Tales From the Psych Ward 06: We Are Not Alone

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

It's so nice to be insane

No one asks you to explain

Radio by your side, Angie Baby

Angie Baby, you're a special lady

Living in a world of make-believe

Well, maybe...

Well, maybe...

From the song "Angie Baby" written by Alan O'Day and sung by Helen Reddy in 1974

This series of stories is inspired from my own struggle with marginal Borderline Personality Disorder, but none of the persons, incidents, or depictions are real - in everyday reality or in my own personal realities. Each story stands on its own, but uses characters and references from other stories in the series. You might understand this story better if you have read previous stories in this series.

The over-riding theme of the series is BDSM, so I am posting them here, even though some of the individual stories more properly belong in fantasy... but then, isn't the "Borderline" between bondage and fantasy rather blurred anyway?

The Technician

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Pony prancing up the middle of the street naked resulted in me being sent back to in house treatment until I was once again "no longer a threat to myself or others around me."

Dr. Henderson testified at the committal hearing. I'm not sure if he was for the defense or the prosecution. He explained that when I am in one of my states, I am not an overt threat to others or myself, but I am not aware of the reality around me. Thus, I could significantly injure myself or others. In his most expert-witness-called-to-testify voice, he explained to the judge, "During these episodes, he almost seems to be in his own personal reality."

Detective Mendes stated it a little more clearly, "Yeah, I am familiar with nutjob. For the most part he is totally harmless, but weird shit happens around him and to him. And for some reason they always call me when he flips out somewhere."

One of the two arresting officers also testified - the one who ran alongside me until I came back to this reality. "He wasn't threatening anybody, but he had definitely placed himself in danger. We got a 911 from a citizen that someone was frozen up at the bus stop and they were concerned about him. As we approached, he was just sitting there on the bus stop bench. Then all of a sudden he is out in the middle of the street prancing like a show pony, naked as a jaybird. We pulled up behind him to keep him from being struck by traffic and I ran along side him shouting at him through our bullhorn. He didn't seem to be able to hear me even when I was almost in his ear."

"We went about four blocks before he snapped out of it. Never did find his clothes. He told us to call Dr. Henderson and take him out to the psych hospital on the west side. I recognized his name from talk at the station house and knew that Detective Mendes had experience with him. We checked with Detective Mendes, and he said.... well, I won't repeat exactly what he said, but he told us to just take him back to the ward."

That was a couple months ago. If I can make ninety days with no episodes, they will have to hold a review hearing, and maybe I will get to go home again. I have been trying to stay on my best behavior so they won't have an excuse to cycle me through another course of treatment.

On day 67, I was sitting in the day room after supper pretending to watch TV. They normally leave us more or less alone for a couple of hours after supper while the staff catches up on paperwork and what not. The ward clerk behind the glass has the remote control, so we have to watch whatever he or she wants us to watch, but since a happy ward is a quiet ward, they usually let us watch whatever most of us - or at least the loudest of us - want to see.

Evidently none of us were loud enough because "Bleeding Heart Heather" had some sappy movie on that I had no desire to watch. Neither did most of the other residents because there was an unusually high level of conversation and chatter, and no one was complaining that they couldn't hear the TV.

That high level of background buzz must have made Cassie feel safe enough to come sit next to me and start a conversation. Usually whenever we sat next to each other, the ward clerk would start flipping the switches at the desk that would activate the "patient safety monitoring system."

According to Dr. Henderson, Cassie and I were "high risk residents" with "episodic manifestations of delusions dangerous to ourselves and to others."

The judge agreed, and that gave them carte-blanche authority to monitor and record any of our conversations. They even had a code word that we weren't supposed to know to tip off the clerk that the monitoring system should be turned on. Code words are nice, but you only have to hear "fire and ice" spoken into an attendant's radio handset a couple of times to figure out what it means - especially since they only said it when Cassie and I were sitting close to each other somewhere. Cassie claims that she is "Fire" and I am "Ice." Whatever.

