Sigma Lambda Upsilon Tau, Amanda
My heart skipped a beat. My hand trembled.
I was getting closer. There was something happening to the Sigma Lambda Upsilon Tau pledge sisters and I wanted to know what. Last Friday night I'd helped McKenzie, a girl I really liked, with her freshman initiation. I'd gone through that last year and it had changed me.
At first the shift had been subtle. My boyfriend started getting lucky. Then my next boyfriend got lucky on the first date. And then the three boyfriends after him got lucky on every date. Over the summer I stopped having boyfriends—at least exclusive ones. I just hooked up.
Now, at least once a day, I slicked my panties when talking to some guy. He didn't even have to be hot, although it helped. Last Wednesday I'd clenched so hard talking to my Civic Law Professor that I had been in danger of squirting. I wasn't even into older dudes. A year or two, fine, but Professor Edmans was like some I-need-to-revise-my-will age and I still needed my fake ID to go bar hopping for another year and two months. I was not the only one. I'd listened to the gossip. All four of the girls I'd rushed with last year were what some might consider easy. Most of us had been virgins when we pledged.
There was a mystery and I wanted to solve it. I could've run. I should've run. But I was curious and I owed it to my sisters if I could help us. But my gut told me that if I dug too deep, if I stayed too long, there would be a point of no return. Right now, my gut was twisting in knots.
My hand struck Dr. Emily Hawthorn's door in three quick raps. She was the Assistant Dean at the university. She held a lot of power over us students. When she summoned you, you came. She was also a Sigma Lambda Upsilon Tau Alumna. I had been summoned.
"Come."
One word, a very suggestive word, and fuck me if parts of me didn't respond. Heart aflutter, I eased the door open.
Dr. Hawthorn's office was huge. At least it was huge when comparing it to the offices of a most Professors. Off to the right there was a stout oak school marm type desk with comfy visitor's chairs. In the back left there was a sitting area with two sectionals and a glass coffee table. Two single-pane windows interrupted the wall-to-wall-to-ceiling book shelves. The room smelled of book bindings, leather and lemon tea. It was like a private library in here. Kimberly, the sister who had "helped" me with my freshman initiation, sat on one of the sectionals. She greeted me with a hesitant smile before her attention returned to our host.
"Ms. Whittaker, a pleasure to finally meet you. Kim tells me good things about you."
I took Dr. Hawthorn's proffered hand. Her handshake was very feminine. Like mine.
In fact we had a few things in common. She and I were both tall. Her golden blond hair was a close match for mine. But her eyes were a kind of burnt-cinnamon brown while mine were ho-hum, common-girl blue. And of course, she was older than me. But I couldn't tell how much older. She might've been forty. She might've been sixty. There was no silver in her hair, but that could be died. Her skin didn't seem paper thin, but there were winkles around her eyes, the type you got from too much smiling. "A pleasure to meet you too, Dr. Hawthorn."
"Oh, please, we're sisters. Call me Emily." She waved to the sectional. "Won't you join Kim, Ms. Whittaker?"
"Amanda," I said and seated myself next to Kimberly.
"Tea? It's herbal." I noticed there was already a steaming cup in front of Kimberly. It was half full. It was where the lemon sent was coming from.
"I...okay." I supposed if it was herbal it wouldn't keep me awake. I already had trouble getting enough sleep between my roommate's and my orgasm dreams. I'd wake up coming my brains out and then have to listen while she did the same. Ashley and I took turns washing each other's bedsheets because it had to be done every couple of days.
Emily poured my tea and set it on the coffee table. There was sugar and cream and...a pill?
"Party favor," Emily said in response to the question in my eyes. She seated herself on the armrest of the opposing sectional. She was wearing slacks so it wasn't as lewd as it might've been when she man spread. "It'll make things easier—on you. But, honestly, I hope you don't take it. It's more fun that way."
I had reached for the tea before I'd seen the pill. My fingers were still on the handle and the cup began to rattle against the saucer. Tea slopped over. "What's more fun?" I had to repeat myself because the first time I said it the words were no louder than a whisper.
"Your education, dear."
"My education?"
"Let's not play games, Amanda. You're one of the smart ones. I mean, we're all smart. Sigma Lambda Upsilon Tau does not accept dummies into our ranks, but you're one of the curious ones. Not many girls figure out that the new...urges...are intentional. Not before I meet with them at least." She got a far away look in her eyes. "I didn't. Not when it had been my turn."
With my eyes on the tea, I noticed the straps under the glass top of the coffee table. They were the kind of under-the-mattress straps used by men to make sure their woman couldn't get away when things got too intense. I couldn't lift my tea, not without spilling it, so I left the cup on its saucer and sat back. It felt like there was a snake slithering through my intestines and I thought I might sick up. I felt worse than when it was that time of the month. "But why?"
"I'm afraid I can't tell you that, Amanda. Not before you make the decision to join us."
"I can choose?"
