Secret Smiles and Three Little Words

Chapter 53

"Good morning," Alex said walking into the living room.

"Good afternoon," Gavin grinned pointing out that it was after lunch.

She looked to the clock and shook her head.

"Sorry, I couldn't sleep so I went to the hospital," Alex explained kissing Nora who was coloring with Gavin.

"Everything Ok?" Gavin asked.

"Yes," Alex nodded picking up a crayon and began helping as well. "Just wanted to make sure Dad knew what he was supposed to be doing."

"What he was supposed to be doing?" Gavin asked with a grin.

Alex nodded.

"Ok," Gavin smiled. "I have to go back to Chicago today, I have a surgery scheduled. I can reschedule if you need me here."

"No," Alex shook her head. "We are just waiting on Dad, so go back."

"Ok," Gavin nodded. "I'll drive back from Chicago so we can lose the rental."

"Ok," Alex nodded.

"Are you wanting to stay here, or should I look for a more permanent place until your Dad is better?" Gavin asked her.

"What do you mean?" Alex asked him.

"The landlord here wants to rent it," Gavin told her about Livy's apartment.

"Oh," Alex frowned. "I don't want to rush back." Alex told him, she hadn't even thought about the apartment.

"Ok," Gavin nodded. "I'll start looking for a place to rent here."

After dropping Gavin at the airport in Pittsburg, Alex and Nora made their way back to the hospital.

Walking in, they found Al getting some physical therapy. He smiled at them as the physical therapist finished stretching his legs.

"How are you feeling today?" Alex asked him.

"Just so wore out!" Al complained.

"Part of it is the meds," Alex explained. "At least that is what Gavin told me."

"Where is he?" Al asked as he held Nora in his arms.

"He had to fly back to Chicago for some appointments," Alex told him watching his father and Nora together made her smile.

"How are you doing little girl?" Al asked Nora. She shrugged.

"You don't smell like you normally do," the little girl told him.

"Well, that's probably because I haven't had a shower in days!" He laughed.

"You don't smell bad Grandpa, you just don't smell like you normally do," she assured him.

"I don't have my man cologne," he told her. This brought the memory of the scent to Alex. His Old Spice.

"You look better today," Alex told him taking his hand.

"I guess you and Gavin were right," Al told her. "With all that is going on...I just needed to make a decision."

"I like the decision you have made," Alex smiled.

"Gotta get better," Al said kissing Nora's head. "I have a job to do!"

"Where are you guys staying?" he asked.

"Right now, at ...Nora's," Alex choked on the word 'Livy's', never able to get it out. She switched to make it Nora's place instead. A name that wouldn't bring tears or a nauseous feeling. "But we will have to move to a hotel or something after Gavin gets back."

"Why don't you guys just stay at the house?" Al asked her. "Plenty of room there, and it would make me feel better if someone was there."

"Mom is there," Alex frowned. "I'm not sure I'm ready for her yet."

"What do you mean?"

"There was a...incident," Alex said carefully. "I...sort of...hit her."

"You did what?" Al asked his voice going cold.

"Dad," Alex tried to get out of the quicksand of the conversation. "Later."

"No," Al told her, his eyes hardening.

Alex shifted her eyes towards Nora, indicating she didn't want to discuss it in front of her. Al nodded that he understood but he shook his head angrily letting Alex know he wasn't happy.

The door behind her opening had them both looking to it. Krista and her husband Ken walked in, Trevor after that.

"Hey Aunt Alex," Trevor smiled as he saw her.

"Hey Trevor," Alex smiled and stood.

She hugged the teen and within that hug she could tell there was still some discord between him and his parents. It was the way he held on to her a little longer than normal that told her so. Telling her within the embrace that there was a pain he wanted her to ease.

She leaned back and cupped his face in her hands and let him know with her eyes that the message was received. He smiled when he realized she got it.

"How are you doing?" she asked him.

"Still kind of shook up, ya' know?" he asked.

"I know," she said hugging him again.

Trever sat down near Nora and went over the last couple of hockey games for Al who wasn't allowed to watch games as it got him too excited. The Penguins had pulled out two overtime games and was looking like a lock for the playoffs. After a few minutes of small talk, Trevor knew he had to get Nora from the room so the adults could "talk". He could tell by the way his parents and Alex weren't talking. Nothing said between them but the icy stares.

