Secret Smiles and Three Little Words

The crowd filtered by her, commenting on the details she had included. The scene she had created was a story of the city of Chicago. From the very beginning, to present day, the city changing as it moved down the wall, from early times, to the rise of skyscrapers. The Chicago fire was there, bold and bright as it engulfed the city in her swirls of orange and red paint. Then the rise of the Windy City from the ashes afterward.

Moving down, the city changed as you walked. Growing as you went, then around the edges, there were those who made Chicago. From celebrities like Oprah, Bill Murray and Harold Ramis. To sports stars like Michael Jordan, Dick Butkus, and Ryne Sandberg. Politicians Judy Baar Topinka, Richard M. Daley and other political shakers. To musicians like Kanye West, R. Kelly, Buddy Guy and Koko Taylor.

Chicago's dark side made it as well, Al Capone, John Dillinger were represented in their time frame of the city, the speakeasies and girls in flapper dresses. Bozo the Clown with his bright red hair and nose, with his counterpart Cookie. The Cubs, the Bulls. White Sox and Blackhawks. Da Bears. Their colorful logo or mascot representing their location in the city.

Alex managed to make all of Chicago available. The food. The Lake. Museums and music. People pointed out all the details. Alex saw Gabby staring in disbelief.

"What do you think?" Alex asked her with a smile.

"This...is utterly fantastic!" she gasped. "How did you do this?"

"You," she smiled. "You took a chance on an unknown."

"You are amazing!" Gabby smiled as she hugged her. "This...is worth talking about!"

"Not mad that I changed it?" Alex smiled.

"Not at all!" Gabby assured her. "There will be people who walk by this every day and see something they didn't see before!"

"That was the goal," Alex nodded.

Alex found Gavin by the wall, she smiled at what he was looking at.

"Found yourself, did you?" she asked softly. He nodded. "I couldn't possibly leave the most important thing, to me anyway, in Chicago out!"

Gavin was there at what she painted was a party in the time of prohibition. Girls all around him, he in a tuxedo. Looking over his shoulder at what faded into the next scene which just happened to coincide with the logo of the Chicago Wolves minor league hockey team. It fit in perfectly as the Wolves play at the Rosemont Horizon which is near the part of the city in which he was standing in the painting. He smiled at the symbolism she put into it. Only the two of them would get it, but it was there.

"Alex," Gavin shook his head.

"Did you see Madelyn?" Alex asked pointing her out as she took Gavin's hand. He smiled when he saw her.

Of all the comments she was concerned about, his was the most troublesome. He was so quiet she was concerned he would be angry that he was so prominently displayed in her painting. But his comment was the one she was desperate to hear.

"This is absolutely worth suffering a cold shower for!" he teased as he leaned into her and placed a kiss on her temple.

"Never going to live that one down am I?" Alex exhaled deeply. Relieved.

"Not as long as I can get something out of it," he laughed. "You outdid yourself here."

He took her into his arms and kissed her.

"That was some speech," he said softly.

"Got a little carried away there," she whispered within his grip. "Sorry, I...," she didn't finish.

"I'm not," he whispered. She looked up at him. "I'm just afraid you may be expecting too much of me." Alex frowned. That was not what she wanted to hear. He gently kissed her lips but she wanted more. Not just in his kiss.

"I don't want to bring up a minor flaw with your speech," he smiled at her ruefully.

"Just one?" she shook her head.

"You didn't thank your mother," he pointed out softly hoping to not make her feel buried in guilt for the omission.

"I thanked my parents," she said with a shrug.

"Yes but your father was singled out, as was Lena, Maole, Gabby and me," he said taking his fingers through her hair. "But not your mother."

"I didn't," she shrugged, it wasn't a question. It was a statement.

"I take it that it was intentional?" Gavin frowned.

"Does that make me a bad person?" she asked him softly.

"It depends on the why," he told her lifting her head to look at her.

"My mother has been dead set against my whole way of life," she told him her eyes tearing up. "My art was always put down by her, from contests I would enter in Jr. High, to high school. She refused to allow my father to help pay for college, like they did my older sisters, because I wanted an art degree."

