Submitting to Love

Disclaimer: This story involves themes of pegging, BDSM, and femdom.

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Recap: After many unsuccessful dates, Matt was ready to call it quits, until he matched with Jessica. After a few months of only texting, Matt knew she was special. Finally, they were able to meet in person, and though he was afraid he was getting catfished, Jessica was everything he had hoped. After meeting her son, he knew this was the life he wanted. This was everything he had been looking for. But there was a catch. Jessica told Matt of her abusive ex-husband, and how she went to counseling, where her therapist suggested femdom. After researching, Jessica discovered pegging and femdom, and she had to be the one in charge in the bedroom to help her feel safe and secure.

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That was the best sleep of my life. Jessica and I slept in as we recover from the previous night's escapades. In Jessica's bed, we fell asleep with her in my arms.

Jessica, wearing a large T-shirt, and still in her fishnets from last night, sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing my back.

"Hey sweetie, it's time to wake up. I got brunch ready."

I let out a loud grunt as I stretched. Slowly I got out of bed, feeling just how sore I was from last night. My thighs burned from the positions I was in. Man, my bottom was sore. It wasn't so much pain but rather felt like muscles I've never used before had been worked out. Jessica handed me my boxers and one of her baggy T-shirts

"Go ahead and change. You look ridiculous," she said with a smirk, teasing me about being naked except for the thigh-high socks she made me wear to bed.

I followed her to the kitchen, eyes glued to her fishnet-covered ass, then drifting down to her feet as she walked on the balls of her beautiful feet.

"Wow, drinks and breakfast. Guess you are a keeper," I said, as she ate together.

"We did use a lot of energy last night, we need the energy boost." She said with a wink. After a moment of silence, she continued. "I know last night is still pretty fresh, but I thought maybe we can talk about it later tonight. So we can just enjoy each other's company."

"Yeah, yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Do you have any plans for today?"

"Nothing on the agenda, just got to pick up Aiden later today."

After finishing our meal, I helped put up the dishes, appreciating this new dynamic with Jess. After cleaning up the kitchen, I headed to the bathroom to take a shower and clear my head. I loved being here with Jess. This is what I wanted, but I was still reeling from last night. Jessica looked absolutely amazing dressed up in black, but the pegging and submission didn't come naturally to me. We definitely needed a heart-to-heart tonight, because I don't think I could do that again. Conflicted would be an understatement.

I returned with a clear head to find Jessica looking distraught in the living room.

"Hey, what's wrong."

"Um, they think that my dad had a stroke. He's in the hospital, and I have to-." Her voice cracked as she tried to fight back tears, quickly losing her composure. I wrapped her in my arms, squeezing tight.

"Sweetheart, I'm so sorry. I'll help you get ready, so you can go be with your family."

As bad as I wanted to be there for Jessica and her family, I knew this was a family matter and didn't want to impose. If she wanted me there, she would invite me.

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She dropped me off at the bar where I had left my car after a night of drinking. I kissed Jesse and told her to call me if she needed help with anything or if I could do anything for her.

The drive home was bitter-sweet and gave me time to contemplate everything. Last night was my first glimpse into the world of Femdom. I had been bound and pegged, just like Jess said. And even though I did have some fun, I still couldn't wrap my head around what a relationship would be like as a sub.

Being able to worship her feet was amazing, a fantasy come true. And the way she dressed and ordered me a round was a big turn-on. I didn't mind being tied up, but the parts I struggled with were pegging and eating my own cum.

I wanted to please Jess, but having a foreign object in my ass was just embarrassing to me. And a part of me still thinks it's gay. Jess was right, anal play for men was very intimidating. And the humiliation of cleaning my own cum just wasn't something that I could look forward to. I knew Jess could sense my hesitation and my indifference to the events of last night, and would have to be something we talked about.

I couldn't imagine living life without Jess, but I don't know if I could keep this up once a week, even once a month. I know this was a hard stance from Jess, so it was really up to me. Could I learn to swallow my pride, or was I willing to admit that this was too much for me? If this was going to work, she would have to compromise too.

It was difficult not to check my phone constantly. I wanted to give Jess time to herself and her family to think. She would text me when she wanted and when she had time, and I didn't want to bother her.

