Jessica handed me a gin and tonic and sat down. Our Friday partners meetings had become a staple of our business since the first week we worked together. We talked through the successes and struggles of the week, and up until a year ago, we would have ended the week with a vigorous round of passion. Sometimes we would go back to my place or hers, or more often would just go at it on the couch.
Every now and then we caught each other's eye and saw the lust we still carried for each other, but a year previously we were hitting a billing capacity that outstripped our ability to deliver. There were too many personal hurdles to bring another person into a firm where one of the partners was sucking off the other every morning and the suckee returned the favor at the end of the day.
And then Jessica met Evan.
Things worked right for her in that they fell for each other. Things worked right for us in that we stopped fooling around, got new offices and brought on two new partners in the first six months. And our company began growing quite rapidly.
For me, however, this sucked.
Yes, we had talked about getting married at some point, but she had kids and I never wanted kids. We were in lust, maybe in love. Maybe not. There were many personal differences that just didn't matter in the office. She was right, I was selfish and lived and breathed the business. Maybe someday I'll tell more of the story between Jessica and me, but this story begins here.
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"I'm worried about you, Michael." Jess sipped her wine and sighed a long sigh. "I know you are still hurt about me and Evan. Or maybe you just miss the sex. But you need to move on. You're too deep in this business and you need to relax."
I rolled my eyes and rattled off the positives I saw, "Our income has never been better, this company is growing and yeah - I miss the sex and you. But you're with Evan and I get that. You get your family and he loves kids. It's perfect. I'm happy for you. Besides, we are a kick ass team here. With Tom and Lisa on our team, and if we hire that new project manager you've been talking about, we can be twice as efficient and maybe double again! Then I'll take a vacation and relax."
"If you don't have a heart attack first! I worry about coming in here some Monday morning where you worked the weekend away again to find you dead on the floor. Take up a hobby! Go golfing. Get a girlfriend - and yes, I know you tried that, but keep trying. You've got enough money, pick up a girl at a bar. And no, I don't want you to do that, but I want you to get your head out of your . . . Work."
"I hate golf. Waste of four hours on a beautiful day. Waste of four billable hours on a bad day." I was grumpy but not because she was right and I was wrong, it was that I wasn't willing to change and that other people were being ever so annoyingly concerned. My health was fine and sure, the stress level was there, but what business didn't have stress? "Look, I'll figure it out. Quit yelling at me."
Jessica looked at me without blinking. "Maybe you're too close to it because I don't think you will."
We were usually both comfortable with tension between us, but this was painful. I opened my mouth, but she spoke first. "Look. You are one of the most amazing men I know, and I love you - always - but get out of here for a few days. I am warning you, the money is good but you are not the happy camper you used to be and the firm isn't just you. We all want to work for you and with you. Let's just keep it that way." She stood and walked to the door.
"Ok," I mumbled. "I'll stay away till Monday."
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Monday morning I walked in and was greeted by my secretary, Natalie. I was very hungover and in a significant fog, nursing a headache with a side of fuckits. I was in my office about to lay down on my couch when Natalie brought in my coffee.
"Long weekend?"
"Ugh. Yeah. I was stupid," I was remembering that I didn't have a secretary named Natalie. Or any secretary. "Wait, who are you and what are you doing in my office?"