I could not believe it was finally here. I was going to meet Sir! Only a couple of weeks ago he slipped into conversation that he had a free weekend coming up and I literally jumped at the chance. I spent so long getting ready, packing up a case of lingerie and not many clothes at all and organising all of my toys, I was taking everything with me. I was freshly waxed and pedicured and loaded up my car, with a tummy full of butterflies. The drive took around four and a half hours, but I knew it would be worth every second. I'm not the most confident driver and yet it didn't even cross my mind. I could only think about getting to him. It was a long coffee fuelled journey but I stuck on some 00's nostalgia music and sang my heart out, letting out some of the nervous, excited energy.
As I got closer it started to get dark. Realisation dawned on me that I actually didn't know him very well at all and I was flooded with thoughts that he might be a serial killer. I got flashbacks to crime scenes from shows like Luther and Sherlock. I was meant to call him when I was ten minutes away for instructions, but feeling the nerves I called about twenty minutes away. He instantly reassured me he wasn't a serial killer pointing out that there were many closer potential victims. Just making light of the situation comforted me, he has this calming effect on me. He checked I had given the details of where I was staying to a couple of my close friends and that I was sharing my location with them. He also suggested I give them his phone number so that I was reachable. We chatted a bit more until he could hear that I was a bit more at ease.
Then I was given my instructions. Where to park, how to get into the building, which flat was ours and that I would go in and it would be dark, I was to follow the music to the living room and wait in the middle of the room for further instructions. At no point should I turn around. I was nervous, but so excited. We'd spoken for so long and I felt like he knew me better than anyone else, but we'd never even met. Well, that was all about to change.
I turned into the road, however, I could not for the life of me find the carpark. I drove up and down the tiny street super frustrated with myself, muttering curse words. I'd driven 231 miles without a problem and I managed to get lost at the crucial moment, that is so typically me. I called him and explained and he went downstairs to look out for me, he could see my car and directed me in. He told me he could see me and that filled me with butterflies again. My eyes scanned every window and darted between every doorway, hoping to catch a glimpse of him. I didn't see him though, it just a quiet, normal block of flats, filled with people blissfully unaware of the depravity about to occur within one of them.
I parked my car and sat for a few minutes, with my thoughts. It's too late to back out. Should I really be going through with this? I'm a very glass half empty kinda girl, but I quieted the doubts in my head, fixed my makeup in the rearview mirror and grabbing my bag, I got out of the car. I walked across the carpark slowly, each step taking me closer to him, closer to everything that I wanted, that I needed, that I craved. I let myself in the door with the keycode and climbed the stairs to the apartment door, which was right in front of me. I was shaking slightly but, I presumed he was watching me through the spy hole. So I tried really hard to look confident but hundreds of "what if's" were running through my head.
What if this is the biggest mistake of my life? What if I trip and look like an idiot? Or fall down the stairs and break my leg? What if he takes one look at me and doesn't fancy me in person? What if the connection doesn't spark like it has over the phone? I do love a filter, What if i'm not what he was expecting?
I knocked and waited for what felt like hours.
The door finally opened slowly and it was dark, really dark. He'd told me to walk to the living room where there was music on and not to turn around. A hand from behind the door waved and then pointed, I found this oddly comforting. Fighting every instinct I had to shut the door and just look at him, I walked through. My bag fell off of my shoulder. I could feel him so close behind me, I wanted him badly. I wanted to kiss him and hold him, I wanted him to push me down to the floor and take me with as much urgency as I felt. But, as I've come to learn, he is cool and calm, he loves to tease and build up excitement, not wanting to play with me until I am begging and desperate for him.
And oh boy was it working. I could already feel my panties moistening, I couldn't hold my excitement in, my head drifted away to all the things I hoped he'd do to me. I got almost to the middle of the living room and he told me to stop and close my eyes and that I'd better not open them.
I desperately wanted to peek at him, but I didn't want to disappoint him so I squeezed them shut tightly. Still he hadn't touched me and even though my eyes were shut I could feel his presence in front of me. I could hear him breathing, I could smell him, I felt like an addict desperate for a hit. He smells incredible, I will never forget his scent and even now when we are just eating dinner or as he walks past me, that scent takes me right back to this point.
Weirdly by that point I wasn't terrified anymore. I was nervous of course but, just being close to him hearing him say "stop", in the same voice I've heard for weeks on the phone talking for hours and hours long into the night, it was comforting. I've never trusted anyone so much before meeting them. I can't explain it but just being close to him put me at ease. I could sense he would look after me, he did then and he hasn't stopped since. But the fear had been replaced by desire. It was the whole build up, the anticipation, the longing. I desperately wanted him to rip my clothes off and stare into my eyes and fuck me. Instead it was just him completely in control, he'd not laid a finger on me, I'd not even seen his face, but I was dripping wet.
Then silently his hands were on me, slow and methodical, slightly caressing me. I wonder how he saw me there I must have had exactly how I was feeling written all over my face. He does love to tease me and i'm sure he took pleasure in looking at my face and knowing I wanted him and then not giving in to me. He unzipped off my hoodie and I shrugged it down off of my shoulders, willing there to be less material between us. His hands travelled across my breasts and I gasped, it was so light and exploratory, I wanted more. Then (and I've a feeling that I might get punished for this..) as he turned slightly to run his hands over my ass, my eyes flickered open ever so slightly and I saw him For a split second in the dark. I didn't tell him that! He was even more gorgeous in person if that's possible and I have that image etched in my mind.
He told me to get on my knees and in my excitement I basically just fell to the floor with a thud. I heard his belt slowly undoing and I really couldn't help it. My eyes still squeezed shut but my hands rose as if they had a life of their own to his buckle desperately trying to open it quicker.
"Stop, did I say you could touch me you greedy little whore get up" his words hung in the air between us completely changing the tone.