Secret Smiles and Three Little Words

Chapter 12*

Alex walked into the hospital. She didn't know why she was going in to see her but she wanted to check on her anyway. Poking her head into the room she saw Kelly looking out the window.

"How are you feeling?" Alex asked her. Kelly turned and smiled. She lifted her hand and wobbled it to say she was so-so. Alex showed her the flowers she picked up on the way over and Kelly smiled. Alex set them on a nearby table.

"Why are you here?" Kelly whispered. Her voice shaking and the pain evident.

"Just checking on you," Alex said sitting in the chair.

"Not...necessary," Kelly struggled to whisper.

"Yeah," Alex frowned. "I bet you are getting a lot of visitors." Kelly shook her head. She held up one finger, then pointed to her. Indicating she had one visitor, her.

"I would have been here sooner but I was kind of in a holding pattern until recently," Alex explained.

"You didn't have to come by at all!" Kelly smiled and said with a great deal of difficulty. "You don't even know me!"

"I know," Alex smiled as she patted her hand.

"Gavin owns you?" Kelly smiled.

"Yes," Alex smiled back. She hoped it was the truth. It felt like the truth. She had the opportunity to persuade him if nothing else.

"Lucky," Kelly said with jealous eyes.

"I know," Alex shrugged.

"Will you go back to him?" Alex asked her about Royce.

Kelly shrugged. Alex shook her head.

"He almost killed you," Alex said firmly.

"I'm his sub," Kelly pointed out.

"No," Alex disagreed. "You are supposed to be treated with respect. He doesn't respect anything you have done."

"Not that easy," Kelly argued, her voice straining against the pain.

"It is," Alex told her firmly taking her hand. "You find another Dom."

"Set me up with Dr. Steward?" Kelly teased.

"Not a chance," Alex laughed. "I barely know you!" She brought back up in a tease.

"We are subs," Alex said getting serious. "And that position demands respect...at least that's what Gavin believes."

Walking out of the hospital Alex stood in front thinking.

"Alexandria!" the voice caused her to beam her smile. Madelyn was coming out of the hospital.

"Mistress," Alex said when she was close enough to not draw stares. Alex bowed her head.

"You are even more stunning in the daylight!" Madelyn gushed. "Where is he?" She asked alluding to Gavin.

"He was called out," Alex shrugged. "I came to see Kelly."

"Are you available then?" Madelyn asked as she gently touched Alex's hair.

"Available?" Alex asked a bit surprised at the question and wondered if it meant something.

"For dinner," Madelyn laughed catching the tone. "You belong to a Dom, no other Dom will move in on you."

"I am available to you," Alex smiled.

"Gavin is in turmoil with you," she smiled. "I like that. He needs it from time to time to grow. We all do!"

"You have talked to him recently?" Alex asked her. She thought he was banished.

"I talk to Gavin almost daily, he is like my son," she smiled.

"I thought you were mad at him," Alex pointed out.

"Sometimes our children frustrate us," Madelyn shrugged. "But we never stop loving them! Have you had dinner yet?"

"No," Alex shook her head.

"How about dinner with me? I know a great place nearby," Madelyn offered.

"I would love to have dinner with you," Alex smiled.

The two women gossiped through drinks. Mostly about Gavin, which Alex loved a great deal. She loved learning things about him that he probably wouldn't share on his own.

"What troubles you?" Madelyn finally asked.

"I believe Elizabeth brought me on so she could leave," Alex told her.

"Gavin believes the same," Madelyn smiled with a shrug. "Her loss."

"I should feel bad that she is leaving, but I can't help thinking that if she stayed, I would be on the outside looking in," Alex said carefully. "Gavin and his absolutes."

"You are probably correct," the older woman agreed. "Gavin would damn himself for his absolutes."

"He said he had some things to discuss with me," Alex carefully tested, probing gently. "Any idea what he has on his mind?"

"I do," Madelyn said but didn't elaborate further and her smile told Alex it was useless to try and glean any information from her.

"I can see you aren't going to give me much information other than Gavin as a younger man," Alex smiled shaking her head. "But will you answer me one question?"

Madelyn sat there silently staring at her. Evaluating her.

"One question," Madelyn conceded.

"If Elizabeth leaves," Alex began slowly. "Will he claim me fully?"

Madelyn rolled her eyes.

"Seriously," Alex pushed. "I have doubts that I'm good enough."

