"Rafael, have you finished the task, with the button?" Naomi, a petite ebony woman asked.
"Hmm," I made an honest attempt at remembering before opening our task board, "which one it was?"
"Oh, it's not on a board. I mean, I forgot to add it!" like always, Naomi got right up to me as she spoke, "But we discussed it this Wednesday with Sarah, and decided to have it released by tomorrow, so..."
"Wait," from where I was sitting, I had to raise my head to meet her eyes, otherwise I'd be glaring at her slim waist in a thin skinny-fit sweater, "I think I'd remember a meeting with Sarah..."
"Ah, you weren't invited. Sarah dislikes your attitude! Says you're full of microaggressions!"
"..."
"What?"
"If I wasn't on a meeting... And there's no task for me... Then how was I supposed..."
"Again with your disruptive questioning! Forget it! Aziza, can you do it?"
"Of course!"
"Good, thank you!"
I heard Naomi's heels aggressively slam the ground behind me, as she exclaimed "Darn white people! Can't do anything on their own - that's why they had to invent slavery!"
To my right, Aziza has set up a smartphone to record a video.
"And then I grab my coffee... *ahem*, no. And then I grab my coffee! Hmmm... And the-en! I grab my co-offee!"
Is she still doing that outdated "how I spend my day" trend?
I tried to follow up on my actual task for today. My train of thought was constantly interrupted.
"White people are the worst! I just recently learned how they've controlled slaves, and it's sickening!"
"A-and then... I grab my coffee!"
"Sorry everyone, I'm late! Went cycling to the office, won't take shower now to make up for it!"
"Hey, anyone wanna go grab a bagel?"
"You go ahead - I have fish, just gonna microwave it!"
"They were brutally raping black slaves with their big white cocks in front of everyone else! I mean, it was done to break our spirits! So disgusting, it makes me shiver!"
It's funny. I'm not qualified to discuss history, however, ever since I joined, Naomi went on long tirades about how white people were the absolute worst. "Seeking to dominate blacks throughout the whole course of history", and "forcing them to do the most humiliating tasks" - this kind of stuff.
That was until one day she mixed up changing rooms in our office gym, and walked on me still naked from the shower. My towel was hanging from the locker door, and rushing to cover up would look stupid. So I just stood there, expecting her to leave. Instead, she froze solid, her eyes widening as she studied the parts of my body I normally don't show to my colleagues. I had to remind her that she was in the wrong room, then remind her again not to stare, before she turned away and dashed off (sparing me from making a "my eyes are up here" joke).
Since then Naomi got even more annoying, constantly getting up my personal space, being picky, and changing requirements even more often. And her long speeches about terrible white people started including mentions of big white cocks doing unspeakable things to the black slaves.
I guess I would get flattered if it wasn't so irritating.
I put my headphones on, and queued a "Playlist: You Are The Villain Meant To Destroy The World." With the circus around me, I started relating to it more by the day.
***
A day went by, and our small but diverse team navigated the challenges of a corporate world with the gracefulness of a freighter ship, drifting between bridge platforms.
There were calls full of people mumbling, panicked meetings due to Naomi confusing tasks requirements and deadlines - again - people coming and leaving, videos recorded, and emails sent.
None of that mattered. Our team could be let go and the company (which I won't name as it's too well known) wouldn't notice. Our entire department could be closed and the company wouldn't notice. In fact, our whole office could be nuked from orbit, and nothing of value for the company would be lost.
I still don't understand how any of this made any sense. My best guess is that at first we only hired the best - to change the world and forge the company's future. Then we started hiring the good, with a rationale that it's better than having them work for competitors. And then it sorta got out of hands, or rather, turned into a cesspool. Now, it's a giant free-for-all, with exes and managers trying to justify their existence by bloating staff and launching meaningless initiatives while tanking everyone else.
And that's when I joined. I thought it was my golden opportunity - as they offered a relocation package, and I, for some reason, dreamed about returning to the isles of my ancestors. Joining one of "the big guys" seemed like a no-brainer. Instead, I ended up in the world's highest-paid longhouse, trying to preserve enough bits of sanity with the meaninglessness of my daily work. At this point, I was just curious to see how long I'll last before they finally fire me for being a "toxic high performer" who "makes colleagues uncomfortable."
***
By the end of the day, I managed to get acceptable results, and tried to upload them - but something was off. Our project was broken, but it wasn't me, it was...
