HECTOR: I listened to Clare have an orgasm and then the call ended.
PEPPER: Did you hang up?
HECTOR: No, the call disconnected at her end. Then within 5 minutes I received an SMS from Clare's mobile.
PEPPER: What did the message say?
HECTOR: Nothing, it was an address.
PEPPER: So what did you do then?
HECTOR: I drove my car to the address.
PEPPER: You haven't heard from this woman in over 4 months, so you decide to breach your restraining order and drive to the address she texted you?
HECTOR: Yes
PEPPER: What time did you arrive at the address?
HECTOR: I must have got there just before lunch... about 11:45am. It was impossible to concentrate on anything but Clare after her phone call, so I took the rest of the day off work.
PEPPER: Then what happened?
HECTOR: I went and checked out Clare's house. I walked down the side of the house and knocked on the back door, but nobody answered, so I went back to the car and had something to eat while I waited. I was waiting for a while. I got out walked up and down the street to stretch the legs, then went back to the car and fell asleep. I woke up to the sound of a taxi speeding off from outside Clare's house. I didn't catch a glimpse of her, but I just saw the front door close. I jumped out of the car and walked back over to the house.
PEPPER: What time was this?
HECTOR: I don't know a couple of hours later.
PEPPER: Continue.
HECTOR: Anyway, I knock on the front door. Nothing. I ring the bell. It's broken. So I knock again and wait. Still nothing. So I decide to try the back door again. I walking down the side of the house when I go past the bathroom window there's Clare in the shower.
PEPPER: Was the window open? How could you see?
HECTOR: I could see through the window. The glass wasn't obscured. She's a beautiful woman; she's got nothing to be ashamed of and so I guess there's no need for privacy.
PEPPER: I see. So did you try to break in at this point?
HECTOR: Let me explain the situation. Clare was in the shower, but she wasn't just making herself squeaky-clean. She was masturbating-
PEPPER: (inaudible)
HECTOR: This wasn't your average girly playtime in the shower discovering my body kind of thing either. This was fucking hardcore smacking my pussy, whilst I'm hanging from the shower curtain rod.
PEPPER: What do you mean?
HECTOR: She was fucking hanging herself whilst getting off.
PEPPER: Asphyxiation?
HECTOR: Erotic Asphyxiation! Chicks call it scarfing. It's also called double clutching. Guys have one hand around the throat and the other around their-
PEPPER: So what then?
HECTOR: I started singing to myself.
PEPPER: Why?
HECTOR: I don't know. It was at that moment I had a revelation from my youth. I realised the meaning to some lyrics to a song by Faith No More. The song was called RV.
PEPPER: What?
DANNY: I remember that song. How does it go again?
HECTOR: (singing) "I'm a swingin' guy. Throw a belt over the shower curtain rod. And swing..."
PEPPER: Hector, stop singing this isn't fucking "Stalkers Got Talent!!"
HECTOR: Sorry, I loved that song as a teenager.
DANNY: I thought that song was about suicide. He hates himself so much he wants to die. The next lines were something like, "throw me inside a hefty and put me in the ground."
HECTOR: Yeah, I always thought it was about suicide too. "But the swinging guy," line has a sexual connotation about it. The fact that he wants to be tossed inside a hefty and put in the ground, not even given a proper burial, makes me think his family would be ashamed to find their father dead, hanging in the shower with a hard-on. To die masturbating would be the most undignified death. Can you imagine? Your family kicks in the bathroom door to find dad dangling like a plucked chicken. Your final farewell is a one-gun salute with a line of cum shot across the bathroom floor, a goofy look slapped on your face and your tongue hanging out of your mouth. What a dad... what a wanker?
DANNY: No, I disagree. "A Big Hunk o' Love" is the most undignified death.
HECTOR: What the fuck is that?
DANNY: When you die on the crapper with your pants around your ankles. I've had a couple of callouts for those. Messy business helping paramedics move a dead body out of a confined bathroom space. They're usually big-
PEPPER: All right, that's enough Bevis and Butthead. You've covered all three topics on an entire season of MTV, music, masturbation and talking shit.
HECTOR: Sorry.
DANNY: (inaudible)
PEPPER: So where were we? You saw Ms Milford through her bathroom window allegedly hanging from the shower curtain rail masturbating. So after you serenaded her, what did you do next?
HECTOR: I watched her and made sure she didn't slip.
PEPPER: Did she know you were there by this stage?
HECTOR: Of course she did. Clare's been planning this for a very long time. This whole fucking bullshit with the restraining order is all a big twisted fantasy sex game of hers. Do you really think I put those bruises around her neck?
PEPPER: Hector, this has got nothing to do with what I think, this has everything to do with what can be proved.
HECTOR: Well, I'm telling you Clare was swinging in the shower hand fucking her pussy.