"She said if I wanted their help I needed to pick a degree that would be worth something, not some degree that wasn't worth the paper it was printed on," she continued slowly as they moved down the wall together.

"So I did it on my own," she told him with a shrug.

Gavin said nothing, just moving along with her pointing out things on the wall that he liked.

"When I was accepted into the School of Art Institute in Chicago, she threw a big fit! When I decided on that school, she packed my things and had them in boxes when I got home," she said wiping a tear away when it slipped out. He squeezed her tightly to his side in comfort.

"When they would come here to visit, she would find something to ruin it. Either where I lived, who was there, boyfriends were especially easy prey. The fact I had to work at a restaurant to make ends meet!" She shook her head.

"Nothing pleased her, she always found something and picked a fight. It seems she was trying to break me down so I would come crawling back to Pennsylvania to them so she could give me the 'I told you so' speech. I can't tell you how much I despise 'I told you so' speeches!"

"My dad helped on the sly, when mother wasn't looking," Alex continued. "But you heard her last night! I mean, the way she went after you!"

"That's a parent's job!" he laughed showing her it was no big deal.

"Would your parents have done that?" she asked him. He shook his head.

"No," he said firmly. "What I told you was the truth, my parents would have adored you! Not saying they didn't critique some of my choices but they were always respectful. You, they would have adored!"

"I wish I could have met them," Alex said softly.

"Me too!" Gavin laughed. "My mother would have made sure this relationship lasts more than a year!"

"How so?" Alex laughed.

"She would have been pushing the marriage thing, grandkids...the lot!" he said with a shake of his head.

She frowned. It would have been nice to have an ally like that! Someone who meant the world to him, pushing from one side while she tried to win him from the other.

Chapter 23*

Alex walked towards the Expo, today was its grand opening. The first day the world was introduced to Alexandria Lasko. Gavin had gone on a call, but promised to meet her there. She was giddy. Her feet seemingly hovering over the sidewalk instead of walking on it. There were a ton of things going right in her life now and she couldn't help but connect them to Gavin and this new lifestyle!

She smiled when she saw him. He was sitting on the park bench he had become so familiar with, the one he would watch her from as she worked. One she didn't know he occupied until Lena told her. How selfish was that? To not notice the man she loved sitting there? She felt the guilt rise in her again.

She saw the loving lunches and the worry on his face. The tenderness he showered her with at home. She never really thanked him for any of it. She was just so overwhelmed with the work on the wall she just didn't have time, but looking back, all benefited her. She just didn't notice while he was doing them so much, as her mind was on nothing but the wall.

It wasn't until after Lena brought it up that she noticed that, of the things he was doing for her, nothing benefited him. He had lost weight with his worry about her. Gavin put off his patients at times for her and put his own needs to the side.

She pushed it from her mind as that only brought guilt as well. Guilt he wouldn't let her address by saying it was no big deal, that he

liked

watching her. It

pleased

him, he told her, dismissing her apology as unnecessary.

Her parents were finally gone. Gavin had convinced them to stay for a couple of days after the unveiling. To visit, he said, but she was glad when they left. She was tired of her mother's glares when she would say something to Gavin, or touch him with her hands. Or, heaven forbid, kiss him! Her father told her to ignore it. She was happy, that is all that mattered.

Gavin and her father got along fantastically, which pleased her a great deal. There was only one person that mattered more than her father, and she had proclaimed her love to him in front of everybody!

She grimaced as she remembered Gavin's words to her after, tinting her revelry that day. That she may be expecting too much from him. Not that he loved her too, not that he was flattered. Just that she was expecting too much from him. Like love in itself was an impossibility for him.

She sat next to him as he smiled, fixated on her wall. She looked over and saw people looking at it, inspecting it and pointing out things they liked, having their picture taken in front of it like it was an important landmark itself.

"What do you think when you see that?" he asked her softly. He pointed his head towards the family having their picture taken in front of her creation.

"I'm flattered," she smiled. "To think that people will remember a part of Chicago by that picture. To think I had some small part of their memory."

"I envy you," Gavin smiled as he nodded, but it wasn't his traditional smile. This was more of a grimaced smile, one that was both happy and sad. She looked to him with questioning eyes.

