Secret Smiles and Three Little Words

Chapter 32

Gavin met her at the door with his lips, she dropped her bag and kissed him back with a smile. Her hands wrapping around him, then begrudgingly she pulled them back. This whole not touching him thing was killing her. She wanted to touch him all the time. But now with her sister back home in Pennsylvania, she was back in her BDSM world and that meant she couldn't touch him. Only out in the vanilla world could she hold his hand, or run her fingers through his hair.

"Missed me, did you?" she smiled when he broke his welcome home kiss.

"Maybe," he grinned.

"That felt like a little more than a maybe," she pointed out kissing his neck.

"How could I not miss you?" he asked her picking up her bag and walking with her back to the bedroom.

As she laid in his arms after their lovemaking as she listened to his heartbeat. It was a solid thump, thump, thump. It was hypnotic, and very comforting. It was as if his heart was beating for her and her alone. She loved that thought, it brought her a peace she had never known.

"Hey," she said picking her head up and looking at him. "In case I forgot, thank you for letting me bring Livy and Nora here."

"You did not forget," he smiled at her. "That is like the tenth time you have thanked me."

She slid up and began to stroke his face gently.

"What are you thinking?" he asked her.

"Just how perfect you are," she smiled. She put a finger over his lips as he was about to say something. "Just hush." She said lowering her lips to his knowing he was about to crack some joke about how just imperfect he was. Alex wished he could see himself through her eyes.

The phone ringing on the nightstand had her pulling her lips off begrudgingly. She cast an angry scowl at it.

"I'm sorry," Gavin said as he reached over to it.

"This whole sharing you thing has got to stop!" Alex teased.

She smiled like she was teasing to him and he winked at her. Deep inside, she wasn't kidding. She wanted some time away with him. Time that didn't include patients. That didn't include her family. That didn't include anything but each other.

She wanted time where getting dressed wasn't an option. Where the clock didn't matter, where time didn't matter. She wanted to just be. To just be with him. To be his only desire. To be his only thought. To be his only quest.

As he talked on the phone she slid from bed, he was leaving so there was no use to staying in bed anymore. So much for the idea of staying in bed the rest of the day and making love to one another.

He joined her in the shower as she washed their sex from her. His hands rubbing soap on her body had her sighing in blissful breaths. If he had to leave her, this was an excellent apology. She turned once he was done with her and she began to wash him. She could see his eyes protest only momentarily, but her eyes squashed any comment from him.

"We may need to re-evaluate this relationship," he told her firmly causing a sudden panic to wash over her. His winking had her heart back to beating as it had seized in her chest.

"I can't bathe you?" she asked him as she figured out what he was referring to.

"I'm supposed to bathe you," he pointed out.

"So I can't have the pleasure of bathing you?" she asked him again.

"Well...,"

"Look," she said firmly. "You said we needed to set up our own ground rules, correct?"

"Correct," he nodded with a smirk, here comes that damn Switch she says she isn't concerned about, he laughed to himself.

"I'm supposed to be going with the mantra, if it feels good, do it! Right?" she smiled.

"You can't use my words against me," he laughed defensively.

"Oh yes I can," she laughed as his eyes fluttered closed as she took hold his cock in her soapy hands and began to stroke it.

"You, are not playing fair," he grinned as his cock began to twitch in her hands.

"You're right," she smiled watching the pleasure on his face. "I play to win." He laughed as he tilted his head down and looked at her.

"I see disappointment in your eyes," he pointed out bringing his hand to her face softly.

"I wanted you all to myself tonight," she whispered. "I wanted to lay in bed with you, naked and let you use me all night. No little beautiful girls tapping at the door. No patients that needed your attention. Just us." He nodded and stroked her hair, before kissing her forehead in the steam of the shower.

"Starting to have second thoughts?" Gavin asked her.

"No," she said firmly. "I just need to figure out a way to maximize my time with you when I have you alone." He tilted her chin up and kissed her lips.

"I love you," he said firmly staring into her eyes. "I'll make it up to you somehow."

