Terrys Weight Loss Journal Ch 04

January 5th,

I'm going crazy! I don't know which is worse, the desire for a nice baked potato with cheese and bacon (omg, bacon) or the desire to rub myself into oblivion. So it turns out that this little one rub per night thing is not even close to enough. When I touch myself it is great, but as soon as I cum I want (I NEED) to cum again and again. I need to keep rubbing and touching and playing and it is always over too soon and not nearly good enough. Nick knows me pretty well and I'm wondering if he didn't realize this was going to happen when he granted me the right to cum once a day. Perhaps he's more evil than I originally thought, or perhaps I'm giving him too much credit. I decided to try edging some last night so that way when I did cum maybe it would put me to sleep.

First, I took a very nice shower which started off warm, but I slowly made it cold. I know the saying "take a cold shower" but I have to say, if done right I find it much more arousing. I start nice and warm and then the water gets cooler. I feel it touch my nipples and they jump up hard as buttons. They are begging me to play with them, to touch them. The water continues to run down my skin. It's touching me on my legs, back, thighs, everywhere. I love it. I slowly make it a little cooler. Now my nipples are so hard they look like they are shrinking. I feel myself getting wetter and I kneel in the shower. I spread my legs wide, letting the cold water run down my body and onto my pussy.

My pussy lips try to stay shut, to keep the warmth trapped but my spread thighs force them open. The water begins to run down my slit and now my clit is reacting. First, it swells, the blood rushing. I think it is trying to get warm, but the result is a rush of arousal so strong I'm glad I'm already kneeling. Then it tightens, like my nipples. My clit and my nipples are turning into hard bumps, shrinking down to try and stay warm but I'm opening myself fully to the water now. I throw my head back and moan, the water rushes into my mouth and against my face. I don't give myself time to back out, I turn it colder. This time I throw caution to the wind and water runs icy cold. It makes me cry out and I try not to move. I can feel it like an icy hand, exploring my skin. I use my fingers to spread my pussy lips farther and let the water torment me. I'm getting too aroused, losing control of my body. I'm tempted to finger myself here and now, to bring myself off in what would surely be an amazing orgasm, but I remember that I only get one. I play with my tits instead, pinching the hard little nubs that are sensitive and refuse to soften. I pinch them hard, it hurts.

When I started this I had no plans on pain, I just wanted to play. It has been so long since I've done any edging that I forgot why I don't like it. I lose control; I get too desperate and too horny. I turn to pain for the additional stimulus I need once I am that worked up. But I'm not all the way there, yet. Instead I'm pinching my nipples hard and groaning as the water torments me. I'm shivering hard and it takes a lot of will power not to turn the water off. Instead, I turn the shower off and let it go to the tub. I lay on my back and slide down until my ass is against the drain. In order to do this my legs are straight in the air, against the wall. It's lewd and vulgar, but I don't care. I spread my pussy lips and let the icy cold water run straight from the faucet and onto my cunt. It's so cold that it stings and burns and I'm making something between a cry and a moan. I'm twisting and pulling my nipples hard, pressing my nails into the very tips where they are the most sensitive. My mind is in its special little bliss place and I want to cum, and I know I can so easily, but I don't. There are two reasons for this, one being that I don't want to waste it. The other is because I know the second I cum all this pleasurable pain will become real pain and I will probably die. I'd die and they'd find me with my legs in the air and the tub overflowing as the water run over my pussy at full speed.

I stay that way for another five minutes, at this point I'm starting to slap my tits as well as tweaking my nipples. I wonder, not for the first time, where the hell I put my nipple clamps. They've been missing for a long time and I never remember to get more until I want them. I shut the water off and stand on shaking legs that don't want to hold me up. My clit is hard, and maybe just a little numb. Taking a large towel I wrap up and head for the bedroom.

In my bedroom, I have a small box that I keep in the closet. I grab for this box with shaking hands and pour the items out on the bed. There are a couple of vibrators, a butt plug that I sometimes enjoy, lube, condoms, ben wa balls, a couple of small hand held paddles, and several bungee cords. I knew the clamps were missing, but it still frustrates me that they are not there. I consider the laundry line outside. There are clothespins outside, but it is late and dark outside and I am not sure if I want to go get them. I look at my poor nipples; they really need something to pinch them, to hurt them. I need it. I guess I'm going to have to go outside. I grab my robe, but then I decide to be naughty. I'm telling you, when I work myself up it's not a good idea. I stop having good ideas. I just get desperately horny and do things I would not normally do. I start to regret this edging idea in my mind, but the evil little voice in my head doesn't care about that. I keep my towel and head outside. It is fucking cold out here! The wind is touching me everywhere and the towel is blowing around. I look around, it is dark and I can see no one. I have two neighbors, one on either side, but there is a thick line of trees on the right and the house on the left is dark. I bite my lip and then with a grin drop the towel.

