Just my side of the story. K.
I have never been in love, I refused to let it happen apart from work I refused to let anyone get close enough.
In my own eyes, I was a big fat ugly girl. I had my bit of luck and was now living a comfortable but fairly boring life punctuated by a monthly breath of fresh air.
I developed late. Not physically, mentally! My mum loved me but tried to live a life she never had through me. I had to have ballet lessons, I was the fat girl in Billy Elliot who fell over all the time.
Piano lessons as well. Actually, the piano lessons were good. My teacher was an old black lady, Celia. I loved Celia. I still love her now, when I go to visit mum, soon now I suppose! I go see Celia as well.
We always do a barrel house duet. We have swapped hands now as Ceila has a bit of rheumatism.
I liked her straight away, she was quite strict with her two boys. If they called me fatty and Ceila heard them she made them holler.
You need to keep boys on a short lead she told me. "What about men, I asked" no such thing girl snorted Celia. They never grow up. I laughed then. I'm still laughing now because as we say in Yorkshire "There's nowt as funny as t' truth."
The boy's dad had died in a coal mine accident. Ceila was giving middle-class prissy kids lesions to keep food on the table. Funnily enough mum and she are still best friends.
I went to her house for lessons whenever mum would let me out of her sight. "She has a much better piano than us," I lied to mum.
The truth was she taught me blues piano when mum wasn't there to interfere. We still don't do the barrel house thing in front of mum.
Mum always had me on a diet because even though I was quite a tall girl I outweighed most of the boys in my class at school by quite a bit. The other thing that drove me to tears, yes real tears was her insistence that there is someone for everyone. I knew that was bollocks, well, I thought I did.
My poor old dad just didn't have a clue, he always had the best hugs when I needed one. He never said, but I know he wanted a boy,
He and mum never talked about it and even though my dad is long gone now, she still won't. I know something went wrong when I was born. I don't think mum could have any more kids after that.
So for both of them, it was me or nothing. I often wonder if he'd have settled for a tomboy. Considering I had bigger tits than my mum by the time I was twelve that was never going to happen.
Despite this they never gave up, in fact, mum still buys me clothes to this day. I have two wardrobes full of "Buckingham Palace Garden Party posh frocks" that will not be worn until she pops her clogs. I'll pick out the best to bury her in, she'd like that. The rest will be in the nearest charity shop before she is cold. Poor mum.
I'm comfortable in jeans, love leather, now my "man" is a biker I've got loads of proper and pretend bike gear. However, I play games in Latex. I love it, it brings out the best, worst maybe, in me. I'm a different person in latex.
I left school as soon as I could get into the nursing school at Jimmy's in Leeds. Yes, a certain well-known but now departed DJ had more than one feel-up of my bum and boobs. I ain't off to court, I was quite flattered at the time.
Jimmy's was my number one choice as there, we "inmates" had our own rooms, so small, there was no storage space for the clothes my mum would have loved to send me off with.
I did my training, became state registered and took every one of my nursing jobs there. I never moved out of that room, for a long time it was my whole world.
I earned a promotion to nursing sister to get my foot on the upward ladder. I'd been nursing for a few years and I was either ward sister or acting ward sister for just over four years.
About that time I met Mandy. Mandy was even more different than me. Mandy was a bit of a scandal, very open about her sexuality and that was very Lesbian.
In the common room, there was a piano. It should have been burned years ago. But if I was feeling blue I'd go and play some of the tunes Celia had thought me. Mandy came in, obviously attracted by the music.
Wow, your fucking good. I didn't know what to say. At that point, I had never uttered a sware word in my life. She stood by the piano watching me.
When I finished and went to stand up she pushed me down and said play some more big girl! Don't call me fat I snapped.
She laughed at me, no silly, I meant these. She grabbed my boobs and gave them a none-too-gentle squeeze. Ohh I could play with those for hours. Look at me, I haven't even got fried eggs, I think you were well in front of me in the queue.
I was flabbergasted. Well, you ain't running down the hall screaming. Come back to my room and ill make you squeal.
I did, I don't know why the inner me won out over the mummy-moulded outer me for once. This girl changed my life. Sex wasn't dirty after all. It was fun, to use Mandy's words. Fucking good fun.
We had an on-off affair that lasted a few months but she left, she went on a VSO contract for a year. If it hadn't been for the way my life turned I'd probably have followed her into Voluntary Service Overseas.
While the affair lasted she bought me presents. Dildos, butt plugs all sorts. I had to waddle around the ward at night with my fanny and arse stuffed with toys locked in a leather chastity belt. It was fun and I did the same to her.
It was her, the bitch, that turned me into a compulsive masturbation addict. I loved her for it. She is back in the UK now, we still meet up, just for coffee and a catch-up once in a while.
She threw out all my knickers and bras. Made me buy silk and satin stuff. She tied me up and shaved my fanny. I've never had a hairy quim since. I had electrolysis hair removal eventually. My quim used to look like a Kew Gardens exhibit before that.
One night a guy about my dad's age called Morris came onto my ward. I was night sister on duty, and as I did his ward admission checks he begged me not to let his family in to see him. "Don't worry my love," no one is allowed in at this time of night.
They had driven him to attempt suicide. He nearly succeeded, not too many people survive jumping in front of a train. Poor sod, Mo, as I called him from then on, was there for months. One lonely night when it was quiet, he told me his life story.
He was worth a small fortune, actually, it was quite a big one. He was a miner's son, I was a coal miner's daughter. Shame I didn't have a voice like Loretta Lynn. He told me how he made his money, how he worked every hour god sent and a little bit of luck
How he fell into a loveless marriage. He was straight but he had a need to dress in women's clothes. His wife found out and promptly divorced him. She tried to take everything but thanks to his sister who was as smart as Mo, she failed.
While Mo fell to bits his sister got a suitable legal team in place. Don't shed too many tears, his ex-wife did well enough. She wasn't happy though, the avaricious bitch wanted blood and more.
The night after the life story night I gave him a present. I don't know what made me do it but I wanted to look after him and protect him and make him smile. He was very vulnerable at the time. Some may see it as me taking advantage.
I gave him a pair of Lacy cream and coffee-coloured silk knickers my mum had bought me. Due to Mandy's influence, she liked to dress me up for sex and a spanking.
I was just coming round to fancy knickers. My kink was still very dormant, maybe not as dormant as I thought, but I had just dumped the BHS plain white cotton panties.
I bought these especially for Mo in Schofields, a long gone, sadly missed department store on the Headrow in Leeds. They had a good selection of lingerie. I bought my first basque and then a proper corset from there.
They were a good enough fit, a bit too big but big girlies like Mo need more space than us other girls. His eyes lit up, I pulled the screens round and with a bit of trouble getting them over his leg casts, got all of him into them.
I pulled them oh so slowly up his leg. Getting them over his broken leg wasn't so sexy. Looking back that was the first of very many cock, and a few pussy teases I have performed. Mostly on Mo but I'm spreading my wings now.
I was a nurse of 9 years standing by then. I had never seen a cock grow so much. Flaccid he was tiny. It was like Topsy though, it grew and grew.
