Caitlyn had been hesitant about sharing what was on her mind. For months now an idea had been burning inside her, developing and growing and she finally gathered the courage to approach her husband, Miles.
See, the thing is Caitlyn and Miles don't have the typical 'vanilla' relationship. Actually most people would think their relationship would fall somewhere in the weird category. But it works wonderfully for those two, naysayers be damned.
Caitlyn got home from work as usual, about 30 minutes before Miles arrived. She changed into comfortable clothes and poured herself a glass of chilled white wine. She told herself the wine wasn't for Dutch courage but then decided maybe it was. A thousand times she went over in her mind how she would approach the subject, but when Miles came in all her planning seemed to fly out the window and she blurted out the whole story in one long streak.
"Can I invite my friend Sasha to join us in Jamaica? We have enough room and I know she would like it," she blurted.
"Whoa. Hello to you too. Let me change and catch up with you on the wine and I'll be right back," Miles said with a smile in his voice.
He joined Caitlyn on a bar stool at the kitchen island, their usual gathering spot, and said, "OK baby, start again, only slower this time."
Caitlyn realized she had gotten carried away because she was nervous. Gathering her wits and gulping down a healthy slug of wine, she started again, "I was wondering if I could invite Sasha, my friend from work, to join us in Jamaica next month. I know she has vacation days coming and I think she would really enjoy it."
"Of course baby girl," Miles replied, "what days would you like her to come? We will fly her down for a couple days for a nice getaway."
Sasha knew this would be the sticky part and looking down into her wine glass said, "Umm, I was thinking she could be there the whole time."
"But baby" he countered "you know how we enjoy our special time away. I don't think she would like having to disappear for hours at a time for our private play time."
"I would like for her to join us in that also," she replied. She definitely had his attention now.
Miles took a minute to digest this bomb shell and savor a sip of wine, then replied, "And how long have you been thinking about this? How long have you not been honest with me?" He looked deep into her eyes, waiting for her reply.
Caitlyn fidgeted, but only for a second, before answering, "It's been on my mind for months now but I wanted to be sure she would want to join us."
"And is she? Have you asked her?"
Caitlyn again lowered her face and answered softly, "No, I decided to see if it was OK with you first, but I think she would."
The silence between the two was deafening in the small room. This was the part of their relationship most people wouldn't understand. Miles and Caitlyn had a Dominant/Submissive relationship, but it was truly based on love and respect.
Caitlyn was the submissive because she loved to please Miles in any way possible. The dominant role was difficult at first for Miles to accept because of his respect for Caitlyn. His dominant role, shy of being a Master role, was what she craved and it made Caitlyn happy, so he adapted it well.
Finally Miles spoke, breaking the silence, "You know there must be a punishment for withholding from me?" Caitlyn nodded affirmatively. "Is there more you're not telling me?"
Caitlyn's eyes met Miles's eyes for a long second and she demurely nodded again. He again patiently waited for Caitlyn to continue. She swallowed hard trying to be brave and continued. Her whispered reply was gossamer like in the quiet room, "I like her, at least I think I like her, maybe more than like." Tiny starburst tears now glowed in the corner of her eyes, threatening to spill down her cheeks.
Caitlyn knew rules had been broken and there would be an exacting price to pay. She desperately loved Miles and would not purposefully hurt or disappoint him, but this was a matter she had to face.
"Tell me how this came to be and how we can resolve it," his words were not harsh now but more understanding.
Caitlyn launched into the story of Sasha coming to work at the same company as she and how they seemed to have so much in common, except for Caitlyn being happily involved in a relationship with a man and Sasha fresh out of a short unromantic and disappointing marriage.
Miles knew Caitlyn was a very private person and knew she did not make close friends easily, but the ones she did choose were always deserving of the title "friend". He frequently wished that Caitlyn did have a close friend to confide in but knew the nature of their relationship made it difficult. Who would understand?
Gathering Caitlyn in his arms and settling her on his lap he lifted her chin to establish eye contact and questioned her, "How much more than just "like" do you like her?"
Truthfully she answered, "I don't know. It's complicated. I don't even know if she likes me, but I think I'm attracted to her."
Nestling her closer in his embrace and maintaining eye contact, he asked,"You think you're merely attracted to her?"
Daring not look away but not sure her voice would persevere Caitlyn squeaked out, "No, I know I am attracted to her ."
"Do you love her?" he asked.
Caitlyn's embarrassment no longer enabled her to look in his eyes. Her gaze shifted to the floor as if there were something of interest there and he sensed her hesitance. He stroked her back and shoulders to comfort her and patiently waited for her to gather her thoughts and reply.
Caitlyn took a long minute to form her answer. Finally she met his gaze again and softly and honestly said. "I think I do love her, but not deeply like I love you. I think I want to make love to her." She was so conflicted with her emotions she barely had the strength to speak those last words.
Caitlyn's shoulders sank with despair thinking she had ruined their perfect bond, but after an interminable period of roaring silence and deep soul searching, Miles seemed to understand the predicament his lover faced.
"And us?" he quietly asked, "What have you told her about us?"
Her reply was, "She can tell we are happy together and is desperate to know our secret. I haven't told her anything about our life together but would like to."
Quietly again he asked, "Don't you think that will scare her off?"
In all honesty she answered, "I hope not."
"OK, explain it to her thoroughly and if she is to join us then she will join us in everything? Clear? Everything means absolutely everything. Don't sugar coat what can be quite harsh. If she still wants to join us she is welcome. Her vacation will be our treat."
Caitlyn turned to straddle him on his chair, wrapped her arms tightly around him and squealed, "Thank you, thank you!" Her elation quickly died when he reminded her a punishment was due, not for having feelings for Sasha but for hiding her true feelings from him. After all it had been Caitlyn's wish that the pair be totally honest with each other.