Saudades

"Did you check the internet?" Mimi sat forward on the edge of the sofa and pushed her foot into Sven's palm.

"Yep." He nodded, though didn't look up, focusing instead on the task at hand, making sure the deep red varnish went on evenly, that each toe was neatly polished. "Film starts at 5 like you said. We can get food after."

"Perfect. Careful, you're not spackling a wall, watch the edges." Mimi laughed, her foot twitching against her boyfriend's palm. Sven looked up, grinning, and then shifted backward on his knees.

"Sorry, I wasn't concentrating." Gently, the man ran his nail down the side of the toe, making the sliver of polish disappear.

"That's better. Finish with that one and I think that does it."

"I think, for a first try, that's pretty good." He grinned and looked up, screwing the lid back onto the bottle. "Don't you?" his voice was more hopeful than he'd intended; he knew Mimi had heard it too, that sudden, sharp inflection that asked the real question; Am I good enough?

"It's perfect, thank you." She planted a kiss on his cheek then stood, her hand pressing into his shoulder. "Oh, also, my sister has an art show at some new gallery in town next Friday. I spoke to her this morning and-" Mimi stopped, one neatly tweezed eyebrow raised, "Don't pull that face. It's one night and you know how important this is. She wants me to go. It's the first time she's shown her work publicly."

Sven sighed, "No, listen, it's not that I don't want to go, it's just that Alec is in town and it's the only night we'll have together before Marina comes with the kids. We'd already planned to meet."

"Oh shit, I totally forgot." Mimi planted her hands on her hips, watching as Sven stood then leant against the wall. "Well then, just bring Alec with you. Just stay for an hour or two and then go and heckle strippers or whatever it is you do."

Sven sighed, the air hissing through his teeth. "Okay, I suppose so." He conceded, " I don't think Alec and Olivia have met, have they?"

Mimi nodded, pushing off the wall and scooping a pile of old magazines off the coffee table. "They have. Do you remember, the year before last, she came with me to that party you threw back in the early days. I think it was for Alec's birthday, actually. They met then."

"Oh, yeah." He nodded and pulled the papers from Mimi's hands. "I forgot about that."

"Oh, you want these? I thought you'd read them." Mimi freed the magazines, watching him turn the stack and read the spines. "Sorry."

"Yep. And, here, give them to me. I should be doing this."

Mimi grinned the laughter barely hidden. "What would I do without you, huh?" She rubbed his cheek playfully.

"Well," Sven walked across the floorboards, dumped the magazines inside the bedroom door, grinning to himself. "Knowing you, Amanda, I'd say you'd still be pulling the first born, hyper independent act. Never letting anyone help you until you were too tired to do anything yourself and even then you'd be telling me-"

"Fuck off!" Mimi bounded across the room, landing a playful punch to the centre of Sven's chest. Her fingers unfurled and dug into him. "How dare you." She laughed, her cheeks colouring.

"As I was saying, you'd be telling everyone to fuck off." His arm curled around her and he kissed her on the mouth.

Mimi laughed, the kiss she returned quickly becoming fierce, her teeth pressing into his lip.

"Ow." His breath was hot against her skin but he sank back against her again, pulling her forward.

"Didn't stop you, though, did it?" Mimi teased, "From kissing me."

He pushed her against the table, then upward, sliding her over the scarred wood. "Nope."

"So then," Mimi grinned, "You'll come along next Friday? Yes?" Her hands hovered on his hips as she spoke, her fingers hooking into the belt loops of his jeans.

"Okay. I'll bring Alec and then we can go out after."

"Thank you." Mimi squeezed his hips playfully, slipping off the table. "Really, my sister isn't so bad when you get to know her. I know she seems a little...stand offish sometimes but you just need to give it time."

Sven rolled his eyes, "It's been two years, Mim. She definitely hates me." He watched her expression change and then exhaled, the breath hitting her cheek, conceding. "Okay."

"Thank you." Mimi said smiling, "Now go shower and shave. You'd better get ready at some point today."

"Yup." He turned and walked towards the bathroom. "Oh, by the way." Sven stuck his head around the door. "I would never go to a strip club now, you know that." He tilted his head and smiled, the door shutting heavily. "Quite embarrassing actually." He shouted.

"So you've never been?" Mimi raised an eyebrow, her breath curling in silver tendrils across the crisp, night air as they left the cinema.

"Well, a couple of times." He explained. "In college and for a couple of stag parties. You know guy events." He made speech marks with his fingers, his eyes rolling.