"There is nothing to make up," she smiled. "This is who you are, you are a doctor. I knew that coming in, just like you, as you have taken me, fiery tempest and all. I have to take who you are as a whole. Go, your patient is waiting." She gave him a soft push on his chest, to motivate his feet to move.

He frowned as the disappointment filled the shower like the steam.

"Fuck," he growled stepping out of the shower.

"What?"

"I hate my job right now," he growled as he left the bathroom.

She looked to the drain of the shower and watched the water swirl. She would have to control her disappointment around him. He loved being a doctor she didn't want him to regret anything he was doing. How to control it or mask it was a different story altogether, as she didn't know if she could.

***

"No," Alex argued with her hand on her forehead, as she was with the lady at the counter later that afternoon. "That's not possible, I wasn't even in town last week!" Alex implored.

"I understand Miss," the bank teller argued. "But it says right here, the money was deposited into your savings account. So the figures are accurate."

Alex looked to her bank statement. She had decided to balance her checkbook while Gavin was gone, the number in checking was correct, but it was the savings that was off. Way off!

"I just don't want somebody to be out thousands of dollars, you know?" Alex defended why she was arguing a possible bank mistake in her favor. "I mean, if an account number was put in wrong and somebody was missing it, I want to make sure it gets back to them!"

"I understand," the teller agreed sympathetically. "Let me get my manager, maybe she will know if someone is missing the money, and if it is indeed, a bank error." Alex nodded as she looked over her statement.

Her savings account grew nearly five thousand dollars over the past two weeks. She hadn't made any deposits since her last school paycheck and even then it wasn't put into savings. She just knew that somewhere down the line a number got transposed, and someone was missing five thousand dollars from their account.

The manager came over with the teller and looked at the computer.

"I'm sorry Ms. Lasko," the manager shrugged. "No one is claiming any missed money, and I'm sure I would have heard about it by now if somebody was missing that type of money."

"I'm sure!" Alex laughed disappointedly. "But I know I haven't put in that type of deposit since I sold my art and that was months ago!"

"Go down to bookkeeping," the manager told the teller. "Have them pull the hard copy of the deposit slip."

"Yes ma'am," the teller said before disappearing. The manager turned back to Alex, "We will see if the teller who took the transaction is working and if they remember it. Each transaction has the teller's initials, so if they are working we can backtrack from there. Odds are slim, but we will see."

Alex waited off to the side while the bank went back to helping others. She chewed on her nail, caught herself and then stopped by putting her hands under her thighs. It seemed like hours went by as she sat there, but in reality she knew it was probably only a few minutes.

The manager waved her over and now she stood with a young blonde who looked nervous.

"Ms. Lasko," the manager smiled. "This is Jeannie, she was the teller who took the money." The young blonde looked apologetically at her and nodded.

"I'm sorry," she shrugged. "He seemed like a nice guy, he said he was your boyfriend...he wasn't wanting money out, he was wanting to put money in. I didn't think putting money in was going to be a problem. He doesn't have his name on your account or anything...but like I said, he just wanted to put money in, he brought a cashier's check from another bank. It all seemed legit."

"My boyfriend?" Alex growled, her eyes snapping shut to keep the raging fire from shooting out of them like some science fiction monster. The picture becoming clearer. Jeannie nodded. Alex pulled up a picture of her and Gavin on her phone.

"This him?" She showed the picture to the teller who smiled admirably at the man that graced her phone.

"Oh yeah," she nodded emphatically. "I remember thinking, please God let me find a boyfriend, who is that hot, and who would put money

into

my account instead of draining it!"

Alex growled and shook her head.

"I'm going to kill him," Alex said angrily to the two ladies. "Call the cops, have them come to my address, I fucking going to kill him!"

"Is there a problem?" the manager asked carefully. She hoped the young lady was joking and not seriously making a threat.

"I told that son of a bitch he couldn't pay me back," Alex said with a stomp of her foot.

"Most guys I know wouldn't, did he owe you money?" Jeannie asked her.

"No, I bought him this perfect Christmas gift, it was expensive and he promised not to take it back!" Alex fumed turning to look at the picture on her phone. It was of her and Gavin at dinner before they went to see the musical

Wicked.

