"I told you NOT to run by the pool, young lady."
I looked up from my position on the wet concrete. It wasn't the best position to be in, especially considering that Matt Shepherd, the city's hottest lifeguard, was standing over me, one leg on both sides...if I sat up, my mouth would be at his crotch.
I swallowed and tried not to think about the fact that my brand new string bikini was basically all string at this point and very little bikini.
"S-sorry." I mumbled, my mouth so dry it felt like sandpaper. What else could I say? I had been running. By the pool. After he told me not to... I'd tried to stop. Really I did. But I'd been running too fast; the pavement had been slicker than I thought, and so I'd fallen right on my ass, right in front of him, right after he told me to stop. My face was on fire. I'd been so bad. I couldn't even say this was the first time I'd broken the rule or that I'd never do it again. We both would have known that was a lie.
See, sometimes, when I get excited or nervous, I break out into a run. It's weird, I know, but I've done it all my life and I have no idea why. I've never been able to stop. Most of the time, like today, I don't even realize I'm running until it's too late.
And today, I'd gotten really really excited...and taken off running. Of course, it was his fault. Not that I could ever tell him that. But it was. I mean, I took off running because he had noticed me. For the first time. Ever. Really noticed me.
I've been in love with Matt Shepherd for as long as I can remember. He's been a lifeguard at the pool during summer breaks since he started college at the University of Arizona. Now he's in medical school here, but he still works at the pool between semesters. I don't know if it's because he needs the money or he loves it...but I suspect it's the money since I've never seen him so much as crack a smile when he's working. He's built like a jock and looks like a dark haired Adonis, but the sharp look in his eyes gives away his intelligence...and his sternness. I would walk through fire for Matt Shepherd... Not that he cared.
To him, I was just the nerdy high school girl with frizzy hair and glasses that is always hanging out at the college pool (my pass to the pool is one of the only perks of being a professor's daughter). To make matters worse, I've never worn a suit that didn't look like it could've come out of a 1950s store. At least, not before today.
Today, I look hot. I know I do. I've spent the last three weeks with my gorgeous cousins from California, cousins I didn't know I had until a few months ago, getting a super makeover. It's a long story, but my mom and dad got divorced when I was a baby. She ran off with another man and my dad got full custody of me. I've spent the last year dealing with my anger at her, for abandoning me, and the last couple months trying to find her. I guess I hoped, if I found my mom, I would find myself somehow too.
I realized, shortly after turning 18, that I'd spent my whole life with my nose buried in a book, trying to live through characters instead of myself. To put it bluntly, that had not been working out too great. I had no friends, no boyfriend, no life... other than the one I had in my dreams. So I'd talked to my dad and he'd reluctantly given me permission to start the search.
The priest who'd married my parents had taken pity on me and given me the phone number of my mom's sister, now a nurse in LA. My dad had never heard of her. I called her and she'd never heard of us either.
I didn't get to confront my mom, because she'd died a year before. Aunt Tina said it was a drug overdose... hearing that, I was almost glad she left us. My dad is the last person in the world who'd ever get involved with drugs. He teaches health and wellness classes at the nursing, public health, and medical schools on campus. I've always wondered if Matt's been in one of his classes, but been too embarrassed to ask. My crush on Matt has always been my deepest secret...nobody knows, and that definitely includes him. I think I'd die of shame if he realized how much I wanted him and all of the things I've thought about doing with him or to him or having him do them to me...
Feeling his eyes on me, I realized my secret was in serious danger. I was pretty sure my whole body was blushing as I felt him look and it felt like my nipples were about to poke through the tiny triangles of cloth barely holding in my breasts.
I'd never been pretty before. And I sure didn't feel pretty now. Even though, I knew I was. I'd flown out to meet my Aunt, who had two cousins my age that looked like models (one of them actually is a model, in fact). They were slender, leggy, and had perfectly tan skin, hair down their back, and sparkling blue-green eyes. I couldn't believe we were related. They, on the other hand, had burst into laughter when they first saw me, but it wasn't because they were mean. They said I looked just like they had in Junior High.
Apparently, my state of un-attractiveness was entirely self-imposed. If I'd never met them, I swear I never would have known. Dad is wonderfully kind, but completely clueless when it comes to make-up, hair, and fashion for young women. And since I read almost constantly, I didn't have a lot (or any) other friends to turn to. Until I met my cousins Shana and Lace, who spent almost the entire time we were together dragging me to malls, stylists, and the beach. I'd even done a mock photo-shoot with a famous photographer who'd offered me a modeling job. I told him I'd think about it...I'm still not sure if modeling and majoring in engineering are compatible.
Today, I was wearing the same bikini I'd worn during the shoot and I'd done my hair and make up exactly the way the stylists had shown me. When I'd walked past Matt, he'd stopped talking in the middle of his conversation and just stared. That's when I had not played at cool and waited for him to recognize me, but instead taken off running. He was staring again now but this time he definitely had the upper hand. "Get up."