"Hmm. Of course and you never once were in any way titillated or aroused by a naked, gyrating woman, were you?"

"Ugh, no. Of course." He laughed, "It's just it always seems vaguely sad and everyone is obviously pretending and frankly, that shit is expensive."

"Only you would say that." Mimi teased, side-stepping a group of people huddled around a bus stop. "I don't even care. My dad and most of my male cousins were strip club patrons. No harm done and if there was then I'm sure they'd get a stripper heel to the eye." She said.

"Pretty much. Though I always found them a bit," he paused, his breath curling into long tendrils around them. "You know, stringy, strippers."

Mimi laughed, "Oh. The fake tans, the thin extensions. You were obviously not attending quality establishments." She said, 'I ended up in one with some friends a few years back and holy shit, they were beautiful. Really good spray tans. And arses." She continued, clearly impressed. "They must have done so many squats to get such good butts." She pouted. "I don't mind. I just found your answer surprising."

Sven harrumphed. "What? Because all men want to gleefully participate in the objectification of women."

"Oh please," Mimi tossed her hair over her shoulder, her arm pulling free from his. "You watch porn, you hypocrite. Exactly the same thing."

"No, that's different." He said, his fingers splaying in front of him.

"How?" Mimi asked, incredulous. "Both sets of people are being paid large sums of money to perform sexually. How are they different?"

"They just are." Sven said, crossing the street, guiding Mimi between the crowds walking the opposite way. "I don't know."

Mimi nodded, "Exactly. You're isolated from the real woman who does porn, she's just trapped behind a computer screen, buuut when women are right there in front of you with their lady garden in your face and you have to slide them money you get panicky."

Sven sighed and jammed his hand into his coat pocket. He pulled a face. "Ugh." He said, "And now I feel a total twat. I didn't really think about it. I mean, I did but-" he sighed again, "No. I don't know what it is. I just feel like there's something sadder about strippers."

Mimi shrugged, "They earn more than I do." She said, "Most of them. I'm sure they'd slap you upside the head for patronisation like that. Rightly so."

"No, no. Dammit. I didn't mean to sound patronising. I just meant...god, damn, I don't know. It's fine. If those women choose to do that then, fine. I know people have always looked at people and so long as no one is being trafficked then that's okay but I just...just don't like them."

Mimi laughed, rubbing his arm, "You know you sound more German when you're angry. It's adorable."

"Now who's being patronising?" he raised an eyebrow at her. "I have no qualms with the legal, consenting sex trade. I just don't want some random girl's ass in my face. Or, I at least want to buy her dinner first, you know."

Mimi sighed, "I am never having this argument with you again, you understand? Ever." She sliced the air with her palms. "You know men are never expected to be objectified like women are that's the main beef I have with it."

"I thought you said we weren't going to have this argument again." He said, his arm curling around her.

She nodded, "Okay. For now. You gonna buy this ass pizza then?" she wiggled in front of him. "Huh?"

"Do I get a private show?" he asked, laughing, watching her shimmy in front of him, ignorant of the passers by as they walked.

"Maybe." She grinned, grabbing his hand again. "If you're lucky."

Sven nodded, "That would have been more sexy if you weren't wearing 400 layers."

"Wearing heels though." Mimi grinned. "My feet are ice but they look good."

Sven nodded, "They do. Come on, the pizza place is up the street."

Mimi shook her head. "No, no. We can just call up later. I think we should play first, work up an appetite." She curled her hand into his, swinging it playfully. "We're two minutes away."

Sven groaned and closed his eyes, his shoulders rolling. "Ugh, damn, that sounds so much better than food now." He admitted, "You're right. Then we can eat and lie about at home."

Mimi nodded, "Exactly."

Sven hadn't thought of it much that day but now, as they walked hand in hand through the Saturday crowds he found himself tense and surprisingly irritated by the noise and the throngs of people. Like a nervous tic or a strange birthmark, Sven had never noticed how much he relied on being beaten as a form of stress relief until Mimi mentioned it. The week's tension seemed to have become a part of him, following him about like a stray animal. He rolled his shoulders, hyper aware, the thought of the sharp, stinging flicks or a dull thud of a flogger glittering in his mind.

They waited in tense, expectant silence until they reached their door. Before Mimi could produce the thin, brass key, Sven was already curling his hand under her sweater, pulling up her shirt.

