Carefully I unlock the door, he mustn't wake now or it'll fail and all this will have been for nothing. I turn the handle slowly, every creak or rustle sounding eerily loud to my hyped up senses. The door swings open and I see him lying in bed, his covers pushed down, his arm thrown up over his face, his beautiful body bare to me for the first time in so long. I am completely thrown by his beauty, by being so near to him while he's so open to me, so tender and vulnerable. The room is filled by the sounds of his breathing, deep and steady with the slightest growl of a snore at the base of each breath. I shut the door behind me and walk over to the bed, completely calm and certain of myself now I'm with him, my footsteps soft on the carpet.
For the longest time I stand beside his bed, seconds pass, maybe even minutes while I gaze at him smiling in his sleep. My heart is still racing, but from excitement and arousal now, not from fear, I've stopped feeling sick, there are only butterflies in my stomach, and maybe even lower. I pull my t-shirt off, then my trousers, then my underwear and now we're naked together and my whole body tingles and throbs, my nipples stiff in the cool air. I move down the bed so I'm level with his hips, then lower my weight onto the side of the mattress, amazingly he doesn't wake and I am free to carry out my plan exactly as I had hoped. I bend over him, rest my hands lightly on his belly and his thigh and take his soft, limp penis into my mouth. I suck gently at it, barely sucking at all, just letting it rest in my mouth, supporting it with my tongue, letting my saliva flow over it.
Then it begins to harden and I can feel him waking, his stomach muscles tensing and his breath coming a little lighter, a little faster. I suck harder, start stroking with my hands until his body is fully awake, even if his mind is not. His fingers tangle in my hair as he pulls my head down onto him and then he jerks upright and I am so scared that he will stop me, but I suck harder and as skilfully as I know how, running my tongue round the shaft, sliding my lips over the head again and again and he doesn't stop me, just sits there, my head in his lap holding onto my hair. I try to pull away from him and for a moment he tries to hold me down, but then he releases me and I look up into his face where confusion and disbelief seem to be battling for control. I bend my head to take him into my mouth again, but he pulls me away, more roughly this time and forces me to sit up and then we're kissing. And God! His lips are hard against mine, his tongue is forcing its way into my mouth and I feel so utterly joined to him as I never have been to any other man, this is an intimacy beyond sex and I give myself up to it completely. It's like the first time we kissed, but with a depth of passion behind it that we never could have mustered, never experienced when we were so young.
His arms go about me and we're pressed together so hard my breasts go numb and I'm not in control any more, this is his bed and his domain and his sex and I am his willing willing partner and I am incredulous as he treats me more roughly than anyone has. He pushes me to the floor so roughly it's almost like he threw me, then he pushes his fingers into me, into all parts of me and it hurts and pleasures till I don't know whether to moan in pain or delight. I feel a sharp pinch on my hip, then on my inner thigh and look down to see him biting me, not tender little nips, but crushing bites that bruise my skin and even draw blood and now I start getting scared, because there is no consideration for my pleasure in this, he's not hurting me because I enjoy it, he's hurting me because that's how he wants me and while I'm scared I'm also excited and when he lies me on my back and pins my wrists above my head with one hand as he forces his cock into me with the other I can't help crying out. Immediately he claps his hand over my mouth and nose, effectively suffocating me while he continues to thrust into me. I try panting but his hand has formed a seal over my face and I can't breathe. I start seeing spots behind my eyelids and I feel so dizzy, but the pleasure is incredible, rising in waves over and over; so intense, so deep. With a rush the pleasure turns into orgasm and my whole body arches and shudders. He pulls his hand off my face then and drags me up by my arm, then strikes me across the face with the flat of his hand. I gasp in shock, I hadn't expected this, never considered sex could really be like this. On the rare occasions I had fantasised about rape or violent sex it had always been a stranger and, really, rather tame.