"Why?" she finally asked him when she couldn't read him, nor did he elaborate.

"To have done something...something that will inspire. To have left a mark that will live beyond you," he said softly. The awe in his voice caused her heart to sputter.

"Do you know how many people I have seen touch your work today, and I know that it has inspired them, or has touched them in some meaningful way?" She shook her head but he didn't look at her.

"Hundreds," he said with a soft snort. "I have sat here for over two hours, I have watched people walk up to it, touch it, point something out that drew their attention, caught their eye or spoke to them even," he said looking at her.

"You have made a difference," he said turning back. "You are lucky, not many people do. Most just go through life running through the motions. Existing."

"Do you believe you don't make a difference?" Alex asked him seeing the disappointment in himself. He said nothing.

"Gavin," she shook her head as she picked up his hand. "You are a doctor!"

"You make it sound like that is something enviable," he smiled.

"It is!" she gasped in disbelief. "How many people would love to be a doctor? To be that smart? To save lives?"

"You think because I'm a doctor I make a difference? That I'm smart?" he chuckled without humor.

"Yes," she said firmly.

"You think I have done something significant?" he asked her.

"You change lives, by helping people. Your patients," she pointed out.

"Using your logic then," he started as he leaned back. "In the time I have sat here, you have done more good, in those two hours, than I have in the eight years as a doctor."

"How do you figure?"

"I have seen hundreds of people be touched by your work," he pointed out. "I service less than a hundred patients."

"You have done more good in a couple of hours than I have in my life," he said softly.

She shook her head. He was making her angry. How could he think so little of himself? It made her wonder what was this really all about.

"Do you think an auto mechanic is smart?" Gavin asked her, the changing of gears in the conversation had her furrowing her brow in confusion so she did the only thing she could think of, she shrugged. He looked to her showing that a shrug wouldn't do.

"I guess some are," Alex told him trying to read where this conversation was going.

"Do you think a mechanic is as smart as me?" he asked her pointedly. This caused her to laugh.

"Not even close," she said firmly shaking her head.

"Why?"

"What do you mean, why?" she scoffed. "You went to med school!"

"So because I can read a book and remember better than some, I'm smarter?" He continued his baffling line of thought. She nodded. Gavin laughed while he shook his head.

"You know, most people would agree with you," Gavin frowned. "That is what society tells them to believe. Doctors are smarter than greasy auto mechanics." Alex watched him.

"I've got news for you," Gavin smiled. "There is no way I could work on a car. I have taken shop classes and nearly failed! Sure, I can diagnose a patient and prescribe the right medicine for them. But if my car starts to sputter...forget it! I'm totally lost! I can barely find the dipstick in the motor! I know where the dipstick in the cabin of the car is!" He laughed as he nudged her in his joke.

"That doesn't make you dumb," she pointed out.

"No it means that we are all smart in certain things," he said to her.

"Gavin," she shook her head. "Where are you going with this?"

"It means we are all equal. Would you agree? That we all have some talent, that we all have some sort of gift that we are better at than others?" Gavin asked with a sigh, she nodded cautiously. "So if we are all equal, how do we measure ourselves?" Alex looked to him blankly. She was completely lost.

"What I mean is," Gavin began to explain as he could tell he had lost her. "We all have something we are good at. You have art, my mechanic can make my car sing. I can make people feel better. All equally important. So on death's bed, and we look back at the things we have done...how do we know we were successful in life? Is it who has the most money? Power? How do we measure success?"

"I don't know," Alex admitted.

"I think, in the end, we look back and see the people we touch, the people we inspire, the lives we change," he told her. "To me, that is the most important. Some will say money, some will say power. Some will say family even."

"I personally have found, in the end, no amount of money is better than influencing another person's life. Whether that person be a family member or friend or even a complete stranger, as you are doing right now with your wall. The adage of money can't buy happiness is right. I work with people with all the money they will ever need. But are they happy? Are they immortal because of it? No, in the end, they die. The only thing that separates us is, did we leave an impact? Did we make a difference? Did we use the gifts God gave us to make the world a better place?"