"Seriously? You are crazy," Madelyn laughed. "No, he will claim you." Alex smiled. That's what she wanted to hear.

"You don't really think you aren't good enough?" Madelyn asked her. Alex nodded. "You have pushed him to violate an absolute! How can you possibly think that you aren't good enough?"

"Things like this don't happen to me," Alex shrugged.

"Get ready," Madelyn smiled holding her hand. "Things are about to happen to you on a regular basis!" The wink caused Alex to bark out a laugh louder than she intended and she covered her lips with her hand and looked around the restaurant.

Alex waited impatiently around the apartment the next morning. She tried to sketch but couldn't stay focused. She picked up Lena's Kindle and pulled up her latest book to read, she was still on the same author but different book. This one was called "The Goldbriar" and it struck a chord with her. The main character stuck in a world she didn't belong. Alex felt that way at times as she thought about her life.

She looked at her watch for the fiftieth time and found she basically was looking at it every minute of the hour causing it to go by very slowly. Lena had gone to see her boyfriend so she couldn't even pass the time with her.

At nine there was a knock at the door. Damn him for being exactly on time! She shook her head. She normally bitched and moaned that her man was late. This one was punctual and she was angered by it. This one she wanted to arrive early!

"Ready?" he asked her as he drank her in from head to toe.

"For two hours!" she smiled letting him look and reveling in it.

"I said nine," he pointed out meeting her eyes.

"I know," she smiled. "But when a girl is waiting for her man, it's ok when he comes early!"

"Coming early is a bad thing!" he joked with a wink. She rolled her eyes as he moved to the side to let her come out.

Opening the car door for her she looked as a couple of women looked on with a tinge of shock at the gentlemanly gesture. Her secret smile came out. She devoured him as he walked around the car.

"Hungry?" he asked her once he was in the car.

"Famished," she smiled, turning in her seat a little to face him.

"Me too," he smiled.

"I could eat too," she teased. He shook his head at her innuendo.

She watched him drive, and loved the concentration on his face.

"You are making it hard to drive," he smiled never taking his eyes off the road.

"Isn't that my job?" She giggled. "To make it hard?"

"You are very good at it!" he laughed with her. "Now behave, we have serious things to discuss before you entrance me with you magic."

"So it's going to be that type of day," she frowned.

"Wow," Gavin said dryly.

"What?" she asked looking back at him.

"It never ceases to amaze me at just how needy kittens can be!" he winked at her.

"Quit being fantastic!" Alex dared in a scoff to him.

"Careful," he warned without looking at her.

"Yes Sir," she nodded.

"I saw Madelyn yesterday," Alex said after a few moments of maddening silence. She wanted to keep him talking. Not about the serious stuff that was obviously on his mind but she had to hear his voice. She then shook her head. She

was

needy. She needed his voice. She needed his smile. She desperately needed his touch.

As if on command his hand came and rested on the inside of her knee and she melted into the expensive leather of the car. Her eyes fluttered closed and she took in a deep breath which brought in his aftershave and that made her wet. Then the thought hit her, was she gaining Jedi powers? Was she a Padawan, a Jedi in training? She smiled and shook her head.

"Where did you see Madelyn?" he asked her bringing her out of her reverie.

"At the hospital," Alex smiled as she began to stroke his fingers on her knee. "I went to see Kelly." He nodded. "Is she going to be alright?"

"Yes," he nodded. "I released her this morning."

"That's great!" Alex beamed. But it disappeared quickly. "Is she going back to him?"

"No," he told her looking at her fingers as they brushed softly against his. Normally he wouldn't allow it, but he liked the way her fingers felt on him. "She is staying with Madelyn until she is fully better. Then Madelyn will help her find a new Dom."

"What about...Royce," Alex was careful to say his name to Gavin as she knew they didn't like one another.

"Fuck Royce," Gavin growled. He looked to Alex and saw her nodding out the window with a little smile. "He doesn't deserve her."

"I agree," Alex said without looking at him.

After placing their order for brunch Gavin waited until the waiter had left them before folding his hands on the table, business like. Alex frowned. She wanted to avoid this conversation. It was weighing on her as she was afraid he was going to tell her she wasn't fully claimed. If he didn't say it, then she could still dream about it. Like living the daydream of the lottery before the numbers are announced. Until you hear the numbers you have a shot.

"We should get the ground rules out of the way," Gavin sighed, reading her easily.

