What had she gotten herself into? Was she such a slut she'd do anything for a sexual thrill? Thinking on her conduct earlier in the day, she felt guilt nagging at the back of her mind. She was definitely not a prude; but why was it difficult to live what she had fantasized? She chided herself on having a double standard. What made fulfilling her kinky longings worse than simply fantasizing about them? Perhaps the real issue was that her Master was bending her will, to be that of his own, that was so thrilling for her. Yes, the act of pleasing him, submitting to his control gave her an incredible rush. That's what it was all about. However, did submission absolve her of committing the nasty acts he forced upon her? She had to admit that she was just as responsible in that she allowed him to control her. Women who justified their actions by believing nothing is their fault because they are forced and commanded to perform kinky acts were simply deluding themselves.
She chuckled to herself and went to her bedroom to pull on an oversized tee shirt. Really, what made her so bad to want to feel and enjoy the very things she envisioned in her erotic imagination? In fact, when she first began to explore and research sexuality, she had been surprised and relieved to find such a large population who preferred so-called divergent sexual practices. It had been a sort of freedom for her to realize her "dark" desires were just as normal as the conventional desires of a "typical missionary" woman, or man. The quote, "This above all: to thine ownself be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man" popped up in her mind and she smiled. No, she could not deny herself any longer and could no longer be false to any man. She was beginning to reconcile her sexual wants and needs as being acceptable to actually consummate them.
The next three days dragged by as she waited for word from her Master. On the outside she was her quiet self, but on the inside she was intensely restless. By the third day she was concerned that she'd displeased him in some way as she had not received any messages from him. But this time she was not as desperately anxious as she had been before. She was patient and delved into her duties at work. When she was home she busied herself with writing poetry which had been greatly cathartic for her. If he chose never to contact her again, nor reveal himself to her at work, it did not bother her as much as it once would have. She felt confident that she would come upon another Dom, with whom she could enjoy a total, devoted relationship. For that lesson she was truly grateful to whoever her mystery Dom was.
On Thursday night she had come home from work and relaxed for a while in front of the TV while eating a salad. Then she signed on rather late into the instant message program. He was there, and from the time on the dialogue box, had been waiting a good 30 minutes.
"I was beginning to wonder if you would show up."
"i'm sorry to keep You waiting, Master."
"I've been busy. How about you? you didn't make it back into the office after we met on Monday and you've seemed rather reserved at work these last few days."
Mary paused before answering. She realized she hadn't been thinking of him watching her at the office. Although she still glanced at various men and wondered about them as she passed them in the hallways. However, she'd been more absorbed in her own thoughts and self-revelations.
"Thank You for Your concern for me. But i'm all right. i've been doing some serious thinking, and learning things about myself. It's been a good thing."
Now it was his turn to pause. He wondered at this change in her, from her previously needy responses to this calm demeanor. Was she having second thoughts about being submissive to his domination? He had a flashback to his college days and his previous D/s relationship. But he shrugged it off; it wasn't as if this woman was asking to stop what they had started.
"I'm pleased that you are learning things about yourself. I'm sure it will benefit us. I will teach you even more. I have some free time this weekend and I expect you to join Me."
"Join You?" She couldn't help but wonder what he meant by 'free time' and joining him.