"Hey kiddo," Trevor smiled. "What do you say we go down and check if they have those gummi bears you like so much?" Nora nodded and Alex pulled some money out of her pocket.

"No, I got it," Trevor told her with a shake of his head. Alex took his hand and put the money in anyway. Trevor went to argue but Alex lifted her eyebrows.

"Are you sure you want to argue...with me?" Alex winked at him.

"No chance," Trevor laughed. The two kids left the room. The mood in the room shifted dramatically. Gone was the light conversation of hockey and school. Now the air seemed to get heavy and Alex looked to her father who sensed it as well.

"You have to let Mom move back in," Krista began as soon as the door was closed behind the kids. Alex looked to him, shocked that her mother wasn't living at home.

"Mom isn't living at the house?" Alex asked him. He shook his head.

"No, he kicked her out because of her belief in God," Krista growled. Alex cut her eyes to her oldest sister and shot fire at her.

"I did not kick her out for her belief in God, I kicked her out for her lack of it," Al told them carefully. "She claims to be Christian, but fails in living like it!"

"Dad!" Krista whined.

"Stop," Alex demanded her older sister to stop whining, the mere sound of her whiney voice like that of nails on a chalkboard. "Explain," she demanded from her father.

"I told your mother to choose," Al told her. "If she wanted to live with me and stay as my wife then she would have to leave her church."

"Dad," Alex was confused. "Why?"

"Her church was tearing this family apart," Al told her firmly. "Scratch that...it tore this family apart."

"I watched her use her church to push you away," Al told her taking her hand. "I haven't forgiven myself for that yet...then she starts in on Livy. I knew you were strong enough to handle all the bullshit...but Livy was never strong like you. I could see what her mother was doing with her words and I did nothing!" He shook his head in humiliation. "Then she did something I never thought I would ever have to worry about."

"What was that?" Alex asked him.

"She put Nora in a position to be abused," he told her.

"What?" Alex growled.

"Livy had forbidden your mother to take Nora over to Don's," Al explained laying his head back, struggling to catch his breath. "She was doing it anyway on Thursday nights."

"The last time, the little bitch of a whore Don was with hurt Nora," Al said as his eyes flashed with anger.

"Easy," Alex warned seeing his temper rise.

"I sent your mother over with specific instructions," Al told her. "She was to apologize to Livy and promise to never disobey her wishes concerning Nora ever again."

"What happened?" Alex asked carefully.

"She instead tried to convince Livy to go back to Don so she could save face in her fucking church," Al finished.

"Oh my God!" Alex gasped shaking her head.

"I sat there in our kitchen, trying to figure out what happened to the woman I married," Al gasped in disbelief letting Alex know he was still left wondering. "I realized, that as long as she was in the church she would stay this way. So I told her to pack some bags and leave. She could come back, when she left that particular church."

Alex buried her face in her hands and shook her head. It was no wonder Livy felt so much pressure. She had already felt responsible for her own marriage falling apart, which had nothing to do with her. Then the pressure of watching her parent's marriage crumble. Then her mother and sisters ganging up on her while she was alone.

"You can't expect Mom to turn her back on God," Krista told him.

"I'm not," Al smiled. "She can go to any church she wants to."

"Oh," Krista sighed with relief, glad he had changed his mind. "She told me that you wouldn't let her move back in!"

"No," Al shook his head. "She can move back in when she gets your sister's forgiveness."

Krista's face contorted then she rolled her eyes knowing that Alex liked to hold grudges. She hoped that the idea of their parents divorcing after thirty years would make her make an exception in this case. For the happiness of the family and then the church would be so much easier to handle.

"Alex?" Krista asked. "You aren't going to hold a grudge from something you could have ended years ago?"

"What?" Al and Alex said at once.

"Alex will forgive her," Krista assured.

"No," Al said with a shake of his head. "She needs to get Livy's forgiveness."

"Dad!" Krista gasped. "She can't."

"I know," Al said coldly.

"Dad!" Krista said in disbelief. "Alex, talk some sense into him!"

Alex looked to him and frowned, reading his face. It was rare for her father to make such a resolute stand. He normally was easygoing. She then looked back to her older sister.

"Just a second ago you were blaming me for all of this, putting the blame at my feet for Mom and Dad. How did that work out last time you tried that?" Alex barked at her. Krista misunderstood the comment and rolled her eyes.

