I didn't want this anymore. I knew I had reached my limit. I loved them but I was tired of them all, my life was slowly passing me by. I was a spectator in this game of life. The constant drain on me was enormous. Being a wife and mother was hard, especially when combined with the duties of being a teacher. Everyone always wanted something. Taking five minutes for myself was seemingly impossible.
I missed the days of university, the freedom to be myself, time to embrace my passions and above all to feel the desire of a man. Back then my body was tight, shaved and bronzed. My classes were filled with fellow young and beautiful people all trying to bed one another, now they were filled with precocious ten year olds who were probably getting more hormonal action in the thrill of holding hands than I was even when having sex with my husband of twenty years.
Where had it gone? That rush, that longing for a swift hard fuck against the wall. That thrill of just knowing one look could cause such a great reaction. Now I had to preplan a night when the kids were out, bother to shave my legs and basically spell out what I wanted over the blur of the TV.
Back in uni I had an experience that coloured my view on sex. I was taken, literally kidnapped by a fellow student. He took me to a motel, had lingerie waiting for me, dressed me up and allowed me an explosive orgasm via his expert tongue. We hardly ever spoke after that, but his eyes told me every time I saw him, that I could be taken any time he wanted. God I longed for that feeling again.
I don't know I got separated from my work friends in a bar in the city. One minute we were all together having dinner and were supposed to be heading to a play based on Shakespeare's Macbeth, I had gone up to the bar to buy a drink for one of my associates and chatted freely to the bartender. When I looked across the room they had left. The bartender asked me what was wrong. I laughed as I told him they had ditched me. His reply left me speechless but for the first time in a long time I was wet.
Five minutes went past. I had done what I was told, I had not moved from my spot at the bar. He had not taken his eyes from mine. His break was about to start and I was about to be granted a wish. He grabbed my wrist and dragged me out the door of the bar. It was raining a fine mist in the laneway. It is funny what you remember about the moment that changes your life. He started at my neck, hungrily biting and sucking deeply. He held my hands above my head against the rough wall while he worked his way down. He was tugging at my shirt with his teeth. Somehow he got to the tops of my breasts, his tongue circling lower and lower until he tore the lace of my bra. My nipple sprung free, erect and longing for a deep suck. Where were my morals, why didn't I say no, why didn't I knee him in the balls and run for my virtue? Because I wanted it, I wanted it all. I wanted to pant "Fuck me hard" but all that came out was a groan.
"You are so fucking hot, I have been watching you since you walked in and I can't believe I have you out here already." I felt slutty at that comment and something clicked. My knee came up and then I was gone. I left him writhing in pain. As I ran around the corner with tears starting to flow I collided with a chest and arms so strong that I felt instantly safe.
"Whoa, there you are. I was looking for you everywhere in the bar. I went to the bathroom and I came out for my drink but you were gone. Hey, shit, you're crying, what happened?" One look at my torn bra and my face spoke volumes. Tony, my work mate gathered me in his arms until I stopped shaking. His jacket soon enclosed my shoulders and returned my dignity. We went to the play, but his presence was never more than two feet from my side. As I climbed into bed next to my husband later that night I thought of the kind, strong man who made me feel safe in such a dire situation.
Monday rolled around, meaning work and facing my savior. What did I say? "Hey thanks for saving me from being a slut" just didn't sound right. I needn't have worried Tony basically ignored me for most of the day. It was only at the end of the day that he came over to me and whispered in my ear, "Come into my office before you leave. I need to ask you about something" My feet dragged as I walked to his office in the gymnasium. I dodged kids running home as I climbed the few steps and opened the big doors. "Hey you, I hope you are ok. Sorry I didn't get to you this morning but I had a million things to do." "Oh, that's ok. I'm fine, I am the one who is sorry. I was really stupid, naive and plain dumb."
"Lou, you are not stupid or dumb. I don't know about naïve but there had to be a reason why you ended up where you did. Do you mind if I ask you, did you initiate it?"
"What, sex in a laneway?"
"Yes, did you ask him for it?"
"No! I just sort of flirted and did what he told me. I didn't think it would end up like that, he called me easy for god's sake. I have only ever slept with one man... I ...I I don't know!"
"So you did what you were told? Maybe he took that as a form of submission"
"What do you mean, submission?"
"You know, a Dominant and a Submissive in a relationship"
"Well I wasn't wearing leather and carrying a whip!"
"Ha ha well that would make you a Dom, not a sub Lou!"
Even my breathing stopped for what seemed like a few minutes. Tony looked me up and down and said,
"Would you like to be a Dom?"
"What, god, no don't be stupid, I sleep in pajamas and have sex lying down!"
"Vanilla hey?"
"What?"
"Missionary position Louise...."
My face was burning, but my nipples were hardening. As I was only wearing a T-shirt, it was noticed.
"Have you ever experimented in any sex games Louise?"
"I have been married for a long time Tony, so no, why are you calling me Louise?"
Tony stepped closer and looked closely at my eyes, he didn't blink. I felt so scrutinized I cast my eyes away. "Look at me Louise."
As my eyes went back to his face, he stepped behind me. My breathing rapidly increased.
His breath teased the back of my neck. I tilted my head back ever so slightly.
"What do you want Louise?"
I knew I wanted more of his teasing breath and for him to step closer but I couldn't find any words. I shuddered through primal lust.
"I asked you a question, what do you want?"
I mewed like a kitten, if the lust that was emulating from my every pore wasn't enough to distract me I would have been disgusted in myself.
