The gala at our internationally renowned symphony orchestra is certainly the highlight of each season. Of course only members of a certain wealth can afford tickets, but being a cultural organization, we do stream live to the public. We are of the belief that culture should be accessible. I am the conductor and I lead our VIP guests through their evening. The VIP guests are usually representatives from other institutions who have donated substantially to the symphony orchestra. They are mainly men with a certain predilection. They, like the rest of the audience, and certainly members of the public watching from the comfort of their own homes, have come to see the playing of the instrument- the Madison James. She is a beautiful instrument, and to play her brings delight.
It is the VIP members, however, who remain after the performance - largely classical, with your traditional buildup to a stunning crescendo - for a late evening of jazz with the instrument. Jazz is a wild form of music, Adorno called it "the false liquidation of art," and yet, even a man trained in the classical form such as myself may enjoy a glass of whiskey and some jazz late in the evening.
The instrument is finely tuned, indeed it takes weeks to tune her and the orchestra to her; unlike many instruments, the Madison James has an inherent tempo that must be adjusted for. Madison James can give the artist a truly unique and marvelous sound, but she requires mastery and responds best to control. This may seem antithetical to Jazz, but over the years we have discovered that the new methods we improvise for playing her simply add to the delight.
The night begins with dinner. There are four courses. It is midway through the first course that instrument is brought out for display. She is placed on a pedestal in the center of the room for easy viewing, and the tables are organized around the pedestal, so that one may eat and observe the instrument simultaneously. While we do not require any particular etiquette at the gala, it is custom for silence to fall as the instrument emerges. She is held on either side by a choral member - this is the only night of the year we have a choral section and it certainly heightens the performance. Once the instrument has been placed on the pedestal, she is bound in place. Then I step forward and introduce our audience to the instrument.
See how she trembles, I say. See the delicate lips. I place a finger in the mouth of the instrument. This is where the majority of the sound emerges, I explain. Various objects may be placed in here to affect the tone and timber. I let my finger leave her mouth and I trace a line down her neck. The neck of the instrument, I tell the audience can be moved to orient the direction of sound. I grasp her by the chin and move her head around, to each section of tables in turn. Without any warning, I pinch her nipple, and hear her gasp. As you can see, the breasts of the instrument can be used to elicit various sounds at various pitches. I pinch and pull on her nipples a little more to give the audience of idea of her range. It is truly magnificent. Then I continue down, my fingers lightly tickling her stomach, causing her to push back against the choral members who hold her in place. The stomach, I explain to the audience, is the ideal place for binding the instrument into position. Below the breasts and above the cunt centers the instrument well, while still allowing for movement in the neck, and even access to the ass - although this audience has little knowledge of what the ass of this instrument can contribute to a performance. That was discovered during the improvisational practices of a late night jazz session some years ago.
