Rebellious Little Hellion

Dana

**FINAL NOTICE**

The words on the envelope make my stomach turn. Sometimes I can't believe the fucking messes I get myself into. Ever since I turned 18 my life feels like it is in a downward spiral towards hell. But this? This takes the fucking cake.

I owe the credit card company ten grand, not ten singular dollars, but ten thousand. That would be one thing if I hadn't lost my job, while on the bender, that I spent the ten grand during.

I don't even know how one person spends so much money in one month, but apparently I did it. Apparently I'm a fucking moron.

"What's wrong?" Katy's chipper voice comes from behind me.

I'm sitting at the table going through the mail, in a t-shirt that is large enough for me to tuck my knees into. The cocooning is making me feel slightly more secure about my current state, but not really.

"Do you know what this is about?" I pulled up the bill I had been eyeing over. The statement showed our escapades, which I knew occurred, but now it felt like they were committed by another person.

"Oh yeah... when we went on our trip," Katy said before laughing. "We had a fucking blast."

"I don't remember. You know I black out when I get really drunk."

Katy just laughed harder. "Yeah-- you're hilarious though."

How was I meant to pay this off though? In all my time on my own I'd never got myself into such a big hole. My chest tightens because I know this could affect the rest of my life--especially if I let it snowball. I always told myself that I could turn my life around at any time, but now I'm not so sure.

I watch Katy pitter patter pantsless around the apartment. She picks up a bong off the kitchen counter then walks across to the couch.

"Hey, cheer up," she tells me as she catches my eye. "Come take a hit. It's on me."

I nod my head and discard the letter.

***

Ringing sounds in my ears like a bell being slammed against my head. What the fuck is that? I pull my eyes open and lift my head, my palm searching for my phone like it has a mind of its own.

"Hi," I say, putting it against my ear.

"Were you sleeping?" I hear my brother's voice. The disappointment in his tone makes me squirm-- but we don't live together anymore so he really can't be telling me what to do.

"No, what's up?"

I hear him snort. "Jude's back in town. For good this time. We're throwing him a welcome back-- slash, happy retirement party."

My breath sticks in my lungs. Jude was my older brother's best friend. Sam is four years older than me, and Jude is two years older than Sam. He was our next door neighbour. I hardly remember a time when they weren't friends.

Jude was a constant in our ever changing lives. He was there when our dad died. I was fourteen and Sam was eighteen. He was there when our mum left us in the house alone. He helped Sam so much. He visited us whenever he was home from the army, he had the sort of role where we still saw each other at least every few months.

I always felt like their weird third wheel. Maybe if we still had our family I wouldn't have been invited but sometimes it felt like Jude was one of us, so Sam always insisted I come see him for at least one dinner or one hangout. Even when I felt weird about it.

As Jude progressed in the army my life went down a downward spiral. Twenty-eight is a young age to retire but he is smart, I bet he just wants to look onto bigger and better things.

"So, will you be there?"

"Yes yes of course," I reply with a cough. My throat is fucked.

"It's this Saturday, be there at 7, sharp," Sam tells me.

"I will be."

"And D?"

"Yes?" I ask, sighing at his tone.

"Please take care of yourself."

"I will. Don't worry about me. Just study hard," I reply, trying to get the attention off me.

"Shut up-- and quit smoking will you?" Sam continues.

"Bye Sam, I'll see you Saturday," I reply in a high pitched tone then hang up.

***

I tried to get Katy to come with me to the party but she said she couldn't handle being around my brother because he hates her. I'm sure if hate is the right word but Sam is not fond of her.

When our mother left I was a wreck. I met Katy shortly after and she taught me the meaning of bender. Sam couldn't handle it. We were still living together then, but after a year without our mother I couldn't do it anymore. I was sick of pretending everything was okay. I moved in with Katy when her roommate left.

To Sam's credit he never abandoned me. We were mad at each other for awhile, but eventually he brought us back together. For that, I can never repay him. Sometimes, I don't know what I do if I truly didn't have any family left.

But, in Sam's eyes Katy was the one who led me down certain paths and helped me leave the house we were living in. Every time they were in the same room they seemed to get into some sort of fight.

"Why're yoi just standing in the corner?" Sam's voice pulls me out of my reverie.

