bakery, and clearly away from me. I felt cold, like the world had just shrunk, and I would soon be on my knees again, alone again, with chervil and carrots. I decided to follow, though there was no indication that she would pay any notice, as she had begun ordering pastries and was oblivious to me while I picked out a baguette and some danish. I slunk away, disappointed and still highly aroused, stealing a glance at her black pumps, and stockings with a sharp line running up the middle of her legs. She laughed at something the baker said as I pushed away.
"That's everything" I heard her say, voice still lilting with laughter.
I shopped as slowly as I could, trying to increase my chances of running into her, comparing weights of everything on a can or a label for the price to weight ratio, looking over my shoulder.
" What do you expect to find?" It was the same voice, without the lilt, I was sure of it. I closed my eyes and hoped I was right, turned around and answered,
"I'm just looking for the best deal, you know, which is cheaper..." I offered
"Hmm. I see. So your normally a slow shopper?" she inquired and accused
" I suppose, it takes a little longer this way" I explained as best I could, it helped that I actually had to consider this.
" Thorough then, I expect. Is that understood?" Her voice was firm, and I wanted to say yes, but was caught off guard, it was not yet clear what She meant.
" Ahhumm" what was I doing, what should I say, time was speeding as she waited for my response, "what is it...I should understand?"
"Clearly, I was wrong. You're less than capable of your chores I suspect. How long does it take you to shop for yourself?" She asked with an air of disdain
"Usually not that long, I'm just Loo..."
"Answer me." She said quickly, plainly
"Half an hour?"
"Is that so. And what do we have so far? Some herbs, crackers, coffee, chicken breast,bread and a nice bag of carrots. Pathetic, isn't that right?" Therhythm of her speech had enthralled me, I answered immediately
" Yes, yes" nodding my head in agreement
" And do you understand, what is expected of you?" It felt like a follow up question in an interview, the question that would determine your candidacy.
"Yes, I think so" I said, with a heavy emphasis on so
" What do you do with the carrots?" Perhaps I hadn't got the job after all, I had no answer
"Cat got your tongue?" She laughed
"No, no idea really, what should I do with them?" I answered, biting my lip
" You peel them, pair them, and sautee lightly with seasoned butter. Perhaps with some of those herbs you have. Now, follow Me."
She turned down the aisle, as the blood that had rushed to my head started to release, I wondered how long we'd been standing there. It couldn't have been more than a minute, surely, but it had felt like easily five. When we got over to the next aisle she told me to compare the prices of all the olive oils, and tell her which was the cheapest. As I was calculating, I noticed she was removing most of the items from my cart, leaving just the bread, and the coffee, while adding a large bottle of water from Her cart. I said nothing, except about the olive oil.
" The twenty litre pail is by far the best price, " I had no idea what her name was, what to call her, so I just stared
"Hmm. So it is, put it in my cart now" and off we went down the aisle, me pushing Her cart, and She pushing mine.
At the cash register, She completely ignored me, flipping through the tabloids as Her Two-Hundred dollar bill was being rung through. Nearing the end, I wondered where I should be after the transaction, but didn't know how to ask, I tried to catch her eye as the cashier rang me up.
"Air Miles Sir?"
" No, no Air Miles, thanks" nothing, no response as I took the receipt. I wheeled the cart into the parking lot and pretended to make a phone call by checking my messages. Finally the door opened and she walked towards me carrying the single bag of my belongings, " This way" she said as she past bye.
After opening the trunk of her jeep, she threw the bag she had been carrying in and went to the front seat. I put the groceries in carefully, and quickly, and said I needed to return the cart.
"Of course" she said, " and shut the door"
"Of course" I responded. I was sure it would end here; I heard Her start the car as soon as the door shut, and I went to return the cart. Over two-hundred dollars and not a stitch of food to show for it, just humiliation. I considered it a fair deal, and started my way back home.This is what happens to guys like me, left longing for another chance like this.
On my way home, it seemed like there were more jeeps on the road than ever, scenarios swimming through my head of abduction by the only woman I could think of, for now, forever. At the next light, her jeep pulled up, and she smiled at me standing on the corner, just for a second, and she turned her full attention to the traffic light ahead. Two blocks later she appeared again, this time rolling down the window as my heartleaped for joy.
"Excuse me, which way is it?" She asked as though She were a lost tourist