With my conflicting thoughts about our sex life and my sympathy for Jess, I strived to keep myself busy for the rest of the day. Night had come and Jess still hadn't texted me. So I decided to give her one text and head to bed, ready to work tomorrow.

Matt: hey babe, just wanted to check up on you and see how you're doing. I hope everything works out. Just let me know if there's anything I can do for you and your family, like if you all need food or anything. Good night, babe

I woke up disappointed not to find a text. Reluctantly, I got dressed for work, where I check my phone every hour. It wasn't till after lunch that I finally received a text.

Jess: hi, I'm so sry about last night. Dad wasn't looking good for a while, and I was pretty busy with the family. Dad's doing a little bit better but is still in rough shape. They're struggling to keep him stable. Thanks for checking up on me, I'll let you know if we need anything.

Matt: no problem, babe. Just want to make sure you take care of your family.

Jess didn't text back for the rest of the day. I hated knowing there was nothing I could do, and I hated myself more for being selfish.

Matt: hope you're doing OK, I'm always here if you need me. Hope to hear from you soon.

Monday night was the last time that I heard from Jess. I left a few messages a day with no replies. I decided to send a bouquet to her house. Contemplating going over there, I thought it best not to. She would reach out to me when she was ready. Thursday came and there was still no reply. I started getting desperate.

Sure, she was probably stressed over her father, but what if it was something else? What if she sensed my hesitation that morning? I knew I was a little reluctant about what she wanted from me and I wanted to talk about it, but what if she already decided I was a lost cause? Fuck! I hated these constant mood swings. Depression, anger, spite, sorrow.

I called her a few times Friday evening, got no responses, and left some voicemails. I was becoming a nervous wreck. Worrying about her, wondering if she left me.

Saturday morning, I finally received a phone call from Jess. My heart leaped for joy, knowing that at least you remembered me.

"Hey beautiful," I answer the phone. But when Jess replied, there was no warmth in her voice

"Matt, hi. Um, I know I've been distant this week,

but everything with my dad," her voice was shaking. She was having a hard time composing herself.

"I just got a lot going on right now. And, and, I just need a break. I'm so sorry, Matt." The call had ended.

Instantly I called back with no response. I called, and I called, each time going to voicemail. I sent several texts and there was no response, not knowing what I did wrong. But I just knew it was my fault. Then I broke down, collapsing to the floor in a sobbing heap.

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A month had passed. A month of depression, of loneliness. A month with no answers. I left text after text, seeing that they were left unread. All phone calls instantly went to voicemail. She had blocked me. I wrote several handwritten letters to her with no response. Sent flowers every other day. I drove to her house but didn't dare to go to the door. It just felt wrong, bombarding her at her house after she trusted me with her address.

Trust went both ways. As heartbroken as I was, I couldn't help but be angry as well. I had tried to cater to her. Made myself vulnerable and yes it was a struggle for me, but I didn't deserve this.

I was just as mad at her as I was at myself. She was straightforward and told me exactly what she wanted. She didn't speak in riddles and didn't play any games. Did she ask a lot of me? Yes. And did I do what she asked? Yes, but not with all my heart as she wanted. I vowed to myself, that if I got another chance, I wouldn't waste it this time. I'll cherish her and everything about her.

My house was a wreck from all the drinking I had been doing. I was not coping well. One drunk night, I saw just how rough I looked in the mirror. I hated what I saw. At that moment, I cast away all my anger and doubts. I vowed to get Jess back and be the best fucking sub in the world.

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-Insert montage movie scene, playing Ocean Avenue by Yellow card: "IF I COULD FIND YOU NOW THINGS WOULD GET BETTER!"

I fought the urge to be a creep and go to her house, but there were other ways that I could find her. So I did the next best thing; I shopped close to her house. We both live on the outskirts of the city on opposite sides. So that meant that I had to go out of my way for shopping. I frequented the grocery stores nearest her house and with my master skills of deduction, decided the best spot I could find her, the local Asian market. She loves sushi, and she loves making her own Asian food, so what better place to stalk, I mean, bump into her?

All my chores were done on her side of town. Oil change, buying books, tire repair, groceries, coffee, and even a new eye doctor for my glasses. I spent a lot of money on gas and just traveling alone.