After I came to the party I greeted everyone then sort od got lost in the crowd. I wanted to speak to Jude but everyone was fawning over him being back.

I didn't know anyone else here, not really.

"I just get a little overwhelmed sometimes that's all," I reply.

Same nods. "There are some people sitting outside, want to join?"

"Sure lets go."

I follow Sam through the house. I figure that outside will be much less overwhelming. The music will be muffled and it'll be a little bit cooler. With so many hot bodies inside a room, it feels like it is ten degrees hotter than it actually is. And maybe if I get into a conversation with someone the night will go by faster.

On the balcony there is a circle of chairs and a small fire in the centre.

"Hey Sam," one girl calls out. "Never have I ever, skinny dipped then got caught by a local nun."

This is going to be a long night.

***

I don't know how many drinks I've had. What I do know is I'm still here and the night is coming to an end. I don't know how I have managed to make it this far.

The music has been turned down to a low hum and most people have fled the balcony. I somehow have a blanket wrapped around me-- I think Sam got it for me at some point. But I'm a little fuzzy on the details. I am in nothing but a strappy black mini, so it makes sense. I guess. The alcohol is keeping me warm regardless, but the blanket feels like a hug.

"You're here," a deep voice rumbles from behind me. I stretch my neck to look at the culprit.

"Jude," I reply.

He flashes me a million dollar smile. Oh god. When did he get so good looking? I mean, he was always charmingly handsome but my mind put him in the 'brother's best friend' box so I just never looked at him this way. I guess time has put things into perspective. It's been a year since I saw Jude, it was my 21st birthday, he got some leave for it. Katy was busy so she wasn't there, but it was the three of us and it was really nice. Me, Jude, and Sam. We cut a cake and talked about the future. But I wasn't sure when my future was meant to begin.

"I didn't think you were here," he says then, pulling up a deck chair flush to the side of mine. He sits down and turns to face me.

"I have been here since seven, sharp, Sam told me. I just... you were with people and I didn't want to bother you," I explained. "We're talking now," I pointed out.

"I wouldn't have minded your interruption. But that's fair, very considerate Didi," he sounds surprised, and throws in the childhood nickname he coined for me all at once. It sounds different now that he is saying it as a man. It sounds different now that I'm fully grown.

"I try to be considerate." I chuckle at myself. The cold breeze hits my face but my body feels hot with the alcohol and the blanket.

Jude snorts at that. "So how have you been?"

With the alcohol swirling in my system and the week I just had I feel it all bubbling up inside me. Don't cry. Don't cry. Do not cry.

"You want the truth, Judy?" I sniffle. He turns completely to face me this time. His nose scrunches at my use of his childhood nickname-- the one I used to taunt him. But he doesn't say anything. His usually floppy black hair is cut into a perfectly sat military issued haircut. His features are sharp like he has lost weight or gained muscle since I last saw him. And his blue eyes pierce me right to my very soul.

"You know I don't like liars," Jude replies.

I nod. "Not that sort of lie... I mean like I could say I'm good and life is plodding along."

"Well, is it?"

I shake my head. "No, Jude. I fucked up."

"What did you do?" his tone is firm and coaxing. I feel like I'm about to cry. I have been on a downwards spiral ever since I realised what I did.

"Two months ago... My friend Katy broke up with her boyfriend. She was sad and we ended up going on a month long bender vacation in another city... I don't know what happened. I was just living in the moment," I laugh, humorously. "I lost my job while I was away, obviously. Then, when I came back I got sent a ten-thousand dollar bill by my credit card company. I don't even remember half of what happened," I admit.

Jude's face hardens. "I'm not going to yell at you, but I want to," he chastises.

I bury my face in my hands for a moment before looking back up. "It doesn't matter if you yell. I fucked up big this time. This could affect me for years to come. Where am I supposed to get that sort of cash? I've been searching for jobs all week. But it'll take longer than that and I don't even really have savings."

Jude stared at me for a long time but I couldn't handle his piercing gaze any longer. I looked out into the backyard, unable to meet his eyes any longer.

"I'll bail you out," Jude said after a long time.

"How?" My eyes widened. "I can't possibly take your money and not pay you back...or at least not be able to."

