Taing Control Part 3

This is part x of 10 parts published every two weeks.

This story is not just a BDSM story but a dark sex novel in 10 parts. Readers should bear in mind this story is pure fantasy. It involves Ava and Lorenzo's unusual sex life and predilections and certainly gets darker as it progresses. It involves some of the more unusual and painful BSDM themes and, whilst I have personally tried some of the more potentially painful practices (hard spanking is a particular favourite) I haven't indulged in strappado, whipping or caning or the medical device aspects. And, of course, no-one condones non-consensual sex.

For those that already know most of it, sorry about the BDSM library section in the middle of this. However, I thought some of the BDSM history useful and I'll bet few have heard of hypofrontality or algolagnia. I'm also trying to explain Ava's thinking and motivation to become a submissive and why she does what she does in some of the chapters that come later...

Homework

That Friday at lectures, Ava told Lorenzo she wouldn't be coming round that weekend. She was staying in to do some reading and research. He'd looked at her knowingly and smiled, kissing her hand.

Back at home in her own small apartment, Ava's thoughts were still in wild confusion. It was one day on from the powerful spanking session that had been so surprising and yet incredibly erotic and freeing. Stripping out of her shorts and camisole, she padded over to the full length mirror to look at her naked rear.

Twisting her lithe body round she was shocked at the sight that confronted her. Livid streaks and deep purple bruising combined with deep red lines, spread all over her battered behind. She carefully massaged in the special bruise liniment she'd bought over what was a clear livid handprint on her right buttock, blushing when she remembered the curious look from the pharmacist over her explanation.

She bent forward, peering down with trepidation between her legs, opening her smooth pussy up gently with the tip of a long manicured finger. Her vulva was still puffy and delicate to the touch where he'd caught her several times with his palm during the brutal spanking she'd endured. She prodded herself either side. It felt like soft veal which had been smacked roughly with a tenderiser. She mused that she looked like a vertical version of her friend Shania's botoxed lips, their current colour not dissimilar either. Her delicate labia, normally tightly and tidily tucked inside her sex, protruded slightly, still swollen.

Just 24 hours ago she had experienced exquisite pain, as well a sexual high she'd thought almost impossible. The question was, what would happen next between her and Lorenzo? And what did she really want from this relationship? She decided she really had to fully understand what might be in store for them both in the future. In the kitchen she poured herself a glass of red wine, came back in the lounge and, given the hiding she had endured, found a soft chair that was just comfortable enough to sit in. From her bag she took out the book he had given her, determined to study what life was really all about as slave and master. She began to read, taking time to go over the many things about this 'BDSM' term that perplexed her and, as yet, made little sense within the confines of the previous safe world she'd known.

"BDSM covers a wide range of activities that, to most people, sound complex and pretty far outside the ordinary but, in reality, are not anything like as extraordinary as you might first think."

"There is considerable interest in the types of sexual activity called BDSM. You only have to look at the success of novels and movies such as' The Story of O' and 'Fifty Shades of Grey', together with films such as 'Nine and a Half Weeks', not to mention Marlon Brando's 'butter' scene in 'Last Tango in Paris', to recognise we like the idea of BDSM."

"Recent research shows 65% of women and 53% of men have fantasies about being dominated sexually. When you ask them if they want things the other way round, 47% of women and 60% of men say they want to dominate someone else sexually."

Well, that was a good start. So liking BDSM didn't automatically make her a pervert. But what about people who actually did it? She turned quickly to the chapter on the science of BDSM.

"When researchers ask men and women if they recently engaged in BDSM activities, only 2% say that they have. This percentage has stayed relatively consistent for the last twenty years."

"So both the conclusion, as the success of the numerous novels and movies proves, is that most men and women spend a lot of time fantasising about BDSM, yet very few of them have the courage to take it any further, or indulge in it with their sexual partners."

"Of course you could conclude that the research is plain wrong, and that people either don't understand what BDSM means, or they don't want to admit doing it, if it paints them in a bad light socially."

