Spaning Needs

Kelli and I have been in a relationship for a couple of years. I usually fix dinner and I do so tonight. I enjoy spanking Kelli, and being spanked really turns her on. After some general conversation, Kelli gets a serious expression and says "I want to talk about spanking. I know that you enjoy spanking me, and you know that I enjoy being spanked."

I nod; we've discussed this before, and we have both been satisfied with how it all works between us.

"It's always good, but lately it hasn't been quite as satisfying and fulfilling for me."

I'm surprised; this is really unexpected. "For me it is awesome to have you give up control to me. It always makes me feel very close to you, and as far as I know, it has always done the same for you. How are you becoming less satisfied?"

"Spankings are painful, but I welcome the pain. Gentle spankings don't do much for me, as you well know." Kelli smiles at me. "The pain needs to be intense enough so that everything else fades away. The pain seems to somehow center me, settle any inner turmoil that I might be feeling. While you are spanking me, and for a while after, I can forget outside issues and just enjoy the pleasure that comes from the pain. You've always kept the level of pain within my limits, even as my limits have increased over time."

"I'm a little nervous to say this, but I think that sometimes I need harder spankings, well past the force that you usually use. Not all of the time, but now and then. On the one hand, the idea of being spanked much harder, knowing that it will likely be pure pain, past any point of pleasure, frightens me a little. Yet it also feels to me like I need pain so intense that no other thoughts can take place. I'm probably not explaining this very well. But I am asking you to do this if you will."

"Wow. I didn't expect anything like this. I've always understood that the reason for the spankings is to turn you on. I can tell from your reaction while I spank you if I am starting to spank you too hard, and I reduce the force that I use a bit. I don't ever want to actually hurt you physically, in any way, but this is what you are asking me to do?"

Kelli looks down, and says in a low voice "Yes... it does scare me a little, but I need to see what that level of pain does to me. If anything, I'm concerned that you might not use enough force, because I know that you've always been careful not to really hurt me. You know that I've never had to use the safe word. I realize that this might actually be a terrible experience for me, and I'll regret ever bringing it up, but at least I will know."

"Well, I'll do whatever you ask me to, even when I feel a reluctance to do it. If I hit you hard, and you scream, I don't think that I'll be able to continue."

"For this experience, we need to agree in advance how many times you will hit me, and you need to promise that you will do them all, hard, no matter what I say. Not even if I use the safe word. I need to know what it is like to be spanked, or actually, whipped, very, very hard. I am scared by the thought of this, but I also relish the thought of experiencing it. I know that I sound really mixed up. I might end up hating it, but at least I will know."

"I'll do my best. Having never gone this far, I really don't know how hard to hit you. You want it hard, but what if I make it too hard? Or even if I hit you harder than usual, what if it still isn't hard enough?"

Kelli gulped, and said "Err on the side of hitting too hard. As you know, I can take a lot of pain. Even if you use more force than I am imagining, it's only one time. I'm sure that I can take an extreme spanking once. No matter what, I'll eventually recover."

We agree that we'll do this tomorrow afternoon. Even though it is a bit unsettling to consider, it also makes both of us horny and we have some great sex.

The next afternoon arrives, and so does Kelli. She is clearly nervous, but I can see excitement in her eyes as well. "OK, I'm ready, let's do this before I lose my nerve."

"Now you are making me nervous. The thought of truly hurting you doesn't sit right with me. If the first time that I hit you it's clearly really hurting, I don't know if I can keep going."

"If you don't do it the way that I am asking you to, all of this will be for nothing. I'm really nervous, but I need to know how it affects me. Promise me that you will do everything that we agree to, or don't do anything at all."

I reluctantly agree. "I'll use a belt I guess."

"No, use the riding crop. Put some muscle into it. Hit my ass as hard as you can."

"How many times?" I ask. "Maybe four or five?"

"No, do it right. I need to experience the feeling of being in a lot of pain, knowing that there is more to come, and anticipating it." Kelli gulps, then says "Twenty."

"Kelli -- this is too much. You'll be half dead by the end."

"Twenty."

"OK... so be it."

We won't be able to do this with her across my lap, not as many times and as hard as I am going to hit her ass. "How about you lying on the bed, with pillows under your hips?"

"That's fine."

Kelli walks into the bedroom, conflicted. She is scared, curious, somewhat excited... She removes all of her clothing and gets on the bed, then lies face down, with three pillows under her hips.

"Put your hands together, above your head. You know not to move your hands back to your butt while being whipped. Keep them together until we are done. And don't roll back and forth after being struck, or raise your lower legs. I know that this will probably be difficult, but you need to take them lying as still as you can. Or do you want me to put restraints on you, to keep you lying flat? It might make this easier to take."

"No, I can do it. Before I lose my nerve, get started."

I stand at the side of the bed, raise my arm, and bring it down as hard as I am able to. Kelli screams, and her body spasms, but otherwise she is holding her position. A very prominent welt springs up and a bruise starts forming immediately.

"Kelli, I'm sorry to hurt you, I don't want to, but I am going to do as you ask." With that I strike her again. Another scream and spasm.

By the fifth stroke Kelli has tears making the sheet under her head wet, and she is panting from the stress and pain.

I continue striking her ass, as hard as I can. Her ass is covered with welts and bruising is forming everywhere. Kelli is no longer screaming. Each strike elicits a groan and a gasp, and her breathing is very rapid. She maintains her position.

"Last one" I say, and I bring it down again, very hard. She does scream this time. I put the riding crop down, and she just lies there, panting and crying. I reach out and touch her but she says "No! Leave me alone. Go away."

I definitely didn't expect this, but I do as she asks and I go into the living room. Time passes, maybe half an hour, and I am getting concerned. I honestly don't know what I should do now. Go to her? Stay away? Bring her something to drink? Is there anything that I should say?

Kelli finally appears at the door, walking gingerly, her face tear streaked. She is trembling. I approach her, with my arms held wide, but I don't touch her, I'll wait until she comes to me. After a moment she does, and I wrap my arms around her. "I feel terrible about hitting you so hard, and clearly causing you a great deal of pain. I did as you asked, but it was past any point of pleasure I might have felt, unlike when I usually spank you."

She stood there, her body against me, her face against my shoulder, and I rubbed her back until her trembling ceased. She pulled her head back and said "That was so, so hard to take. After the first couple I didn't think that there was any way that I could make it to twenty. I know that it was more than you were comfortable with. I don't really know how I feel about it, at least not yet. Lying there hurting so much, knowing that more was coming... it was one of the most difficult things that I've ever done."

"You made it though, and took them all perfectly. Somehow you remained flat and still for all of them. I don't even want to see your ass, it looked terribly used by the time that I finished, and by now the bruising will be deeper and wider."

"I can't sit down" she said. "I need a robe. Come into the bedroom, I have to lay face down. I don't know when I'll be able to sit again."

Several hours passed, and she seemed to be somewhat recovered. "You gave me what I asked for. Thank you. It will take some time I think to process the experience. I don't know yet if it actually was what I needed, or if it was worth doing."

We laid there longer and Kelli fell asleep. I'm interested in hearing her thoughts and feelings about the experience, but I suspect that it will be a day or two before she has anything to say.