Incidentally, before i start, i'd like to point out that the term 'Cat burglar' is an English slang expression for a thief that robs properties not situated on the ground floor of a dwelling. Therefore requiring some degree of climbing to enter, both legally and illegally.
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THE CAT BURGLAR.
God, I hope it's worth it. I thought to myself. The bloody ledge was SO slight, any undue slip by me risked me plunging about eighty feet, to my almost certain death. And I had deliberately placed myself in this totally precarious situation, I was here by my own violation. Why?
After all, I'd just basically asked myself the very same question. The answer being the abundance of riches a few feet away. I managed to cover that distance without any future dramas, managing to open the window there without making any real noise at all. I'M IN!
Into what you might well ask? To a top floor apartment of a VERY expensive block of flats, one I know to be owned by a very rich, single lady. Got to be something worth nicking here, I told myself. Rather pleased with my night's efforts so far, it seems that the risk was justified, after all.
Suddenly I heard something, damn the occupant was supposed to be out, that's what my information had told me. However, the noise her activity produces actually reassured me. Knowing I'd have some time to myself at least, should be able to steal something worth having here. It shouldn't be a fruitless exercise after all. For what was the noise that I'd heard? A shower starting up. Go on, see just how much you can hear the next time you take a shower?
So, I started to take a furtive look about for anything I could take. Then, all of a sudden, the room was bathed in light, and a luscious female voice rang around the room, one, despite being totally husky and sexy, that was full of menace and authority. "I suggest that you stop whatever you're doing right now and stand very still." But the shower was still running, I told myself, taken completely by surprise.
As I turned to take a look at my opponent, her voice echoed again, answering that question of mine for me. "Fooled you with the old shower trick, didn't I? There's no one in there, and it's only cold water running. Because I won't be able to switch it off until I've dealt with you. Just as well this place isn't on a water meter, eh?"
I'd fully turned so I could now fully see her, and to as if emphasise that she wasn't intending to take a shower right now, she was fully clothed. And just what utterly beautiful apparel? She was adorned in a beautiful leather jacket, underneath which was a lovely, royal blue satin blouse. And her legs were also clad in leather, a pair of utterly stylish jeans, part of a matching suit with the jacket, which hugged her shapely legs simply exquisitely. Great though her clothing was, it wasn't the thing that REALLY grabbed my attention though. No, that was the very real looking pistol within her right hand, complete with a silencer that was pointing right in my direction. A bit of a game changer, as I'm sure that you all recognise.
"I see that I command you full attention, then? Good, should make things a little simpler. Right, very slowly, go back over to my window, and shut it please." Once I'd obeyed, my next command. "Apply the lock please," a good and sturdy one that would have meant I couldn't have opened it from outside, not without some real effort, and more to the point here, noise.
"Now, you're probably asking yourself why I didn't employ that beforehand, making your task of getting a lot harder? Simple really, you were expected. Oh, and by the way, total respect. Can't have been easy to get up here, I'm actually quite impressed." And I had this feeling that she wasn't being sarcastic! Far from it.
"However, what I'm definitely NOT impressed by, is the reason why you took those risks for, in the first place. You're here to rob me, to deprive me of items that are mine, that I'd worked for and paid for. I don't condone stealing, especially when it's from me."
She smiled, and took one pace forward, pistol still in hand, pointed at me, and out of range for me to attempt a sudden grab. "Well, the question here, is what do I do now? If I simply ring the Police, then I'll have to explain the presence of this gun, this is the U.K. not the U.S. and I shouldn't really have it in my possession. So, I can't really take that option. I could shoot you dead instead, and then clear up the mess, I take it nobody knows that you're here?" She studied me intently. "Good, I can see from your expression and your eyes that is the case. But as to my options then, I don't want to do that, if I don't have to. If you obey all of my instructions that I'm about to issue, then there'll be no need for me to pull this trigger. Will there?"
"No, Ma'am. I'll do what you ask."
"Good. I thought that you were sensible. Here's the first of my orders. STRIP!"
"What?"
"You heard. Take off all your clothes! NOW!" Gesturing her pistol for good measure.
I'd got the message. So, I started to obey, removing my clothing, one item at a time, slowly as ordered. Until I was done to just wearing my boxer shorts. Surely, she'd allow me to keep those on?
Apparently not. "I believe that the word 'strip' means everything? Yes, meaning those."
Off they came. Now I was completely starkers. Ready for my next instruction, "See those two travel bags over there? Fetch the left hand one, and place all of your clothes, including your shoes, into it."