"And that's really the crux of the public perception of BDSM. Most people have seen or read about it, most people like the sound of it, most people do fantasise about it, but no-one really wants to talk about it or admit they do it."

Well there it was, out in the open. Ava had loved reading steamy novels about being dominated sexually by a man, but no one had ever tried BDSM with her, let alone ask if she was interested in it. Maybe she'd just not yet met the right man?

"So let's look at how BDSM came about, and what it actually is. Individuals and couples have been interested in it and intrigued by it since the 1960s, even if they do haven't gone so far as to act out the roles of master and slave in the bedroom, or as subordinate and dominant in their sexual activities."

"The BDSM term is an abbreviation for three distinct sex-related word pairs. BD refers to bondage and discipline, DS to dominance and submission and SM to sadism and masochism. Each are, in effect, three very different parts of the BDSM spectrum."

Ava reflected. So what they'd done last night was a real heady mix of discipline, dominance, submission, sadism and masochism. In fact the only bit they hadn't engaged in was the bondage. But then if you counted Lorenzo holding her down hard over his lap with his hand, while he spanked her, maybe they'd completed the whole set. That worried her slightly. How did he know so much about all this?

"There are various terms broadly used in BDSM as a social, psychological and sexual identity, as well as indicating a man or woman's usual preference during their sexual activity."

"The terms 'top', 'bottom', or 'switch', for example, are often used to describe the roles of a couple and their specific interests for the duration of a single sexual act. The same terms are used in BDSM with slightly different meanings. But, in both contexts, the term 'top' refers to the person who is taking the dominant or active role, and 'bottom' as the person taking the submissive or passive roles, not who is physically on top in any particular sexual act."

Ava realised the deep feelings she'd experienced, around those two stunning orgasms during their exotic sex activities last night, were wrapped up in her mentally accepting Lorenzo as a dominant.

"From the 1970s onwards, people would often identify their particular BDSM interests by wearing a set of keys on the side of their belt or a colour-coded handkerchief in their rear pocket. This practice was called flagging, indicating their sexual preferences, and whether they preferred top or bottom. There is considerable controversy about exactly how many tops and bottoms there are amongst male and female and straight and gay populations. This is because very few people, even today, are willing to admit to others that they know to taking part in these types of sexual activity."

She thought of her small group of close college girlfriends again. The idea of any of them engaging in BDSM made her smile. But then, they probably imagined exactly the same of her about BDSM.

"Researchers and practitioners have developed categories of BDSM activities. Physical restriction (bondage, handcuffs, rope, chains, suspension), administration of pain (spanking, caning, clothes pegs on the skin, screw-clamps), humiliation (gags, verbal humiliation, kneeling, cleaning) as well as a category related to sexual behaviour."

Ava wondered what weirdos were into cleaning humiliation? Surely no-one wanted to clean things if they didn't have to? But then she chided herself. BDSM seemed to be about new experiences and experimentation. So hey-ho, each to their own she shrugged.

"In BDSM, there are generally two roles. One partner is dominant and the other is subordinate. These are commonly known as top and bottom, or dom and sub, or master and slave. Top can mean either a dominant partner in BDSM play (such as flogging, binding, being master or other sexual play including penetrating the orifices of another partner), or a partner who applies stimulation to the other, and who may or may not be dominant. BDSM clothing can also help to emphasis the respective roles that each partner is playing."

This was all a hell of a lot to try and get your head round, as well as trying to work out which permutations of all the dominant and submissive roles she read about she thought she might best fit into.

"The term 'versatile' is sometimes used to refer to someone who plays both top and bottom roles at the same time. This versatile term is usually used to avoid confusion with the word 'switch', which is another name for a light cane in BDSM spanking."

Ava moved the soft cushion beneath her bum. Spanking. Well Ava knew all about that BDSM activity only too well. But a 'versatile' role? Now that sounded very interesting for both of them, being flexible about who was dom and who was sub, all in one session.