"Eager." She mused, grinning at him and flinging open the door. "In you go. Shoes off. Clothes too -- not underwear." The door slammed with a thunk and she watched, a smile on her face as her boyfriend obeyed, the wintry layers peeling away with the tension. Her keys were placed in the bowl on the low table by the door and the tortuous heels kicked away. She shrank four inches then removed her coat and her jumper, leaving only a thin cotton blouse and dark trousers.

"There." Sven gestured toward her, his palms open. "I'm yours."

Mimi nodded, "Get your collar, bring it to me and I'll put it on for you. Should be in the bathroom where you left it. Meet me in the bedroom -- Comfier there."

She watched him leave and then, went to the bedroom herself, pulling the bag that they kept the toys in from the bottom of the wardrobe. She picked out a heavy paddle, weighing it in her hand, smiling to herself. Perfect.

"Paddle then?" Sven came in and held out the collar. "Why not that one?" he nodded to a thinner, smaller implement next to the toy bag. Mimi laughed, exchanging the paddle for the collar, the metal clinking around his neck.

"You only want me to use that one because it doesn't do anything." She laughed, "You won't get out of it that easily."

Sven shrugged. "Worth a shot."

"Here," Mimi began moving pillows and blankets on the bed, laying them out then gesturing to Sven. "Lie here." She patted the pillows on the bed, gesturing toward the space she'd made for him.

"Butterflies." He grinned, sinking to his knees and lying out over the bed, "Can I just-" he sat up and then began figeting on the bed.

"Arranged comfortably?" Mimi asked, music already in her voice. Sven nodded. "Good." She said, "Keep your hands in front of you. Ready?"

He nodded, "Yes."

"Sorry?"

"Yes, Ma'am." He repeated.

Behind him, Mimi grinned and started with slow pats of the paddle. "Nothing too harsh to begin with." She said, watching the muscles in his shoulders begin to roll, the tension becoming tangible. "Just relax." She sighed, "For now."

Sven laughed, grunting.

"You're complaining already?" Mimi said, mock disdain running through the words, ""We've barely even started." She upped the pace. With her free hand she reached out and rubbed his hip. He moaned happily. "That's it." She said to no one in particular, moving faster, the slaps getting louder. "Stop wriggling." She landed a hard blow to his right butt cheek, laughter following the crack of the paddle. "Keep moving like that and I'm going to have to tie you up."

Sven groaned, "Yes, Ma'am." He said, "I won't, I won't, I promise." He turned his head to the opposite side, the sheets cool against his cheek, the thudding blissfully hypnotic, his mind empty.

"You know," Mimi said, upping the pace further, landing slower heavier blows against his flesh, "I've used this for far longer and far harder on you before." She landed the paddle again, grinning as his hands curled into the sheets. "You're noisy this afternoon." Sven said nothing but grunted, moaning low. Behind him, Mimi smiled to herself, watching his body react to the blows, the tiny stream of noises he let out making her chest flutter. There was something indescribably beautiful about him laid out like this, vulnerable and making those noises, taking the pain she gave him that made her want to jump him right there. She smiled to herself, biting her lip and then, placed three harder swats across his buttocks. Predictably, deliciously, Mimi thought, he let out a high yelp and wriggled against the sheets, his toes pressing into the rug.

"Oh, you liked that?' Mimi asked, laughter dancing through her voice.

"No, no. Ma'am please can we stop, can we?" Sven wriggled, his breath heavy.

Mimi smiled, rubbing his bottom gently. "I don't think so. You're reddening up nicely. So pretty." She squeezed his bottom and then, returned to her ministrations, landing swat after swat over his reddening flesh. "There." She said, standing back to admire her work, "I think that was very effective."

"I know, I know. Oh, thank you Ma'am." Sven said

Mimi raised an eyebrow. "I wasn't actually referring to you." She said, lying next to him. "It's the strangest thing. No one talks about it. Everyone can see how submissives get into subspace. It's science, endorphins and nerves and pain receptors. No one mentions how I feel when I do it. How it's like my chest is hollow and full at once, how I feel strong." She brushed his hair out of his eyes, her foot rubbing his shin. "Damn, you looked so fine when I was doing that." She laughed, "It was like I could do anything."

"Oh, you can." He said. A long sigh followed and Mimi curled her hand around his shoulder pushing him down.

"I think you won't do anything today." She said, "Apart from being my play-thing."

He nodded, silent, a smile blooming across his face.

"Are you embarrassed?" she laughed, "I know you like that."

He nodded. "Yes, Ma'am."