I may have been a little obsessed, but that's what love does to you. I went out of my way 30 miles just to pick up a coffee, just so I could possibly run into Jess, and planned out what I would say if I bumped into her, but came up with something different every time.

And when I wasn't traveling across town, I was diving deeper into what it meant to be a sub. If I found Jess and was able to get her back, I wanted there to be zero doubts that I would submit to her. Through Reddit and Pornhub, I had plenty of material to learn from. Everything from pegging, queening, cucks, hotwives, worship, gimps, BDSM, and so much more. She wasn't going to catch me off guard ever again. I even bought my own equipment to practice with.

Through the research and browsing, I not only learned to embrace the femdom lifestyle, but I also crazed it. Femdom Empire was my gateway drug into the pegging world. I know jacking off to rough porn is not the same as living it, but I legitimately wanted to be dominated by Jessica. And I would prove it to her. AJ Applegate would make a good instructor.

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The weeks continue to roll by without success. I drove my work vehicle to a manager's lunch, meeting up at some fancy Italian restaurant. I was heading there early when some charger cut me off, causing me to spill soda all over my dress shirt, even a blazer couldn't cover it up. Making an emergency stop, I went to the closest clothing store. I made a beeline to the men's area, cutting through the boy's clothes.

"Mattie!" A young voice sang out between the kid's clothing racks. I stopped in my tracks, searching for who called my name. A cart emerged from between two racks, revealing Aiden, sitting in the cart.

"Hey, buddy," I said ecstatically, as the rest of the cart emerged, unfortunately, it was not pushed by Jessica, but by an older, beautiful woman who was the spitting image of Jess.

"Mattie?" she said, just now noticing me, almost appearing alarmed.

Realizing that Aiden recognizes me, she put the pieces together.

"Oh my, you must be Matthew."

"Yes, Ma'am. And you must be Mrs. Landers," I said, reaching out to take her hand.

"Please, call me Julie. Nice to finally meet you," she said, taking my hand. "I've heard plenty about you."

"Oh yeah. From my buddy Aiden, huh?" I reached out, giving him a high five.

"Not just Aiden. Jessica talked very highly of you."

This revelation took me by surprise. It must have been before she blocked me.

"I'm, uh, glad to hear that. Are you babysitting today?" I said, looking around.

"Yes, it's just me today. No, Jess isn't here."

She must've seen the disappointment on my face, because she quickly added, "I'm sorry to hear that it didn't work out between you two, but I'm sure you know she's going through a lot with Aidan's father back in town."

"I'm sorry... Aiden's father's back? She hasn't talked to me much since the accident. How is your husband, by the way, I hope..."

"My husband is doing just fine, thank you for asking. He's at home and recovering still, but he'll be walking in no time.

"And as for Aidan's father," she said lowering her voice not wanting to bring it up in front of Aiden, "the day after the accident Luke popped in. Apparently, he was one of the emergency contacts and he was called during Roger's stroke. We all thought we were done with him, but apparently, he came around asking for money and refusing to sign the custody agreement. He was probably hoping Roger died and tried to get some inheritance, of course, he wants nothing to do with Aiden, but technically he still has rights, and he's been holding that over Jessica's head for the past two months."

There it was, the reason Jess stop talking to me. I felt it was safe to assume that the trauma that Luke caused Jessica had made her panic, or even worse, maybe he was controlling her somehow.

"You know, Matt. When Luke showed up he said some pretty horrible things to Jessica. Saying that they were the same, and she was just as manipulative as he was, and I'm not sure why, but that really hit Jessica hard. I think maybe she thought that she was manipulating you or maybe blamed herself or something, but she kind of closed down on everybody and hasn't been herself, Matt."

So maybe Jessica had blocked me, but now I knew that there was an explanation. From the stories I heard about Luke, he was not only physically abusive and a stereotypical douchebag, but he knew how to emotionally break Jess down. It may be something Luke said about manipulating people that caused Jess to question our relationships and how she went about it. For months, I have been looking for a chance to reach out to Jessica to try to fix this, to try to get her back. And this was it, this is my chance. She needed help. She needed me.

