The Man In Me

Raining, wet droplets run down my face as I swing open the door to Mel's Bar and Lounge. Signaling for the bartender to get me my usual rum and coke, I fall into my favorite back corner chair collecting a handful of napkins to wipe the rain, sweat mixture from my brow. Pulling up some chairs for when my friend group shows up, I ask around at other tables for their empty chairs. Brushing my short green hair from my face, I sit down right before the bartender walks from behind the bar with my drink.

"Hey, Mel. Working hard or hardly working?" I say, smirking.

"Hey, Dannie. You know how I much I lovvvee your humor.." Mel says, rolling her eyes and putting a hand on her hip.

Flipping through my wallet, I procure a folded ten dollar bill and hand it to her before locking my hand into hers and pulling Mel into my lap.

"DANNIE" She hisses through gritted teeth as she finds her footing and stands.

"Come on, Mel. What crawled up your ass? Relax." I say, standing to reclaim her hand, leading her into a spin that lands her back in my arms.

Exhaling, Mel sinks into me, " Sorry D. It's just been a long day."

Stepping left and right, Mel follows my lead as I spin her back around so she is facing me

"Well I hope you're ready for the whole squad to get here, because they are 10 minutes out. I know.. I know. You wanted another group in here tonight causing problems.. But you know you'd miss us if we stopped coming."

Laughing, she says, "Something like that. I appreciate the dance, but I've got to get back behind the bar. Brittney didn't show up for her shift so I'm running things solo today.."

Kissing Mel on the cheek, I led her back to the bar, before checking the group chat to read the latest dating drama. Leaning against the bar as I scroll, I read message after message of queer dating nonsense, thinking about how nice it is to be able to hear about drama but not be a direct part of it. Which is why I have stayed away from the dating scene all together.

Locking my phone before pocketing it, I brush past a cute red head on my way to my table. A passive,

Excuse me-,

passing my lips before continuing on.

Bored, my phone is in my hand again. As I open my web browser to google the release date on a new queer movie I just heard about, when my face flushes. My recent midnight search still open in google... Laying my phone screen down on the table and straightening my back I compose myself, scanning the tables around me for anyone who may have seen. Lifting my phone with slow intent, I read the search bar over in my head.

Big cocked man ruins pussy.

My finger rubbing the edge of my phone case a little too hard, as I close the tab. Staring at the blank screen, I remember myself with my magic wand.. Rubbing the head of the wand into my mound while stroking the length of the wand like it's my cock and imagining myself as the guy in the porn on my screen. Cumming so hard to the idea of burying my imaginary cock inside of her and filling her with my cum..

Blinking to regain my focus, my friends enter the door of the bar. Filling the table, ordering drinks, drama, chatting... it all goes by in a blur as I feel the odd sensation I felt last night. The feeling of fullness between my legs. The feeling of having something pressing against my jeans.. that isn't there.

Leaving the bar with my friends, I feigned to have misplaced my keys until they all drove off, so that I could walk back into the bar.. But with one small difference. Getting into my car I stare at the brown paper bag on the passenger floor board. A plastic flesh tone packer still in the packaging inside. Before I can overthink it, I rip the packaging open and unbuckle my pants only a street light half a block away providing the faint glow I need to position it in my boxers.

Taking the small, pliable dick into my hand, I'm filled with a sensation of guilt but can't get over how good I feel. How good I feel in my hand. Closing my eyes and tilting my head back I stroke myself, knowing I wont get hard- I can't- but feeling that fullness grow between my legs until I almost feel a swelling under the pressure of my stroking palm. The porn coming to mind again, I imagine the small built girl's mouth around my tip, sucking and teasing me. Knowing this is wrong and I'm in my car on a public street somehow only adds to my arousal. Thinking about her crawling onto my lap and riding me as I thrust my hips, my car filled with the moans escaping my parted lips. Cumming so hard, imagining shooting my cum all over my lap, I open my eyes, pissed, before remembering I can't do that. There's no mess. No girl. Just me with my hand on..

Buckling my pants with a hast only known to those who have committed a fun crime, I get out of my car and head back to the bar. Looking around and then quickly down at my jeans over and over again before I decide I'm confident with the placement.

Sliding into a seat at the bar, I tell Mel to give me a shot, "Actually make it two."

Mel comes over with four shots, "two for you. Two for us. Dannie, meet my new bartender, Jess."

