Questions 15

"Wow! You gotta read this, babe! It's hilarious!" Amber called out to her boyfriend, Jason.

"Can't, the shootout is about to start," Jason replied as he ran from the kitchen with a cold beer in hand from the refrigerator, back to the couch in Amber's living room.

"Stupid hockey," Amber mumbled to herself, and called out to Jason, "Never mind then, sweetie!"

Amber was in the process of writing an essay on human sexuality. Much to her disappointment, the professor had each student write down a topic of their choosing on a piece of paper. Amber wrote down, sexual decision making, specifically, how the mind and body work in unison, as her choice. The professor then instructed the class to pass the paper to the person sitting to their right. Amber ended up with, BDSM, as her topic for the essay.

The classmate that had chosen BDSM as her topic, Diana, provided Amber with an online sex forum that she was a member of. Diana suggested that Amber sign up, peruse the chat boards, and interact with other members as part of her research. Amber did so, she had little knowledge and understanding of BDSM. Amber was immediately shocked and disgusted at what she had discovered on the site. Not so much with what seemed to be the infinite deviant preferences and types of kinks, but, with the random messages and emails she had received by some of the members. They were rude, in bad taste, and disturbing.

Diana had offered to answer any questions Amber might have. Amber accepted. They decided to go for drinks at a pub in the vicinity of the campus.

"Do people really engage in what they chat and write about on the forums?" Amber asked Diana as they waited for their drinks.

Diana laughed and shook her head as she replied, "Some do, Amber. Most of what is posted is fantasy, online play only."

Amber hesitated to ask her next question. Diana noticed Amber's reluctance and asked, "You want to ask me something personal, Amber?"

Amber blushed and remained silent. Diana smiled, leaned over the table and whispered, "I like to be restrained, teased till I think I will lose my mind, and then taken roughly."

Amber didn't know how to reply to the information Diana had provided her. Diana smiled reassuringly at Amber and added, "It's always consensual, and always very satisfying for me, Amber."

"Have you ever had a bad experience, Diana?"

"Yes, Amber, I have had a couple of bad experiences. Fortunately, an extra bruise or two, was all that I walked away with, and a feeling of betrayal. Needless to say, I never saw those men again. And I made sure to tell everyone I knew. I didn't want any other women to be exposed to those jerks."

The waitress brought their drinks. Amber took a sip of her wine and asked, "Did you always know you had a taste for kink?"

Diana grinned and replied, "No. I discovered my taste for kink shortly after my divorce. A friend introduced me to restraints. I was very hesitant and unsure at first. But, I had always trusted him as a friend. I was a complete mess for months after my divorce was finalized. He was there for me. One day, I told him I was ready, and wanted to satisfy a few of my curiosities. He was more than willing to introduce me to whatever I wanted to try. We still get together when our schedules allow it."

"He's the only partner you play with?" Amber asked.

Diana chuckled and replied, "No, I have a few choice gentlemen that I get together with. My significant other is aware of them, and encourages me to explore. He wants me to be happy. I love him all the more for it."

Amber chuckled, "Jason flipped out when I asked him to use my vibrator on me. He can be mean to me if he doesn't get his way. He made it clear that his penis should be more than enough to satisfy my every need. He's a sweet guy; don't get me wrong, Diana. I just wish his ego wasn't so fragile. And that he was a bit more passionate and bolder in bed."

Diana patted Amber's hand that was resting on the table and replied, "Give him time. Most young men would react in a similar way. God forbid that their cock isn't the be all and end all for us."

Amber laughed out loud at Diana's comment. She swiped at her phone screen and handed it to Diana. "This is Jason. He's gorgeous. So, I can wait for him till he's ready to explore new things. I showed him what I'm researching. He thinks there is something disturbingly wrong with anyone who even as much entertains a thought of participating in any form of kink," Amber sighed.

Diana winked at Amber and asked, "You like the pretty boys, don't you, Amber? Jason is gorgeous. I'd be patient too." She handed the phone back to Amber and asked her, "Have you come across anything that you found arousing on the web site?"

Amber hesitated to answer. It would have been easy to reply no, and end the discussion there. She decided to be honest with Diana. "I don't know why, but I am attracted to, and curious about the bondage and submission play," Amber replied in a very low voice. "I think it would be very beautiful and sexy to kneel before a man."

