***This work is my own and may not be republished without permission.
*
SOLITARY
She used the time to write everything down. At the front of the book she started a journal. At the back she wrote what she could remember of the people she was coming to know. John's real name was Keith.
After the episode with Stacy and Jill, Jacob had cancelled her afternoon session with Dinah and taken her to the infirmary.
"Your Hickey Mouse turned out perfect." Gwen smiled weakly and nodded as John came to sit in front of her smiling.
"That's what Joseph said. Maybe it'll start a new fad. So you've been elected to baby sit." She was on her side with an ice pack between her legs. John nodded.
"Yep."
"Tell me stories then."
"Stories?"
"I want to hear about Carrie."
She looked at him in the silence that followed. "That is a story Joseph will have to tell in his own way. He already fussed at me for my comment to Rachel."
"Did he tell you he was in love with me?"
"No." Gwen waited for him to continue, but when he didn't, she changed course.
"Then tell me about you."
"That's a safer subject, but about as boring as watching grass grow."
"I would love to be able to watch grass grow." John stared at her and then looked away. "Please, John. I'm sorry."
He nodded and then looked at her. "Okay, then. I was twenty-seven when I came here. I've been here twelve years. I am married and have a little girl. She is fifteen now. Emma. My wife is Lisa. She is beautiful. I have no idea why she chose me, but she did. I had finished my Bachelors degree in secondary education, but I wanted my masters. I taught during the day and took night classes. I got mugged on the way home from studying at the library late one night. I was beaten and knocked unconscious and woke up here."
"What have you learned here?"
John smiled. "Lot's of things. I read books and study them. I was the one who started the library."
"A regular Ben Franklin."
"I learned that you can make any place better. I learned that I can love anyone. I learned that I can choose to be happy."
"Flowers among the stones."
"Have you found any flowers today?"
"Trey and his art. His love for Rachel. Hers for him. Lots of new friends. Laughter."
"Joseph said you weren't very close to your family." Gwen shook her head. "They will start looking a little better the longer you are here."
"How do you bear that?"
"Missing my family?" Gwen nodded. "It's hard. Joseph needing me helped at the beginning. His responding to me and coming out of his shell. Service to others. I am deeply religious in my own way. I believe in Christ. He understands what I am going through. I pray all the time. I reaffirm my love for Lisa and Emma all the time. I feel a connection to them even though I can't be with them. I like to believe they think I am still alive."
*********
Gwen outlined several chapters and then turned back to the journal and began writing. 'John brought me to the back room in the library. Christopher and the male he is training were there waiting. He said his name was Damon. He looked a little down, but he was staring at me. I felt dirty. I had my ice pack and sat down gingerly. Christopher asked me to show him what Stacy had done. I showed him and he told me I could lie down on the couch while they sat on the floor. I started talking to Damon, trying to draw him out, when Christopher put a DVD in and turned it on. He shut the lights off. It was porn.
He started at my knees giving me hickeys and worked his way up. I was turned on by the movie and becoming aroused. He ordered Damon to join him and he did, but then he pushed him away as he crawled on top of me. I told him I didn't want sex. I reminded him about the rules. I told him I had the right to refuse extra-curricular sex. He backed off and we watched the rest of the movie. He dropped me off at my room.
'Later in line for dinner with Joseph, Robby came and told Joseph that Julia wanted to see us both. Christopher was in the office when we arrived. He was smiling like the cat that caught the canary. Julia told me that when I was with Joseph, he was my evaluator. When he handed me over to Christopher, he became my evaluator and I had to be obedient to him. She said, "Christopher, do with her as you will as long as you don't leave any permanent marks or scars." Then she told me I was to be locked in my cell for forty-eight hours with no food or contact after he was done.
'He almost crushed my wrist as he pulled me out of the room. I tried to fight, but he backhanded me across the jaw and punched me in the eye. My neck is so sore. He punched me over and over in the stomach and in the ribs. Joseph and Julia came back in when he was done. Joseph knelt at my side checking to make sure I was okay. Julia just looked at my eye and left. I hate him. There might not be scars on the outside, but there are on the inside.'
***********
She dedicated a fourth portion of the book to flowers among the stones and began to list them. She finished 'Man's Search for Meaning' a second time taking notes.
She slept in fits and starts. Her stomach was rumbling and her injuries were nagging. She was having nightmares. She would sleep and then read and study, then sleep a little more. She had no way of knowing how much time passed.
She was asleep when she heard the door open and close. She played possum as he lifted the covers and began to rub her back and then leaned over her and kissed her hair. He knew she was awake.
"Are you hungry?"
"Starved!"
"Good, 'cause Hickey Mouse is dying to be shown off!"
Gwen rolled over and sat up. Joseph touched her black eye. She looked him in the eye and he smiled in relief knowing that she was okay.
"How about you, Joseph. Are you okay?"
"Missing you. Worried. Rachel decked Stacy."
"Not for me?"
"For you, but she said it was for something Stacy had done to her."
"Julia didn't punish her did she?"
"How could she? It's what Rachel lives for." He leaned his forehead against hers. "Are you really okay?" Gwen nodded.
"The pain is better. My bottom doesn't hurt much at all now."
"It looks like a flower. The kind a child would draw."
"What did you do, spend the whole time watching me on the camera?"
Joseph shrugged and smiled.
"I wish I would have known. I would have shown off for you." Joseph smiled again and she punched him. "Feed me!" He jumped up and offered her his hand.
"It's sheet day. You strip and I'll get you another set. There's an extra hamper in the bathroom for the old ones.
"You're telling me to strip? That's pretty funny."
"Hah."
Gwen wrapped the sheets around herself and then giggled as she stripped for him. She was just so happy to see him again and she could see his joy too. He took her in his arms and kissed her on the lips. She backed off, looking at him and then relaxed in his arms and kissed him with her mouth open. There was a flicker of doubt along with the flood of passion. She pulled away again to look at him and he pulled her close initiating the contact again dispelling her fears. He pulled away again and she was amused by his dazed expression. "Food for you first and I want to talk to you."
"You get me all riled up and then you want to talk."
He grinned and nodded. "Are you going to be able to listen?"
"I'll try. Let's go then." She stood at the door waiting for him to unlock it. "What time is it anyway?"
