16 Aug 2:07 PM
Circe
The mood around the farmhouse was somber and I felt like dirt. Lots of people had tried to cheer me up but there I sat on the couch wishing I could undo things and take stuff back. My eyes were puffy from all the crying. The back door slammed and a young soldier clomped into the room and heavily dropped his gear.
"Hello ma'am."
I looked closer at him and felt a slight flush of embarrassment.
"Hi. Aren't you the one that the jumpsuit hit when I threw it out the window?"
Now it was his turn to feel sheepish. And he purposefully looked above my head, trying to avoid even appearing to glance near my chest. That little action made me laugh a little on the inside and I felt a little better too.
"Yes ma'am, that was me."
"What's your name?"
"Witkowski ma'am."
"No, your nickname. You have one don't you?'
"Yes ma'am. It's Dim."
This was another one that was beyond me. Why couldn't I figure these out? He saw the confused look on my face.
"People used to call me Wit and then someone tossed Dim in front of it. Dim Wit."
"Oh I'm so sorry. That must be so humiliating."
It was his turn to look confused.
"No, not at all ma'am. I'm proud of it."
"I don't get it. How can you be proud of it? Aren't they making fun of you?"
"Well yes and no ma'am. It's part of becoming accepted into the team."
"You military people just confuse me."
"I don't know all the psychobabble behind it ma'am but I know how it works. And outsiders call it hazing but it's not based on violence or cruelty like they think. It's a test to see how you will react. If you go bonkers and get angry then they know you will never fit in. And the tests differ. Sometimes it's a name, other times it's a practical joke, and sometimes it's physical. In each case if you embrace whatever it is and laugh about it then you are in."
"Is it just this team that does that Dim?"
"No ma'am, it's a universal thing. All the branches do it."
Dim stopped talking and put his hand to his earpiece.
"Chopper's inbound ma'am - and the boss is onboard." With that Dim retrieved his gear and was out the door.
Considering my past inappropriate actions I decided it best if I just sat quietly and patiently and waited for Tillman to come to me. Within a few minutes I heard a helicopter landing near the house. Strangely enough there was no flurry of activity like there had been when the terrorist leader arrived. I wondered why the difference. Maybe it was just Tillman's leadership style that made the difference. The back door opened and I recognized Tillman's voice. A primal urge within me wanted to leap up and run into the kitchen, but I was determined to sit and wait. I desperately wanted to know about Alexandra. He spent a few minutes talking to Zombeek and a few others and then walked into the living room. I was shocked at his appearance and at first I was afraid that he had been wounded, until I realized that it was just exhaustion. He stood in front of me but did not sit.
"Angel, there are some things I still need to get done but first I want to say that I'm glad you are okay. Secondly I want to apologize for getting you into this mess. Thirdly I want to let you know that Alexandra pulled through. It was touch and go for a bit but Doc says the hard part is over. Lastly I need to apologize because I know I owe you an explanation but I need to debrief the team first. Once I've done that then I will be at your disposal for however long you need."
"Of course Teacher." I mouthed the word Teacher but didn't vocalize it. "But may I ask one question before you go?"
"Yes of course."
"Well Alexandra is going to need care during her rehabilitation, isn't she."
"Yes, for quite a few months."
"I thought so. Then I have a request that I hope you'll say yes to."
"Go ahead."
"Once she leaves the hospital I'd like her to stay with me so that I can help her and take care of her during her recuperation. Please?" For good measure I bit my lower lip.
His eyes got a faraway look and tears formed in the corners and then he did something totally unexpected. He leaned down stroked my hair and kissed me on the forehead.
"Yes you may, if that's what she wants, and I'm sure she will. You have no idea what this means to me. And to you for that matter."
"What do you mean?"
"It's another discovery Angel. Another step. You care about someone besides just you."
With that he left the room to debrief the team. How many times could I be stunned by this man? I mulled over what he said and thought about my past relationships and just how shallow they had really been. For so many years I had believed that love was demonstrated in kisses and hugs and sex. In my mind it had been this warm and fuzzy feeling and that's how you knew you were in love. Now I had found out what true love meant and it had been taught to me by a bunch of strangers. True love means always putting the needs of the other person ahead of your own. I came to the conclusion that this was love in its' purest form and that it just has different applications. There is the application of husband and wife. And then parent and child. Another would be extended family and close friends would fall in there as well. And lastly is the love you feel for others that you don't even know.
Some people might call it compassion but I say it's love. What else would cause a missionary to leave a life of comfort behind to go work in a leper colony in Africa? What else would motivate police officers and the military to protect those they've never met, and in some cases people in other countries? What about firefighters, medical people, mental health professionals and social workers? You see, if you look at the root of all of those you will find love, just with different applications and nuances. This team had shown me love by risking their lives to save mine. Now I'm sure if you asked them they would never say it was out of love that they did it. But you tell me, what else makes any sense? Yes there are a few who are sociopaths and love the killing but the people I'd met seemed to be just everyday people doing a job. And I'd discovered that I loved them. Not because they rescued me. It was because of how selfless they were. You couldn't help loving them once you got to know them and boy I sure did.
Tillman had gone out to the barn to do the debrief and had been out there for nearly an hour. I puttered around the house, got something to eat and drink, and absently thumbed through an old copy of House and Home magazine. The pictures of domestic life touched a chord with me and I felt a certain emptiness. No, that wasn't the right word. Yearning, I felt a certain yearning for the home life that was portrayed. Maybe because I never had that home life due to the abuse, and deep down inside I desperately longed for a home.
There was a marked increase in the activity outside with people picking up equipment and vehicle engines starting then Zombeek stepped inside.
"What's going on Zombie?"
"We're bugging out ma'am. Standing down. Boss wants me to escort you out to the Blackhawk. You're flying out with him."
"So quick? I mean I thought I'd have to time to thank everyone."
"No need ma'am. You already have."
"What? No I haven't."
"Yes you have, the coffee, cooking breakfast, and how you've interacted with everyone."