"A memory is what is left when something happens, and does not completely unhappen."
-Edward DeBono
1
"Has anyone seen Vic?"
"Nope; not me Mom."
"Ne neither."
"No? Vanessa, Veronica; neither of you? How about you Vance? Didn't you guys walk home together?"
"No Mom. We stopped walking home together."
"What? When the Hell did that start?"
"Like a couple days ago. She said it was time for her to start walking home from school with friends of her own and not her older brother."
"Oh my God Vance, she's not old enough to walk home on her own! How did you think that was okay?"
"I don't know Mom! You know how Vic gets!"
"And who are these friends?"
"I don't know Ma!"
"It's after dark and she's not home Vance!! Veronica? Get your coat. Vanessa? Take the lasagna out of the oven in half an hour. Vance? Go to your room!"
"What!?! What did I do!?!"
Not a single one of us is created in a vacuum. Each of us depends on others to help build who we are; to paint in the foundations of our layers, so that we can see, from our foreground, across the panorama of our environs, between the subjects and props, into the background; diffuse with the light of reflection, until the penciled vanishing point of the original conception is obscured. Some of us get painted into a corner. Some of us paint ourselves into a corner, and still others of us have the forethought to block in an open window or a hatchway in advance.
Hidden among the rows of canvases leaning against the walls was a particular composition, the face of which is pressed against the face of another; complicit, their surfaces tacky to the touch. The canvas was not meant to be seen. Its back faces the tame and hungry green eyes, her artist calculating that she will take the hint and move on to something less; personal. The artist could have destroyed the piece, but then she'd have to do away with everything else she'd composed after the original conception, the original corner.
It was a picture of wanting to be liked. It was blocked in the vivid reds and pinks of wanting bigger and better things and bigger and brighter friends. There was a straight purple line of wanting to be taken seriously, and it blended into the better and brighter green of a pretty girl's eyes. Samantha's eyes they were; the kind that never leave you, no matter how far off to the left or right you walk away. She used to think that was such a pretty name: Samantha; the name of a woman who brought down kingdoms or tamed great beasts with the merest glance. .
They all met on the playground as school let in; Samantha with her not so pretty sidekicks Maddie and Shailo, and Vic with her three little friends who were too scared to tag along. Then they'd started chumming around after school; smoking cigarettes in the park, flying on the swings, baring each other to jump out at the apex of their arc. Vic had surprised them. She'd surprised herself, soaring a good twenty feet before landing on her back. It wasn't until she felt someone kicking her that Vic realized that she'd had the wind knocked out of her. It was Shailo, the uglier one of the ugly two, kicking her, laughing and saying: yeah, okay; you win.
Samantha was perfect; shimmering blonde flowing super model hair, emerald eyes and light creamy brown skin. Vic thought she knew she adored her. Looking back, they each looked like they'd figured out pretty quickly that she adored her.
It had been two or so months earlier when Vanessa and Veronica started to affect her differently when they were naked around her. It had made Vic mad at first, how easy it was for them to be naked like that, how her feelings changed about it. Then she caught Vance with his hand down his pants while he stared at one of Mom's women's magazines; the one advertising the bathing suits and the underwear. Vic found the magazine the next day, and scrutinized the model's bodies, their long hair, their eyes and their creamy strawberry ice cream lips.
She'd bought her new friends ice cream that afternoon because Samantha mentioned that she'd like to have some ice cream. Vic had some money then. She always seemed to have money and if it wasn't hers, it was Vance's; such a push over. The ice cream was good, and it was fun to watch Samantha eat it. From the corner of her eye, Vic relished the sight the of the slow, fluid, animal motion of Samantha's lips and tongue, and realized that it made her want to kiss them.
After a time, the foursome went to Shailo's house, where she pilfered a bottle of something. Then they went to Maddie's house, where she'd taken a bottle of something else. Limited to the eight block radius around Vic's home, the girls went back to the park and started drinking there. Bored and wishing to avoid prying eyes, Shailo dared Vic to risk to leave the neighborhood and head over to Shackleford Road. Secluded and over grown with brush and tall grass, Shackleford was a dead end of variously framed out houses, their construction stopped because the contractor had run out of money. The girls waded through the sea of tall grass until they found the house at the end that was the most finished and safest to hang out in.
The windows were broken, shattered with pelted rocks, of which there were a few scattered across the plywood floor. Maddie and Shailo made a game of throwing them back out the windows while Samantha and Vic took in the beer cans everywhere and the dirty mattress on the far side of the room. Later, as they ventured more deeply into the house, it was Maddie that had shuddered when she came upon the odd, macabre, fact of the dog crate, a steel cage, the skeleton of a dog inside, its bones collapsed, their color the pages of a very old book, it's smooth teeth a lighter yellow and catching the light of the waning afternoon sun.