Looking past Mel, I nod hello at the new face. "Nice to meet you, Jess," before slamming one shot after the other.

Liquid courage flowing through me, I sink into the idea of being perceived as a guy, leaning into how fucking awesome that feels before hitting on a couple girls sitting in a group by me. I introduce myself and I think I'm almost passing, before I stand slightly- readjusting- and the bulge in my jeans causes a confused look on the girls faces. The conversation comes to a swift end.

I've never had trouble with women, but it would seem I'm going to face new issues with my recent.. Developments..

Deciding to just get plastered and go home I order two new shots from the new girl, Jess.

Sliding the shots towards me Jess says, " It would appear you don't get shot down a lot. Must be so hard for a guy like you."

A Guy like me..

God why does it have to feel so good to hear?

Deciding to bury the feeling so that another weird conversation doesn't ensue, I say " Something like that."

Taking my time this round, shooting one then pausing. "Do you mind giving me a rum and coke as a chaser?"

Jess laughs, "As a chaser...? Sure."

She is cute,, with her cut of denim shorts and her breasts overflowing her tank top with her push up bra doing everything it was meant to do.. Belt buckle shining in the light, drawing my eyes to what may be below her waist..

She sees me eyeing her and bends slightly, appearing to be enjoying me looking.

Shifting my hips to compensate for the growing sensation that's still so new, Jess watches.

"Are you a regular here?" She says as she grabs a rag to wipe down the bar.

"You could say that" I say in a slightly buzzed state. Wondering why I came to a bar I frequent.. like this.

"Not much for answering questions I see," Jess says, seeming to enjoy teasing me.

Laughing, I lean forward towards her, " Ask me another question then. Anything. I'll answer it, just for you."

Her double take causes a slight panic. Is she wondering... does she know?

"Finally, you say something interesting. Now the stories Mel has told me are starting to add up."

"That wasn't a question, Jess" Smirking, I pull my lighter out and flip the flint under the table.

"Why don't you join me on my break in 5. I'll have a great one for you."

Fear. Fear is all I can feel.

I fucking know what she is going to ask.. I know exactly what she will ask.. And what am I going to say

?

Almost falling out of my seat, I stumble towards the bathroom. Lighting a cigarette while I sit on the counter. Swinging my feet thinking about how to answer the question.

The creaky door swings open and catches my attention, Jess in the doorway leaning on the door frame, "You know there's no smoking in here right? Mel's going to kill you."

Walking towards me, she holds her hand out for the cigarette. Ashing in the sink before I hand it over I look at Jess. " Is that your question? It's rather lame. I expected something more interesting from you. Yes, I'm aware it's no smoking and that Mel will kill me."

Taking one last, long drag, I hand it underhand, and Jess takes it, coming to lean by me on the counter- pressing the filter between her lips and inhaling a long sensual drag before passing it back to me.

"My question is, how is such a cute boy here alone... well not exactly alone right? I saw you leave with your friends then come back."

A lie sliding from my lips without my consent, "Just needed some time away from all the drama."

Jess's ass against my leg as she turns her head to look at me, " To get plastered alone?"

Passing the cigarette back to her, "To be able to just be myself."

An audible

Mmmmmm

leaving her lips as she inhales, "It doesn't look like you have much trouble with that. Being yourself that is."

Putting the cigarette out, Jess stands to leave. I hop off the counter to follow silently, ready to get back to my shot on the bar. Hand on the knob, Jess turns around not realizing.. or maybe she does..how close I am to her. Our bodies are almost pressed together. We are so close. A smile spreads over Jess's face as she leans forward a hair, "Is that all for me?"

Confused, I stare blankly. Reading my face, She tilts her hips towards me- making her meaning clear.

The Packer.

It had shifted from me hopping up onto the counter.. And how it is so front facing.. Feeling like I'm semi hard pressed against her.

Backing away I sweep my hair out of my face to break eye contact, " Ahh. Sorry about that." Attempting to skirt around her to the door, Jess stands in the way releasing the door knob, "I didn't say it was a bad thing, Dannie."

Jess shifts her leg to press against the bulge between my legs and I groan at the contact. Knowing this can't go anywhere, I focus on leaving.

"Look, it's not what you think..." Still buzzed, I can't find anything better to say.

"It's not? So you're not attracted to me?" She says moving her other leg closer to me. Placing a hand on my pants edge, teasing the lip of my jeans.