Diana smirked as she replied, "If research isn't enough to quench your curiosity, let me know, and I'll gladly introduce you to gentlemen that would be able to assist in furthering your education."

Amber giggled and blushed. "No! Definitely not. I'm curious, yes. But, I couldn't. I'd be too embarrassed to mention that to any man, even to Jason."

"The offer stands, Amber. If you ever change your mind, say the word and I'll put the play in motion."

Amber leaned over the table and asked, "Do you think one of your experienced gentlemen friends would be willing to answer a few questions I have? I'm getting a lot of rude comments and remarks on that website, and very little information that makes any sense. I've wasted so much time on there, and have so little to show for it."

Diana smiled and replied, "Yes, I have many gentlemen friends that would be willing to answer your questions. Don't think that you wasted your time on the website. You have to start somewhere. The rude comments and remarks have provided you with some insight into what BDSM is not. That is important information to be aware of."

Amber smiled and replied, "I never thought of it from that perspective. Who would you recommend, if I may ask, Diana?"

Diana closed her eyes and smiled to herself. "Gil. No doubt about it. He isn't anywhere near as gorgeous as Jason. But, to be fair, Gil isn't the pretty boy type. In fact, there isn't anything about him that remotely resembles boyish. He's at least double your age, Amber. He has a lot of experience and is much sweeter than what he looks like. I won't reveal too much about him. I don't want to build up your expectations. I'll ask him if he is willing to assist you in your research."

Amber sat up straight and replied, "Thank you, Diana! All I need to know is that he is a dirty old man that can answer a few questions for me."

Diana chuckled, "Yes, Gil is a very dirty man. I'm sure he is more than capable of answering a few questions."

~

Diana called me early Friday morning at my office, and asked if she could provide Amber my email address. Anonymity would be assured. Amber had created a dummy email account, specifically for communicating with me.

"She's a sweet kid, Gil. She is taking this course to help her better understand, her boyfriend's, and her own sexuality," Diana paused. I recognized the trademark, short, sharp exhale, signaling that she had more to say. "I think her beau has serious and very unhealthy control issues."

I chuckled to myself and replied, "Still trying to save everyone from themselves, Diana?"

She laughed and replied, "Yes. I can't help it. Amber reminds me of me when I was her age. It is Spring, the time when every girl should be swept off her feet by a handsome prince. Or, fucked till she can't walk right for a week. Either will do as a tribute to springtime. So, say yes, Gil. Say that you will answer her questions, pretty please."

"How could I ever say no to you, Diana? You may provide her my email address."

"You are a sweet, sweet man! Thank you, Gil. I owe you one," she excitedly replied.

I grinned and replied, "I'll take what you think you owe me in trade, Diana."

"Anytime, Gil, for you, anytime," Diana purred.

~

I was enjoying a cup of espresso and a cigarette on my balcony, early Saturday morning. My cell phone chimed once, and vibrated annoyingly loud, against the glass top of the table. I looked down at it as I took a sip from my cup. I had one new email... at six-thirty, on a Saturday morning. Begrudgingly, I exchanged the cup of espresso in my hand for my cell phone. There might have been some emergency at work that required my immediate attention.

The email was in my personal Outlook account, from a 'rosesnthorns'. "That was quick," I chuckled to myself. It had to have been sent by Amber. It read;

"Good morning, Gil,

I hope this email finds you well. I am Amber. Pleased to meet you.

Thank you for agreeing to assist me. It is very kind of you. I do apologize for the cloak and dagger routine. I am quite shy, and I am embarrassed, about being embarrassed, over the topic of my assignment. Diana speaks very highly of you. I look forward to learning from the answers that you provide to my questions. I don't want to drag on too long, so, here are my questions. I thank you in advance for your assistance.

How, and when, did you realize you had an appetite for BDSM?

Do you play the dominant role outside of your sex life?

Do you believe you might have anger/misogyny issues?

Sincerely, Amber."

I went inside, turned on my laptop, and sat at my desk.

I replied, "Dear Amber,

It is a pleasure to meet you. I am more than happy to answer your questions.

