There was a certain humor to my situation. Sometimes it seems that when things start to go wrong, everything goes wrong. As I watched the repossession company tow my car away I just shook my head and thought to myself "Well, its official now, I am totally, completely and absolutely fucked!"
I certainly was on a roll! Three weeks earlier my longtime girlfriend announced to me that she felt our relationship was just "too superficial" and unceremoniously dumped me. Two months prior to that I lost my job as a graphics artist and even though I had been looking every day for work, I was still unemployed. With no income, slowly but surely my meager savings ran out and I was already three months behind in my rent and now, no car! Without a car, how in the hell was I going to find a job. Without a job, how was I going to get back my car! Without a car or a job how was I going to find another woman? Yes, no doubt about it, I was fucked big now. "Well", I said to myself with a certain Scarlett O'Hara logic, "I will think about that tomorrow, for tomorrow is another day."
As I quietly snuck into my boarding house, I prayed that Gina (the owner) would not see me. She had been hounding me for the back rent every day and I optimistically figured if I could just stall her a little while longer, maybe something would come up to turn my situation around. As I silently tip-toed up the stairs to my room I did run into Victoria and Samantha, the other two tenants in the huge Victorian we all shared. As usual, they politely said hello and coolly went about their business.
When I first moved in I had imagined all sorts of erotic possibilities with my delightful and quite gorgeous housemates but sadly none of them came true. It had such promise too, one single reasonably attractive twenty-something guy living in a big old house with three gorgeous curvy women; I thought for sure something sexual would turn up eventually as it seemed like the plot line of a porn movie already. Well, two years had passed since I moved in and the only erotic incident I had to report was "accidentally" walking in on Gina as she was showering one morning. Boy was she pissed that day but the sight of her sudsy curves played as the backdrop to many jack-off sessions for the next few years!
Opening the door to my room I began to drink the last six pack of beer I had in my little refrigerator. Drinking may not be the answer, but it sure did get my mind off of my troubles for a while and made me at least forget the question. As had become a sad nightly ritual I dozed off into a drunken stupor laying on my bed pondering the fucktacular clown show that my life had now become.
The next morning, I was abruptly awakened to the sound of violent pounding on my bedroom door, the incredibly loud noise not helping my throbbing headache at all.
"BOB!" Gina yelled "This is Gina, and I want to know what you are going to do about your back rent TODAY!". I probably don't have to tell you but her shrieking and pounding did not particularly soothe the tremendous hangover I was experiencing.
"Gina, Just a little more time, I promise." I feebly answered through the door.
"I am getting very impatient Bob, I know you lost your job, and your car, so I don't mind telling you that your prospects for getting my money do not look very bright!"
Well, I certainly couldn't argue with her logic there as my future looked quite bleak. I made up a story about a hot job prospect I had that afternoon which miraculously seemed to temporarily satisfy her and to my relief I heard her walk down the hall. My hot prospect was a cashiers job at McDonalds, so things had truly reached rock bottom!
"All those years in college and it has come to this", I thought to myself as I wrapped myself in a towel and walked down the hall to the bathroom to shower. As I passed the staircase I saw Gina, Samantha and Victoria all discussing something at the bottom of the stairs and as I passed, as if on cue, they all gave me a dirty, condescending look.
I was so ashamed, not by being seen by them in my towel, we had all seen one another walking around the house in towels before, but I was ashamed by the fact that I knew they all were discussing me and my rent situation. Although I had enjoyed living here for the past few years, I also had to admit that these three women, beautiful or not, were pretty cold.
They seemingly barely tolerated my existence around the house, and even though I think I am fairly attractive, they had shown no interest in me whatsoever since I moved in. I was just the upstairs tenant, who now was behind in the rent and obviously a hopeless loser fuckup. As I stepped into the shower I tried to think of ways I might be able to get out of this hopeless situation and could not think of one.
It was a long shower as I luxuriated in the hot water trying to think, but my mind kept drawing up a total blank. Well, I thought to myself as I turned off the water, let me go get ready for my exciting career in the fast food industry. Drying off, I wrapped the towel back around myself and padded back down the hall to my room.
When I opened the door my heart sank and my mouth flew open in shock. Everything I owned was gone! My TV, my refrigerator, all of my clothes, all gone. Even my bed was missing as the room was completely bare! Hearing snickering behind me, I spun around to see Gina standing in the hall with her arms crossed over her chest. Looking extremely pissed, yet hot as ever, despite my concern that we had had an intruder she seemed amused, not concerned.
"GINA! I HAVE BEEN ROBBED, CALL THE POLICE!" I screamed hysterically.
"No, you have not been robbed" she said coolly as she casually whipped out a packet of papers from her pocket.
Looking me squarely in the eyes she began to read the contents of the contract she was holding. "In the event that the Lessee, that's you," she said pointing at my chest "Fails to pay the amount of rent agreed to in the contract by the 5th day of the month, the Lessor, (that's me), has the right to put up for sale any contents of the Lessees domicile with the balance of the proceeds from the sale after deduction for back rent and/or damages going to the Lessee."
I just stood there with my mouth hanging wide open and stared at her in disbelief, my mind racing as I tried to understand what was happening. Seeing my confusion, Gina quickly cleared up the situation.
"In other words BOB I sold all of your stuff to pay off your debt!" she yelled as an evil grin came across her face.
"YOU BITCH! GET MY STUFF BACK NOW!!" I screamed but stopped when she slapped me hard right across the face.
Her voice crackling with anger and dripping with malice she said "Listen Bob, don't get uppity with me or I will throw you out right now!"
As I looked down at myself, completely naked and wearing only a towel, and having no money or recourse, I tried to control my rage.
Following my eyes with her to my towel, she grinned. "Oh, and by the way, that towel you have on belongs to me, remember?" she said as she ripped it off, leaving me completely naked and standing alone in an equally naked and bare room.
With a smug look of total victory, she walked back down the stairs, casually throwing the towel over her left shoulder. As I stood there nude and shocked, I tried to understand what was happening; my stomach was churning as I was completely dumbfounded. Three months ago I had a girlfriend, a nice car, a good job and money in the bank. Today, I was reduced to literally nothing, not even a single sock! My mind raced as I tried to think of a way to convince Gina to get my stuff back as I certainly could not get back on track NAKED. Hurriedly I ran down the stairs and met her in the kitchen, desperately trying to cover myself with my hands.
"Please give me a break Gina! You really can't do this to me, please!" I begged as I fell to her feet, trying anything to get her to listen to reason. I was so desperate the embarrassment of being naked in front of her did not dissuade me from prostrating myself in front of her, kneeling on the kitchen floor with my hands grasping her bare calf.
"Oh for God's sake take it like a man! You shouldn't of overextended yourself, so DON'T BLAME ME for your fuckup!" she snapped, obviously unmoved by my begging. This was like some sort of nightmare I could not wake up from and my humiliation was not over yet. At that very moment Samantha and Victoria walked into the kitchen and burst out laughing. What a sight this must have been, a grown man, naked and kneeling and hysterically begging at Gina's feet.
As they walked into the room I vainly tried to cover myself with my hands as my face burned with shame. Victoria said nothing but just started to laugh even louder at my predicament as her roommate Samantha just giggled uncontrollably. Holding an envelope in her hand she just waved it back and forth in the air as she snickered, trying very hard to speak through her snorts.
"Bad news Bob, you are still $420 short!"