A month later, Grace was at Corky's apartment where she had been staying. Their friendship had grown to a point that when Grace called to tell Corky about her decision, she had immediately offered to let Grace stay with her until things were worked out. It had been such a comfort for Grace at a point when she needed it.
As soon as her husband had gotten home from his most recent business trip, Grace had told him that they needed to talk. There was something about that phrase that never boded well and so he had been immediately on edge. It didn't go very well.
Grace tried starting by trying to explain that she had never felt right in the marriage. Something had been missing that wasn't about him. But he kept pushing and asking if there was someone else. Grace had never been comfortable with outright lying. She had often thought if he ever outright asked if she was having an affair, she would have immediately confessed. Now, she looked at his confused and somewhat angry face and pondered exactly what to say.
Finally she said, "No, but wait, let me finish." She paused, wetting her lips as she tried to form the words. She could feel the tears start and her voice was wobbly as she continued. "I've been unfaithful, probably more times than you could imagine over the last 9 months. But there is no one else. And it isn't with a he. It has always been with a she." Grace rubbed at her eyes to wipe away the tears that were now falling down her cheeks.
"I'll just say it. I'm a lesbian. I've always been a lesbian. I just couldn't admit it. I love you and always will but I married you because I was too afraid to admit who I was. But I'm not anymore." Grace sat down heavily as the final words came out of her mouth.
He had known there were issues and even thought he could deal with an affair. But this, this ... Grace was his wife. They slept together for years. They made love hundreds of times. All these thoughts flowed out of his mouth. His mind couldn't grasp everything he was feeling; feelings of anger, of betrayal, of loss, of humiliation, of denial. But as in so many cases when someone is confused, the feeling of anger grew the fastest and the strongest. He had called her names that he never thought of in connection with Grace. He screamed at her to get out of the house. And when she had walked to the door and told him how sorry she was, his only reply was "Fuck you, bitch."
For the first week, he had refused to take Grace's calls. She left messages but he never returned them. Friends told her that he was calling in sick to work. The few that actually saw him said that he was clearly drinking heavily. But by the sixth or seventh day, Grace heard that he seemed to be calmer and drinking less.
Finally part way through the next week, he picked up the phone on one of Grace's frequent calls to check on him. All he said was he was fine and that they could talk later, but it was enough for Grace. She truly cared for and loved him. She hoped that he would be able to remember that. But she just asked him to call her when he was ready. Since then, they had been able to talk several times and while his anger was still there, they were at least beginning to deal with the details of getting a divorce.
It had been just as difficult to talk to her parents. The idea of telling them, as much as anything had pushed Grace into hiding who she was. Surprisingly her father had been more understanding then her mother. He had always sensed something in her that was unhappy but had never been able to figure out what it was. He was not sure that this was really going to make her happy but at least she was trying to deal with it. Her mother, on the other hand, got hysterical. She cried about what she was supposed to tell her friends. She yelled at Grace for being a slut and cheating on her husband. In the end, her father suggested that she leave and let him try and calm her mother down. Since then, Grace had only spoken to her father briefly and not at all to her mother.
For Grace, it was the unflagging support and friendship of Corky that kept her going. Throughout the months that Grace had been coming to the bar, their friendship had continued to grow. They had never come close to being lovers. Corky was too butch for a Domme like Grace and Grace was too dominant for a woman as butch as Corky. While being able to see the attractiveness of the other, they were not at all each others types.
Now when the consequences of her choice became overwhelming, Grace found that she could turn to Corky. Though her own outing had been much less traumatic, Corky had known too many other newly outed lesbians to see it as easy. Especially as a bartender, she had listened and comforted many women who were feeling much as was Grace. That was actually the best thing that she had learned for this situation: just to listen and say simple words of comfort. More than once, Grace fell asleep in Corky's guest room after having cried herself into exhaustion while Corky held her.
Of the friends from her past life, there were only a few with whom she could talk. Most of them had been friends of both her and her husband. In a typical divorce, like every other asset, friends tended to be divided up. Few could remain neutral parties close to both people. Instead sides were inevitably taken, more often than not with the wife getting the support of more than half. That wasn't the case for Grace. Their friends were much too conventional to easily deal with Grace's acceptance that she was a lesbian. Some were threatened by the idea that they had shared intimate things with a "dyke." There were a few unexpected religious bigots. A few, perhaps more understandably, were a bit angry at having shared intimate details of problems in their marriages, when Grace had refused to do the same. Over time, these were the ones who forgave Grace her sin of omission and accepted who she was. Lyn was one who never wavered in support and friendship with Grace. She cared deeply for Grace and knew what a difficult time she was having. But Lyn was working on her own issues with her marriage and had less time than she would have liked for Grace.