How and when? I realized my attraction to kink when I was sixteen. I remember how aroused I became the first time I saw a photo of a woman tied to chair and gagged, with her blouse unbuttoned and pulled down over her shoulders, exposing the top of her large breasts, and the straps of her bra. It escalated from there. In university, I experimented with many willing and curious young ladies that were in search of a similar experience. I soon found myself needing to experience more intense and extreme sensations. Much to my surprise, I discovered that harder isn't always more intense, or extreme. For me, the most intense emotions were triggered by being in control of what, and how intense, I allowed my partner to feel. I am attracted to submissive women who are aroused by having their sexual limits tested.

The majority of my play time is in bedroom. I will, at times, tease and play in public, if the mood strikes me. I am a well-adjusted and respected gentleman about town. Who happens to have a taste for kink.

I am not aware of any anger issues I might have. Anger is a necessary emotion for the survival of any species. If you are asking if I release my anger during a session, no, I do not. Being in control, and intense play sessions are what stimulate me. Hurting someone in a malicious manner, out of anger or not, or against their will, does not appeal to me in the least. It is a deplorable act which unfortunately does occur.

Am I a misogynist? No, most definitely not. If I was, Diana would have my balls on a chain hanging around her neck.

Prior to a session being agreed upon, terms are negotiated, and both participants share the responsibility for safety. 'Risk Aware Consensual Kink' is the term used to describe the more extreme type of sex play. However, it would be foolish to believe that mishaps won't ever occur. In fact, one should expect mishaps and accidents to occur, and be prepared for them. It is vital to be prepared and trained for the unexpected. An example, I always have safety shears readily available during rope play. In the event I have to free my play partner in a hurry. Even experienced players are susceptible to anxiety attacks or severe physical discomfort on any given day. There is much more to BDSM than the exchange of power, and using bondage and pain as the vehicle to induce or deny an orgasm.

I hope you find my answers to your questions satisfactory.

Interesting alias you chose for your email, by the way.

Regards, Gil."

Amber was surprised at receiving my reply so quickly. "It's true then, old people really do need less sleep," she snickered to herself. Diana had mentioned to Amber that I am fifty-six years old. Amber had recently turned twenty-seven years old. The mental picture she had of me was that of a hoary, older man in a raincoat, who exposed himself to unsuspecting women in public.

She read the answers I had provided to her. The mention of the alias she had chosen made her feel a bit uncomfortable. Amber wasn't sure why. "I'm being paranoid," she thought to herself. "It's not as if he can read my mind."

She typed her reply.

"Thank you, Gil.

I wasn't expecting you to reply so quickly.

You have provided me with a few missing pieces of the puzzle I'm working on.

Sincerely, Amber."

She hesitated to send the email. Curiosity got the best of her. She added, "May I ask why you found the name I chose to be so interesting?"

I chuckled when I read her reply, and decided to have some fun at her expense.

"Dear Amber,

You are most welcome. Trying to understand BDSM, or any type of kink, solely as a spectator, can be a bewildering and daunting task, if not all together impossible.

I only mentioned the alias you chose because of its duality. Most would choose an alias that would align with their sexual preferences, or, how they choose to self-identify themselves in the scene.

The name you chose is a bit ambiguous. It is an alias that a switch might choose.

Have a lovely weekend.

Gil."

Amber replied to the email without giving it a second thought.

"Dear Gil,

It is an alias I choose without giving it too much thought.

I can assure you I am not a switch, nor a top, nor a bottom. I am not a practitioner of said subject. And, BDSM, was not my choice of topics to write a paper on.

May I send you any other questions that might come to mind, if it wouldn't be too much of an imposition? Sincerely, Amber."

I replied, "Dear Amber,

Of course you may ask more questions.

A gentle reminder if I may, Amber. When typing, it is considered disrespectful to use all lower case letters, when addressing, or referring to a Top/Dom/Sir.

Gil."

Amber became aroused as she read my reply. She thought my choice of words to be authoritative and respectful. A far cry from the crass and rude comments she had endured on the website.

"It's a shame you are not younger, Gil," she snickered to herself.

She replied, "Dear Gil,

Thank you for informing me of the proper and acceptable protocol. Please forgive any improper form of addressing. I was not aware, and meant no disrespect. I will be more mindful.