"I'm sorry," the manager said sympathetically, seeing it was upsetting Alex. "My suggestion if it bothers you is, rebuy it and give it to him."

"No, he didn't take it back, which is why he just paid the money back that I spent, which is the same god damn thing!" Alex raged. She looked to the two ladies and could tell they had no idea what to say or do.

"I'm sorry," Alex told them forcing a smile. "He is quite remarkable, this man of mine, but right now...," she let her angered voice trail off.

"We will try and forget you were in here when the police come," the manager laughed. "Making threats and all!" Alex laughed with her.

"I don't care how hot he is, he is taking that money back! And not his sexy ass or his hypnotic brown eyes or the fact I love him more than life itself is going to keep him from the temper tantrum I'm about to throw down!" Alex said with a shake of her head.

***

Alex stormed into the condo and saw his medical bag, she knew he was home and went straight to his office as the light was on. Disregarding her stance that the office was his man cave and she wouldn't enter, she stormed in and tossed her bank statement at him.

He caught it with a furrowed brow at her entrance and her body language. Without looking at it, he stared at her. His jaw setting had her swallowing hard. His face screamed she went too far.

"First off," he said firmly. "Take it down a notch."

His eyes were firm and his body language tight. He leaned back in his chair and stared at her. Unbending to her demeanor, or her angry eyes. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly with closed eyes.

"Better," he said.

He then looked to the paper she had thrown at him. He sighed and frowned as he put it on his desk neatly. He had fully expected this little tornado, but he had to make sure that he didn't laugh or smirk. That would take this little tornado into an F5.

"Explain," she demanded. He cocked an eyebrow at her demand.

"No," he said firmly. "I don't have to. Take caution in your tone. I love you, but this is not up for debate."

"You waited until my sister left before putting that money back into my account," she told him.

"I did," he agreed with a nod.

"So we wouldn't fight in front of her?" Alex asked.

"Why not, the tactic worked for you," he said folding his hands in front of his face to hide the smile that was dying to get out. He knew that would only send her off the deep end and he would be forced to discipline her.

Right now she was balancing on a razors edge. He was admiring the fact she was trying so hard. If this had happened three months ago, this would be so much worse...for both of them.

"What?" She gasped, trying her best to swallow her anger.

"Did you not, hold back the gift until I was in front of your family, so that I could not let my true emotion out?" he pointed out. She hung her head. "At least I didn't do it in front of your family."

"You said you loved it!" Alex said softly, her voice cracking, her lip trembling.

"I do," he said with a nod. "But you should have been saving that money for a car, not for some expensive box."

"That was my Christmas gift to you," she pointed out firmly. "Now you have belittled it!"

"I have not!" he defended with a gasp at the accusation.

"You have," she said with her voice quaking. "You have taken something I had taken great pride it, and ruined it."

"That was not my intention," he said with a frown. He hadn't thought of it that way.

"I don't give a damn what your intention was!" Alex said her voice becoming tight with anger she was trying to not let come out.

"I'm sorry," Gavin told her leaning forward. She stared at him for several seconds before her anger got the upper hand.

"Let's get one thing perfectly clear," Alex said her voice erupting with her anger as she could no longer suppress it. "You can tell me what clothes I can wear. You can tell me how I can address you, and you can tell me how to fuck." She put her hands on his desk and leaned towards him.

"But if you want to control how I spend

my

money, you had better put a ring on my fucking finger and call me your wife!" Alex stormed from his office and went to the bedroom and slammed the door.

Gavin leaned forward and put his elbows up on his desk to prop his face up as he rubbed it.

"God," he whispered aloud to himself. "This whole real relationship thing is a pain in the ass! Should've just stayed with the Dom thing! But nooo! You had to go complicate things by falling in love with that walking, talking piece of absolute perfection!"

Gavin gave her a few minutes to cool off before he went after her. He stifled the laugh upon entering the bedroom carefully as she was lying face down in the bed. When he walked in she held up the crop without turning over. He gently took it from her fingers with a smile she did not see.