"Do we have to?" Alex asked looking away.

"I think it would be best, that way we have clear expectations," Gavin said firmly. She couldn't tell if he was being firm for her benefit or his.

"I thought my expectations were clear," Alex said, turning her eyes to him. The fire was stoking and she couldn't stop it. Why wouldn't he just claim her for Christ's sake? Then there wouldn't be a need for ground rules or expectations! They would be implied! There wouldn't be a need for two sets of rules. One for Elizabeth, then another for her.

"Don't think for one second, that this restaurant will save you from a consequence," Gavin warned her firmly. "I have no problem taking you into the bathroom and correcting your tone."

Alex swallowed hard and then her secret smile came shortly after.

"Yes, Sir," she nodded.

"Better," he smiled. "Look, I just want us to be careful. I don't want anything but pleasure for this relationship. For both of us."

"I understand," She frowned. "You're right of course, but...,"

"But?"

"But I want

you

," Alex said firmly. "I don't want part time. I want full time. I want to be

your

submissive. I want

your

ownership!"

"Have I said anything to suggest that is off the table?" he asked her.

"Your body language says it all," Alex told him what she was seeing.

"You really need to explore the Dom side," Gavin smiled as he admired the way she could read him like no other sub had been able to. "You would be excellent at it!"

"Being a Dom doesn't help me with you," she pointed out firmly. "You aren't a sub, so that part has been decided for me."

"So you think, based on your limited knowledge, you can make a life-long decision such as that?" he asked her firming up his eyes on her. This surprised her. She didn't think he was thinking long term, but this statement said it obviously entered his mind.

She looked to the table in thought.

"Maybe you think it's complicated, but it isn't for me," she said bringing her eyes up. "I have never been with a man like you. I want to see where that road takes me."

"All the more reason for us to set up the expectations now," Gavin smiled. "So that what we want isn't in question."

"Ok," she said sitting up straighter. "I want to be your sub. I want to live that life for now and see if it brings me the pleasure I expect. If...

IF,"

she stressed. "I feel it doesn't then I will tell you as soon as I know."

"That's all I'm asking," Gavin nodded.

"What do you want then?" Alex asked him.

"I want your submission," Gavin said firmly. "When you are with me, you are to do what I expect. No questions. No hesitation. You are to give yourself to me fully."

"I am willing, and eager, as you keep pointing out, to do so," Alex said as firmly. He nodded.

"The rules for you will be different than they are for my sub," Gavin told her. This caused her heart to flop. He wouldn't call her his sub. That is not going to be good for her.

"So what will I be?" Alex frowned.

"You will remain a pet for now," Gavin recognized the disappointment. "You will come and go as you please. When you are with me, you are my sub and will act like it. When you are not with me you are free to do as you please. See who you please. Explore what you need to in order to gain the knowledge you need to make an educated decision."

"I can date others?" Alex was shocked. This was an absolute. One she was surprised he would waver on.

"Madelyn was right," Gavin said softly. "If I'm not going to claim you properly then I can't place the same demands on you as I do Elizabeth."

"What if I don't want another?" Alex asked him.

"That is your decision," Gavin told her fighting the smile. He did like her response as he didn't want to share her, but rules are rules. He wasn't claiming her fully, so he couldn't stop her from seeing others as he was not monogamous to her as long as he was with Elizabeth, but he hoped she wouldn't see other men. He could tell by the look on her face she saw it.

"When do we decide?" Alex asked him. "When will you claim me? What time period do we set?"

"You don't," Gavin said with a shake of his head. "This is something you do by feel. I will decide when to claim you. I, and only I, gets to make that decision. Then you will have to decide to submit to me."

Alex sat back. She didn't like this one bit.

"Speak your mind," Gavin encouraged. "Respectfully." He cautioned.

"I won't live half in, half out," Alex told him. "I'm not that type of person."

Gavin propped his elbow on the table and nestled his chin in his palm as he stared at her thinking about what she said.

"Look," she said leaning in to him. "If you are going to violate an absolute, why not the one about owning one sub at a time?"

"Because I don't believe I can keep both of you happy," Gavin said plainly never taking his chin from his palm. She thought back to the way Elizabeth reacted to his attention to her. From the oral sex in the shower to not opening the door for her on Sunday. While she probably had her own agenda she was Gavin's sub and didn't like the sharing at times.

"What about Elizabeth?" Alex asked him.

