In my first year of summer break of my freshman year in college my parents demanded that I get a job to offset my college costs. They said I needed to make five thousand dollars before I could go back for the fall term.
I was like, "What? There is a recession going on. There are no jobs that can pay me that kind of money.
My dad said, "There are factory jobs. You are six foot one and two hundred pounds. You have marketable skills in manual labor."
I was flabbergasted. I said. "After I worked my ass off all school year, even making the deans list, and now I have to stand in a ninety degree factory all summer. This is not fair."
My dad just said, "Deal with it. I had to when I was your age."
"What a fucking prick." I thought.
So I start looking and fuck me, there were only the ugliest of ugly jobs.
Anyway after another long day looking I'm walking home and I am eight houses away from home when all of a sudden I hear a neighbor lady call out to me, " Jerry, Come here."
It was Mrs. Prendergast, the bitchy Irish neighbor sixes houses down from ours.
I knew her daughter Sara. We went to school together. Sara was a flaming redhead with a mean temper if you got on her bad side, but we always got along pretty good. Her mom whose name was Orla was also that same flaming redhead and she was always trying to "fix us up," but we just didn't click like that. We were good friends but just never any sparks.
So I walk up her driveway and she wants the "low down" on my entire life and we talk for a bit. She invites me up to her porch for some lemonade and that sounded good to me.
She said Sara got a job in the town where she went to college and asked me what I was doing all summer. I told her, "I was pounding the pavement looking for something that wasn't a factory job but there wasn't anything and my dad said I had to make five grand for school by fall and I am sweating bullets."
She smiled and I could see she was cooking something up in her head. She thought for a minute and then said, "I've got an idea for you. Since Bob (Her late husband who had died two years ago) died I've had to pay a lawn service and a landscape service to keep my yard up to speed. Not to even mention the handyman services every time a damn light bulb burns out. I think I pay more than that for all those guys. You come and work for me doing anything and everything I need and want, lawn, garden, flowers, and whatever else I can come up with and I'll pay you six grand for the summer. Now if my math in my head is correct that is fourteen weeks divided by six grand and it's well over four hundred a week and I am going to make you earn every penny. You have a problem with hard work Jerry?"
"No mam. Not a bit. I'm just amazed that you would do that for me." I replied.
She laughed and said, "Well we will see how amazed you stay."
And then out of the blue she asks, "So, what do people say about me Jerry?
I thought, "Oh fuck. I am not telling her any of that shit." And before I could even think of an answer she kept right on talking. "They think I am a fucking bitch don't they?"
I tried to think of a way to "soft sell" an answer and said, "Well people think you are a hard woman because your husband died and,"
"Bullshit," she barked as she cut me off. "They think that because I am a fucking bitch, and you had better get used to working for a fucking bitch right now. So stop bullshitting me. When I ask you a question I expect a truthful fucking answer, you got that? And don't even bother to answer that with your bullshit or I will spank your ass on the first day you are working for me. Now, do you still want this fucking job Jerry? Even though I may blister your ass for every fucking thing you do or say wrong?"
Now I am thinking to myself, "Blister my ass? Really bitch? I'm six one and you are not blistering my ass." But I said, "Sure I want this job Mrs. Prendgast," Bam, she cut me right off again very snarly, "And don't you dare call me Mrs. Prendgast, again or I will blister your ass. My name is Orla, and You will call me Orla."
Damn this bitch was into this "blister your ass" statement, and then as if she was reading my mind she just kept on talking saying, "And if you think I'm fucking around you better think twice before you take this job. Sara didn't come home for summer for a reason. I was spanking her bare ass until the day she left. She knows, and so will you before long."
Now I felt the need to say something but what? What the fuck do you say to someone saying she is going to blister your ass at age nineteen so I once again tried to just calm the situation down a bit when I said as I smiled, "Well Orla, I think I'll be able to manage this job without all that much trouble."
She stared at me with, well, I wouldn't call it a mean look, but it sure as hell was a "Don't fuck with me look" that made me feel uncomfortable all of a sudden, and then she calmly but firmly says, "Listen to me you little fuckwad, I am the boss. This is my house, my game, my money, and it sure as fuck is going to be my rules. If you fuck up and I say get in that house NOW and pull those fancy shorts down before I put you across my lap, the only phrase I expect to hear is, yes mam. Not, I'm sorry, Not ANYTHING! Those are my rules. And I am sure as fuck that there will be many more rules to come. So are you working for me?"
I sat there totally dumbfounded and was about to try and defend myself in some way, but as I looked at that flaming red hair and those piercing green eyes I felt this funny feeling in my stomach and just said, "Yes mam." And to my shock and dismay as I stood up to leave I noticed that I had a boner poking out my pants. I was like, "What the fuck". and as I hurried off the porch to hide my obvious situation I heard a nice calm Orla say, "See you tomorrow morning Jerry. Nine AM sharp."
I stopped, turned my head without turning my body so she wouldn't see and said, "Nine AM. I will be here." But I still had that same funny feeling in my stomach.
The next morning I was up at seven, just couldn't sleep for some reason. I think I was excited about the new adventure, and a little unnerved as well.
I was there five minutes early and yes, she did look at her watch. She had me start by taking everything out of the garage which I then I had to sweep. It was a good hour and a half before it was all done.
Next she had me cut the back grass but it was a bit messy so I had a good half hour of cleanup before I could even start. It was close to noon but it wasn't a huge yard and I thought I could get it done before I had lunch. So I cutting my ass off and working up a sweat but it is getting done fast. I thought, " She is going to like this." All of a sudden BAM, and that mower jerked so hard it pulled out of my hands and stopped dead. The door swung open and there she was glaring. "What was that?" She asked.