I waited for him to move. He didn't. I just stared.
"Do not make me tell you again."
I gulped at the steel in his voice and then scrambled to crawl out from under him. I might, as well have been naked, my bikini moved so much. But if I hadn't crawled, I would have inevitably bumped into his crotch with my face and then...
After apologizing the whole time I got up, as soon as I was standing I started to walk away slowly, praying I would not start running. again. I felt his hand immediately circle my left wrist and tighten, drawing me back. My breath caught.
"Not so fast, Alyana, I'm not through with you yet."
"Y-you know who I am?" I couldn't believe it. Other than scolding me for running around on the wet pavement, he'd never given me the time of day.
"Yeah. Not saying it didn't take me a minute to recognize you in that get-up, Ms. Stevens, but you've been coming to the pool and breaking the rules for over five years now ... so yeah, I know you and that is not a good thing." He dropped my wrist and let the reminder of my bad behavior hang in the air. I felt tears forming. I was in love with him and he thought of me as nothing more than a naughty child.
I swallowed hard, trying to hold them back, but I just couldn't and I felt a drop of wetness slide down my cheek. I just looked at him then, hurt and vulnerable. He stared back, calm, but without a trace of sympathy.
He looked away and called out to one of the other lifeguards, "Tim, I need to take the rest of the day off, can you watch the pool? We're double staffed and I've got something I need to take care of." Tim said sure and Matt turned back to me.
"What," I spoke slowly, forcing myself not to cry or stutter, "are you going to do with me now?"
He moved a step closer and raked his eyes over me again. I'd never felt more naked in my life. I would have given anything for my frumpy one piece back.
"Ms. Stevens," his voice still stern, even at a whisper, "what happens to girls who break the rules multiple times, even when they are warned to stop?"
My eyes must have grown to twice their size as my stomach twisted into knots. I wanted to cry that it wasn't fair! I couldn't help it! Instead, I tried to bravely meet his hard gaze, "well," I started, "there are usually consequences." I thought for a minute, wondering if I had the courage to say another word. "Sometimes they are... punished." Apparently, I did. And I almost thought I saw him crack a tiny smile.
"Exactly, Ms. Stevens." He started to turn and then stopped to say, "you will pick up your towel and follow me immediately."
"Yes sir," I said, not being sassy so much as conditioned to years of being taught to mind my manners. I started to scurry towards my towel. "Walk!" He yelled. And I cringed. Looked like he was right. Him knowing me - at least as the running girl -- was not a good thing at all.
The walk to the locker rooms was silent. We went through the back way, by the manager's offices, and I followed him into the one private room, hearing the door lock behind us. This room was usually reserved for staff and VIPs. I'd never even been in it.
It was well lit and airy, with a small shower, a bathroom, and a single row of lockers. Fresh towels and toiletries were sitting on the bench. He moved them ominously to the floor and sat down, knees spread apart, hands folded in his lap; he looked way too relaxed. I started backing away towards the door.
"Alyana," His voice stopped me. I couldn't believe I'd longed for him to say my name even once for years when it made me so terrified. "Yes." I answered forcing myself to be calm, to not stutter. For a second, I almost thought I saw the hint of a smile again. He crooked his finger at me and I shuffled a few steps closer. The raise of his eyebrows told me I needed to get closer still. Every step felt like a mile. Finally, I was standing between his legs.
He moved his hands up to lightly touch my hips and I let myself dream, for half a second, that maybe he did that because he actually wanted to touch me and wasn't just trying to get me attention.
"I should kick you out of the pool, you know." I blushed and nodded, I knew he should, I really had been breaking the rules over and over. "We've told you," he stopped, "I've told you not to run at the pool so many times. It really is dangerous. You could have gotten seriously hurt when you fell today. I've seen -- " He shook his head, probably stopping himself from telling me some gory story that I definitely did not want to hear.
"I know. I'm sorry." It was all I could think to say. I mean, I really couldn't help it, and I definitely didn't want to be forced out... if I was, I might never see him again.
"I let you stay mostly because I felt sorry for you." His hands tightened fractionally on my hips. Ordinarily, the gesture would have thrilled me. Now, I only heard the words, which felt like a dagger to my heart. He pitied me. I tried to jerk away, but his hands only tightened more, holding me in place.
"Stop. Anybody would have. I don't think you can actually help the running thing; it seems to be a nervous tic for you...or something. And you had no friends, only books...I could tell this was the one place you enjoyed coming, and..." He sighed, "I could tell you were in love with me."
I tried again to get out of his grasp, feeling my face flame and praying the floor would swallow me whole. I thought I'd done such a good job keeping my secret and now -- I knew -- he'd known all along. The shame and embarrassment was painfully inescapable.
"Why don't you just kick me out then?" I cried. "We both know I deserve it. And it's not like I'll ever come back now, anyway."
