The Loss of Innocence

I had spent my freshman and sophomore years of college as a sweet, innocent little girl. My junior year I had branched out, I had joined a sorority, turned 21 and had my first drink, and had even kissed a boy for the first time. I know, I know, I was behind all my friends in every aspect of my social life. I am a rule follower, always have been, always will be. I had a set of rules that I believed I had to follow, and it was amazing to me other people didn't.

Now I was headed off for my senior year of college. I knew it was going to be an epic year for me. I had great friends who were determined to rob me of my innocence in every way they could. What I didn't know was what they really had in store for me.

My sorority sister Jill picked me up to drive back to school. We started on the road, and it wasn't until we were driving through Chicago that I had any inkling that we were not following the path back to school that we were supposed to be. Classes were not scheduled to begin for another week, so it wasn't like we were going to be late or anything, but I didn't have the money to stop and play around during our trip. When I said something to Jill she told me that the money would be taken care of and not to worry.

"Mary," she said to me, "we've all decided that we're going to break you out of your shell this year, and we have just the way to do it."

"What's going on Jill?" I asked, incredulously.

"Just think of this as a first step for the rest of your senior year. Let your hair down. It's for your own good!" Jill exclaimed.

We stopped at a hotel, went to check in, and I saw about ten of my other sorority sisters. After all the hugs and exclamations of girls rejoining each other after a summer apart we went up to the rooms. It turns out we had a whole floor of the hotel to ourselves, including a conference room. I didn't know what these girls were up to, but I was a little scared and excited all at the same time. After we all settled in, we met around the pool. My best friend Amanda was there, and after a few drinks she asked me a question...

"Are you ready to do this?" she asked.

"Do what?" I asked her.

"Remember at the end of last year," she began, "after you had kissed Jeff at the Phi Tau party? You told me you didn't want a relationship with Jeff, but you were at a point where you wanted to shed your good girl image and really enjoy your senior year. You wanted to have a real college experience. Is that still something you're interested in? Because if you are, we have something really fun and exciting planned. But if you aren't, nobody is going to force you to join us; you can sit in your room and be our accountant for the evening (don't ask yet). But if you say you want to join us, there's no turning back. We will force you to push yourself to do things you aren't comfortable with right now, but you will have a really amazing night. It's up to you."

I didn't know what to do. Part of me wanted to go back to my hotel room, snuggle under the covers and watch TV for the rest of the night, ignorant of what was going on. I had a feeling whatever was about to happen was going to be outside of my understanding. It was going to be something that was uncomfortable and I am such a creature of comfort. I was going to be out of control of the situation, and I can be such a control freak. But there was another part of me, the part that desperately wanted to break out of this cage I felt I had locked myself in: the cage of my own reputation, the one that kept the boys from wanting to even talk to me.

I had no idea what was going to come out of my mouth until I blurted out, "I'm in." I couldn't believe it. I was terrified, but excited and exhilarated all at the same time. I took a deep breath, sat up straight, looked Amanda in the eyes, and said more firmly, "I'm in."

If I had known what was coming, I would have never have agreed to join them. But that would have been a mistake. What happened to me next was the most amazing, eye-opening experience of my life, and I am so glad I went through with it.

Once I was in, my sisters' gave me hugs and we went back to our rooms to discuss what was going to happen next. What I found out was that each year there was a large fundraiser for our sorority that was only for the seniors to participate in. It was called the "Pick an Alpha Contest". In the conference room there was a large group of people who were going to give a lot of money to our charity for the chance to have sex with one (or more) of us. Here's how it worked. Each person paid a certain amount of money for each sexual encounter. If they wanted more than one girl, they had to pay for more than one girl. They would watch our video and pick the three girls they were most interested in. The men would get their picture taken and would give us a little paragraph with some information on it for us. We would then see the pictures and the blurb. The three girls who were chosen by the guy would be the only ones who could pick that guy and we could sit there and decide who we wanted based on who chose us. Since I was the only virgin, I was going to basically get whoever I wanted who chose me.

We got all gussied up. We had a plethora of lingerie in our sorority colors to choose from for our video introduction; ranging from leather to lace, from prim-and-proper to downright risqué. I chose a short, white teddy with accents of red leather. It was mostly the quiet and calm, with a hint of freakiness, just like me. We made our video for the guys to use and then we sat in the room waiting for our results. After about a half an hour we were escorted into another room with all of the pictures.

There were some really attractive guys, but most of them had paid for two girls and what they really wanted was a threesome; or they wanted a girl to suck their dick all night. I had no problem with either of these things on principle, but I felt like this should be something special. I wanted to find the guy who had something unique to say. I found what I was looking for in a close-up picture of a man with longish blond hair pulled back in a pony-tail, strong cheek-bones that poked through his scruffy facial hair, and piercing blue eyes. My reaction to this picture was raw, real, and primal; I found myself cowering while my mouth watered.

"I will use you. And after the night is over, you will thank me." Those two sentences as his introduction made my insides turn to jelly. I took a deep breath. I wanted so badly for my name to be on this man's list. I looked, and there it was. My name was the first, and only, name on his request card.

Each man was assigned a room on our floor and we were to go into the room to meet them. Some of the girls had decided to pair up, per the guys request and in fact almost everyone but me went to a room with another sister. I went to my assigned room by myself and timidly knocked on the door. The door was opened and I was engulfed by those piercing blue eyes. He looked me up and down and told me to come in. I found that my feet were glued to the ground. He stared at me, and then, in a voice barely above a whisper he firmly said, "I said, Come. In." I could do nothing but obey his command.

The room was dark, lit only by one light in the corner. There were two queen size beds, one was turned down with the comforter stripped off the bed. The other was made and covered with a large amount of interesting looking tools. I didn't really know what any of them were. I was a virgin, but even more than that, I was completely innocent. I had no idea about anything to do with sex. I know this was unusual for someone my age, but I had never been exposed to these things. I had lived in a bubble until I went away to school, and even then I had kept myself focused on my academics. I had only kissed a boy the year before and it was a chaste kiss on closed lips. I knew about as close to nothing as someone could get.

As I stared at the beds, my knees shaking, I heard the door shut and I knew it was shutting on my past.