"I'll pay your credit card bill off but under strict conditions, and you will pay me back," he says.

"Jude, I don't understand."

"You can't keep living the way you're living. I'll bail you out Dana, but your ass is mine after that. You'll play by my rules. And God help you if you step out of line. You'll regret your actions much more than you are now. There will be real and tangible consequences," he tells me.

My head is spinning. The alcohol has been wearing off for a little while-- but what he is saying is making me feel drunk.

"Jude... explain it to me like I'm dumb. I can't, I don't get it..." then it sort of clicks to me what he meant. "What are your conditions for bailing me out?"

"I need you to get your damn shit together, Dana. You're going to move out of that apartment, she is doing nothing for you. You're going to quit smoking, everything," he presses. "God knows bow fucked your lungs are as we speak. What kind of twenty-two year old is smoking tobacco these days anyways?" he hisses.

I nod, feeling thoroughly chastised.

"Where am I meant to go?"

"You can live in my house. I need to keep an eye on you anyway," he says.

The idea has me feeling hot. Living with Jude? Has he lost his goddamn mind?

"After you move in, you will start looking for a job. And if I don't feel you're putting effort in then your ass is mine."

"What do you mean?"

"I'll spank you, Dana. God knows you need it. You need real consequences because not receiving any and being stuck in this loop of everything will be okay is the reason why you're here needing money in the first place. Did you ever finish your degree?" He switches the subject giving me whiplash.

Can we go back to the spanking thing? Did this man just say he was going to spank me? Has he lost his fucking mind?

"Spank?"

"Did you finish your degree, answer me," he snaps.

"No, I dropped out..."

"You'll finish that too. No wonder you can't get a job, you're not qualified to do anything," he seethes. "And yes, I'll pull you over my knee and redden that little ass of yours."

My head spins.

A part of me is thrilled, deep down at the idea of being bossed around by Jude. He has always had a bossy streak, that's why he did so well in the army. Still, the circumstances of the situation are grim. I like on some level, even though I don't want to admit it to myself, that he is kind of like a sick twisted knight in shining armour. Also, he is paving the path for me to finally do the right thing. Something that has been playing on my mind for a while now. The only other problem is my room mate. Katy will be pissed at me for moving out...but I can handle that. My chest constricts like a fist is squeezing my heart. Squeeze, unsqueeze, squeeze.

"Are there any more rules?" I finally ask. I don't have the courage to ask him about the spankings right now. Hopefully I can just do my best to avoid being punished.

"No stealing or being a general delinquents. When you get a job we'll sit together and budget."

"I guess that is reasonable."

"More than reasonable. So I assume this means you agree to my terms?" He raises a brow.

"Yes, Jude."

***

Katy did not take my moving out well at all. She threw a bong square at Jude's head, he was quick to dodge it. He was helping me move since he owned a truck and I expressed to him I needed some support during this time. He was happy to oblige.

When I tried to calm her down she called me a 'traitorous bitch' because I know how much 'they hate her' and now I'm 'moving in with one of them'. 'They' being my brother and Jude.

Then before I could get a word in edge wise she told me she was going to go have a drink and to 'get the fuck out' before she returned.

Jude and I made quick work of getting my room packed into his car. He assured me I was doing the right thing.

"How far until we get to your place?" I ask Jude. We're in his car now, fully packed. We just left the end of my street and I felt a weight leave me. A weight I didn't even realise I was carrying.

"Not long now," Jude replies.

***

Jude's party was on Saturday and he had me move out today, a Monday. Everything was moving so fast. We have been driving for a while now in a comfortable silence. Jude finally comes to a slow l, the car is going up the driveway towards a sensible single family home. This is it. This is where Jude lives. I feel my chest tingle and tighten all at once. What is life going to be like here? I know that I won't be able to fuck around or go back into my old ways.

I vaguely remember saying something about spanking me if I'm bad. Be sure he was joking about that.

"Home sweet home," Jude says, pulling me out of my reverie. All I can give him is a nervous chuckle. Something tells me this isn't going to be home sweet home for me.

"Maybe we should get inside..."

"You seem nervous or upset," Jude comments.