"Oh pookie." Mimi stroked his cheek and planted a soft kiss on his cheek. She rubbed his shoulder. "You know I think it's super cute though." She curled around him, his head on her chest. "Come on," she rolled him over and straddled over him, "I'm not done with you yet. So much more to do."

"Okay." He sighed, feeling the comforting warmth of subspace begin to tug somewhere deep in his brain. "Nothing too sharp, though, please. I don't feel up to pain today."

Mimi nodded, leaning forward, "Just humiliation, then, and me fucking you."

He nodded, his hand rubbing her thigh, "Thank you. Thank you." He breathed, the sigh coming from him full of contentment.

Mimi rubbed his chest gently then digging her nails into the flesh. "So funny the way you say that." She mused, her palms rubbing his chest. "Say it again. Thank me."

"Thank you, Ma'am." He said lazily.

"Tell me you love me." She commanded.

"I love you." He answered, a smile appearing.

"I love you, too." She answered. "Tell me you'll be a good slut today."

"I'll be a good slut today." He laughed.

"There's nothing funny about it." She grabbed his jaw, nipping the flesh, mingling the pain with kisses. "I want you moaning and begging by the end of this." She said, "I want you in pieces."

Sven nodded, his pupils growing wide and inky, the blue getting bluer. "Yes, Ma'am."

"Good." Mimi placed her hand on his throat and kissed him, the heavy fabric of her jeans dragging across his skin. She swung off the bed and pulled her own clothes off, her eyes never leaving his. Sven exhaled and watched her, layer by layer falling away until she came back to him, their naked bodies pressed together.

"Now," Mimi planted a kiss on his mouth and straddled him again, "Here's the thing. I'm going to blindfold you, gag you and then have my way with you, understand?" Sven nodded. "Good." She said, smiling. "Any questions? Concerns?"

He shook his head. "No Ma'am."

"Good." Mimi stood up again and pulled a thin piece of black fabric from the bag and a wide gag.

"Oh, that one." Sven said, "Knew it."

"I know." Mimi wiggled her eyebrows. "All of this, nearly a hood but not quite."

She manoeuvred his head upward and buckled the gag. "I can still grab you this way." She explained, pulling his ears. "Or here." She grabbed his nose, watching his eyes grow wide and his hands splay out. She let go and the breaths came heavy and hard through his nose, his eyes pleading. "Sit up, I'm going to blindfold you."

As commanded, Sven moved his head, shimmying back and sitting up. The fabric was a long, plain piece that Mimi had bought and hemmed specifically. She tied it in a flat knot and edged him back into the cushions. "There." She smiled, her hand running down his arm. "All mine."

She moved, climbing off him and stretching out next to him, littering his torso with tiny kisses, her hand curling around his cock, pulling it to life. Behind the gag, he moaned and bucked into her hand, his fingers curling into the bedsheets.

"Oh, you like that?" Mimi asked, her voice a sing-song. "I do too, pet. I like the way you thrash and moan for me, the way you wimper."

She rubbed harder and quickly, easily pulled more of the same from her boyfriend who sighed and bucked into her hand.

"Amazing, isn't it? The dark." She whispered into his hear and he turned toward her, his whole body tingling with expectation. "The way it makes things more noticeable. It blacks things out but it brings them to life so vividly, doesn't it?" she twisted his ear and he let out another mewl of pain. Mimi grinned, watching his toes curl. "And what about this?" she said, grabbing his cock again, "I could spend plenty of time this evening just edging you." She mused, "Playing with my cock, making sure I have plenty of fun and you just stay frustrated." She laughed, her mouth sinking over the turgid flesh. He moaned and reached out for her, the sensation making him aware of nothing but her mouth around his cock and the way, he knew, she took delight in him knowing it but not being able to see it. He whined, feeling the pressure build between his thighs as he inexorably sank into the submissive feeling he yearned for. There was still a part of him that dreaded it but he realised that it was getting smaller, fading. Though of course, he knew that the loathing made it that much sweeter when it came.

'You see." Mimi's voice "So obliging, aren't you sweetie. Moving for me like that." She kissed his neck, "I love it when you arch your back."

Sven moaned behind the gag, only then realising what he'd been doing. He sank back against the sheets and tried to stay still for her. Mimi slapped him on the thigh and moved onto him, sitting on his belly, her bottom resting tantalisingly close to his cock.

"Now then." Mimi said, "You're not to come, do you understand?" she watched him nod, "Good. If you do..."she tailed off, "Well then, you know what happens."