Once, we intentionally sat right next to each other on the far side of the day room directly across from the ward clerk's window. We moved our mouths as though we were speaking, but made no sounds. The next day, a technician came to repair the "paging system." One repair tech carefully checked each "speaker" while another tech sat at the clerk's desk with headphones plugged into the console.

While they were working, Mike, the orderly, saw us sitting together on the couch watching and giggling. He came over to us, leaned in close, and said in his deep voice, "You know, one day they're going to figure out that crazy ain't stupid." He gave us both a big grin and added, "Until then, have fun." Then he laughed again and walked on into one of the hallways.

We had our proof that they were monitoring us, and now we knew for certain where all of the microphones were located. Tonight Cassie was relying on the buzz of conversation, and the fact that we were not sitting near any of the paging speakers. She leaned in close to me and said quietly, "cold water." That was the supposedly secret code word for the clerk to shut down the monitoring system.

She moved slightly so that we were facing each other. Like most people who have spent a lot of time in various institutions, we could both read lips fairly well. It helps you keep track of what they are saying behind the windows. It also means that we can talk very softly and not be picked up on the monitoring system even if they did go all "fire and ice" on us.

"What's on your mind?" I asked.

"Do you think there are more of us?"

I looked at her rather quizzically, and she continued, "I thought I was the only one, and then I met you. Perhaps there are others out there like us. You know, people who are sometimes somewhere else with... or inside someone else. Do you think there is any way that we could find out?"

"What did you have in mind?"

She grinned, and I knew that she already had a plan hatching in her mind.

"Both Kelly and Debbie say that they can summon us by thinking of us when they need us. What if we tried to think of someone like us - or someone like Kelly and Debbie. Maybe they could come here or we could go there. I'm afraid to try it alone, so it hasn't worked. But if we both try at the same time, maybe we will stay together."

I glanced over at the desk. The clerk was filling out daily forms and not paying any attention to us. "When do you want to try this?"

"No time like the present," she replied and spun to plop down and sit right alongside me. "Let's do it. I've given this a lot of thought. All we have to do is close our eyes and concentrate on finding a slave in need. There has to be one out there somewhere."

Sitting next to me, she was now speaking loudly enough to be heard over the background noise. The ward clerk set down his paperwork and looked out the window. I saw his hand reaching over to the console on his desk.

I mouthed "fire and ice" at Cassie and closed my eyes. I felt her settle against me and then suddenly I was in hot water. I don't mean that I was in trouble; I was literally in hot water. I was under water and it was HOT.

I kept my eyes closed and held my breath, hoping that I could eventually get to the surface. I tried to bring my hands to my face, but found that my arms were stretched out and tied at a level slightly above my head. It felt like I was moving upward in the water, at least the water seemed to be flowing downward on my body.

My hands broke the surface of the water and shortly afterwards, my face and head were back in the air. I opened my mouth and drew in a big gulp of air. After shaking my head to clear some of the water from my face, I opened my eyes.

We were in a large cavern somewhere. I knew Cassie was also there, even though I could not see her, or anyone else. As I continued to rise out of the water, I became aware that I was somehow tied to a big, square frame. I was standing on a large pipe at the bottom of the square with my legs spread and strapped to the pipes which were upright on either side of me. My hands were pulled taut above me and strapped to the corners where the upright pipes met the large pipe which crossed over my head. Two thick chains were attached to the top pipe about a foot apart directly over my head. I was like a giant X in a metal tic-tac-toe square.

Whatever mechanism was lifting me was smooth and silent. The frame turned slightly in the air and moved sideways several feet. Suddenly, it dropped rapidly back into the water..., but it was not the same water. It was icy cold. I tried to scream as I plunged into the water, but before I could, my head was under water.

I don't know how cold the water was, but since I had just been in hot water this felt really cold. I could feel my penis shrinking until it was almost up inside of me. At least I was either myself or I was with a male. I held my breath and closed my eyes.