I feel like I'm squirming in my seat under his gaze, he is so intense when he looks at me like that. My eyes flicker from him to the house.

"You have to understand that this is a lot for me. My life has been upended. My best friend hates me. I owe you a lot of money. And I have to change every single thing about the way that I was living... Now, whether or not the way that I was living was wrong, it doesn't matter. Every single thing that was comfortable to me is leaving."

As I finish speaking, it feels like the air is being constricted from my chest. Like someone has come in and started squeezing my throat. Jude looks at me like I'm a sad puppy. I'm shocked that I'm even getting this much sympathy from him.

"I can admit that this is going to hurt, in more ways than one." Jude's eyes darken as he looks at me after saying that. I know what he's getting at, but I don't appreciate it. He's talking about how he's gonna spank me. I only sort of agree to that part of it. But he seems to think that it's an inevitability.

"That's all you have to say that it's gonna hurt?"

"I was going to say, change always hurts but in the end it'll be better for you. I promise you you're not gonna regret this. And besides, you can always go back to being a little delinquent if that's what you want to do. All you have to do is pay me off, then your life is yours."

I suck in a sharp breath. He sort of has a point. It's not like this is going to be forever. I can use this whole not paying rent thing to get a job and give him the money. If I play my cards right, I could pay him off in six months. Especially if he's paying for my living expenses. He didn't say come be my roommate, he said come live with me. In fact he mentioned all these rules like me not smoking and not stealing... but he never said once that I would have to pay for my own groceries or give him rent money. All I have to do is get a job that pays me at least 10 grand in three months and then I could be out of here. I might even keep the job.

"You know, you're right I couldn't maybe make the best of this. Maybe you won't be so bad," I tease Jude.

"If you behave, I won't be," he replies with a wink.

I roll my eyes and don't give into his taunting before pulling my car door open and rounding the car to go get my things from the trunk. Jude joins me and soon we are going into his house. He told me to leave everything by the front door for now. Once everything is piled into his front room. He leads me through the house until we come to a spare bedroom. It's actually quite pretty and feminine in here. It almost seems like he went and bought new bedsheets just for me. I can't see him being the sort of guy that just has a frilly white duvet lying around.

He must have went out and bought this yesterday while I was at home trying to do a pre-emptive pack before the final move out.

Soon, all my things were piled into this room. All in all I actually didn't have much. I had spent all the money I'd made at various jobs through the years on experiences rather than possessions-- at least that's what I told myself.

"How do you like it?" Jude's deep timbre shakes me out of my own mind. I spin around in the doorway to see him leaning over me, his big hand clutching the frame of the door. I suck in a sharp breath, it almost feels like I'm going to explode. He is so close to me.

"I like it, thank you. I like the duvet," I reply.

"I wanted to make a few more things clear with you," he then tells me in a husky voice.

"Like what?" I squeak.

"I don't want you to date," he says.

My head spins. "What?"

"You remember last year when we kissed?" He takes a strand of my hair and swirls it around his finger. My dirty blonde lock is in such a stark contrast to his black hair. I suck in a sharp breath and nod.

Last year when Jude visited for my birthday... we had a small party, the three of us, him, me, and Sam. Sam went to the bathroom and Jude and I were talking, he was teasing me about something-- I can't remember. I was then telling him how I'm a little down because I just went through a breakup, and I thought maybe I'd get my shit together for this guy. I knew my shit wasn't together but I didn't know how to glue the pieces.

But I thought-- I don't know-- that he, my ex, would be the key to something... it was dumb. He cheated on me with Katy's other friend, Gigi. I ended up telling Jude and I also told him how that guy hated kissing me. Said I used too much tongue. In the heat of the moment Jude wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and brought me in close.

"Do you want to kiss me, Didi?" He whispered.

"Please," I ended up saying.

He looked at me like a hungry wild animal and then devoured me. I was so lost in the kiss I thought I'd come if it went on for much longer than it did. Jude was a fucking expert witb his mouth. I was in heaven.

"I remember the kiss," I finally reply to Jude.

"Good. So you understand. I don't want you to date because I want you to be mine. In every single way," he says.

I push my back into the doorframe to feel a little bit grounded.

"So, that means we're going to fuck?" I feel my breathing quicken just at the thought.