"I think Dad needs to rest," Alex said staring at him. "His marriage needs to take a back seat to getting better."

"But this is ludicrous!" Krista exclaimed. "You can't throw thirty years of marriage away!"

"I'm not," Al warned her. "She is."

Krista threw her hands up in frustration. She stalked back and forth trying to figure out what to do next. She looked to Alex when the kids came back and she tilted her head that she wanted to talk to Alex in the hall. Alex frowned and kissed her father.

"I'm going for some coffee," Alex smiled. "Want anything?"

"Yeah," Al smiled. "How about

the Blast Furnace

Burger from the

Industry Public House

? Tall beer? Think they would let me have that?"

"Uh," Alex laughed. "I think if the burger itself didn't kill you, the ghost peppers on it would!"

"I eat one every time I'm in Pittsburg!" Al defended.

"Which is why you had your little heart attack!" Alex pointed out. "Oh, and don't think that scolding is forgotten about! As soon as you're better..." Alex left it open ended and Al chuckled.

Alex waited for her sister to follow her out of the ICU room and for the door to close before turning.

"What?" Alex growled.

"Alex," Krista said shaking her head taking note of the demeanor change. "You can't let Mom and Dad end their marriage!"

"I'm not letting anything happen!" Alex told her. "It sounds like Mom is doing it all!"

"C'mon!" Krista begged. "This is our parents we are talking about!"

"You still haven't clued in yet?" Alex asked her. "You still think all of this can be salvaged? Still not taking responsibility for you role in all this?"

"My role?" Krista gasped. Alex nodded then shook her head that Krista was playing this off. "You are saying this is my fault?"

"I'm saying this has been brought on by the lot of you!" Alex suddenly snapped turning on her sister who was following a safe distance behind her. "You and your fucking church! It disowned Livy...even though she was the only one blameless for what happened. Your fucking church sided with Don and his whore."

"You and your lot," Alex snarled with venom nearly dripping from her teeth. "Then began to heap caustic remarks on her and disowned her. Your own flesh and blood! The people who she should have been able to lean on, abandoning her and taking sides with the guilty?"

"We nev...,"

"Fuck you!" Alex snapped. "I talked to Livy nearly every day! She told me everything you were doing."

The snarling and the venom being sprayed forced the nurse to call security to make sure this argument didn't get out of hand.

"How dare you!" Alex finally gasped shaking her head. "Livy was so fragile! She always was! She went with you guys only because she didn't have the strength to stand alone! Then when she needed your understanding...you deserted her! Then you began to heap all of your problems on her!

Oh how bad this looks to our church? Oh how bad this makes US look?

" Alex mocked her in a sweet and innocent voice that was anything but.

"You wanted her to stay with a man that cheated repeatedly," Alex reminded. "To stay with a man that had two close calls of knocking someone else up. She forgave him once, I sorta understood that...but if she would have done it a second time...I would have lost a lot of respect for her. I wouldn't have disowned her like you, but I would have told her she was being a fool to take him back!"

"You know the old saying," Alex said as the security got there. "Fool me once, shame on you...fool me twice? Shame on me!"

"Having never been married, I don't expect you to understand what it takes to make a marriage work!" Krista said dismissively.

"I need to be married to understand that a man should make a commitment and then stick to it?" Alex laughed. "No, no, no...I don't have to be married to know I should be treated with respect! I don't have to be married to have the man I love keep his dick in his pants!"

"A vow is something different than living in sin like you are doing!" Krista pointed out.

"Hmm," Alex laughed as the security guard came over. She looked at him and her eyes told him all he needed to know. He stopped and stood nearby. "It's really rather funny...you do realize that marriage in itself wasn't really a thing back when Christ was alive?"

"What?" Krista laughed disbelievingly her mind scrambling to decipher what Alex was saying.

"Oh yeah," Alex smiled. "When Jesus walked, if two people wanted to be together, there was no formal ceremony like we have today, that didn't start until nearly a thousand years after his death. Before then, it was two people who made a commitment to one another. Verbally...then backed it up with their actions. No paper, no rings and no church. So all of those people lived in sin?"

"I mean if you want to ridicule me, be my guest," Alex shrugged. "But the very first man and woman on earth?" Alex shrugged with a smile. "Who married them?" Krista shook her head.

