I'd only ever had two one-night stands, and he was the second one. It was the real thing—meet for a drink, talk turned to sex, kissing in the cab, back to his hotel. I walked through the lobby at eight the next morning in my sky-high heels and back-seam stockings and was sure the middle-aged guys clustered at the checkout desk took me for a call girl.
He was traveling on business and lived far from me in another state. We'd set it up online and both gotten what we'd wanted, presumably.
Goodbye, good luck.
I certainly never expected to hear from him again. But now it was eight months later and he was calling me.
"I'm coming through New York next week. I'd like to see you."
"I didn't know you still had my number, Samir."
"Of course I do. I've thought about you."
I wasn't seeing anyone. There had been a man, beginning right after my night with Samir last spring, but it was ultimately a short-lived relationship—one that had left me shaken and sad. I'd been unusually celibate recently. "Okay," I said.
A few days before he was due to arrive, on impulse, I invited him to stay at my place. Didn't that make sense, since we'd evidently progressed beyond a one-night stand? Hotels felt so cheap and anonymous. That had been part of the thrill and the arousal for me last time, but now we knew each other, kind of.
I had misgivings, though, and started to wish I could take back my offer. We texted all week leading up to Samir's visit and he never said anything about sex.
I'd like to get to know you better
, he wrote.
I hope I can cheer you up some
. Was I crazy to assume he wanted to hook up again?
I recalled our encounter from the year before. In the bar, I'd told him I was submissive, but not a masochist. He was a tall, muscular man, and I hoped he wouldn't be tender. When he kissed me in the cab and inside the hotel room it
was
too gentle, though, and I'd let the alcohol fuel my recklessness before I could feel disappointment too keenly. I stripped for him, bending over in my stockings; I remembered prancing naked on top of the bed and daring him to come get me.
The sex was better than the foreplay. I'd been genuinely intimidated by his cock, which was so thick my hand didn't close around it. When he pulled my thighs way up and aimed that massive club at my pussy I looked at him and said, "I'm scared." He hadn't hesitated for a second; just replied firmly, "You can take it," and persevered. In that determined moment I thought I saw him at his best.
I knew he'd been very well satisfied, and pleased, that night—and the next morning. He'd touched me a lot; kissed me goodbye. But now he wasn't flirting, and this platonic behavior was making me feel insecure. The day before he flew in, I finally broke down and sent him a message saying, "So are you looking forward to fucking me again?"
Hours later, I finally got a response:
Of course
.
Oh. Well. But for some reason I didn't feel totally reassured.
We went to dinner in my neighborhood and he told me about where his job had taken him that summer and fall. I explained a bit more about the demise of my last relationship, but left out many of the pertinent facts. I could have said,
Well, he was a Dom, which in this case meant he gave great spankings, but believed it was his right to spank a lot of other girls on the side
, but I wasn't ready to open this can of worms with Samir. We had dessert and our second drink when he casually remarked, "You know, Emma, I finally looked at that website you told me about."
"What?"
"You know, the social media for kinky people."
I had talked about that on our date last year? How drunk had I been? "Oh? Did you join?"
I kept my tone light, unsure where this was going.
"No. I found you, though."
I swallowed some more rum and Coke.
"I read your stories."
"Oh." I stared at the ice and the anemic lime slice in the bottom of my glass. Maybe he would just drop it.
"Then I Googled your profile name and found your other stories."
Shit!
Startled, I looked swiftly at Samir's face, but his expression gave nothing away. He was just gazing back at me calmly, although I had the impression he had moved closer—I felt pinned, trapped between him and the wall of the booth behind me. I clearly had to say something, but I didn't know what he was thinking. Was he disgusted? Freaked out? Aroused?
"Uh, you know, those stories. They're, uh..." I knew I was fidgeting and I felt my face heat.
Change tactics, Em
.
Go on offense.
I drained what was left of my drink and met his eyes. "Did you like them?"
"Yeah," he said easily. "You're a great writer."
He signaled for the check.
Wait—we were done talking about this? I had about a dozen questions. Did he look up my kinky online profile right after we hooked up? Or not until recently—after he planned to see me again? Or was that why he wanted to see me again? Did this change anything?
"You want to walk back?"
I realized I'd been spaced out, frowning in thought, and Samir was holding my coat for me. He put his arm around me as we walked back to my apartment, perfectly sweetly. But something
was
different. Before, I'd felt like I was seducing him, and other than the period of time where he was actively fucking me, I'd controlled the pace and the nature of everything we'd done together. That's how it normally was with the middle-class, educated men I was used to dating. Now, I felt vulnerable. The balance of power had definitely shifted in his favor. He knew my fantasies. Hell, he even knew the dirty ones that I posted anonymously to story sites but didn't claim in any kinky dating site profile. I knew I should have posted under two unique pseudonyms.
Damn it, why hadn't I thought to Google
him
? I clearly couldn't fight fire with fire. "What did you like best about last time—when we hooked up?" I murmured, cuddling close to Samir's side and gazing up at him under the streetlights.
"I'll show you—when we get inside," he answered.
He was far from discomfited, or effectively seduced, from the looks of it, and I was becoming apprehensive.
Back at my place I ducked into the bathroom. My nose was red from the cold and I had a sudden, insane urge to run back into the bedroom completely naked, or crawl back in on all fours—something crazy, just to force a climax to this agonizing, slow buildup of tension. But instead, after a couple of minutes, I just walked out again, and Samir was sitting up straight in the soft old armchair where I normally curled up to read.