Self-Control

I am writing this journal entry as a task for my Domme.

I was one and a half cups coffee into my work day when my phone lit up to the right of my laptop. I finished reading the paragraph that I was working on and took a long sip of my coffee before unlocking the screen. When I saw her name, a delighted smile spread across my face as always. I tapped the notification to open the message, expecting a "Good morning!" or an adorably sleepy picture of her still curled up in bed. I had become accustomed to looking forward to these sweet morning greetings.

A spark of surprise flashed through my stomach when I read this morning's message. My smile twisted into a half smirk as I read,

"Go to the bathroom and take your panties off. No underwear for the rest of the day unless I tell you otherwise. Send me a picture once you have done that."

I sent a quick "Yes, Miss." so that she knew I was not ignoring her, then hurried to the bathroom as not to keep her waiting. Being ignored and being kept waiting - two things she hates. I had been punished for both before. I locked the door behind me. Out of the corner of my eye I caught my reflection smirking back at me in the mirror. This was shaping up to be a great morning. I kicked off my shoes, unlatched my belt, and removed my jeans and underwear. The urge to touch myself briefly flashed through my mind as I was sliding my jeans back over my bare ass, but I thought better of it. I had a feeling her plans with me for the day were not over. I snapped a photo of my dark blue boyshorts and sent it along before returning to my office. By the time I got back to my desk, there was another message that just read,

"Good. Keep your phone with you today."

I responded the same as before and set back to work, half-distracted by the anticipation of what the rest of today would bring.

Her next message came just before lunch,

"I want you to touch yourself for 5 minutes. Do not come. Text me when you are done."

I returned to the bathroom, locked the door behind me and check the time on my phone. 11:43am. As my hand slid into the jeans, I was less than surprised to find that I was already wet. Not coming was going to be a challenge. I shut my eyes against the fluorescent light of the bathroom. Mental pictures of her involuntarily swept through my mind, almost pushing me over the edge in an instant. Not helping. I opened my eyes and stared straight ahead at the white tiled walls. I glanced at the time. 11:46am. Almost there. My left hand clutched the side of the sink. I tried, and failed miserably, to calm my breathing. I bit my lip in hope that focusing another sensation in another place would help, but the sharp pain only reminded me of that time she bit my lip while we wer- really not helping. I was thinking about how disappointed she would be when I had to admit that I accidentally came, but the time on the clock finally hit 11:48am. I stood in the bathroom for a minute to pull myself back together before washing my hands and returning to work.

Back at my desk, I texted her to let her know that I had done as she asked. I was feeling rather triumphant after succeeding at the task. That feeling passed a few minutes later with her response,

"Good. You will do the same thing once every hour for the rest of the day or until I tell you to stop. Text me after each time. Remember that you are not to come."

I sighed heavily at the thought of having to deal with this built-up tension all day, literally getting worse by the hour. Of course, pleasing her was worth it. I started to respond my acknowledgement then remembered.

"Miss, I'm happy to do that for you except I have a meeting from 2-3pm, so I won't be able to do that hour."

I nervously hit send and waited for her reply.

"I see."

My nervousness grew as she typed her next thought.

"Then you can skip that hour, but you will touch yourself for 10 minutes from the 3pm hour onward until I tell you otherwise."

I started to make my case in protest - it wasn't my fault that I had a meeting! - but thought better of it, instead sending my respectful acknowledgement of the task I had been given.

The next two hours when more-or-less like the first, difficult but manageable. By the time 1:45pm rolled around, I was thoroughly flustered, so I decided to take the long route to my meeting, hoping that the walk would displace some of my energy. I was completely unable to concentrate for most of my meeting. The one moment that I was finally able to focus, I shifted in my chair and the inner seam of my jeans reminded me that I was not wearing any underwear, sending me right back into my state of distraction. In fact, I was so distracted that I did not notice that the meeting had ended until all of my colleagues began to stand up from the table and gather their things. I hurriedly collected my belonging and rushed toward the door. One colleague caught me on the way out to note that I had been unusually quiet at today's meeting. I did my best to casually brush the comment off with an excuse about having a lot on my mind, which was not untrue.

I took a different long route back to my office, half avoiding and half in preparation for what I knew I had to do once I returned. Five minutes had been hard enough, twice that was going to be nearly impossible. But that was not for me to decide. I dropped my belongings at my desk and made my way to the bathroom. I locked the door behind me for the fourth time that day and leaned against the adjacent wall with a sigh. I pulled my phone out of my front left pocket and tossed it on the countertop. 3:17pm. The wetness on my inner thighs and jeans was completely unsurprising after hours of frustration. What was surprising was that I made it through the first eight minutes with a bit of difficulty but success. Then at 3:25pm, a message popped up on my phone screen that I could not help but read.

"I hope you are doing as I asked. I have not heard from you yet and I am getting a little impatient. I would hate to have to punish you over something so simple."