If you will allow me to say so, Gil, I am pleasantly surprised at how polite you are, and how authority oozes from the words you choose. There is no arrogance in your tone. It has not gone unnoticed.

Sincerely, Amber."

Her reply piqued my curiosity. I wanted to know who this young lady was. I could sense submissiveness in her, bubbling just beneath her partially guarded surface. And, she was sharp, very sharp.

"Dear Amber,

You are most welcome.

Forgive my straightforwardness. Although you are not a practitioner of said subject, does any of what you have researched arouse you? I ask this strictly for personal and selfish reasons. If you choose not to reply, I will respect your decision.

Gil."

Amber smiled and bit her lower lip as she read the question I had posed to her. She felt safe in the knowledge that the conversation was anonymous. It was merely words popping up on a screen. She could end it anytime she wanted to. And if she chose to, she could opt to delete her dummy email account, and never communicate with me again. There was no threat to her on any level.

But, that is not what she wanted at that moment. As strange as it seemed to her, she was aroused by the question. The thought of confessing her darkest, dirty little secrets to a faceless stranger made her wet. Amber squeezed her thighs together as she typed her reply.

"Dear Gil,

I will answer your question. My willingness to do so is a surprise to me, and aroused me somewhat. As of yet, I have not found the courage to say what I am about to tell you to my boyfriend.

Yes, I feel a very strong pull towards bondage and being dominated. I am also curious as to what having pain inflicted upon me while in an aroused state would feel like. I hope you do not find what I am drawn to, to be silly and amateurish. I have no experience what so ever in any type of kink.

Amber."

I grinned as I typed my reply.

"Thank you, Amber.

I appreciate your willingness to satisfy my curiosity.

I find nothing silly or amateurish in what you are drawn to. I hope you are able to experience what you are drawn to with your boyfriend.

As much as I am enjoying chatting with you, I must get my day started. I will reply to any further questions you send to me as soon as I am able.

Gil."

Amber had her hand cupped over her pussy, and was rubbing herself slowly, as she waited for my reply. She had hoped that the conversation would get a bit steamier, to serve as masturbating material for her. Amber frowned and slumped her shoulders in disappointment when she read my reply. She typed a quick, polite thank you, and goodbye to me, turned off her laptop and slid her ass off her chair. She spread her legs and played with her wet pussy, to the images in her mind of being bound and fucked. It didn't take very long for her to climax.

~

Over the next week, Amber checked for new emails from me every hour on the hour. In hopes that I had sent another personal question her way. She had enjoyed being able to share what aroused her with a stranger. Early Saturday morning, Amber decided to email me another question.

"Good morning, Gil.

I hope I am not wearing out my welcome with you. I enjoyed our last chat very much. Thank you again for your patience, and for being so very helpful.

I have another question for you. Does a physical, or, an emotional attraction, have to exist for you to consider a woman as a potential play partner? Looking forward to hearing from you.

Amber."

I read Amber's email while I was waiting in line to pay for groceries. I would wait till I got home to reply to her. After putting the groceries away, I fired up my laptop.

"Good morning Amber,

I do hope you get the opportunity to spend some time outside. It is a beautiful spring day.

Yes, I require an attraction on some level to consider the possibility. Her level of experience, and her specific tastes and needs, might be enough of an attraction for me to consider a session.

If our tastes and needs are not aligned, agreeing to a session would be an unwise choice for the both of us.

Nice to hear from you again, Amber.

Gil."

Amber was in the middle of her breakfast when she heard the chime from her laptop. She pushed her plate to the side and slid her laptop closer to her. She quickly scanned over my reply and typed back.

"Thank you, Gil.

I will try to get outside at some point. I love being in the sunshine. Unfortunately, it will have to wait. My boyfriend is out of town for the weekend to watch a hockey game with his friends. I need to clean my apartment and catch up on laundry. The joys of adulthood never cease.

I am very curious as to what emotions and sensations you experience during a session. More for my own curiosity, truth be told. Perhaps, it is a question for another time. Our agreement was that you would answer questions to assist me with my assignment, not my curiosity. Or, can we renegotiate the terms? See, your wisdom is rubbing off on me. I am adhering to, and following protocol of the terms of our agreement.