Clicking through the training programs, learning about procedures for chasing up student absences or approving coursework extensions or filling in vast Excel documents, all I could focus on was the memory of Kam over my lap. Their weight on my legs and rear end at my mercy. I thought about what they were doing now, if it still stung, if they were thinking about it right now as they tried to work, too. I'd expected my heart to stop thrashing about at some point but it just wouldn't. All the while, though to an observer I might have looked like a diligent new employee, below the desk my thighs rubbed together anxiously, desperate to relieve some of the tension. This wasn't what I'd been expecting -- I thought I'd be terrified. Even refuse to do it once it came along. Instead, I felt like a fire had been lit inside me; a small one, barely a campfire, barely even smouldering, but surrounded by a great ocean of kindling. And if I blew on it... even for a second...
Hours passed with me crammed into my little office, the window wide open, the September warmth welcome to pour in along with the birdsong. Someone was riding a lawnmower along the Recreation Ground and I watched them for a while -- until a notification popped up on my monitor.
"Hey!" My heart shuddered -- it was Kam. "A couple of us are having lunch a teensy bit early if you fancy joining us." Well, I could hardly say no -- what kind of impression would that give? I think the time for first impressions had long passed with Kam, but they'd referred to others and I ought to meet them, even if I didn't hugely fancy it. Being in an isolated office with a whole floor to myself was exactly my idea of paradise -- and who'd leave paradise?
Nonetheless, social pressures conspiring against me as usual, I replied in the affirmative, careful not to use any more emojis than Kam did, and hurried to the lift. As I opened my office door, I glanced back across the room, and at the indentation in the sofa where I'd sat with Kam laying over me. I shuddered -- then, quickly, left.
The canteen was halfway across campus and, when I arrived, I found it mostly empty, though filled with the noises of an unseen industrial kitchen. Long tables, enough to seat twenty people, lined the room in three columns towards the serving area, from which gushed steam and bright yellow lights. Halfway between there and me, I spotted Kam immediately, sat facing me with two others I didn't yet recognise. Kam spotted me too and half-stood, waving, and I came over.
"Glad you could join us!" Kam said, smiling widely. "Everyone, this is Kelly -- our new Student Officer." The other two looked like recent graduates, too -- one wore a denim jacket with her hair twisted into a pigtail, bigger than the other two, with rosy cheeks, and the other had messy black bangs, a slightly square face (in the nicest possible way), and glasses. Both waves and said hi as I sat down -- all three had plastic trays in front of them, two with plates of gooey cannelloni bolognese, Kam's sprinkled with rapidly melting grated parmesan, the other with slices of pepperoni pizza as thick as a paving slab, and I realised sitting down wasn't the first step.
"Shall I just go get something to eat, then?" I asked, trying not to look at Kam too much, for some reason.
"Yeah, just go grab a tray and then come back," said Kam through a mouthful of pasta.
"Don't talk with your mouth full," said the pigtailed girl, and Kam sniggered as I left, taking a tray and returning with pizza.
"Sure you've got enough?" asked Kam, noting my solitary slice.
"I don't get that hungry, usually," I replied softly.
"Fair enough. So, yeah, this is Mandy and Beth." Kam pointed to the pigtailed girl and the girl with glasses respectively.
"So you're our new disciplinarian?" asked Mandy.
"I guess so," I said.
"How you finding it?"
"Well, she ain't started yet, has she?" said Kam. They winked at me.
"Could get nasty quickly," said Mandy. "Be prepared and all that."
"I've just been doing training," I replied. "There's nothing about the whole spanking thing in the training, as well, you know," I said to Kam, and they laughed.
"You don't need training to slap someone," sniggered Beth, her accent smooth and yankee-doodle American. "But you saved our butts by being here."
"How so?" I bit the pizza -- it was far too hot, so hot I felt my tongue beginning to melt, but I tried to ride it out. Don't embarrass yourself, Kelly.
"Cause it was driving everyone insane having to find time to do it themselves. The owners insist on it being the policy, and Nadine just goes mental if you don't do it, so now you've taken it all over it means we can all start finally pretending this is a real university."
"It is a real university!" exclaimed Kam.
"We spank our students," said Beth. "There's nothing 'real university' about that. I get that we're all on different levels of totally desensitised, but it is weird when you think about it for more than five seconds. Right, Kelly?" All three looked at me.
"Uh..." I tried to think of something diplomatic to say. "I guess everything's weird until you get used to it. Drinking water would feel weird if we started doing it today."
"That's true," said Kam.
"Great," muttered Mandy, smirking, "another philosopher."
"Tell you who I really want to get a red notice," said Beth, lowering her voice, "is that fuckin' Maple Gaye."
"Oh," agreed Kam, "that'd be good."
"She's not so bad," said Beth.
"Oh come on," snapped Kam, grinning, "you'd love to see her really in trouble."
"Who's Maple Gaye?" I asked.
"Hopefully, you'll soon find out," said Mandy, smiling.
Kam explained: "Maple's captain of the netball team. Really nasty but just manages to get away with it all the time. You know those stereotypical 'most popular girl in school' types you see in films? Yeah -- that's her."