"Raffael, could you please help?" Naomi approached with a weary look, "It's about that same button..."
But of course. The last change was from Aziza, and since then every test related to "the button" has been broken.
"I mean, there were some small issues, but everyone has left, and tomorrow it's demo, so..." Naomi trailed off.
We both heard "...Then I go, just in time, to grab a smoothie..." as the doors slammed shut. Oh, so - this part Aziza was able to do in one take?!
I sighed. When push comes to shove, Naomi snaps out of her sentiments and comes to the only person stupid enough to care about our product.
"All right, let's see what we can do..."
"Yay!"
Naomi stepped right up to me, with her chest nearly touching my shoulder, as I opened the editor. As expected - some garbage was copied and pasted from the internet with no regard to what it does.
What's not expected - is that her stuff got through reviews, tests, and all the security precautions that we had in place against cases like that. I'd think that bypassing all of this is impossible. Aziza managed to do just that, with one hand, and in between recording clips for her Tiktok video. Once again - I'm working with talented people.
If only there was a way to direct this talent towards something useful...
I silently cursed myself for being such a pushover, as I worked on a fix, for a button buried so deep in options, that only a fraction of users would ever see it, let alone click it.
Naomi stood by, explaining what to do, correcting herself, thinking out loud, and clarifying what she meant over and over. Nothing new, but at least she kept me company. Plus occasionally she offered good insights, so I wasn't even annoyed. Even her waving at the screen right in my face felt somewhat cute - she was just trying to help. When her arm occasionally moved past my face I could feel her scent - a subtle flower aroma from some delicate perfume. She always smelled nice.
To be frank - it was pleasant to feel a warm feminine body nearby. I was in between relationships - my breakup being the last straw that got me to relocate, and here I still couldn't bring myself to date any woman that called her panties "knickers".
***
We waited for the fix to be rolled out. I was still sitting, and Naomi bent over with her elbows resting on my desk.
"A-a-and, done!" I announced turning, "Your demo will be fine tomorrow!"
Naomi kept looking at the screen, her face hidden behind curly hair. Her sweater hung, and at the angle she was I could see deep into her cleavage. A part of me wondered why am I looking, a part of me noticed that she had a sexy lace bra (and her breasts look amazing in it from above!) Another part rang alarm bells - but it was too late. Naomi turned her head just in time to catch me ogling down her cleavage.
I hate being busted, so I acted like I wasn't. After all: I was tired, I drifted off with a thousand-yard stare, I have nothing to be embarrassed of!
Instead, it was Naomi who got shy. She quickly rose, coughed, and then caressed her chest without even realizing it. It was hard to tell with her skin colour, but it almost seemed like she blushed. She mumbled a "Uhm, yes, thank you," and darted off to her cubicle. Before I turned away I noticed that she sways her hips more awkwardly than usual, as if she feels my stare on her back, or on her tight ass.
"Way to go, Rafael!" I complimented myself, "Embarrassing your boss, and coming off as a creep at the same time! That next performance review will surely be something!"
But still - I fixed (without demanding overtime pay!) the issue before it was noticed, and saved Naomi the need to escalate the incident and write postmortems. That surely will be appreciated?
***
It, in fact, did not get appreciated. On the demo the next day Sarah complimented Aziza on her excellent work and scolded me for using the wrong bullet icons in a task I did, even though I followed our company branding guide.
Naomi was nodding and agreeing - with Sarah! Even remarked on how hard it is to work with someone as incompetent and hostile as I was.
I kept smiling and nodding apologetically. Anything else would get me into trouble.
That day various thoughts at the back of my head finally clicked together, and I realized that I had a plan. If that's how they want to treat me, then why must I act any differently?
But I couldn't act right away, I needed more time and research to prepare, which I got to, as soon as the day ended.
***
Another week went by, while I was waiting for the delivery. On Monday Naomi put me through hell - she stuck by my desk nearly the whole day, with constant remarks, suggestions, and demands for clarification on every single little thing.
I complied, still wondering to myself - am I crazy with my thoughts? Can't I just keep going as is, without doing anything crazy?
The next day during a meeting I pointed out the looseness of Naomi's new task requirements, but suddenly that sent her crying. Literally.
Before I knew it I got written up by the HR department and was forcibly enrolled in a 4-hour-long mandatory sensitivity training, that I had to complete in parallel to my normal tasks, and while responding to requests from colleagues.
That settled it - if the game is unwinnable, I might as well go out with a bang.