"I told you, Elizabeth leaving was a foregone conclusion," Gavin sighed.

"Then, you will only have one sub," Alex pointed out. "Me."

"Stubborn as a mule," Gavin laughed. Alex lifted her eyebrow at him. "I made a commitment to her. I am a man of my word. I don't say things I don't mean, and I don't make commitments I don't intend to keep. I've committed to her, as she has me."

"But she is leaving," Alex pointed out.

"Part of the deal," Gavin shrugged unconcerned.

"Please explain," she encouraged.

"The first day we make a commitment to one another, a sub and me, I tell them when they feel they aren't getting what they need, I will know. I have done this with every sub I have owned," he told her.

"They then come to me and tell me they are leaving, but by then I have already known this. Once I claim a sub, unless something drastic happens, the sub decides to end it. I get to decide to start it, but the sub always...always...decides when to end it." He told her emphatically.

"I then release them of their vow to me, and they release me of my vow to them," Gavin continued with a deep sigh. "I take these vows very seriously."

"Have you ever tried to release a sub that didn't want to leave?" Alex asked him.

"No," he said quickly. "Each time I enter an arrangement, I make sure I know them. I make sure that I can maintain my commitment to them."

"So why won't you do that with me?" Alex asked a bit hurt.

"Because," Gavin shook his head. "I can't figure you out."

"What?" Now she was really confused. He knew her. He could read her like a damn book!

"Look," Gavin said patiently. "You are a complete novice, I think you are looking for more than a Dom/sub relationship."

"What am I looking for then?" Alex asked sharply, her temper percolating.

"A husband," Gavin said his eyes firming up. He wasn't used to being talked to this way and it was becoming a challenge to keep himself in check. Alex looked away as the truth slapped at her. "Point made?"

"No," Alex growled defiantly. "So you aren't looking for a wife?"

"I'm not marriage material," Gavin assured her his teeth grinding.

"Is this another absolute?" she asked him sarcastically.

"Why are you getting upset?" he asked.

"Because I don't like the fact you won't admit your feelings," Alex said harshly her temper rising and bubbling out causing her voice to rise to above the din of the restaurant. "What happened that you won't let anyone that close?"

The table grew cold as Gavin leveled her with his eyes. She sat back and was afraid she had screwed up her shot with him.

"I've made my offer," Gavin said coolly. "Take it or leave it."

"Ouch," Alex warned him.

"Why are you making this so difficult?" Gavin asked her exasperated.

"Why can't you just claim me, if you are so sure she is leaving?" Alex turned on him.

"Because I gave her my vow," he said with a deep, exhausted sigh. "Would you want me to go back on my vow if it was you?"

Alex looked to the table embarrassed. No she wouldn't, but she also knew it didn't need to be said.

"I promise you, here and now, once Elizabeth makes her decision to leave, and it's her decision, I will claim you," Gavin said taking her hand. "You and only you, by that time, I hope you have fully formed a knowledge based decision. Not an emotional one."

"What's so wrong with an emotional decision?" Alex asked him with a nod that she understood his stand.

"It can override the brain, the heart is flawed, it can make you do things that aren't good for you," Gavin told her without a doubt in his words.

"It can do wondrous things as well," Alex pointed out to him. "Keep that in mind! Your brain is also flawed, it can make decisions that aren't good too!"

Gavin nodded as he pulled her hand to his lips.

"Agreed," he laughed to her hand.

"So we leave things as they are for now," Alex summed up. "You won't go back to your original absolutes, will you?"

"Like?"

"Only playing with pets, only fucking your sub," Alex said softly. Hoping he would continue to fuck her.

"I think we are beyond that...aren't we?" Gavin laughed. "You destroyed that absolute!"

"Agreed," she snickered. "But you didn't fight all that hard."

"Trust me," Gavin said losing his smile slightly. "I fought as hard as I could...you just made that impossible. I had to have you. I had to touch you. I had to taste you fully and that's the part I'm afraid of!"

"What part?" she asked.

"The part that I can't control," he smiled. "I can't control the feelings I have for you!"

"I'd apologize, but again, it wouldn't be sincere!"

"So we are agreed then?" Gavin asked her. "We continue like last weekend, with the exception that I will fuck you?"

"Agreed," Alex said. It wasn't exactly what she wanted, but it was what he was willing to give her and she couldn't push him or she would push him away. That much she knew for certain.