How did I end up like this? Blindfolded, hands tied behind my back, lying on a bed, in a house I had never seen before tonight? Why am I enjoying this so much? Damn the internet.
How could you really trust someone that much? Enough to allow them to blindfold you, strip you, tie your arms behind your back? And on the first real date?
We met so long ago that I can't even remember. Some online dating service or chat, it had quickly developed into a longstanding email correspondence and instant messaging relationship. His name was Travis, in his early thirties like me. Never married, no children; also like me. I had fallen in love with him, and tried hard to convince myself otherwise, citing multiple concerns, all stemming from fear. How did I know we would really hit it off in person? How do I know he isn't lying to me about anything or everything?
All these questions swirled through my mind, as I lay naked, unmoving on the bed as he set up his video camera.
Our phone conversations lasted for hours, and they were almost nightly. When the conversation turned to sex and mutual frustration, we experimented with phone sex. After a few half hearted attempts to become aroused via the grunting and groaning from both ends, we started getting more elaborate. We came up with wild scenarios and eventually found a fantasy we both found highly stimulating. Me, tied up, allowing him to ravage my body as he took total control of me.
Our phone conversations soon turned to almost exclusively domination/submission role-playing. He would whisper commands in my ear, and I would follow his every instruction precisely, often over my web cam, so he could watch. The most extreme example was when I tied my hands to my computer desk, and had to rub myself on the arm of my computer chair until I reached an orgasm, for him. It was a lot harder than it sounds.
It wasn't all about sex. Before these sessions, or after these sessions, we would talk about our lives, our hopes and fears, everything. When he wasn't commanding me, he would listen to me, truly listen, and I poured my heart out to him. He told me about himself as well, it wasn't one sided. He opened up to me completely, and despite all my hesitations, it was his honest voice that caused me to fall in love. After one of us had to go, in all my previous relationships, I longed for him more than anyone I had ever met.
I guess I can't stop trying to convince myself of these good traits, because I am so very afraid right now. I'm afraid of his disapproval, afraid of my own strong feelings, and slightly physically afraid. I've never gone farther than fantasy before, except for those minor brief web cam excursions. But masturbating for him, I was still completely in control.
"Are you quite comfortable Bethany?" he asked me.
"Yes," I whispered.
"Good, I'll be back in a few minutes, don't go anywhere," he said, friendly and confident. I could only picture him walking out of the room, and closing the door. The blindfold was completely solid.
He had picked me up from the airport earlier today. I live in San Francisco, he lives in Seattle. It was a short, nerve racking flight. When I got off the plane, he was standing there with flowers, and looked as nervous as I felt. We had hugged, and then kissed each other for the first time. I felt reassured by his tenderness, and felt the love welling up inside of me. Maybe this could be real. Only time will tell.
In the car, neither of us looked at each other much, and through that, we both slipped back into the fast paced dialogue that we shared over the phone. I had just begun to relax, when we reached his house. He carried my luggage into the house, and then we shared a late lunch. As we moved into the living room, I noticed a blindfold on the coffee table.
"Getting ready for later?" I asked, my voice coming out an octave too high.
"I figured you could decide that," he said, blushing.
"Afraid I will back out?" I asked, challenging him.
"More afraid you'll be disappointed in me," he said, "and not want anything to do with me."
"Oh come on, we knew this would be awkward, but god, I know I still want it," I said, so much more confidently than I felt, and I nodded towards the blindfold.
"We knew this would be awkward, but going from phone conversations to real life can't be simple," he said.
"I know, but I love you, and I want this to happen, like we planned," I said, waiting for reaction.
"I love you too, more than I've loved anyone," Travis responded, meeting my eyes, and causing my stomach to flutter.
Then, for the last time of the night, I took the initiative and walked to the coffee table. I picked up the blindfold and walked over to him.
"Will you do the honors?" I asked, and closed my eyes.
He didn't say anything, merely taking the blindfold from me. I felt his arms reach around my face, and I felt the soft material being tied securely around my eyes. I opened my eyes, and could see nothing. I felt him take me by the hand and lead me down the hall, into a room; I couldn't be sure which one.
We had gone over the scenario so many times, it was almost like clockwork. I felt his hands slowly tugging at my clothing, taking an exquisitely long time. I felt embarrassed, but I was growing more excited by the minute. He took off my shirt, unclasped my bra. Took off my jeans, slid my panties down. It was so methodical and gentle that I hardly realized how exciting it was.