"Of course. We won't force this on you, dear." Emily pointed to the exit. "You can walk out that door right now. You'll receive a full refund on your rent and have until the end of the month to vacate the house. I only ask that you don't talk to the younger sisters, the freshman and other sophomores about this, because it might result in me having to expel you and I don't want to do that."
"Please don't do that." I jumped in my seat, because I'd almost forgotten that Kimberly was here. "I won't lie. It's hard. When it was my turn, I was freaking out way more than you. And people will say some mean things. Like some really mean things." A sad remorseful look washed over Kimberly's face. "Like my parents do. But I like boys now." Kimberly's cheeks turned pink and her jade eyes dodged behind the curtain of her dark hair. "I mean, I always liked boys but I like them way, way more now." She looked back at me. "It's hard to explain how much better it is with boys. And I feel good about myself, so good that not even the shit-talk can get me down. Not for long, anyway. Amanda...it's really good. I promise. I want my sister. I don't want you to go."
She sounded sincere. Kimberly had never been my BFF, not even in the house. But I liked her, like, a lot. Suddenly not being her sister seemed worse than whatever was happening to me—
to us
. "And you'll tell me what's going on?"
"Once you surrender," Emily said.
Fuck, fuckity, fuck
. I had to know. Dr. Hawthorn had done this, whatever this was, and she'd turned out all right. She was the Assistant Dean of a major university.
Amiright?
"Okay." My squeaky voice cracked.
"Are you sure? Amanda, there is no going back on this. This is the point of no return."
"Yup." Oh, wow. I hadn't know my voice could go that high. "Yup" sounded more like "yip."
"Kim, would you lock the door. Throw the deadbolt. We don't want the janitor interrupting us. Amanda, now's the time for the pill, if you want it. It'll make what is coming easier. Take the edge off your fear. Your misguided guilt. But it'll fog some of your memories too. You might not remember some of the stuff you want to."
I didn't think I could speak so I shook my head. Kimberly went to do as she was asked. Emily cleared the tea.
"Amanda, would you please stand. Kim is going to take off your clothes."
I was feeling sick. Poisoned frogs hopped around in my stomach. But I had agreed to this. I was going to do it. There was no backing out. I wobbled to my feet. "I can undress myself." I was wearing a casual, floral print blazer and puff sleeve blouse with my skirt. I shrugged my shoulders to slip out of my coat.
"Amanda, you need to do as I ask. Your job is to relax. Kimberly's job is to help you."
I squeezed my eyes closed and cycled a heavy breath, but I rolled my shoulders to pull my blazer back up where it belonged. Kimberly returned from the door. She knelt behind me. She touched the back of my calf, letting me know she was there. Emily fiddled with the stereo and put on something modern sounding with lots of strings. Like classical crossover. Maybe DSQ. Under the music, I swear I heard someone moan.
It was a moan like the one a woman might release when slipping into a luxurious bath...or on the verge of orgasm. Despite the poisoned hoppers in my tummy, my heart fluttered and something warmed in my core. Kimberly was removing my flats and her hand was on one of my ankles. I think I felt her shiver. The pink in Emily's cheeks suggested she might have been affected too. Kimberly ran her hands up under my skirt to rest on the outside of my thighs. I'd never, ever had another girl's hands up there and even though she wasn't even remotely close to my center, my knees knocked. I expected her to pull down my thong—I'd stopped wearing bikini briefs, hipsters, hi-cuts and bootie shorts months ago—I suppose that was part of my new way of being—but instead she rose and planted an over the skirt kiss on my butt.
I didn't have a bi bone in my body. Still, being worshiped my sorority sister was hot. My core clenched and,
shit
, I think my nipples beaded. Little sparkles danced over my skin and I melted a bit. There was something to this relax and let someone else do the work because I think I forgot to feel sick. I was a Mar's Bar in the sun. Because my eyes were still half hooded, I felt, more than saw, Emily move to the other side of the coffee table.
"That's good, Amanda. Just..." Emily inhaled. "...relax."
I could do that. Relaxing felt good. Really good. I mean, it always felt good. Kimberly relieved me of my blazer. She ran her hands over the short, puffy sleeves of my blouse, down to my wrists and back up to the tender spot on the underside of my elbows. Her touch rested there a moment and the longer they stayed, the more aware I became of her touch. Just when it became too much, her fingers transferred to my sides, tickled the sensitive flesh on the side of my boobs and traveled in a slow, tender sweep down to my hips. My skirt hit the floor.
A spike of alarm jammed into my spine. My panties were still on. My blouse was still on. I was more dressed than anytime I'd been to the beach in the past five years. I'd come like three times in front of Greek Row during my freshman initiation to Sigma Lambda Upsilon Tau, but this felt...intimate.
"Relax, Amanda. Breathe." Emily's voice was soft, melodious. It wove in out of the music. "Listen to my voice, Amanda. Breathe."
I breathed. Tension fled on my exhale. Warm fuzzy peace filled me in its wake. Little butterfly wings massaged my core. Something deep within me...fluttered. Just once. But it was enough. A itsy bitsy tiny weeny spark ignited in my love buzzer and,
ohmigod
, I felt good.