Cold is a different kind of pain. Some people like it. I do not. I had no idea where I was, but I was fairly sure that I was being punished.

There was a "clunk" as the frame hit the bottom of the tank. I tilted slightly forward as the chains went just a little slack. Then I was rising upward again. As soon as my head cleared the water, I took in a deep breath and looked around to see more of what was happening. The first thing I did was look up at my left arm. If there was a long scar on the inside of my forearm, I was me. If not, then I would have to find out who I was with.

There was a scar. I was me. And a little to my right was another frame with a naked girl strapped in it. There was no doubt that it was Cassie. There might be another sub who looks like her, but that huge tattoo up her legs and across her cunt made it certain. I saw that there was another frame behind Cassie, and looking quickly around, I spied a fourth frame to my left.

As I swung upward and moved, I realized that all four of us were suspended from what looked like a giant carousel. There were four tanks arranged under the arms of the carousel, and it was rotating and moving us backwards over the tanks. I thought that it would dunk me into the next tank, but instead it kept rotating.

Moving backward can be a little disorienting, so I lost track of which tank I had just come out of.

Then I started rapidly descending. I was bracing myself for hot water, and as my feet touched the surface, I thought that I could feel the burning heat - but I was wrong. A little further into the water and my body finally recognized that I was back in freezing water. It was worse that when I had gone from hot to cold. My body wasn't really expecting anything that time. This time, I was expecting fire and got ice.

I was shivering badly by the time I was once again pulled out of the water. I was afraid that I might unintentionally open my mouth, but I didn't. As I rose once again from the water, I looked out into the semi-darkness that surrounded us. What I had originally taken to be a cavern was, in fact, a huge tent, like a circus would use. There was an audience, but they were not a buch of rubes seated on cheap circus-style bleachers. They were fashionably dressed and were gathered around small tables in comfortable chairs. Some of the tables had the remains of a meal on them. Others just had a few drink glasses. As best as I could figure, we were part of the entertainment at some BDSM dinner theater somewhere.

As I was dropping again, I was trying to not brace myself for hot or cold, but to just experience whatever it was. It was HOT! It was probably the same temperature as the first tank. It might have even been the first tank, but my body was chilled to the bone by the two cycles in the ice water. I felt like I was being boiled alive. Since the first tank hadn't scalded me, the water temperature was probably below 130 degrees F, but that is still damn hot even if you aren't pre-frozen. This time I managed to scream before my head went under water.

Once again, the frame clunked as it hit bottom and shortly afterwards we were all pulled back up into the air. This time, however, the carousel did not rotate. It moved sidewards like a giant, factory ceiling crane. Once we were over a different ring of this weird circus, it lowered us to the ground.

"Masters and Mistresses," boomed the voice of the ringmaster. That concludes our demonstration of William's Water World Carousel. Prices and availability are listed in the brochure packets you all received at your tables."

"Enjoy your drinks and conversations while our animal trainers remove our pets from their frames and we set up William's Water World Ferris Wheel. I assure you that there are a thousand and one ways to use this marvelous device for pain... and pleasure."

Four figures in tight-fitting black outfits with sequin patterns on them came up behind us and started unstrapping us from the frames. We were then herded into a cage at the edge of the ring.

"Where did you come from?" asked one of the other slave - a male who had been strapped to the frames. "Frank and Annie didn't renew their contract with William, and we were going to have to do everything double in order to complete the demonstration."

"I didn't think I could do it," said the female. "Our contracts say that we will give the full demonstration for each sales show. William said a new pair of slaves will be here tomorrow, but that doesn't help us today. Some pain turns me on. That's why I'm here, but too much pain becomes... just pain. I'm sure I wouldn't have been able to do the finale."

I must have looked like I had a question, because the female responded, "At the end of the show, if we have performed properly, William will reward us by allowing us to couple in the center ring. While we are fucking, he is out among the tables making sales. He says that he wants to show the Masters and Mistresses that slaves need pleasure as well as pain."