Her contact photo looked up at me with a smile that usually looked sweet but in the moment looked devilish. I turned my head and bit the shoulder of my shirt to muffle my moans as I came at 3:26pm. One minute short of my goal.

I took my time washing my hands. My own grimace looked back at me in the mirror as I thought about what I would have to do next. When I returned to my desk, I typed out the words that I didn't want to send.

"I did as you asked, Miss, but I accidentally made a mistake."

Quick, send before I had too much time to think about it. Her response came almost instantly,

"And what mistake would that be?"

I took a deep breath.

"I came, Miss. But I almost made it to 10 minutes."

Another quick response,

"How much were you off by?"

Maybe she wouldn't be too upset with me.

"One minute, Miss."

She made me wait an agonizing 20 minutes before her next response. In that time, I tried fumbling through a paper that had been sitting on my desk for a week but gave up once I read the same paragraph six times and still had no idea what I was looking at. My phone finally lit up and I tapped the message,

"You've disappointed me. You will have to be punished. I am going to send you an address. You will meet me there tonight at 8pm. I expect you to look presentable. Wear the panties that I gave to you last month. Do not keep me waiting. I'm done with you until then." An address that I did not recognize followed.

When I arrived at the address, it was bustling with people. It was a grand white building with columns and marble stairs leading up to a large open doorway. A marquee out front indicated that there would be an orchestral performance this evening at 8:30pm. That seemed like such a peaceful evening, but, given the circumstances, I doubted that my evening would be anything close to peaceful. I stood on the stairs outside the building and checked my watch. 7:55pm. I planned to arrive early so that I wouldn't find myself in more trouble than I was already in. She arrived promptly at 8pm, dress sharply in all black with her hair pulled neatly back. I walked down the stairs to meet her on the sidewalk and greeted her with a smile. She placed her hand on my arm and kissed me on the cheek. With her cheek still pressed to mine she said,

"I want you to go to the bathroom, put this in your panties, and set it on the lowest setting. Then come meet me in our seats."

She placed two items into my hand, then brushed past me into the concert hall. I opened my hand to find a ticket to the performance and a small vibrator. Just as I suspected, this evening would not be relaxing at all.

I went to the bathroom and shut myself in a stall. I took the vibrator out of my pocket and inspected it, testing the various settings until I found the lowest one. I checked my watch. 8:23pm. With no time to waste, I took three meditative breaths and slid the vibrator into my panties. I was careful to situate it exactly where it would be most effective. Cheating at my punishment would only get me in more trouble. The sensation became almost too much right away, so that I had to take another few deep breaths to calm myself. 8:26pm. I knew better than to embarrass her by entering the performance hall late. I quickly fastened my pants back, washed my hands, and hurried to find my seat.

The orchestra was warming up when I entered the hall. The inside was even more grand than columns and marble out front suggested, with tall, intricately painted ceilings bordered in gold filigree. I found her sitting in the middle of the orchestra section with my empty seat to her right. She was thumbing through the program calmly, in complete contrast to my current state. When I arrived at her side, I stood waiting for her to acknowledge me before I sat. After a few seconds, she looked up from the program and nodded for me to sit down. Sitting unexpectedly applied pressure to the vibrator and I accidentally let a small moan slipped out before adjusting to a slightly less stimulating position. Nobody heard me aside from her, but she gave me a stern warning look. She leaned in close to my left ear and told me

"You are not to come until I tell you. No mistakes like earlier." then sat back in her chair. The performance started promptly at 8:30pm.

By 9:13pm, the orchestra had played two symphonies with three movements each. I hadn't heard a single note but I was running out of mechanisms for dealing with my intense need to come. I counted how many of each instrument was present. Memorized the painting on the ceiling in excruciating detail. Listed as many words as I could that started with the letter L. Turned the wooden back of the seat in front of me into a maze game and solved it three times. At one point, I started absent-mindedly tapping my fingers on the arm rest in attempt to displace some energy. She firmly laid her hand over top of mine, leaned close, and scolded

"Stop fidgeting."

I was painfully aware of how wet my panties were. I was not sure I could make it much longer and contemplated how badly I would be punished if I ran off to the bathroom right now.

Just then, the orchestra entered a particularly quiet section of music, only woodwinds, no percussion or brass. She brushed the back of my hand with hers to get my attention. Her breath against my ear almost sent me over the edge and I had to hold my breath to stay focused. Don't come. Don't come.

"I want you to come now. Do not let me hear you."

My posture fell forward immediately as my stomach muscles clenched. The pleasure was more intense than anything I could have imagined. It took every ounce of energy in my body to keep my mouth shut and my voice silent. My left hand balled into a fist so tight that I felt my short nails leaving crescents my palm. I turned my head into my right hand, my fingers pulling at the back of my hair. When it was all over, my chest was heaving like I had just sprinted uphill, but I had succeeded in not making a sound. The orchestra finished shortly after I did and was met with applause.

"You may go to the bathroom and remove that vibrator. Clean it properly and keep it with you in case I want you to use it again. I hope you've learned your lesson."