With the day's end, I could only assume it had been a success. I'd gone through three girls and, of course, none of them would have walked away happy -- but, for the strangest of reasons, least of all Lily. I didn't know what to think about her. It was obvious that she'd enjoyed her visit, that much was beyond question, but I felt a horrible conflict inside me. Ought I have given in to temptation and given her what I sensed she wanted? The kind of punishment which, before, only existed in the legends about Ellsworth? It was impossible to settle on a singular opinion -- but the fact was that my role was to dispense that word. Punishment. Not pleasure -- punishment. If students were enjoying themselves then I wasn't doing my job right. But if I was enjoying myself, too...
"Hey!" Kam's voice shook me from my thoughts -- I was halfway down the ornate staircase to the bottom floor when they appeared behind me, lanyard swinging from round their neck, elfish face all full of excitement.
"Oh, hi!" I said. "You scared me."
"Sorry!" they laughed. "So, how'd everything go with Lily? You go mental like we all pressured you to?"
"Nah," I admitted, "I kept it simple." I thought about telling Kam what had happened but I knew it'd only cause drama. I didn't need any of that -- enough of a storm was already blowing inside my head without other people adding their own big gusts.
"That's fair -- you do you. We still up for tonight?" asked Kam -- I'd forgotten all about their proposal for us to go out, truth be told, so dazed was I by the day's events.
"Oh, uh, yeah, I guess so!" I said, trying to sound all bright and chirpy.
"Sick -- well, if we meet at like six outside the south gates, and then I'll show you round. Sound alright?"
"Sounds alright!" I agreed, and they hurried ahead, taking the stairs two steps at a time.
"Sorry, gotta run!" they shouted over their shoulder, almost tripping, and I waved a little limply as they vanished out the door. Students passed me, going up and down, and none seemed to be staring at me but, even without eyes on me, I still felt them, just like in the lunch queue.
From the stairs, I drifted past reception, and there stood Professor Ellsworth, looking stern and scary as always, but she managed a crinkled smile for me.
"Ah, Kelly," she said warmly, "here you are."
"Good afternoon, professor," I said, trying to be as polite as possible now I'd heard the rumours. I didn't want to give her an excuse to unleash hell -- assuming Archie was wrong and it wasn't all a bunch of hogwash.
"Oh, please, Kelly, you know it's Nadine," she chuckled. "How was your first day? I saw your had three girls sent your way -- that's three more than I expected for a first day."
"Well, my hand hurts," I admitted, and she threw her head back to laugh in that very middle-class English woman sort of way.
"Was it what you expected?"
"Not at all."
"Do you want to keep working here?" The question stunned me, just a little, and I wondered if it might be a trap.
"Yes."
"Good -- I think you should keep working here," she said, like it had been up in the air. "Getting through three red notices on your first day without running out of the room crying is a bigger achievement than you realise. You must have a knack."
"I did practice a little, with my flatmate," I said. Why on Earth did I tell her that?
"Excellent!" she cried. "Spicing up the bedroom -- I love to hear it." There were students and staff walking by us as we spoke. None looked our way but I knew they must be listening. This was quickly developing into one of the strangest conversations I'd ever had. "None of the three gave you any trouble, did they?"
"No, they were cooperative," I said, suddenly remembering the advice from the others - don't let Ellsworth know you've got a light touch. Hopefully, that wouldn't even be true soon, but for now I'd go easy on the details. "It was definitely pretty scary nonetheless - but after doing it three times I think I get it, you know?"
"Get it?" Nadine asked.
"Just..." What did I mean? " I don't know what I mean."
"That's alright, Kelly," said Nadine, smiling in an uncomfortably knowing sort of way. "I think I know what you mean. Got any plans for tonight, then?"
"I'm going out with Kam," I said. "They're showing me around the village."
"Ah, well isn't that nice? Just please don't turn up hungover tomorrow. I simply can't countenance that."
"Oh, you don't have to worry," I said quickly, immediately fretting about how many drinks Kam might push into my hands, " I'd never drink on a work night."
"Good," said Nadine, looking down on me -- she'd been looking down on me from the start, being very tall, but for the first time I became aware of it. Her face had shifted somehow. Her smile had changed. Or had her eyes? " Because our rule about staff not getting red notices is only a rule for as long as I say it's a rule. Understood?"
"I..." Don't gulp. "Yes, I understand. You won't have any issues from me; honestly."
"Good girl." She gripped my wrist in what I hope was an affectionate sort of way. "Now then, go on, off you pop. Big rest of your life ahead of you."
"Yeah -- see you tomorrow, hopefully!" I went for the big door -- Nadine didn't answer, just watched me go, and I felt a strange shiver come over me.
I reached Lady McQueen House in a few short bounds, the air turning colder as evening approached, the distant sky shifting pink, resembling birthday cake frosting. Reaching my room, I almost threw my bag and then myself onto the bed, memories of the day whirring through my head, trying to make sense of them -- and myself. That need to do more, to go further, was less of a burn than an ache, and I wondered how many days would have to pass before I listened to it.
While I lay there, studying the ceiling and wondering if I could stretch to change the altogether weak bulb in the light above, there came a knock at the door.
"Come-" For a moment I was back, in the office, bidding entry to another student, before I remembered myself and my place in the universe. I kicked myself back up and went to the door. Opening it, there stood Cherry, dressed in jeans, black vest top, and unbuttoned striped blue shirt, the type you'd see hanging off hangers in a thousand different retro shops. She was holding a potted spider plant in both hands.
"Hey," she said.
"Oh, hi!" It was hard to keep my eyes on hers -- she was braless and her vest was not containing her tits at all. I wasn't sure anything could. Cherry looked down at the plant.
"I got you a present for your first day," she said.
"Oh, thank you!" I took it gratefully, examining it.
"It's a spider plant," she said. "There's a garden centre out near the motorway -- had to cross it to get there. Hope you're grateful."
"Of course I'm grateful -- this is really kind, thank you!" It was taking more effort than I expected not to tear up a little bit -- there was something about this which touched me in a strangely immeasurable way. "Wait, you crossed a motorway? Isn't that illegal?"
"It wasn't busy." She stuck out her pierced tongue -- had it been pierced when last I saw her? -- and I laughed in disbelief.
"Well, thank you, again," I said, hurrying to the nearest windowsill where I hoped the plant with its many narrow leaves would be happy. "I don't think anyone's ever gotten me a plant before."
"Honours me to be the first," she said, leaning against the door frame. "So, how was your first day?"
"My hand hurts." She laughed.
"Was it fun, though? It's most important that it was fun."
"You sound like all the rest," I sighed. "Nobody else seems to get how weird all of this is."
"You can always quit," she replied, shrugging.
"Take a look at my wage slip and then tell me to quit," I replied.
"Fair enough," she sniggered. "Well, we've all got unpleasant bits of our jobs. Take the bins out. Stay behind to lock up. Spank the misbehaving girl's bare ass. Welcome to the world of work, I guess."