Work at least had been easier. Her co-workers were mostly younger people who cared very little about other people's sexuality. Grace quietly let a few people know in the company that she was getting a divorce after accepting her homosexuality. She didn't mind that it would quickly get around in the rumor mill. She didn't really want to have a conversation with everyone or broadcast it, but at the same time, she wanted it to be out. After not accepting it for so long, then living in the closet, she didn't want to hide who she was. It wasn't her style to club people over the head, but she wasn't shy either. People could accept her or not, however they choose. It wasn't something about which she would worry.
Like her being quietly open as a lesbian, Grace also didn't shy away from accepting the other aspect of her sexuality. She was a Domme. She was just a tad more commanding in dealing with people. It was subtle and most people didn't consciously realize what she was doing. Being naturally dominant, it wasn't that big a change from before. But Grace occasionally worried about it before. Now she just expected that people were supposed to obey. She kept it in perspective. In the day to day world, she didn't let it bother her if they didn't.
Shortly after coming to stay with Corky, Grace felt like she should do something to mark the change in herself. Maybe she even wanted to make it harder to weaken and go back to hiding. She was never quite sure. In any case, she had Corky take her to a tattoo artist that Corky knew. Grace didn't need to look through any books. She knew exactly what she wanted. She had printed a picture of a triskelion often used as a symbol of a BDSM lifestyle. She thought about where to put it. For a while she was tempted to have it tattooed on her breast, just barely visible peeking out from her bra. But while not shy about this aspect of herself, she still didn't really want to take the baseball bat approach. Finally she decided that she wanted it on the back of her neck. It was a round circle with three swirls almost like a Yin Yang about two inches in diameter. At work, she would wear her hair down. She almost always wore her hair up when she went out to places like the bar. There might be sometimes when she wished it was elsewhere but she refused to worry about that.
She hadn't been going to the bar much. Corky didn't push her either. From her experience, a depressed person going to a bar was a bad idea. It rarely resulted in anything good happening. And Corky was usually too busy there to keep an eye on Grace. A couple of week nights, Grace had come along and helped Corky with the bar. It gave her something to keep her mind off her situation, and let her have a bit of social life. Knowing how some of the women were, Corky made sure that none of the trollers were able to get any time with Grace. She was too vulnerable at that moment. Corky knew that it would only end up hurting her more. As it was, Grace had been so busy helping that few other women ended up finding out what was going on with her life.
But now, after a month, Grace was feeling better about things. There were still lots of issues but it wasn't as bad. She hadn't cried herself to sleep in almost a week. She was starting to think about finding a permanent place to live. It was the first Friday night that she felt like really doing something after work. Grace chose her clothing just as carefully as she had the night months before when she first went to the bar. She hadn't shown off her tattoo before since it was still weeping and had to be covered. Not really wanting to show that off, Grace had just worn her hair down and no one noticed. Now she played with her hair until it was just perfect. She slithered into her tightest pair of jeans and wore only a vest over her bra. One button was left undone so that the black lace was very visible. To finish it, she put on the sliver necklace and earrings she had worn that night. Grace checked herself one last time in the mirror and, liking what she saw, went out the door.
When she got there, Grace quickly checked in with Corky who gave a big hug and a kiss. Knowing that Grace was back to being close to her old self, Corky told her to wait a moment. She went into the back room and then came out holding a dark green bottle. She showed it to Grace who was impressed. It was a Cab-Syrah blend from a small vintner that had been getting extremely high marks from the wine experts. Corky knew that Grace would be dying to try it. She took two big rounded goblets and opened the bottle. Pouring a little bit into Grace's glass, she waited for Grace to try it.
Swirling it around to watch the wine, Grace felt at peace. It was like she had been on a journey and again come home. The swirling wine left very interesting looking legs on the inside of the goblet. Bringing it to her nose, Grace could smell an earthiness to it along a faint scent of something blooming, she wasn't quite sure what. But it was nice. As she brought it to her mouth, she smiled at Corky and nodded. Sipping a bit in, she swished it around her mouth, savoring it and exploring the taste. It was wonderful. It had the bold taste that she so loved but with subtle flavors to made it special. Was it currant or blueberry that she was detecting? She finished the little bit that Corky had given her and held her glass out. "More, please," she said laughing.
Corky laughed along with her and filled both their glasses. Raising them up, they echoed their traditional, "Salute." As was often the case at the bar, their eyes said more than their words. The love and affection they shared shone through their look.
But still, having lived together for a month, they now also tended to chat up a storm sharing what had happened during the day. Today had been fairly boring for Grace. She hadn't been at all productive and mostly spent her time thinking about the evening. Unlike Grace, however, it had been a very interesting afternoon and early evening at the bar and Corky was filled with stories. Pretty soon Grace was in the swing of things, laughing along with Corky.
