Three months have passed since you received the hand delivered letter. Three months and no sign of the sender on any of your daily runs. Three months.... 92 days.. 2,208 hours...132,480 minutes... and you have felt the ever flowing excitement spike and fade countless times. You have felt each day crawl by like you were in the desert without water, craving something you cant find. At first thinking every person you caught sight of was the woman who wrote the ad, now being sure none of them were her. You were an afterthought to her. You were nothing.
But what did I do wrong? What is wrong with me? Why did she disappear?
Plagued by the need to escape the constant reminder of
her... her a person you never saw.. Her.. a person you never knew.. Her... Fuck.
It could be a man for you all you know. It could be a prank someone decided to play on every stranger who responded to the ad.
I'm so stupid. So fucking stupid. So gullible.
You find yourself -on this particular Thursday night - out alone at a queer club, drinking too much and hoping you are the perfect bait. Hoping that each woman you dance on is her or that one of these women will help you forget her.
Feeling your sweat pour over you, you lose yourself in the pulsing feeling of the music and rhythm of the people. More populated than the last times you came, the club was overflowing with people, causing you to be moved around the floor with the flow of traffic like pulsing blood through an artery. With closed eyes and hands in the air you allow yourself to be taken, causing a slight ping of arousal to surge through you.
Coming to a halt, it seems your time of free flowing has ended as the line for the bathroom crossed your path; Conceding you join the line knowing you will need to pee before long. After being in motion for so long, the room seems to spin when you try to stand still causing you to hold onto the wall to steady yourself.
"Looks like you need a little pick me up"
Comes from the person in line behind you. Glancing up as much as you can, you see their hand holding a diamond shaped blue pill. Small and unassuming, you look away, not having the ability to speak coherently.
You are so predictable. Fucking boring. That's why she didn't want you.
Turning back faster than your swimming head could process, you palm then swallow the pill wordlessly.
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP...
7:02am .. God make it stop..
Slamming your hand down on the snooze button on the top of your alarm you wipe drool from the corner of your mouth.
I'm going to be late for work.. Fuck.
Looking down to assess the state you're in, you find you are still in the dress you wore out last night.
How did I get home...
Pushing that to the back of your mind, you undress and shower before you are later to work than you already are. Quickly showered then dressed you grab your laptop bag and open the door, trailing one hand behind yourself to catch the keys hanging by the door. Clearing the entry, you catch your foot slightly on something.
A VHS tape. Stilling on your welcome mat. With only a smile penned in sharpie on the label.
Frozen, you stare at the tape.
How did I get home last night? Is it from her? Was she here?
Snapping back, you quickly dart your eyes back and forth over the busy sidewalk that your home is on, feeling eyes track your every move.