Now I really am cold and I am really on thin ice, this can end badly. I can't let the neighbors see me running around outside naked, but I can't convince myself that this is a bad idea. I go into the backyard and find the clothespin bag hanging on the line. I grab a handful and turn to go back inside. Before I can go anywhere the wind steals my towel. It doesn't get far, just falls on the ground but it is still annoying. I decide that it is a sign; I need to do something out here.

I ended up kneeling on the fallen towel, naked in the cold night. I'm still slightly wet and the air is really cold. It occurs to me that I could end up getting hurt if I'm not careful and I snicker. If I get hurt or sick, I'm blaming Nick. This is all his fault. I spread my legs wider and sink down. I'm kneeling back on my feet, my back straight and head high. My nipples are hard little rocks and perky when I bring the clothespin up. When I first close it I don't feel anything, am I numb from the cold? Then a delicious heat begins to spread from my nipple outward. I clamp the other one and it makes me moan.

With one hand I'm playing with my tits, pulling on the clothespin, squeezing the tit, slapping at them to make them bounce painfully. With the other hand I'm rubbing my clit, which is certainly not numb. I'm so wet I can barely stand it, but I don't let myself cum. I bring myself so close and then, right before I can cum, I stop. I do this four times before I decide it really is too cold to be out here anymore. Shivering I grab the towel off the ground and walk, naked, into the house.

Once I'm back in the bedroom I'm desperate to cum now. I've been playing with myself for over an hour all together and I'm actually late for bed. I have to get up in the morning for work and I need to sleep, but first I need to deal with this. I lie down and begin to finger myself hard. It feels wonderful, my finger is slipping in and out of my wet pussy and hitting all the right spots, but it isn't enough. I need it to hurt. I look around the bedroom. I'm not sure what I was hoping to find, but what I did spot is the butt plug.

Personally, I'm not into anal (most of the time). It's just not my thing. However, I do have some anal toys for when I find myself in moods like this one. I pick it up and begin to suck on it, getting it warm. I'm licking it slowly, running my tongue along the lines of it and down the base. I'm playing with it, pleasing it with my mouth. It feels great and I'm not sure how long I lay there with one hand torturing my tits. The other hand alternates, sometimes I'm holding the plug so I can lick it, at other times I've stuffed it into my mouth and am fingering my wet slit hard. Still I can't cum, so I know I'll need the plug. I take a few minutes to wet the plug with my own juices and roll over. I place a vibrator against my clit and turn it on high, and then press the plug against my asshole. It feels huge; my ass does not want to give in. I press against it and it opens slightly, but it hurts. I pull back and push again, back and forth. The vibrator between my thighs is driving me higher and higher and I start to crave the pain the plug is causing each time it begins to enter my ass. Each time I pull back, partly because of how much it hurts and partly because I'm scared.

I shift on the bed and the covers catch one of the clothespins. With a shocking pain, the clothespin is pulled from my tit without warning. It hurts, but it feels so good. That's it, I'm not afraid anymore of the pain, I want it, I need it. With one last gentle press against my ass to find the spot I thrust the plug into my ass. It is hard, my ass does not want it, but I do. I scream into the pillows as the plug violates my ass hard. It spread me open and forces my muscles to give in, there is no chance. The pain is blinding, but it is also what I need. Without realizing that I'm doing it, I cum. The world falls apart as I cum hard.

It takes several minutes until I can think again; the pleasure is washing over me. Then, suddenly, it is not. It hurts! I scoot off the bed and into the bathroom on shaking legs. I slowly pull the plug from my ass and release the other nipple. They hurt, my poor nipples are bruising, and it hurts to touch them. My ass is stringing and stretched, I feel hollow once the plug is gone. It takes a while to clean up my toy, to put everything away, and get back to bed. Now it is really late and I know tomorrow is going to suck when that alarm goes off. I dare think at least I'll sleep well from such a strong orgasm, but ten minutes later I feel that same familiar ache in my pussy. Part of me considers calling Nick, begging him, but I don't do that. It takes a long time to fall asleep. I hate this diet shit.

January 6th, 2017

6 a.m.

I'm tired, I'm tired, I'm tired...

2 p.m.

It's Friday, only two more days till weigh in and we see what changes Nick will make to my diet. I spoke to him today, but we didn't talk about the diet much. He also does not seem to have read my diary so far. I'm not sure why he made me write this if he wasn't planning on reading it.

I really want this diet to work, but I really don't like skipping what I want to eat. I feel hungry all the time, but I'm not sure what I can do about that. I guess my stomach will shrink a bit after a while and I will be able to eat less and not be hungry. For now though, it sucks.