A month later, Grace was at Corky's apartment where she had been staying. Their friendship had grown to a point that when Grace called to tell Corky about her decision, she had immediately offered to let Grace stay with her until things were worked out. It had been such a comfort for Grace at a point when she needed it.
As soon as her husband had gotten home from his most recent business trip, Grace had told him that they needed to talk. There was something about that phrase that never boded well and so he had been immediately on edge. It didn't go very well.
Grace tried starting by trying to explain that she had never felt right in the marriage. Something had been missing that wasn't about him. But he kept pushing and asking if there was someone else. Grace had never been comfortable with outright lying. She had often thought if he ever outright asked if she was having an affair, she would have immediately confessed. Now, she looked at his confused and somewhat angry face and pondered exactly what to say.
Finally she said, "No, but wait, let me finish." She paused, wetting her lips as she tried to form the words. She could feel the tears start and her voice was wobbly as she continued. "I've been unfaithful, probably more times than you could imagine over the last 9 months. But there is no one else. And it isn't with a he. It has always been with a she." Grace rubbed at her eyes to wipe away the tears that were now falling down her cheeks.
"I'll just say it. I'm a lesbian. I've always been a lesbian. I just couldn't admit it. I love you and always will but I married you because I was too afraid to admit who I was. But I'm not anymore." Grace sat down heavily as the final words came out of her mouth.
He had known there were issues and even thought he could deal with an affair. But this, this ... Grace was his wife. They slept together for years. They made love hundreds of times. All these thoughts flowed out of his mouth. His mind couldn't grasp everything he was feeling; feelings of anger, of betrayal, of loss, of humiliation, of denial. But as in so many cases when someone is confused, the feeling of anger grew the fastest and the strongest. He had called her names that he never thought of in connection with Grace. He screamed at her to get out of the house. And when she had walked to the door and told him how sorry she was, his only reply was "Fuck you, bitch."
For the first week, he had refused to take Grace's calls. She left messages but he never returned them. Friends told her that he was calling in sick to work. The few that actually saw him said that he was clearly drinking heavily. But by the sixth or seventh day, Grace heard that he seemed to be calmer and drinking less.
Finally part way through the next week, he picked up the phone on one of Grace's frequent calls to check on him. All he said was he was fine and that they could talk later, but it was enough for Grace. She truly cared for and loved him. She hoped that he would be able to remember that. But she just asked him to call her when he was ready. Since then, they had been able to talk several times and while his anger was still there, they were at least beginning to deal with the details of getting a divorce.
It had been just as difficult to talk to her parents. The idea of telling them, as much as anything had pushed Grace into hiding who she was. Surprisingly her father had been more understanding then her mother. He had always sensed something in her that was unhappy but had never been able to figure out what it was. He was not sure that this was really going to make her happy but at least she was trying to deal with it. Her mother, on the other hand, got hysterical. She cried about what she was supposed to tell her friends. She yelled at Grace for being a slut and cheating on her husband. In the end, her father suggested that she leave and let him try and calm her mother down. Since then, Grace had only spoken to her father briefly and not at all to her mother.
For Grace, it was the unflagging support and friendship of Corky that kept her going. Throughout the months that Grace had been coming to the bar, their friendship had continued to grow. They had never come close to being lovers. Corky was too butch for a Domme like Grace and Grace was too dominant for a woman as butch as Corky. While being able to see the attractiveness of the other, they were not at all each others types.
Now when the consequences of her choice became overwhelming, Grace found that she could turn to Corky. Though her own outing had been much less traumatic, Corky had known too many other newly outed lesbians to see it as easy. Especially as a bartender, she had listened and comforted many women who were feeling much as was Grace. That was actually the best thing that she had learned for this situation: just to listen and say simple words of comfort. More than once, Grace fell asleep in Corky's guest room after having cried herself into exhaustion while Corky held her.
Of the friends from her past life, there were only a few with whom she could talk. Most of them had been friends of both her and her husband. In a typical divorce, like every other asset, friends tended to be divided up. Few could remain neutral parties close to both people. Instead sides were inevitably taken, more often than not with the wife getting the support of more than half. That wasn't the case for Grace. Their friends were much too conventional to easily deal with Grace's acceptance that she was a lesbian. Some were threatened by the idea that they had shared intimate things with a "dyke." There were a few unexpected religious bigots. A few, perhaps more understandably, were a bit angry at having shared intimate details of problems in their marriages, when Grace had refused to do the same. Over time, these were the ones who forgave Grace her sin of omission and accepted who she was. Lyn was one who never wavered in support and friendship with Grace. She cared deeply for Grace and knew what a difficult time she was having. But Lyn was working on her own issues with her marriage and had less time than she would have liked for Grace.
Work at least had been easier. Her co-workers were mostly younger people who cared very little about other people's sexuality. Grace quietly let a few people know in the company that she was getting a divorce after accepting her homosexuality. She didn't mind that it would quickly get around in the rumor mill. She didn't really want to have a conversation with everyone or broadcast it, but at the same time, she wanted it to be out. After not accepting it for so long, then living in the closet, she didn't want to hide who she was. It wasn't her style to club people over the head, but she wasn't shy either. People could accept her or not, however they choose. It wasn't something about which she would worry.
Like her being quietly open as a lesbian, Grace also didn't shy away from accepting the other aspect of her sexuality. She was a Domme. She was just a tad more commanding in dealing with people. It was subtle and most people didn't consciously realize what she was doing. Being naturally dominant, it wasn't that big a change from before. But Grace occasionally worried about it before. Now she just expected that people were supposed to obey. She kept it in perspective. In the day to day world, she didn't let it bother her if they didn't.