"Adam and Eve? No preacher? Living in sin!" Alex laughed. "Your idea of Christianity and marriage is so fucked up! Ridicule and point out the flaws of others while you pretend to have none yourself? Fucking hypocrite!"

"I'm not doing that!" Krista warned.

"No?" Alex asked. "Still not coming to grips that it was you, Mom and Brandy who killed Livy?"

"Livy killed herself!" Krista growled.

"Hmm," Alex shook her head. "And your little stand here in the hospital? Where the three of you blamed her for Dad's heart attack?" Krista lost the expression on her face.

"Oh yes, bitch," Alex nearly laughed. "I know all about it! I know that you never returned her phone calls...never accepted her offers for dinner. Refused to be her sister when she needed you the most."

"Then stood here in this hospital and bullied her, blaming her for the fact your hypocritical church is now turning on you!" Alex giggled sinisterly. "That's what this is really about, right? You want Dad to take Mom back because

holy shit

! If they get a divorce? Oh my, what will your precious little church do to you? Or are you planning on shunning Mom next? Going to cut ties? Going to try and be Christian? First Livy, then Mom, what will the church think? Will they look at you and Brandy and wonder...which one is next?"

"Will they huddle around and whisper behind your back, taking bets on which Lasko sister will bite the dust next?" Alex laughed again. "Oh Krista...are you next?"

"Alex," Krista gasped.

"No, no dear," Alex said mockingly. "You are not my sister, we are not family. Try that bullshit with someone else! Ease your conscious in your church, if you can." Alex left her sister there with her jaw open. "If they will still have you after all the sin of divorced parents and a sister living in sin!"

***

Jack sat in the front pew of his church staring at the floor. The blood was gone now but he could still see it. He could still see her, lying there. The tears fell silently down his face. The pain just wouldn't recede. It haunted him. The weight loss pointed out by those around him. His normally clean shaven face now replaced with stubble as he just didn't have the urge or energy to shave.

He looked to the stained glass behind the altar, Christ in his final moments.

"Forgive me Father!" He whispered softly. "I have doubts!" He closed his eyes and tears were forced out.

The feeling of someone taking his hand caused his eyes to open and his lungs to empty the air in them as he looked at her.

"Livy?" he gasped. She smiled at him. "What?"

"This isn't your fault!"

she told him.

"It's all my fault!" he cried.

"No,"

"Yes," he nodded. "I should have chosen you!"

"No,"

"Yes," he closed his eyes and when he opened his eyes, she wasn't there. He knew she wasn't real, but she had been haunting his dreams. Now she was haunting him while he was awake.

"Father Jack?" the voice caused him to spin and look behind him.

"Alex," he smiled. He stood and faced her.

"Are you OK?" she asked him coming closer.

"Yes," he nodded.

She looked at him skeptically and took his outstretched hand and shook it.

"How can I help you?" Jack asked her guiding her to the pew and sitting down with her.

"I'm struggling with all of this," Alex admitted. "But I should warn you, I'm not Catholic." This caused a soft huff of a laugh from the priest. "What?"

"The very first conversation with Livy began an awful lot like this!" he smiled. "I first met your sister right there." Jack said turning and pointing to the pew two rows back.

"She was so lost!" Jack told her softly. "So confused!" Alex nodded as she watched the tears fall.

"Disowned by her family...abandoned by her church...husband causing her so much pain, struggling to figure out what was best for Nora, standing alone," Jack complained. "Not you of course," Jack corrected. Alex nodded that she understood.

"She felt that even God had abandoned her," Jack shook his head as he looked to the spot on the floor he last felt her. Alex followed his eyes as he had stopped talking.

"Father?" She coaxed softly.

"Sorry," he said shaking his head to clear the vision of her there, covered in her blood. "What can I do for you?"

"I'll be taking Nora home with me, once my father is better," Alex told him. "Livy has asked me to take Nora in, with her Will."

"I understand," Jack nodded as his face became distant again as he stared at Livy on the floor of blood.

"I'm going to keep her in the Catholic Church," Alex told him following his eyes again. "Not being Catholic, I'm not sure what to do."

"Hmm," Jack smiled. He turned to face her. "Nora has already begun the Catechism classes, so you just need to contact the local church near you. Once she finishes her classes, she will have her first communion. Then she will be Catholic so these conversations with Lasko women don't start with 'I'm not Catholic!'" He laughed without humor.