"So you think you haven't made an impact?" Alex asked him seeing a ray of light in his thinking.

"I think," he started, the he shrugged with a shake of his head. "I don't know."

"So," Alex began her game of chess with him again. "How many people do you have to impact before you consider yourself a success? How many lives do you have to change? Because obviously that is what you are going to measure yourself by, you don't care about money and you don't care about power. If you are going to measure your life by touching people's lives or impacting people positively, then what is the number you need to deem yourself a success?"

"There isn't a set number," Gavin laughed. "Right now? One would be fine."

"One?" Alex smiled picking up his hand and pulling him up.

"One person," he smiled seeing the look of determination on her face that reminded him of when she worked. One he loved.

She pulled him to the wall and lifted his hand and placed it there.

"Feel that?" she asked him. He shrugged. Now it was Gavin's turn to not know where she was going. "This is the influence you have on me!"

"It's not the same," he said with a shake of his head seeing her angle.

"Why?" she asked him pointedly. "Because you physically didn't brush the colors on?"

"Exactly," he smiled. She smiled as her trap sprang. "What is that grin for?"

"Because," she said coming close. "You put the base color on. Without you, this doesn't get done. Yes I may take the glory of the colors, but it's the base color that makes this come to life. Without it, it's impossible for the colors to shine! It's the color behind the bright ones that make it pop! Most people don't know the lives they influence. I do. I'm lucky in that. I know that without you, this wall isn't here!"

He rolled his eyes as he saw what she did. She smiled at him. He hooked his arm around her and pulled her into the line for the Expo.

"Remind me to never play chess with you!" he admired. "Thanks. I needed that."

"You're welcome," she smiled. "I know you think you haven't done anything, and nothing I can say will change that thought, but only because you won't allow it. But you have made a difference. You made a difference in my life. In turn, I have made a difference in others. You are as much a reason for that wall as I am. Take pride it that!"

She could tell he was somewhat placated by her words as his smile came back out. She could still see the underlying disillusionment in his job. She could see his point there, he only worked for people who had money. Most were CEOs or politicians who only thought of money and power. Gavin didn't care about either, but it surrounded him, dragging him down to its level. His disillusionment with his job would be something she would like to fix, if she could.

Walking around the Expo, they enjoyed the massive amount of food that was available. From hot dogs to pizza. From pasta dishes to polish sausage. If you couldn't find something you liked here, you were impossible to please. If you had a craving, it was at this Expo.

The beer tent was popular as they had a multitude of domestic and foreign flavors to be sampled and Alex was sampling them with smile. She was enjoying the music, the atmosphere, but most especially...the company.

"I need another beer," she said to him over the band as they played. "Do you want one?"

"I'll get it," he said as he left her. She shook her head. She should have known he wasn't going to allow her to go get it! She turned to watch the band, dancing with the music, cheering at the end of every song.

"Alex!" the voice carried over the music behind her. She turned with a smile but it disappeared slightly when she saw her.

"Elizabeth!" She said as the dark haired goddess engulfed her in a hug. Alex returned it warmly but when she opened her eyes she saw him. Royce. She mustered her best smile and turned her eyes to Elizabeth. Trying to push out the negative thoughts of Kelly in the hospital at the hands of the animal behind Elizabeth.

"How are you?" Alex asked her.

"Good!" Elizabeth told her with a nod.

Alex gave her a solid look over. She was thinner, her eyes had some puffiness to them to match the dark circles under them. Overall she looked tired.

"You ok?" Alex asked her. "You look a little worn down!"

"I am a little," Elizabeth told her. "The job thing is running me ragged!"

"Yeah," Alex nodded.

She didn't know why that was bothering her, perhaps it was because she never noticed her being worn down before when she lived with Gavin. Then again it was only a matter of a few weeks after she became involved before Elizabeth moved out. So maybe it was the job. But something about her was putting Alex off and she couldn't pinpoint what it was.

Then again the asshole behind her had her put off too. He seemed to be hovering around, then looking on Alex lustfully. Maybe Alex was misreading it, but she considered herself an attractive girl. She had been looked on by random guys before and knew they were checking her out or lusting after her. She knew, as any woman would know, what that look was all about.