"A related BDSM term, 'topping from the bottom', means a person who simultaneously adopts the role of bottom and dom. A 'service top' is a person who applies sensation or control to a bottom, but does so at the bottom's explicit instruction."

Ava paused and started to laugh, images of ridiculous clothes and sexual positions tumbling through her head. But she liked the idea of a service top. Lorenzo asking her to do something sexual to him, yet Lorenzo would still remain in charge, still be her master.

"In BDSM, bottom can mean either a submissive partner in sexual play (such as being gagged, tied, humiliated, or made to serve), or a partner who receives stimulation from another, and who may or may not be submissive. A bottom in BDSM does not have to be the receptive partner. For example, a female dominant may command her submissive to penetrate her."

Interesting. So she could ask him to do specific things to her, but she would still be the one actually in control. She rather liked that. She thought how great it would be to switch their roles round. Him to tie her up but her to command when and how to penetrate her.

Ava's eyes shone. This was incredibly exciting and liberating. Given her limited experience, a sexual past with what she could only regard as relatively unadventurous men, these were things she'd never remotely thought about before. A scenario came into her mind, one where she was standing there completely naked, but he was kneeling on the ground, in front of her, handcuffed and with a collar around his neck. Lorenzo licking her out, at her command.

"On a physical level, BDSM is commonly misconceived to be all about pain. However, most often BDSM practices are primarily concerned with power, humiliation and pleasure. Of the three categories of BDSM, only sadism and masochism specifically requires pain, but this is usually a means to an end, as a way to create feelings of humiliation and dominance. The aspects of dominance and submission and bondage and discipline may not include physical suffering at all, but include the sensations experienced by different emotions of the mind."

So that was what had happened last night. Lorenzo was clearly into sadomasochism. And yet making her feel pain had also led to her own exquisite pleasure, when he took her over the dining chair. Physical pain leading to physical and emotional pleasure. Delightful.

"Dominance and submission of power is an entirely different experience, not always psychologically associated with physical pain. Many BDSM activities do not involve any kind of pain or humiliation, but just the exchange of power and control. During these activities, practitioners can feel endorphins comparable to the so-called 'runner's high', or to the afterglow of an orgasm. The corresponding trance-like mental state is also known as 'subspace' for the submissive, or 'topspace' for the dominant."

"Some use the term 'body stress' to describe this highly important physiological sensation, an experience called algolagnia. But this is not the only motivation for many BDSM practitioners. The philosopher Edmund Burke defines this sensation of pleasure derived from pain by the word 'sublime'.

It made sense. That euphoric high she'd felt, before blacking out.

"To test this theory in psychological terms, researchers studied randomly assigned 'switches' to be top or the bottom in a scene."

"The results revealed that both bottoms and tops entered altered states of consciousness, but different altered states. Bottoms entered an altered state called 'transient hypofrontality', associated with reductions in pain, feelings of floating, feelings of peacefulness, feelings of living in the here and now and even time distortions."

So that was it then, why she'd felt such highs during her orgasms. Something so outside of herself, other worldly, it defied description.

"Tops, in contrast, entered the altered state known as 'flow' associated with focused attention on optimal performance of a task and a loss of self-consciousness. These pleasurable, but subtly different altered states of consciousness, are likely to be one of the motivations most people have for engaging in BDSM activities."

"Research has shown that couples engaging in consensual BDSM also tend to show hormonal changes over time that indicate decreases in stress and increases in their emotional bonding."

"Perhaps surprisingly, short-term bruising aside, BDSM is also good for your health. BDSM practitioners have lower levels of depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, psychological sadism and masochism, borderline pathology and paranoia."

"When looking at the effects of BDSM on personality traits, practitioners exhibited higher levels of extraversion, openness to new experiences, conscientiousness and subjective well-being. They also showed lower levels of neuroticism and rejection sensitivity."

So, rather than being a perversion, something she'd thought reviled by society, BDSM activities could be a factor that bonded them both together, something strong and healthy between them.