"What he really wants," continued the male slave, "is for the Masters and Mistresses to be so turned on that they will buy all of his monstrously overpriced toys."

One of the trainers banged a long club against the cage. "Come out of there one at a time. Go and stand on the platform in front of the wheel with your back to the wheel. After we get the first one attached, the second one comes out, not before."

He then opened the door to the cage and cracked a long whip. The male slave walked out into the ring and climbed a small ladder next to a long, rectangular water tank with a huge Ferris-wheel like mechanism above it. He stood on a small platform over the water and leaned back against the wheel. Two more trainers came over and began strapping his arms to the wheel high above his head.

They then rotated the wheel slightly until his feet were just barely touching the platform. With his body tightly stretched, they wrapped a large band across his waist just above his hips, and another on his legs just above the knees. Then the wheel was rotated a little further until his feet were totally off the platform. They were strapped to the sides of the wheel.

The door to the cage opened again and the trainer snapped his whip. The female slave walked out and climbed up onto the platform. She was attached to the wheel just as the male slave had been. The door opened again. This time the trainer pointed at me with his whip before he loudly cracked it just above my head. Having watched the other two slaves, I knew what was expected of me, and soon I was firmly strapped to the wheel. The wheel was rotated until I was on my back staring up at the ceiling of the tent. I heard the crack of the whip and felt slight movement which I assumed was Cassie climbing up onto the platform.

"What is unique about this carousel," boomed William, "is that it is capable of giving pleasure or pain..., of creating fear or passion. Watch and see."

The Ferris wheel started rotating. As I rotated down through the bottom, I could see that I was but a few inches above the water. Suddenly my muscles spasmed as electricity jolted through me. Evidently the opposite sides of the wheel could be electrified. I heard Cassie yelp as another jolt went through us. I could almost see her bouncing in her bonds.

That image, and the touch of pain I was experiencing, had the desired effect. I could feel myself growing hard. I couldn't turn enough to see myself, but as I rotated over the top, I could imagine my prick sticking straight up in all its glory.

As I went over top center, I could hear the male slave moaning. It wasn't a moan of pain, but it wasn't exactly a moan of pleasure either. There was a note of fear in his moan. It was like fearful pleasure. Shortly thereafter, I hear the same type of moan from the female slave.

I could never have guessed what was happening, but as I came through bottom center, it was made clear. I was still just inches off the water. The only thing that touched the water was the first inch or so of my rigid prick. And the water was electrified. It was a gentle pulsing throb that almost made me cum, but at the same time, I fully understood that it could also be a jolt as strong as what I had felt earlier. I think my moan was also a moan of fearful pleasure. Cassie rotated through just behind me. Either she did not comprehend the possibility of extreme pain that might lay in the future, or she was turned on by it, because she cried out, "O God, yes. YESSSSSS!"

When I once again rotated to the top and the male slave was on the bottom, I heard a scream of pain that left no doubt as to whether or not there would be strong electrical pulses. Most normal men would have shriveled up into nothing at the sound of that scream, but no one has ever said that I am normal. If anything, my rod became stiffer. The female slave also screamed. I wasn't sure if that was a scream of pleasure or pain. Then I was rotating through the bottom.

As soon as the tip of my prick touched the water, I began screaming. It hurt. It hurt badly. But as my prick descended deeper into the water, and as I went into the pain, I started going into that place where pleasure and pain begin to mix. I nearly came before rotating up out of the water.

Cassie goes that place a lot faster than I do and she cried out one continuous "YESSSSSS!" as she rotated through the water.

I felt movement that I didn't quite understand. The wheel was doing something besides rotating. I wasn't sure what it was until I rotated to the bottom. My prick went into the water much sooner, and it went much deeper into the water. The wheel was lowering. As I continued to rotate, my toes touched the water just as my prick was coming out of the water. The electrical sensations were hovering between pain, pleasure, and pain-pleasure.