PEPPER: So you stood outside her window and watched her like some guardian angel sent down from Kings Cross to protect her.
HECTOR: No, I was fucking pulling myself off watching a sex goddess on a wing and a prayer with a one-way ticket to Nirvana.
PEPPER: So did she slip?
HECTOR: No, she's done this sort of thing before and she was actually well equipped. She often told me about her choking and rape fantasies. I remember she spoke to me about purchasing the very choking device she was using in the shower. It had to be custom made to her exact body weight. The collar was connected to a cable rigged through a series of small pullies that would hold her up with most of her body weight suspended from it. As soon as she went limp and couldn't fully support herself, the rig was designed to slowly release the cable and lower her safely to the floor. I couldn't believe people actually designed these things purely for people who scarf.
PEPPER: I'm surprised how much you know about this choking game.
HECTOR: This isn't a choking game, that's another term used by kids fucking around trying to choke their mates. There's nothing sexual about it. Erotic asphyxiation is for edge-players and hardcore sex addicts. And you're right. I do know a bit about it, I've done my textbook research. I wanted to know exactly what I was getting into with this woman, but trust me I've only scraped the surface with Clare. It gets much deeper.
PEPPER: The shower scene... I want to know the details from when you entered the house.
HECTOR: Yeah, well everything I said about that choking device went out the window when Clare decided her fingers wouldn't suffice. She pulls out this big pink latex cock from behind the shampoo bottles.
AUTHOR: That would make a good Herbal Essence advertisement.
HECTOR: You know the ones with the suction cup on the base? She then played around with the pulley system extending the cord so she could kneel on the floor. Clare stared straight at me with these fuck me eyes when she sucked on that dildo. For about 15 minutes there, my cock defied the boundaries of flesh and bone and passed through the glass windowpane and into Clare's wet mouth. She licked my entire shaft with her long tongue before she licked the suction cap and pressed my cock down onto the tiled bathroom floor. At first she was going easy on me, just rotating those hips, whipping her pussy cream, spreading it over the full length of my cock in preparation to consume me. Then she started to pound that thing, dropping her small arse with the force of a wrecking ball, the choker cord whipped across her shoulders and tits with each impact. By this staged I was struggling not to fog up the window and not to blow my load on the ferns tickling my balls.
PEPPER: Hector, can we please fast-forward your memory to the point in the story where you entered the house?
HECTOR: I was getting to it, but first you need to understand the sequence of events that lead to me climbing in through that window.
PEPPER: Carry on.
HECTOR: So I'm mesmerized by her perfect bouncing breasts. At this point my testosterone could make mercury boil; the situation was getting so hot I thought the window frame would burst into flames. I just wanted to smash through that blazing bathroom window and fuck Clare on the wet floor with my smouldering clothes still on my back quenched by the shower. I suddenly got the courage to find a way into the house. Just as I reached for the window sash, Clare stopped riding the dildo. She was frozen mid thrust. I didn't know if she was wondering if she left the window unlocked or not, but she gave me this curious gaze.
PEPPER: Do you think she was scared?
HECTOR: A woman that gets off swinging from a rope isn't scared of anything. That look Clare gave me was like a predator watching its prey come within striking distance, it was the moment she realised everything was about to fall into place.
PEPPER: Was the window unlocked?
HECTOR: We all know the window was unlocked. That was the plan, but I had this feeling that Clare wasn't ready for me yet.
PEPPER: So what did you do?
HECTOR: I waited until the time was right. As soon as I dropped my arm Clare got down on her hands taking up the slack on the cord attached to her collar. She lowered herself down taking the cock deep inside and started to ride, curling up her rear end she snapped her pelvis backwards and forwards, driving the latex dude against the inner walls of her vagina. I could see her collar clasp tighter; blood vessels slowly bulged from her slender neck. The colour of her skin started to flush like a poker hand of hearts. My eyes were again drawn to her perfectly shaped tits, the way they hung proudly, swinging from her chest, perfectly curved from her rib cage to the apex of her breast. Her nipples were pale, slightly inverted and dripped with water from the shower. I had an aching thirst as I watched the water stream from her skin, pooling and splashing off the curves of her body. I wanted to drink from her flesh. I wanted to lick her like a dog, lap every puddle and taste every crevice with my tongue. Clare moaned when she started to rub her clit with vigour... I mean really moan. It sounded like a moaning animal that had been hit by a car. I was looking over my shoulder at the neighbour's house, thinking somebody would come outside any minute to check out where the raucous sound was coming from. Her whole face was like a beetroot by this stage. Her mouth was just open enough begging for my cock. It was driving me nuts standing outside with my dick in my hand. It was torture. She made me watch her. The sexiest woman I've ever seen fucked a fake rubber cock stuck to the floor, whist I stood no more than 8 feet away with the real thing in my hand, swollen and red from beating myself up.