Tony took that second to his advantage and bit my neck so very softly. I responded by a guttural moan.
He stepped back and whispered, "Be sure, little one"
I collapsed back into his body and he grabbed me with both hands.
His lips and teeth started an onslaught on my neck. I could feel my body tensing and relaxing like an ebbing tide. I wanted his hands all over me, I wanted to kiss him, no, I wanted him to fuck me right there on his desk.
He stopped and pushed me forward. I was so surprised and taken aback that I went to flee. His hand shot out and grabbed my wrist. He spun me into his chest and said, "First rule, you never walk away from me without knowing what I am doing. Do you understand?"
I turned and looked at him, "I'm sorry, I don't understand this."
"It is simple Louise, if you want to find out what you have missed out on, I am the one to show you. I will teach you things and broaden your experiences if you wish. I would be honored in fact to be able to show you just how amazing you can be."
I started to laugh, whenever I am nervous or unsure of things it's my default. He silenced my laugh with a look.
"What are you asking me Tony, to risk everything for a quick bit of sex?"
"No Louise, I would never consider asking you that. I respect you, I think you are incredible but you always seem so lonely and sad. Basically I want to bring life back into you. I am not asking for a once off but I am not asking for you to marry me either. I want to show you about how sex can be your release, it will make you even more special. I want you to feel treasured and appreciated."
I was stunned, no one had ever spoken to me like that.
"What we have an affair?"
"If you want to call it that, but it is more a relationship that has certain limitations".
I snapped alert at the sound of footsteps. One of the other teachers walked into the gymnasium and immediately headed towards us. I took that as my cue to leave.
As I drove home the conversation kept repeating in my head. The words Dominant and Submissive were the stand outs, I was curious and tried hard to roll back my eagerness to research them. Later that night I went upstairs to my home office, the house was its' usual self, no one would miss me for a while. I flicked on the computer, more alert and aware than I had ever been in my entire life. I searched images first and shuddered at some. I thought maybe I should read articles, blogs written by real people to give me a more normal view on it, surely not every submissive crawls around with a goddam dog lead attached to them. I had always loved to research and my persistence soon paid off. I discovered pages that were well written, considerate and informative. I discovered people do this within their marriages. As I pondered that thought I realized in a way I had been doing that for years, my collar was my wedding band, my tasks were the washing, cooking and cleaning, the only difference was I wasn't rewarded only continually punished by words.
The next day I drove to school with a lightness and a sense of anticipation. It dissolved throughout the day as the hours went past and I didn't even see Tony. I was overwhelmed at the feeling of disappointment, I made a mental note to stop being so fucking stupid and move on, it was just a moment in time that I would soon forget.
As I got in my car at the end of the day I noticed a post it note under the wiper blades. I retrieved it and went to throw it in the bin in the car but I noticed it had been folded up and there was writing concealed. I opened it "Well, have you an answer for me?" My eyes quickly flicked up and looked around the car park. I felt as though everyone could see me and what I was holding. As two of my colleagues drove off I saw him, standing at the edge of the carpark just staring at me. His eyes were piercing my soul, my head nodded by its own accord in an affirmative manner. His face softened into a smile and he walked towards my car. My mind was saying "What the fuck did you just do Louise?" I braced for the impact but he kept walking past my car and got into his own, started it and drove off. I was stunned and then became pretty angry. I don't know what possessed me but I started my car and followed him. I wasn't sure what I was going to do I just went on instinct. Soon he pulled over in a side road. I pulled up behind him and jumped out.
"What was that?" I threw at him. He looked like thunder.
"Get in your car, you should not have followed me, you will never speak to me like that again. You will be punished for this at a later date. Do you understand Louise? I need you to leave. Your life changed when you nodded, so now you do as you are told, leave!"
My face burned, tears stung my eyes, and I felt like a two year old as I got in the car. All the way home I swore, I made up speeches in my head of how I was going to tell him to 'Get Fucked' tomorrow, how dare he treat me like that. I was so angry that I was still slamming pots onto the stove and banging doors as I put away shit that was lying around.
"Geez, you have had a good day" was all my husband could say. I longed to say,
"Yeah fucking great, I was hoping to get laid today by someone who I really want to fuck but he banished me to my room. Now I am horny and I don't know what to do. So yeah, hey how about cooking your own fucking dinner for a change!" Instead I just said, "Yes, sorry I will have dinner ready soon".
My response confirmed it, I was going to be a natural at submission.
It was 8.35am the next morning. I was in my classroom getting the day prepared when he walked in. He told the two kids that were in the room with me to leave.
I stood behind my desk, unsure and a little unsteady. His eyes were locked on mine. I immediately looked down.
"Look up, you will look down later, right now I need you looking at me, we are not playing right now." The tone in his voice was frightening. I stammered out,
"I am sorry for ..."
"Stop talking, shut the fuck up and listen!" His language and his voice startled me.
"You agreed yesterday to enter a relationship with me. From now on we have two sides, a professional side where we converse and act like work colleagues whilst we are here. However, when we enter our time we have another side, one where you will obey everything I say and do things that I ask. Louise, you don't know how much I want to play with you, but you have to be patient. Soon you will be wanting to escape from me just to have a break from the constant attention you will be receiving."
My eyes were glazing, like my pussy. God he could have thrown me on that desk and fucked me into oblivion right then, I was so drunk on his words I wouldn't have cared if two hundred watched on.
"We have a meeting after school today, it will finish early. Then you and I will come back here into your classroom to sort out next week's athletics carnival. That is all you need to know and say if anyone asks. Clear?"
