The First Punishment

i screwed up. i didn't have the toys laid out properly. i had my collar with my cat tag on it put away in a drawer, and it looked like it didn't matter to me. Nothing could have been further from the truth. But i had things displayed all wrong, and i showed disrespect to Him by not doing as i should have. He told me that i would be punished, but only if i agreed it was necessary. i agreed completely.

i wanted the punishment, i wanted to endure it for Him, and i wanted to experience the increased pain level. It was something i had longed for for so long, and i had finally found a man who could give it to me. He had so much experience, it excited me. i wanted so much to learn more about BDSM, about being a good submissive, about punishments, expectations, and lessons and training. No one else had had the experience nor the desire to give me those things.

Initially i had thought i deserved it, because i was a bad person, a wanton woman, slave to my desires, not necessarily a slave to anyone in particular. But i wanted it, oh how i wanted it. i knew that i enjoyed the pain, but it would only be through him and these punishments that i would learn how much, and how deep the desire went.

He had written to me, telling me he had carved out a tree branch just for me, to be used on my body as part of my punishment. The words terrified and excited me at the same time. That someone would want to punish me, that they thought enough of me to punish me, was wonderful. That it would be a punishment that would push my pain limits was even more exciting. But i knew i had hurt Him by my actions, and i was glad that He wanted to punish me for it. It meant that i mattered, that what we shared mattered.

i was told about Position 1. A seated position, sitting in a chair, with my legs spread wide, I was to be wearing a blndfold, my hands positioned open and up on my thighs. i was to be in that position when He arrived. i had been instructed to set out certain toys and floggers and paddles, and they were all prepared and laid out. i was wearing a purple nightgown, the toys displayed on a purple towel, and my blindfold was purple satin and velvet. i spent the whole day on pins and needles, anxious about the punishment, but longing for it at the same time.

He called from down the street, and i got into position. i left the door unlocked, so He could just enter my house. That in itself was a gift, trusting him that much, allowing him access to me, and to my house. i sat there, quivering, waiting. He came in, and i heard him setting things down and moving behind me. He had on black furry gloves, and he caressed my skin with them. He spoke gently to me, asking me if i was ready. i told Him i was. He listened to my deep breathing, and i'm sure he could feel my anxiety and nervousness.

He bound me to the chair using thigh and ankle cuffs. my thighs were wide apart, and the blindfold was in place. Some parts of the punishment are blurry. i was crying and trying to absorb the pain. i know He used the switch on my inner thighs, the skin there so tender and vulnerable. He used His bare hand, and His belt. my thighs were screaming, and i couldn't struggle, i couldn't move, i just had to endure the pain and the punishment. He asked me about what i had done, being sure that i understood why i was being punished.

The pain was incredible. He would lay a series of blows across each inner thigh, and i knew it was leaving marks on my tender flesh. i was crying quietly, the tears running down my face from the pain. But He knew me, knew what i wanted and needed, and He didn't stop.

He reached under my nightgown, and my nipples were rigid and erect, and goosebumps were running over my breasts. He told me later that that's when he knew for sure what i was; a hard submissive, with a high pain tolerance, and a deep craving for the pain, simply for the sake of the pain. Not because i was a bad person needing to be punished, but because i loved the pain for the way it aroused me, for the way it made me feel. And He gave me more. i was crying harder by now, my inner thighs stinging and feeling as if they were on fire. my head was spinning, i felt dizzy and disoriented. i understood the need for the bondage even more now. i needed that security, the bonds keeping me safe and in place as my mind became lost in the pain and the experience. Lost in Him, and enduring the punishment for Him, for us.

He stopped, and kissed me. He then removed the bonds, and told me we would be going downstairs, that i had done well, and deserved pleasure. i asked permission to go to the bathroom, and i did, then went naked downstairs, to the bedroom. He had me lay on my back on the big bed, and spread my legs. i don't remember everything we did. i know He put a thick pink rubber dildo deep inside me, then used his hand to force it deeper. i remember hearing it go in and out, and how very wet i was. i remember how hard my nipples were, how hot my inner thighs felt. i wanted so much; i wanted to be fucked, savagely, fiercely, deeply. He bounced the dildo into me, counting to five each time. i think i was in the ankle cuffs, my legs suspended, my body open and exposed,, but i couldn't swear to it. i do know my legs were wide, wide apart, offering Him all of me. He sucked my rigid nipples, then had me play with myself. i rubbed my clit, and exploded almost instantly; a great, hard, soaking wet orgasm, my body almost bucking off the bed. It felt incredible, like it was from way down deep inside me, and i came so hard, so fast it amazed both of us. i remember Him saying something like, "oh yeah, I don't know what I'm doing" in a sarcastic way. And He was right. He knew exactly what He was doing, He knew exactly what to give me to have me explode like that.

i felt disoriented and weak. i felt the pain now, in my inner thighs, my breasts, my stomach, from the blows with the switch and belt. He sat with me, soothing me with His hands and words. About how well i had done, how proud He was of me. i had never experienced anything like it. It made me feel so close to him, so bound to him, through the pain and the punishment. And the incredible pleasure. i wanted so much just then, i wanted to pleasure him with my body, my mouth, my pussy, any part of me He desired. But He just let me pull myself together, floating down from the incredible high that the punishment had given me. i felt proud of myself for enduring it, but i didn't realize that part yet. That would come later through our letters. Letters about why He did it, why i reacted like i did, and how He had seen me for the first time as i truly was, when i had finally let down my guard, and just experienced what He wanted me to feel. It was a night i would never forget.