Well now this was really getting out of hand. I needed to stop this before she finds out.

"It's not that-" Jess interrupts me, "Then let me.." she trails off as her hand moves down over my bugle. No shock registering on her face, I am taken over by my impulses.

I grab the back of her neck and kiss her. All self doubt leaves me. Pushing Jess back into the door, I push myself into her and grind making direct, hard contact. And I can

feel every inch of it.

Kissing me back, Jess wraps a leg around me - making contact easier, more flush. The intensity of the situation growing.

Not worried about the point at which this will no longer be able to continue, I thrust myself against her and she moved with me, moaning. Our tongues intermingle as I feel myself get rock hard...

I feel myself.. How?

The liquor doing its job, I reposition, putting Jess on the counter. Feeling my confidence grow, I slide her shorts and panties to the side and I rub every wet part I can. Feeling her shock, I take it slow... with her head pressed into the crooked of my neck I push two drenched fingers inside of her. Using my hips to facilitate a good thrusting motion. My fingers feel like an extension of my cock.

Moaning Jess turns her cheek to press her mouth to my ear whispering breathlessly, " You feel so good inside of me. Fuck."

Feeling wrong for this.. I stumble in my even motions. She feels my doubt through my motions and it's like she reads my mind, "Please don't stop thrusting your big cock into me."

It's what I wanted to hear but it leaves me so raw in reality. My secret laid bare.

Frozen, Jess starts working herself up and down, placing a hand on my neck moaning and saying things like, "Yes. God, You're so hot. You feel so good. Please dont stop fucking me. Your cock fills me up so well. I'm going to cum."

Unable to think with such a throbbing fullness between my legs I take over thrusting, grabbing her by her ass cheek with one hand and slamming her roughly onto my fingers with the other.. Until we both cum. Panting I remove myself from inside of her.

"How did you know?" I ask quietly.

Panting Jess says, "I don't know what you mean."

Having both my hands available, an odd aggression overtakes me and causes me to grab the back of her neck and push her into my bugle simultaneously while growling, "You know what I'm asking. Don't play with me."

Completely still Jess slowly pries my hand off her neck with a gentleness I was not used to and trails her hand down to my cock, "There is nothing to know, Dannie. You are an attractive guy and I wanted you. That's all."

Hearing her say that so simply, made me so angry. Nothing was simple. Nothing was easy about this. She didn't know how hard this was.

"Okay, Jess." Is all I can say before storming out of the bar. Getting to my car I can't control my breathing, panic taking over as I unlock my door and cimb behind the wheel. Tears threaten to fall from my eyes as I hear the door open to my passenger seat, and Jess climbs in.

"You have no reason to be acting like this. Nothing we did was wrong. I liked it. You liked it." Jess says so nonchalantly.

"I'm not a fucking guy, Jess, I dont have a fucking DICK - OKAY? Now get the fuck out."

Silence is all that fills the car as my breathing slows, regret filling my head for treating her this way.

Jess ties her hair up with this face of pure calm, and starts unbuttoning my jeans. Anger having left me, I say and do nothing.

Jess - face to face with my boxers- pulls the cock of the packer out through the opening in my boxers.

I think,

This is it. She will see what I mean now and just leave.

But instead she looks me right in the eyes as her face lowers towards my lap, her mouth taking all of.. of me.. In. Without realizing it, I lace my hand through her hair and I start to guide her.. her hand grasping my leg as she sucks me.

Leaning my head back like I had such a short while ago, I start thrusting into her mouth, Jess knowing to keep her head still.. So I can use her mouth how I want. How I desperately need to..

"Fuck, I'm going to cum.. Jesus fucking christ your mouth feels so good. Yeah,..that's it.. just like that.."

Thrusting so hard, forcing her head down hard- I cum.

Then I relax, letting up on her head, Jess sits up looking dazed.

"Fuck, that was hot," is all she says, as she wipes the edges of her mouth.

"It was," I say, still so horny after cumming. After having Jess blow me.

Peering over, she makes eye contact with me again, "Do you feel better now?"

Such an odd question, but then when I think about it I realize she's right. I feel so much better. I feel so alive. So seen.

"Yes. I do, actually." I say as the widest grin spreads across my face. Feeling the intensity of the moment, I kiss her. Feeling - for the first time- the union of what was and what is. The me I am now, and the me I was, coming together as one.