I got Julie's number as we talked more about the Luke situation. He wanted to open a new business out of state, and he didn't quite have the funds. So once he was back in contact with Jessica, he took his chance to manipulate their family. From the pictures I saw Luke was a relatively strong guy, he looked intimidating. So I knew there was no way that I could beat him in a fight, even if I could, how could I guarantee that he wouldn't show back up? But I had to do something.

Julie had sent me a copy of the custody papers for me to look at and go over. If he signed them, he would be signing all his rights as a parent away, and would no longer have any leverage over Jess. In normal situations I would be against a parent signing away their rights, but it was obvious Luke had no desire to be a father, so no guilt here.

I called into work, missing the manager's lunch after talking to Julie. I had more pressing matters. The rest of the day was spent braining storming ways to get rid of Luke, but unfortunately, I had no leverage or options.

According to Julie, Luke was frequently harassing Jess at her house to the point Jess was not feeling safe. So I staked out Jesse's house. Not to spy on Jessica, but to follow Luke. Just as I began to doubt my plan, he showed up, banging on her door for several minutes. Cussing and shouting, drawing the attention of neighbors. After several minutes of aggression, Luke got in his vehicle and peeled out. Pulling out from down the block, I followed him.

My hands were sweating, gripping the steering wheel tightly, trying to follow Luke from a distance. Following him through the city and hitting the traffic, I was afraid that I had lost him. I tried my best to guess what direction he turned. Well, luckily I guessed right as I saw him pop out of his vehicle to enter a small smoke shop. I finally had him where I wanted him. I parked a few spots away and wait for him to walk outside. About 15 minutes later, he stepped out of the shop. I gathered all my courage and casually approached him.

"Mr. Luke?" I called out, forcing my voice not to crack. Maybe those D&D sessions playing as a bard paid off.

He spun around with a dumb look on his stupid face. He wasn't much taller than me, but he was definitely bulkier.

"I'm here on behalf of the Landers family," I said smoothly, not a squeak or crack in my voice.

"Is that right," his voice deepened. He squared up his shoulders, trying to intimidate me. Typical douche move.

I gave him my best awkward nerd laugh, "I'm a mediator for the family, and I'm here to offer a deal." I calmed my nerves, struggling to stay in character. I needed this to work.

"The family is offering 15k in exchange for you signing over all rights," I said, pushing my glasses up at the bridge. Typical nerd move.

He looked in surprise, finally getting what he wanted, but of course, he wanted to get as much as he could.

Sensing his hesitation, I added, "And they are offering another 5k on top of that if the deal happens now. Sir, I'm not entirely aware of the situation, but my understanding is that the family's funds are running out from the husband's hospital bills. So the money may not be here tomorrow."

"And what's in it for you?"

Really? Money. Or at least for someone in this profession. "Well, I do get 4%, so if we do this now, we both get more money."

He gave me a puzzled look. Then cracked a huge smile. He must have respected that answer. Fuck, these alpha types are all the same.

"Fuck it, give me the money first, and I'll sign it."

I showed him the check written for $20,000, then got him to sign every paper, also going over one of the agreements that he could no longer contact or harass the family. I wasn't quite sure if this one was legal or not, but he believed it and signed it.

He got what he wanted, money. All he had to do is sign his rights away and believe that he could never see the family or risk massive lawsuits.

I rushed home and scanned all the documents, ready to send them to Julie. This was my chance to win Jessica back. She would jump into my arms. But before I could send the email, I second-guessed myself. Was this really the way I wanted to win Jessica back? Sure I had used 20k of my own money but wouldn't that just be another form of manipulation? I couldn't bring myself to send the documents. For now, I would keep them, to give it to them later, but for now, I think it would best be kept my little secret.

I texted Julie that day, telling her I was unable to find or talk to Luke and told her to text me if she ever needed anything at all. She said she understood and wished me the best.

The week dragged by as I began to lose hope of getting Jessica back, till Friday morning I received a text.

Jess: Hey Matthew. I'm sorry to bother you, but I really need some help. Someone tried to break into my house last night, and I was wondering if you could walk me through some of the security options that your company has. But if you're busy or just don't want to, I completely understand and won't blame you. Hope to hear from you soon.