Chapter Two
Olivia
Camilla let me cry on her shoulder for so long, I was surprised she stayed the entire time. When my tear well dried up, and I could no longer cry, I lifted my head from her shoulder. My hair was matted to my face with sweat and tears. She barely said a word, aside from suggesting a shower. She just got up and left me, asking if I needed anything else before she left. I asked for Kat, she silently left my room and closed my door.
I flopped down on my bed and tried to keep the blue at bay. But it was useless, I hadn't taken my meds since I'd left Thomas. It was no wonder the low hit so hard this time. I felt bad for the way I acted at dinner, although that was nothing compared to how I could act.
Kat interrupted my thoughts by sitting on my bed and rubbing my back.
"I can't stop thinking about him, Kat." I choked on a sob and had a coughing fit. She patted my back like a baby.
"How can I help?" she asked quietly.
I know what I needed, but I was almost certain she would think of me as a freak if I did tell her. Instead, I sat upright and wiped my nose on my sleeve.
"I just needed a good cry," I lied.
"So, you're not thinking about hurting yourself?" Her gaze shifted quickly to my arms and back up.
I put my hands over my face and wished I could cry more. "Yes, I am. I can't get it any other way right now. Maybe not ever again. I'll never have a dom ever again."
"Can't get what any other way? And I know it feels that way now, it's going to take plenty of time to heal and learn to trust someone like that again."
"The pain. I miss subspace."
"You know who's actually the master of D/S dynamics? Owen. I know you can't trust any other man right now, but maybe he could give you some ideas of how to help yourself? I'd spank you, but something tells me that might not be enough. Plus, I'd have a hard time hurting you."
"It's the BPD too, doesn't help at all. Makes everything a whole lot worse actually. I need my meds."
"Okay, that's absolutely something I can help with. I'll get your info and go get that for you tomorrow morning, okay? As for the other stuff, do you want me to go see if Owen is still hanging around? He's leaving for Portland tomorrow for a week or so."
I bit my thumb cuticle and sighed heavily after a minute. "I'm not sure. I don't know if I trust myself."
"If you mean what I think you mean, you do
not
have to worry about that with Owen. He is always completely in control. He's not one to be easily manipulated."
"I'm still not sure, honestly," I admitted.
"I'll go get him. You wait here."
Before I could tell her no, she had flitted out the door and down the hall. After a few minutes, Owen showed up in the doorway to my room. I gasped inaudibly; he was as tall as the doorway. Black suit and tie. Gelled dark hair.
"Olivia," he breathed. "How can I be of assistance?"
He was subtle, not mentioning anything I'm sure Kat told him. "I'm not sure how you can help, honestly."
He sighed and walked into the room, leaning against the wall. "You hurt yourself?"
I blushed a little. "I used to a lot more. Now it's not nearly as much. Here and there."
"You know there are other ways to hurt yourself that don't leave permanent marks?"
"Like what?" I knew the answer, sort of, but wanted to hear him say it.
"They sell self-floggers; a belt works in a pinch. Needle and sharps play. But I think you should wait on that until you know everything about it. You should see my playroom; I have anything and everything you could think of."
"You have a playroom?"
"I do. I can show it to you sometime, maybe."
Owen
I have no idea why I suggested showing this girl my playroom. It just slipped off my tongue. But I couldn't stop the flashes of that red and purple studded collar. That dirty blonde hair. The way her back arched when I touched her skin. So responsive. I shook myself from my reverie and looked at Olivia instead of through her. She looked so much like her. My sweet sub.
"I'd like that," she spoke after a few seconds of pondering my statement. I didn't want her to read too much into it, so I added, "Of course I'll be out of town and I'm sure The Nightingale has everything I have at home."
She looked disappointed and her face fell a bit. "Oh," she said.
"Anyways, I'm late for a meeting. Go on Youtube and search masterdom78 and you'll find a slew of videos explaining pain play. I even have videos on self-harm. I really think you'd benefit from watching some. And if you ever have any direct questions, you have my number." I pushed off from the wall and walked to her door. "Oh, and Olivia?"
"Yeah?" Her head snapped up.
"I'm not keen on bratting. Pull that stunt at dinner again and I'll punish you myself." Her eyes widened in response and a slow smile crept over her pretty little face.
"Is that a promise?" She giggled.
"I'm serious. You don't ever want to be under my punishing hand, Olivia." I lowered my gaze, looking intently in her dark eyes.
Her face darkened, her smile disappearing. She looked scared, but only slightly. She looked more intrigued than anything. That scared me.
"Have a good night, Olivia."