Thank you for the comments and questions, they may spark some ideas in me in the long haul =) I actually noticed after submitting the first chapter that it's part of the rules if not "non-erotic" that there has to be sex, so I'm glad that putting it in the BDSM category so far has seemed like the right thing to do.
My writing style may have changed since it's been 12 years since I started, and I now actually know what "bdsm" is (i wrote that before i did!) and may be tainted/biased by much more knowledge, but I'll attempt to continue fusing my inner turmoils of youth with each chapter.
Once again, comments appreciated, and sorry for any grammatical/typing mistakes ahead of time... I didn't have 10 years to proofread this time around.
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"Exactly 300. Good girl," Miro praised softly. He knew the devastation that must be going through the girl's head, and sought to give her some relief.
Tali almost looked up in joy to gaze upon her master at the words, but reminded herself that it was not her place to look at him, and instead slumped even lower towards the ground, relaxing her tense shoulders. Surely if he were completely angry at her, he would not bother to spare her favors.
"Come here next to me," he said, walking back to his chair to sit back down.
Tali lifted her head slightly as she stood, quickly and quietly moving over to him. She noticed that he had been reading some novels and had left them in disarray on the table. When she made it far enough to where she could see her kneeling place, she gave a soft gasp when she saw what was there. A soft, white pillow.
Thoughts fought for attention in her head. Why would he do that? What should she do? Was this even his idea? Was it Kien? Perhaps it was a test?
She shook her head, trying to make sense of the situation in the last couple seconds she had before arriving at the spot. As she stood there before the moment of truth, her lips trembled in fear of making the wrong choice. Was there even a right choice?
Kneeling down slowly, she put her hands next to the pillow, and set her knees down behind them, being as close to her spot as possible without touching what she viewed as an object she should never use.
"Why do you forsake my gift?"
Screams ran through Tali's head. That wasn't what she meant to do. Did he really think that? She tried to think of what she could say. She thought back to a time of earlier training, before this master.
"Please master, this girl is grateful and thanks you for his gift, but knows that she is not worthy of such kindness." She paused for a moment to regather her thoughts. "This girl seeks forgiveness for her transgressions, her selfishness in accepting kindness, her carelessness in not preparing enough food, her failure from not pleasing her master. She would rather suffer for eternity trying to earn forgiveness than take any pleasure for herself." By the time she finished her scattered thoughts, Tali had started silently crying, the tears falling down her face, dripping off her chin, spattering onto the rug.
Miro groaned at the relapse he had caused. Tali was spiraling out of control and he needed a way to reel her back to reality. He stood up and knelt in front of her, facing her, only to be shocked that twin streams of tears ran down either side of her face. Her body was wracking in sobs that she did very well to suppress, even though he knew that she had the hardest time controlling the despair she felt from failure.
"Tali," he started, but then she wildly started shaking her head.
"No... no master, please! This girl is sorry!" She started wailing, "She is sorry she cannot control her emotions... sorry she remembered her name! Sorry... sorry for ever telling, she will forget... please punish her so she forgets... make her forget so she can never displease master that way again." She knew he was in front of her and tried to sink herself further into the ground, making it so she couldn't see him. She clenched her fists until even her trimmed nails seemed to dig into her palms, trying to keep her raging emotions in check.
"Girl. I'm warning you now, don't try my patience, and don't cut me off again."
She froze. His tone didn't sound threatening, just a reminder. She tried to breathe deeply to settle her stomach.
"Tali," he said again firmly, "I bought you this pillow because I want you to have something nice. From me. I am giving you this gift, and I expect you to treat it with as much care as anything I own. You may use this pillow at any time you wish. In fact, to not use it would make me think you did not appreciate the thought I put into it."
Tali inhaled sharply. She shook her head quickly again to signal that she would never not appreciate his gift, and reached out to snatch the pillow up in her hands, hugging it carefully, but tightly to her chest, rocking back and forth over it.
"Good girl... Now, did you have anything you wanted to say?"
"Master..." she started tentatively, "thank you for your gift. This girl will cherish it forever. She just... just..." she trailed off.
"Out with it. We don't have all night."
She twitched a little at possibly displeasing him again. "This girl knows she has displeased you. She seeks forgiveness, if that pleases you. She also knows she does not deserve a name. Does not deserve anything, except perhaps chances to please you... She wishes to be the best slave she could be." She tensed as she waited for a response, holding her breath, clutching her new pillow.
He shook his head slightly, not enough for her to see. He knew he only perpetuated these feelings in her, but now he wanted her to choose for herself. Kiro was right. She knew nothing of kindness and needed to understand what she was willingly subjecting herself to. He needed to try baby steps.
"Girl... it's alright. You must know that I am not angry at you for remembering your name. You are correct though. You did remember and even share it against my orders at the time. For that, you will be punished," he said, as he reached forward and gently pried the pillow out of her hands. "I will keep this until I think you have redeemed yourself, and you can start by forgetting all that third person nonsense, and start showing me your pretty face again." He lightly whacked her in the shoulder with the pillow as he said that.
She looked up in shock at the sudden contact and requests. "This... I will try my best, master."
He let out a quick laugh, "That's a good start! Now off to bed, you must be exhausted."
"Yes, master," she replied, with a hint of a grin starting to show through her tear-streaked grin. She wiped her arms across her eyes and face, then stood up and waited for her master to exit the room before her.
She was surprised when he motioned her forward to leave before him, which was strange... Normally she tidied up anything that may have been disrupted after he left, but she accepted that some small change was occurring and that she would do best to try to adapt to the situation. To please him.
Realizing now that he was waiting for her, she almost ran out of the room, trying to think of things she could do to earn that pillow back. Of course, she would never be able to judge which tasks would achieve that end goal... only he knew the weight of each action.
As Tali turned turned left and opened the closet door to her room, her master cleared his throat.
"Would you like to sleep in my room tonight?"
Her heart skipped a beat, and she froze mid-step, almost comically with one foot still half bent in the air. She was rarely allowed the honor of sleeping with him. She also realized it was a question.
"Master, I would like to do whatever would please you more."
He wanted her to start thinking about what would please herself instead of just him. "Where would you prefer to sleep?"
Another inward groan. She preferred to sleep in whichever place he would be happier with her sleeping in! This was starting to feel like her day at Kien's place all over again. She turned slowly to face him and sank to her knees, afraid that she wouldn't be able to stay standing.
"Master, please... I don't know what I want besides your pleasure and happiness. I want what you want."
He took silent controlling breaths to instill patience within himself. "Girl, right now, what I want is for you to look deep inside yourself, beyond my pleasure, and find out what -you- would prefer, not me."