"Well," he sighed. "Given the circumstances, I guess that was about as respectful as you could have been." She let out a short laugh into the pillow.

"Look at me," he said softly, she shook her head. "Please?" She turned over and her eyes told him all he needed to know and it crushed him.

"I'm sorry," he said to her. "I'm not used to this."

"Used to what?" she asked.

"Being in a relationship, a meaningful relationship," he said running his thumb over her cheek. "I don't know how to act, what to do, what to say. I'm so used to just doing what I want." She nodded.

"So will you take the money back?" she asked him. She frowned when he looked to the ceiling. That meant no!

"Look," he smiled at her. "I'm just as stubborn as you! But I have a solution, one in which everybody wins." She nodded. He handed her a business card.

"That is my financial advisor," he told her. "Take the five thousand and open up some sort of money market account or IRA or something for your nieces and nephews."

"What?"

"I'm sorry," he said again. "I never meant to take away the joy you received from giving me that absolutely magnificent gift! I've done that now, and I can't fix it. But maybe, if you take the money and give it to your nieces and nephews, you can get a similar feeling knowing that with the right type of investments, and what not, they could wind up with something just as magnificent down the road!" She smiled as she looked to the card.

"Furthermore," he continued. "I promise to never tell you how or where you can spend your money, until your name is Mrs. Alexandria Steward."

"You owe me one," she said looking up at him her soft smile coming out and he was thankful for it.

"I know," he nodded. "What shall I do?"

"I'll think on it," she said looking at the card.

Chapter 33

Livy put one foot in front of the other. Her eyes down on the concrete sidewalk. Living in Averin was lonely. Especially now that Nora was back into school. She just had nothing to do all day. She would have to get a job sooner or later, but Alex had told her to take her time. Get her head right first. Which was good advice, as she was still having problems keeping it together. There were some days that she was glad Nora was back in school. She could then cry all day without the little girl knowing.

Alex and Gavin had given her money, despite her major protest. Alex had told her it was just to get her through until she did find a job, this way she didn't need to go to the parents and that lecture that Alex had heard so many times she could recite it from memory.

Gavin's lawyer had set her up an appointment with a woman from Pittsburg. After meeting with her she sounded like a shark! This lady didn't want her to get a job, she said she should think about going back to school. She would get Livy alimony because she was a stay at home wife. She could get education paid for first, then start her career, with her unfaithful husband footing the bill.

She talked to Alex about teaching. Alex raved about it, her father said it wasn't for everybody as it was the hardest, most frustrating but most rewarding job he could ever imagine. He wouldn't change anything if he was given a do over.

Then there was the way Gavin spoke so passionately about it. She stopped by the local community college to get some details. She felt excited about it. An excitement she hadn't felt in some time. A personal excitement. Excitement amount personal growth.

She stopped and looked around. The snow was falling gently, she looked up and saw the white flakes wafting down in a soft wind that forced the flakes to swirl as they fell around her.

The soft musical gongs of a church bell drew her eyes across the street. A man leaving the Catholic Church there drew her attention. He was pulling his gloves on as he descended the stairs. He waved at her as he saw her staring in his direction. She smiled and waved back as he climbed into his truck.

The building was red brick, its steeple tall and white with a small clock on it. St. Mary's was on the front with a sign that said;

There are some questions that can't be answered by Google. But we have the answers here!

She smiled at the humor in it.

She made her way over, she didn't know why she was walking there. She wasn't Catholic. Now she wasn't even sure there was a God. All her prayers to him in the past didn't save her marriage. It didn't save her from the pain. But she felt her feet walking over and her hand pulling on the door. It was big and wooden but opened easily.

The room opened into a cozy warm chapel. Rows of pews had her walking down the center. It was the stained glass that surrounded the chapel that had her enamored. She found a pew and sat, pulling her gloves off she set them down and unbuttoned her coat as she looked at the various scenes of the Bible in stained glass that wrapped around.

She closed her eyes and prayed. The quiet of the church had her softly crying in her prayer. There was just too much pain in her life right now. She wanted it to go away, she prayed for it to go away. Maybe He would listen to her pleas today.