I didn't know how best to describe my desires as I grew older, at least I never truly acknowledged them from fear of judgment until I met Him.
January. Two weeks ago.
I was rushing to class when I first saw Him. He was chatting with a good friend of mine, dressed in a black shirt and blue jeans. He was undeniably gorgeous with bright green eyes and black hair, cut short on the sides and longer on the top. Stubble covered his square jaw, and with only a glance in my direction, I was hooked.
I stumbled, spilling the contents of my bag on the concrete. Putting out his cigarette with his boot, he came over to help.
"Oh thank you," I told him even as I tried to not meet his eyes. I was terribly shy around new people.
"Nonsense. It's no trouble at all."
His voice sent shivers down my spine, the low cadence just hinted at an accent I couldn't immediately place. I had my books back in my bag in seconds.
"Thanks for your help. I really have to get to class."
"But--"
I quickly walk away, my cheeks burning. I've always hated getting embarrassed. My building came into view, the familiar bright blue calming me. I entered the auditorium where at least seventy other students sat, all scattered in the rows.
"Hey Ashley, why'd you run back there?" Denise, my best friend, came to sit beside me, pushing her blonde hair back from her face.
"I didn't run," I deny pulling out a notebook and pen. "I just didn't want to be late?
She rolled her eyes at me. "Don't forget, I was there. Adrian thought he'd done something to offend you."
Adrian. So that was his name. It fit him well. "How do you know him?"
"He's a grad student in my father's class. He came over to dinner once. Totally weird, but he's extremely sexy, right?"
I shrugged as the professor dimmed the lights.
"Admit it, you think he's hot."
I ignored her for the rest of class, focusing on the bland lecture my professor was giving on Health. After our hour was up, I stuffed my books in my bag and stood, ready to get back to my apartment.
"Oh, I almost forgot. He told me to give you this."
Denise passed me a a card with a design of an ink pot and a pen covering the front, on the back was a scrawled number.
"He said you'll need this."
"That's very pretentious." I pocketed the card anyway, a bit surprised that he would be interested in me, even a little. "See ya."
I left and got back to my room after a ten minute walk. I dumped my bag on the floor, plopping down on my bed to open my laptop. I sent a few emails to professors and family before reaching in my bag for my journal. After a futile attempt, I emptied the contents, my heart beating wildly as I realized it wasn't inside. I must have dropped it when I ran into Adrian. Which would mean he has it. No wonder he thought I needed his number, because I did.
All of my most intimate thoughts were in that journal. Every secret desire written in explicit detail. If he read any of it...
Pulling his card out my pocket, I dialed his number on my cell and waited as it rang. He picked up on the third ring.
"Hello?"
"Adrian?"
"Yes, who's this?"
"Hi, this is Ashley. You may not remember me, but I ran into you earlier," I said trying to stay calm though my face was hot.
"Ah, how are you? I wasn't expecting your call so soon." His tone was playful and I had a sinking feeling that he might have read some of it.
"Good, good. I was calling because I think I might have dropped my journal when I hit you. Did you see it?" I wanted him to say no and hopefully I could just go back and search for it. At least that way I could pretend nobody read it.
"I do have it."
My heart stopped. "Oh, can you drop it off or give it to Denise if it's not too much trouble?"
"How about you come by my apartment tonight around seven?"
"I don't know--"
"Here's my address." He began rattling off his address and I quickly grabbed a pen to write it all down.
"I'll see you then Ashley," he said before hanging up without a goodbye.
Either he was very confident or really busy. I glanced at my clock. Only 4 o' clock. I went to take a shower, taking the time to wash and condition my hair.That wasted a good half hour. After dressing, I tied my hair up and began my homework, hardly concentrating on the questions, but at least it took up my time.
Why would he invite me over to his place and I hardly knew the guy? He couldn't be that bad if he'd had dinner with Denise and her father. Denise's father was a very tough professor and he rarely spent any social time with any of his students. So did that make Adrian good or bad?
I decided to dial Denise. "Hey, what do you know about Adrian?"
"Not much. Really cool. He's a writer I think. My dad said he's a really good student and is trying to get an internship at a publishing house. Why do you ask?"
I quickly told her about my journal and how he'd invited me over. "What if he's crazy or something?"
"Fuck that! Are you gonna have sex with him? I bet he's good."
I sighed as she started naming the possibilities. "That wasn't what I had in mind! I just want my journal."
"You're 20! When was the last time you got laid? Just, I don't know, think about it? One night stands can be fun and it's not like you see him on an everyday basis."
My alarm went off. 6:30. "Hey Denise, I gotta go. I'll call you later."
"Bye!"
I grabbed my car keys from my desk and checked my reflection before leaving out. I looked decent, my curly brown hair pulled out of my face displayed my gray eyes prettily. Overall, I think I looked nice.
I left my place and followed the directions to Adrian's place. By the time I got there, it was a few minutes past seven. I took the stairs to his apartment, knocking on the door as I reached 5B.
I bounced on the balls of my feet, nervousness making me fidget with my clothes. I regretted not wearing a bra, the cool air making them hard and poke through my blouse.
The door finally swung open, Adrian standing there, one corner of his mouth tugged up in amusement.
"You are late Ashley."
His condescending tone made me frown, but I couldn't fight the urge to apologize. "I'm sorry. I got caught in traffic on the way here."
"Come in."
He stepped to the side and allowed me entry. I walked inside, surprised by how tidy his place was. I expected a bachelor pad with beer cans thrown everywhere with a mountain of pizza boxes.
A fire burned in the fireplace, feeling the living room with a woodsy aroma. I sat on the edge of his leather couch, keeping my hands clasped together in my lap. I watched Adrian as he moved fluidly around the room, his tall frame moving with purpose and grace.
"Could I get you anything?" He offered from the kitchen.
"No, thank you. I just came for the journal."
He returned a short while later holding a Heineken and my journal in one hand. My nervousness grew.
He sat in a chair opposite me, his amusement clear. "Come to my side, Ashley."
I rose and went closer, my heartbeat audible in my ears. He sipped his drink, his green eyes surveying me from head to toe. I had to admit. He was beautiful.