"The negative traits that emerged were that BDSM practitioners showed higher levels of dissociation and narcissism, as well as lower levels of agreeableness than non-practitioners. That is to say, they like themselves, are confident people, but also like to be in control."

"This may be why there is a marked higher proportion of BDSM practitioners in professional and white collar roles, as opposed to blue collar and unskilled roles. There is also a suggestion, as yet untested, that there is a link with BDSM and higher intelligence."

OK, so that gelled with Ava. If a lot about BDSM was linked to wanting to be in control, then it was bound to appeal to those people who already had relative positions of power.

She guessed a lot more people engaged in BDSM activities than she'd imagined, but few wanted to admit it, especially professional men and women professionals. Next time she walked round college, she would look at other people in a very different light.

It was three in the morning when she finally put the book down, astounded at the prospect of some of the exciting and potentially frightening sexual activities that lay ahead for them, desperate to tell Lorenzo all about her thoughts, at early Monday lectures.

The next morning she woke late. As she reached over on her bedside table for her watch, she spotted a missed call from Lorenzo on her mobile phone. Smiling, she switched her phone off. It would do him a bit of good to wonder exactly what was going to happen next, just like she'd had to, standing there naked in his apartment.

Her bum felt tender, but a lot better. Some of the swelling had gone down, to be replaced with huge purple bruises where he'd smacked her wickedly with his hand, and tiny thin stripes where his nails had caught her sensitive skin. If she was going to let him do that to her again, then he was going to have to cut his fingernails.

She replayed back what she'd just been thinking. This was it then. Her reading until early in the morning had clearly cemented the conclusions she'd already come to. Sleeping on it all hadn't changed her mind either. She wanted to see where BDSM took her.

Every way she looked at it, she wanted it. In fact it was more than that. What Lorenzo had made her experience went beyond a simple rational decision, it had been a truly life changing experience.

But, if she was going to embrace this, and all of what the BDSM world that might lay in front of her entailed, she was going to prepare for it as thoroughly as she could. And that meant getting to understand it as much as possible, from all perspectives. She also thought about her bum, still smarting with residual pain.

She'd need to work out what do about some of the obvious physical marks certain BDSM activities entailed. Marks on her bum were one thing, but if she had chafe marks on her wrists people were bound to see.

She cooked some scrambled eggs, taking the plate and a slice of toast over to the desk. She put a soft cushion on her chair, settling in under the table carefully. Her laptop was in front of her. Time for some internet searching. She opened up a private browser window to hide her history, just in case someone happened to see her laptop in lectures. Entering 'BDSM play', her eyes went wide.

It was an even bigger new world that opened up to Ava. Even Wikipedia had it own detailed page all about it, and there was no shortage of advice and opinions about what, how, when and who should do what, and to who. Some of the activities people engaged in looked downright dangerous. Putting a cord around your neck to cut off some of your air, to give you a more intense orgasm, looked like an accident waiting to happen. In fact she remembered something about that. Yep, a rock star and a British Member of Parliament had both died that way. Ava was willing to bet that those two people made interesting headlines. Or maybe there were lots more that happened, that got hushed up, never made the papers.

By the time she'd covered all of the main BDSM topics she'd listed from reading Lorenzo's book that intrigued her, it was past lunchtime. She made herself a sandwich and sat by the window, the afternoon sunshine illuminating some of her darker thoughts.

None of this BDSM stuff was simple and it just didn't seem quite normal. Liking and wanting it still made her feel a bit of a pervert. But she realised that what she particularly liked about BDSM was it meant. That, for a short time, nothing was her decision, that someone else was in complete and utter control of what happened.

Every day she spent her time having to organise things, get up, make sure she was at lectures, read study topics in the library, do assignment work, go out with friends. With BDSM, as a submissive, she didn't have to plan or think about anything other than what was occurring to her body, at that very moment.

Submitting yourself to someone else's will was all-immersive and encompassing. And, when you trusted your partner, it made you feel safe too.