I am in good shape, I exercise regularly, and I follow a strict diet. But I'm certainly not a beauty queen. At thirty four, I am confident with myself, but standing here naked it's hard to hold to that confidence. Breasts that were perkier ten years ago, ass that was tighter ten years ago, stomach that was flatter ten years ago, the list goes on. I was glad I was blindfolded as he must have been staring at my body. I wondered if he approved, was excited, disgusted?
"Very nice," he said after several minutes of examination.
I could hear the approval in his voice, and I blushed with pleasure. I wondered when I would get to see him naked, but his next move reminded me I was not in control tonight.
I felt his hands gently take mine, and ease them behind my back. I held them together, and I felt him start looping something that felt like silky rope through and around my hands. He tied it tightly, and I felt my nipples harden, just anticipating the scenarios ahead. He tucked another piece of cloth under the bindings, and I tested the strength of them. I certainly would not be able to move my hands much, but the cloth he had used was padding my wrists, so they would not chafe. I felt such a mixture of excitement and anticipation that I almost wished he would start moving faster.
Careful what you wish for, exactly. He pushed me, it was so unexpected that I stumbled and my knees collided with a mattress edge and I fell onto the bed. Without my hands to cushion the fall, I hit the mattress hard. My mouth had opened in shock, but my first reaction was one of pleasure and surprise. I lay on the bed, mostly on my side. I lay frozen, waiting for what would happen next.
That's how I've come to be lying on this bed, securely blindfolded, hands tied together, naked as the day I was born, listening to him set up video equipment and then leaving me alone.
I heard the door open again, and I listened as he walked around the room. I heard him fiddle with the video equipment again, and then his voice spoke again.
"It's started recording Bethany," his voice was gentle, calm, and confident.
I lay still, waiting, anticipating.
"Do you have anything to say to the camera?" he asked.
"No," I said softly.
I heard a rustle of movement, and then his hand came down and slapped my ass hard. I cried out softly in shock and pain, but it truly wasn't a very hard slap. I felt my nipples harden even more, and I knew they were betraying my excitement.
"No...?" he asked.
"No Sir," I corrected myself.
"I want you to tell the camera a story Bethany," he told me softly.
"What story would you like me to tell, Sir?" I said equally softly.
"Tell the camera, well, about you. About what you want me to do to you," he whispered.
Dirty talk was hard for me. I could say all the nasty words, but every time I used them in relation to myself, I blushed and became embarrassed. He knew this, and was insisting I start humiliating myself from the beginning.
"I want you to fuck me," I said softly, my face indeed starting to turn red.
"Oh but it's more than that, isn't it Bethany?"
"Yes. I want you to tease me, I want you to take control of me, I want you to touch me, wherever you want, I want to spread my legs for you, I want you to spank me, and cum all over me," I said, this last line using every bit of my resolve to force out. Saying something like that out loud wasn't something I considered sexy, but being humiliated before him was part of the fantasy on both our parts, so despite my reluctance at the actual words I did feel an excitement starting to well deep inside of me.
"How do I know you want this? You could just be saying this," Travis said skeptically.
We had spoken like this often enough for me to know what the correct answer was. In person, it was a lot harder. Over the phone, I had become brave in my dialogue, but knowing what would happen, I remained silent a second too long. I felt another sharp slap stinging my ass and I bit my lip to keep from crying out.
"I'm wet, that's how you can know I mean it, my lips are swollen and my pussy is wet," I whispered. I know my face was red with shame.
"Louder," he commanded.
"I'm wet, my pussy is wet for you, sir!" I called out loudly, my voice betraying my excitement. The shame and humiliation was all the more exquisite because I knew I was being recorded, and he would be able to watch my submission at his leisure. It was a new experience for me, the embarrassment was making it all the more hot, while in the past, it had been an either or experience. I had never been embarrassed and excited before, just excited which led to embarrassment, or embarrassment which led to arousal.
"Prove it Bethany," he said quietly, throwing me into dilemma. Over the phone, I would always begin to finger myself when he wanted me to prove it, or at least insert a finger and hold it up to the web cam. Now, with my hands tied, I wondered what he wanted me to do.
